Ok, just gave the first three missions a run.
The story writing was surprisingly good. The bad grammar (?) in the title (Corporate is an adjective?) would have led me to expect otherwise, but it was pretty well written. I didn't hear MS Sam hiccup over any words meaning spelling mistakes were kept to a minimum.
However, the missions themselves have a long way to go. The first mission makes me unable to load anything but a single bank of Prometheus. If I can't change anything, why bother letting me see the loadout screen at all?
The second mission similarily only allows me to load one primary bank. If this is intentional, then it's rather stupid. There ARE extra weapons, why not let the pilots use them!?
The capship battle in mission 2 is badly scripted. The Vengeance kept firing though it suppositively had a reactor problem, the Book of David never fires at all, when the Vengeance says it's fixed its guns, it actually stops shooting, and then proceeds to do nothing until I kill the Spear of Congress myself, at which point it swings around like a bat for a while until it finally manages to show its side to the Book of David and finish it off.
Apparently, you can dodge AAAf beams, something that I cannot do. Asking me to disarm a Leviathan is suicide, as is trying to charge 10 AAAf sentry guns. You should probably tone down the AAAf beams - by two minutes into the mission, I'm usually at 1-10% armor left. This is not helped by the fact that the missions are goddamn long, being fifteen minutes apiece. I'm not sure whether to continue, as flying for 15 minutes in a ulysses with only 1 bank and 5% armor isn't fun - please tell me I get to fly something else. I absolutely hate that piece of crap. Sending Ursa bombers against a bunch of Elysiums seem like MASSIVE OVERKILL to me. Why would the Corporations send multiple waves of craft that cost as much as a small moon to kill some civillians? That's -not- how you make money!
The list of mission problems go on, but I think I should stop here.
Contrary to your goal, I think that the story is pretty good, but the missions are severly lacking, and needs rebalancing, and more testing.