Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 11335 times)

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Offline Lorric

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Why is this thread stickied?

 
 
Because good jokes stick.











I'll get my coat.

 

Offline Sandwich

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I thought up a new one last night:

When Chuck Norris speaks, even Helen Keller pays attention!
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"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Online Thisisaverylongusername

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What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Spoiler:
I don't know and I don't care.
If the opposite of pro is con, then is the opposite of progress Congress?

 

Offline InsaneBaron

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sorry for lack of capps but i insanebaron am officially the first member of hlp ever to post while skydiv
Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — "No, you move." - Captain America

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Offline An4ximandros

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RIP in piss, brother.

What's white and goes all over you when its wielder is ready?
A Shivan beam cannon.

A dyslexic Italian has trouble believing in the gode of Venice.

Did you know Schrodinger was a terrible lover? You could never tell if it was in or not, you just had to work it out both ways.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2014, 11:02:25 pm by An4ximandros »

 

Online Thisisaverylongusername

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I believe we should have unisex bathrooms so women can stand up for their rights and men can sit down for theirs.
If the opposite of pro is con, then is the opposite of progress Congress?

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

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Hades jokes are getting cheesier.

 

Offline deathfun

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You know what murderers all have in common?
...They've got killer personalities

YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


I was on the debate team in Highschool...
...it was arguably the best part of it

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


They say my puns are like eggs...
...they're over easy

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


I visited a church the other day...
...it looked pretty sinful

YEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


I once had a fantasy about an Orc


Not long ago I went to a Barbershop...
...it was a hairy situation

YEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Whenever Kevin Spacey plays in a movie...
...he's always the star

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



People keep saying my puns are pretty ****ty...
...I tell them yeah, they keep coming out of my ass

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"No"

 

Offline An4ximandros

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Are Vasudans best race? Of course you Bakha!

 
Are Vasudans best race? Of course you Bakha!
What you did there, I've been waiting for it for ages :P

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

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Imotehp away. This jokes too dangerous.

 
You know, most employees get nice turkeys or hams or fresh-baked goods or whatever from their companies as holiday gifts.

Me? Oh no no no that's too much!
So what do I get?

A Freakin' FoodStamp. Merry Christmas from Comcast.

 

Offline Mongoose

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"A one-year subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club."

"Clark that's the gift that keeps on givin' the whole year long!"

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

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Ptah-dah!  Best gift ever.

 

Online StarSlayer

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Did you hear about the fella who's whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.
“Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world”

 

Offline Goober5000

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What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler:
A stick.

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

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Offline Lorric

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What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler:
A stick.
It actually made me laugh. :)