Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 11745 times)

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Offline BirdofPrey

  • 28
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Hey, so how does a Linux programmed get high?

Spoiler:
Cron job



====
Boo that joke was bad and I should feel bad.
The Great War ended 30 years ago.
Our elders tell stories of a glorious civilization; of people with myths of humanity everlasting, who hurled themselves into the void of space with no fear.

In testing: Radar Icons

 

Offline Thisisaverylongusername

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sin(-x)=sin(x)

Why is this equation false?

Spoiler:
Because sin doesn't even...
If the opposite of pro is con, then is the opposite of progress Congress?

 

Offline An4ximandros

  • 210
  • Transabyssal metastatic event
...
Everybody is Russian to these puns. They Putin all the effort on the build up, but Stalin on the punchline.

 

Offline InsaneBaron

  • 29
  • In the CR055H41R2
Very timely in my case  :ick:


Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — "No, you move." - Captain America

InsaneBaron's Fun-to-Read Reviews!
Blue Planet: Age of Aquarius - Silent Threat: Reborn - Operation Templar - Sync, Transcend, Windmills - The Antagonist - Inferno, Inferno: Alliance

 

Offline rance

  • 26
I have jokes to for revision.


A Physicist, an Engineer and a Statistician are out hunting. They are walking through the woods when they spot a deer.

The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet and fires. He misses the deer by 5 feet to the left.

The engineer rolls his eyes and says "You forgot to account for wind". He snatches the rifle, estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires. He misses the deer 5 feet to the right.

Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"

 
Assigning a numerical value to each letter (where a is 1, b is 2, c is 3, etc.)

M+A+T+H equals?

 

Offline AdmiralRalwood

  • 211
  • The Cthulhu programmer himself!
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Assigning a numerical value to each letter (where a is 1, b is 2, c is 3, etc.)

M+A+T+H equals?
Spoiler:
What do you get if you multiply six by nine?
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Codethulhu GitHub wgah'nagl fhtagn.

schrödinbug (noun) - a bug that manifests itself in running software after a programmer notices that the code should never have worked in the first place.

When you gaze long into BMPMAN, BMPMAN also gazes into you.

"I am one of the best FREDders on Earth" -General Battuta

<Aesaar> literary criticism is vladimir putin

<MageKing17> "There's probably a reason the code is the way it is" is a very dangerous line of thought. :P
<MageKing17> Because the "reason" often turns out to be "nobody noticed it was wrong".
(the very next day)
<MageKing17> this ****ing code did it to me again
<MageKing17> "That doesn't really make sense to me, but I'll assume it was being done for a reason."
<MageKing17> **** ME
<MageKing17> THE REASON IS PEOPLE ARE STUPID
<MageKing17> ESPECIALLY ME

<MageKing17> God damn, I do not understand how this is breaking.
<MageKing17> Everything points to "this should work fine", and yet it's clearly not working.
<MjnMixael> 2 hours later... "God damn, how did this ever work at all?!"
(...)
<MageKing17> so
<MageKing17> more than two hours
<MageKing17> but once again we have reached the inevitable conclusion
<MageKing17> How did this code ever work in the first place!?

<@The_E> Welcome to OpenGL, where standards compliance is optional, and error reporting inconsistent

<MageKing17> It was all working perfectly until I actually tried it on an actual mission.

<IronWorks> I am useful for FSO stuff again. This is a red-letter day!
* z64555 erases "Thursday" and rewrites it in red ink

<MageKing17> TIL the entire homing code is held up by shoestrings and duct tape, basically.

 

Offline An4ximandros

  • 210
  • Transabyssal metastatic event
Don't let permissions get between you and your code! Just sudo it!

 
I feel like 2015 should close with a terrible joke.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt. His adoptive parents name him Amal. The other goes to Spain, and that one's adoptive parents name him Juan.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.

He shrugs and says, "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"

 

Offline Sandwich

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SERIOUSLY...! | {The Sandvich Bar} - Rhino-FS2 Tutorial | CapShip Turret Upgrade | The Complete FS2 Ship List | System Background Package

"...The quintessential quality of our age is that of dreams coming true. Just think of it. For centuries we have dreamt of flying; recently we made that come true: we have always hankered for speed; now we have speeds greater than we can stand: we wanted to speak to far parts of the Earth; we can: we wanted to explore the sea bottom; we have: and so  on, and so on: and, too, we wanted the power to smash our enemies utterly; we have it. If we had truly wanted peace, we should have had that as well. But true peace has never been one of the genuine dreams - we have got little further than preaching against war in order to appease our consciences. The truly wishful dreams, the many-minded dreams are now irresistible - they become facts." - 'The Outward Urge' by John Wyndham

"The very essence of tolerance rests on the fact that we have to be intolerant of intolerance. Stretching right back to Kant, through the Frankfurt School and up to today, liberalism means that we can do anything we like as long as we don't hurt others. This means that if we are tolerant of others' intolerance - especially when that intolerance is a call for genocide - then all we are doing is allowing that intolerance to flourish, and allowing the violence that will spring from that intolerance to continue unabated." - Bren Carlill

 

Offline karajorma

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A Jewish man decides to send his son to Israel as a present for his 21st birthday. When he comes back his son says that he had a great time but he's decided to convert to Christianity. The father is upset and goes to talk to his friend.
"Funny you should say that" says that the friend. "I also sent my son to Israel and he also converted to Christianity."
The two men decide to see their rabbi about the problem. They talk to him and explain that both their sons converted and he says
"Funny you should say that, I sent my son to Israel and he also converted to Christianity. I think we should all pray to the Lord for guidance."
So the men all pray together. After a few minutes of silence, they hear a voice from on high.
"Funny you should say that, I sent my son to Israel......"
Karajorma's Freespace FAQ. It's almost like asking me yourself.

[ Diaspora ] - [ Seeds Of Rebellion ] - [ Mind Games ]

 

Offline MP-Ryan

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Which of Santa's reindeer do dinosaurs like the least?

Spoiler:
Comet.
"In the beginning, the Universe was created.  This made a lot of people very angry and has widely been regarded as a bad move."  [Douglas Adams]

 

Offline StarSlayer

  • 211
  • Men Kaeshi Do
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The below is a terrible pun, I hope the formatting retains the nuance correctly, with good delivery it tends to take a few tries before people get it.


There are thirty cows and twenty eight ate chickens.  How many didn't?
“Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world”

 

Offline InsaneBaron

  • 29
  • In the CR055H41R2
Wana hear a joke about Potassium?

K.

How about Sodium joke?

Na.
Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — "No, you move." - Captain America

InsaneBaron's Fun-to-Read Reviews!
Blue Planet: Age of Aquarius - Silent Threat: Reborn - Operation Templar - Sync, Transcend, Windmills - The Antagonist - Inferno, Inferno: Alliance

 

Offline deathfun

  • 210
  • Hey man. Peace. *Car hits them* Frakking hippies
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What do you call an orc who studies ancient cultures through material remains?

An... Orchaeologist!
"No"

 

Offline Thisisaverylongusername

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What's the difference between a traffic jam and Congress?

...

Absolutely nothing.
If the opposite of pro is con, then is the opposite of progress Congress?

 

Offline Piahillum

  • 2-∞ - User does not compute
True love - this is when I washed the cat, but he still came to you. :D