I apologize for losing my temper. I had spent not a small amount of time trying to make it work without asking for assistance, as I realized this, and things like it, don't necessarily work like a charm all the time and the vets here probably feel they have better things to do with their time than help every schmo who comes along saying, "It doesn't work! Halp me plz!", and not being able to figure these kinds of things out evidently really gets to me. My last resort was asking for help, and the response I got simply sent me in another circle, which really set me off.
Even given that, I should not have responded as I did, and I apologize for it. I'd also like to thank you guys for this whole thing, and for your time.
P.S. An extra apology to the moderators here. I will not conduct myself in such a way again, you have my word.