THREAT THREAT THREAT
Hard Light Productions, we are confronted with a grave threat, a threat that lurks in each of your homes and attacks you where you sleep...EVERY NIGHT.
This threat is BEDS
That's right. According to recent research by The Karolinska Institute
in Sweden, our beds are nothing less than GIANT CANCER TRANSMITTERS.
For years scientists have been confounded by a mystery: why is the breast cancer rate ten percent higher on one side of the body? Can it have something to do with the fact that most people sleep on their right side?
YES IT CAN, HARD LIGHT. YES IT CAN.
This mysterious asymmetry is not present in Japan. In fact, the breast cancer rate in Japan is shockingly lower than in the Western world. Why?
Because Japan, Hard Lighters, uses futons...not box spring mattresses.
In the U.S. bed frames and box springs are made of metal, and the length of a bed is exactly half the wavelength of FM and TV transmissions that have been broadcasting since the late 1940s. In Japan most beds are not made of metal, and the TV broadcast system does not use the 87- to 108-megahertz frequency used in Western countries.
Your beds are enormous antennas, amplifying TV and FM transmissions into cancer rays
...right under your sleeping bodies.
Save your children. Save yourselves. Destroy your beds.this is probably not actually true at all but DESTROY THEM ANYWAY