[The E]

JJ Abrams basically is the king of the capital-M Moment. He has a pretty good understanding of casting and finding interesting or at least attractive people to put on screen, he has an eye for cinematography and he can shoot action.

The problem is that that's part of, not the entirety of, the skills a good director needs to have. Abrams' understanding of storytelling is rudimentary at best: All he wants to do is put you on a ride of awesome scene after awesome scene, hoping that your critical faculties implode through the sheer adrenaline rush of it all. He also doesn't seem to understand context: In his Star Trek films, he didn't understand the context of Star Trek, mainly the fact that they are heavily based on Hornblower-style naval narratives mixed with american frontier and exploration narratives. One of the subtle ways in which this shows is Abrams' disdain of travel times; where being under way is a huge part of Star Trek, allowing characters to breathe and giving a natural way for exposition to happen, 2009's ST quickly hops from spot A to spot B, because A's boring and there's an exploding planet! or a Spock! or a climactic encounter! at B! WHY ARE WE NOT AT B! B'S WHERE THE PARTY AT!!!!!elebven

Ahem.

Similarly, while he didn't misunderstand Star Wars as badly as he did Trek, he didn't really get why it worked either. TFA ended up being mimicry of ANH, not because it really had to be, but because that sort of origin story is one that Abrams has a firm handle on and is reasonably good at because it plays to his strengths: He doesn't have to figure out context, because he can just put in all sorts of undefined things that someone else can later figure out what they mean. He can get a cast together that has good chemistry and plays well off each other, having their personal charm overpower whatever flaws the written dialog has.

But then he had to do Rise of Skywalker, very unexpectedly, after its original director killed his own career in a spectacular fashion. Then he suddenly had to end a story. He had to make the things he set up make sense, because the fellow that was supposed to do that went "**** that noise" and did his own thing instead, but there was never a chance for Abrams to pay everything he set up off in a satisfying way. And thus, he floundered, figuring that making Awesome! Moments! happen would be enough.

Well.

Didn't really work out that well, did it.

[Thaeris]

I have stated to many people that Abrams does not know how to retell a story without repeating it.

I have not seen the latest film, and I'm not convinced I should, either. However, if he's doing the same things as he did with TFA and his ST films... well, that's JJ for you.

[Mongoose]

I finally saw it and I...enjoyed it far more than I ever thought I would.  I genuinely had zero faith in Abrams and fully expected him to murder everything TLJ had set up and he, well, didn't.  Did he walk some things back that I'd rather he hadn't?  Of course, but I was fully prepared for that.  Does Abrams still have absolutely no grasp of time and space?  Obviously.  Were there multiple scenes that were almost point-for-point remakes of things from the OT?  Absolutely.  Are there a bunch of plot-points and in-universe elements that will probably fall apart if you think about them too hard?  Most likely.  But at the end of the day, I think all I really needed was something that felt right, like Star Wars, and this did.  I'm with Scourge: I had fun with it, and it felt like a fitting coda to this trilogy, and I'd totally see it again.  That works for me.

Random thoughts/spoilers:

--The one thing I'm super-grateful to Abrams for is that he kept Rey, Finn, and Poe together for a big chunk of the film.  They have great chemistry with each other, and it got to shine.

--3PO low-key had most of the best lines in this movie.  Had me cracking up on multiple occasions.

--I'm really happy that John Williams was able to finish off the saga properly.  He did a great job of working in past motifs at all the right moments.

Spoiler:

--I'd have thought Palpatine being resurrected was silly if the EU hadn't done it like a dozen times, so there's not really any room to complain there.

--I knew Abrams couldn't let Rey stay a "nobody," which kind of sucks, but I'm at least thankful he didn't try to force her into a Skywalker or Solo.

--Rose kind of got screwed out of any significant screentime.  I can't help but suspect it was a response to the bull**** backlash against her character, which sucks.

--Hux: "Hey I'm a spy."  30 seconds later: *ded*. Okay then.

--The wrecked second Death Star made for a fantastic backdrop for a fight.  Really cool setting design in general.

--Was the Force-poofing and life-transferring and whatever stuff between Rey and Kylo consistent with what we'd seen the Force do in the past?  Probably not, but eh, it was cool, and at the end of the day the Force is Mystic Space Magic anyway.  Still beats the ever-loving **** out of midichlorians.

--I'm not sure how they twisted Harrison Ford's arm to show up again, but that was a touching little moment.

--Obviously they were hamstrung with being able to use Leia, but I think they did the best they could under the circumstances.  Having her fade away at the same moment Ben did was a nice touch.

--Have to admit I got chills watching ghost Luke pull that X-Wing up out of the ocean.  He almost had the same facial expression that Yoda did, too.

--One of my favorite moments was definitely Rey lying there and hearing the voices of the past.  At first I thought they were just generic voices and then "holy ****, Samuel L! And Liam Neeson!"

--Lando is the original pimp daddy.  Macking on a woman a third of his age...get it grandpa.

--Strapping a superlaser to a Star Destroyer is kind of dumb at face value, but at the very least I'm glad they didn't go back to the "massive singular system-destroying hyperweapon" well.

--WEEEEEEEEEEDGE.

--Have to admit that I got a lump in my throat when Chewie got his medal, and then again with Han and Leia standing there together.  Really nice final shot.

[Su-tehp]

I think I might go see TRoS one more time in the theater before it goes away. Just found out that it left 1,200 theaters across the country.

[Jethro Grey]

While the Prequels might be flawed and have some stupid and qustionable Moments, it still better then having a stupid and questionable movie with good Moments.
And the new trilogy is exactly that.

Sigh.

When Lucas sold Lucasfilm to Disney, i knew it would end badly for the movie franchise.
When they announced a new trilogy, i was still full of hope despite Disney being in charge.
After the third movie is out, i am glad it's over.

I will pretend that None of These three new movies exist and it was a bad Dream all along.

Solo was ok-ish, but i don't feel like watching it again anytime soon.
RO was actually Pretty good.

I still wish they would have used the Thrawn trilogy as Sequels.*


*Disclaimer: I haven't read all of the EU books, and almost None of the Comics.
The Thrawn trilogy, the second Zahn trilogy (ok-ish) and the Mandalorian Armor trilogy were the Highlights and, in my opinion, worth a movie Adaption.
The rest of the EU (basically everything that Comes after ESB) is bad.

[Luis Dias]

finally saw it, what a boring movie. slow as ****, maybe has one single scene in it, no plot whatsoever, only boring dialogue with static shots about the landsca

ok ok sorry

yeah, it was boring in the same way a rollercoaster becomes boring if you're doing it two and half hours of it in a row. same exact set up for each scene, bring a punchline, deflection to another plot point, rinse repeat. most plot points were meaningless or trivially only setting up later useful tools to get the plot further along.

By far the most boring meaningless junk of a star wars movie ever made. I can't hate it, it's like watching fireworks really. A ****ton of references here and there, either in the text, or in the visuals or in the scenes or in the themes, never anything remotely original.

At a certain point, I was just trying to see other references from other "franchises" in it. "Oh look this exesomething planet looks like a Harry Potter thing, it's all magic now, even fleets of ships are magic. Cool cool". "oh look this is just like Indiana Jones... it even has stupid quicksand in it", "Oh look she can cure living things in it, is this a Witcher thing?", "Oh look, he said he's the entire Sith, she said she's the entire Jedi, they're both Leto II now, cool cool, he even uses the Voices". "Oh look a dagger, is this a Borg thing or a Klingon thing?", "Oh look the three best friends doing a best friends forever at the end of a war that never ends, this is just like Starship troopers, but unironically!"

They even copy pasted the "we have to blow up a dish with ground troops using pre-modern tools (horses) so we can blow up the big tech menace" from Jedi.

Nothing makes sense very very fast and very very flashy. Get the **** out, mr Bay, JJ is in town!


Now I just hope Taika's project goes into a completely different direction and may actually bring us some freshness in this.

[The E]

My judgment of Jar Jar Abrams as being someone who thought Ready Player One was a good book rings more true with every review.

[Colonol Dekker]

Rogue one is the best jedi movie 😂

[Mammothtank]

This is a very late review, and you probably don't care. But this is the first movie I've ever fallen asleep in the Cinema to/10.

[Su-tehp]

This is a very late review, and you probably don't care. But this is the first movie I've ever fallen asleep in the Cinema to/10.

It's never too late to comment on the (out-of-universe) tragedy that is TRoS. For the record, the only time I ever came close to falling asleep in a movie theater was when I went to go see Lethal Weapon 2 the 7th time when it was still playing in the theaters. And that was because I thought that movie was so awesome at the time I didn't recognize I was becoming bored with it.

The only time I ever walked out of a movie theater was when I went to go see Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas and found out it was a musical, something that had not been the least hinted at in its marketing and commercials. I friggin' hate musicals.

As much as I was dismayed while sitting through TRoS, I couldn't bring myself to leave the theater because I waited 42 years for this ending of the Skywalker Saga and figured I had to see it through after coming this far. My final verdict of TRoS? "Nice. Nice. Not thrilling, but nice."

[GhylTarvoke]

The only time I ever walked out of a movie theater was when I went to go see Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas and found out it was a musical, something that had not been the least hinted at in its marketing and commercials. I friggin' hate musicals.

The Nightmare Before Christmas is awesome! Different strokes and all that, but it's one of the few movies that's improved by having songs.

[Colonol Dekker]

Like the star wars Christmas special? 🎄🎄😂

[BlueFlames]

This is a very late review, and you probably don't care. But this is the first movie I've ever fallen asleep in the Cinema to/10.

I guess the only reason I'm really surprised by this is that TROS is very loud.

[Su-tehp]

This is a very late review, and you probably don't care. But this is the first movie I've ever fallen asleep in the Cinema to/10.

I guess the only reason I'm really surprised by this is that TROS is very loud.

LOL! That reminds me of a scene in Shakedown, a cop movie from 1988 starring Peter Weller (the guy from Robocop) and Sam Elliot, where the former is a burned-out criminal defense lawyer and the latter is a cowboy cop. Sam Elliot is friggin' sleeping like a baby in a movie theater showing The Soldier with machine gun fire and wounded bad guys screaming their heads off. Then his digital wristwatch alarm goes off, barely making a noise in the din of the theater and it wakes Sam Elliot right up.

Some people can just fall asleep anywhere.

[Luis Dias]

My wife did close her eyes while watching the movie, but didn't sleep. She told me she enjoyed the soundtrack.

[Aesaar]

BREAKING - JJ Abrams has been tapped to helm a new Lord of the Rings trilogy!

Clearly, this is some very, very exciting news for the fandom! I know this is primarily a Star Wars themed sub, but due to the deep admiration this community has for JJ Abrams's storytelling you should all get a chance to share in the excitement.

Some plot points have already been leaked:

• Story takes place roughly 20 years since the conclusion of the original trilogy.
• The primary antagonist - whose name will be SNARK - has no corporeal form, but will instead appear to the audience as a giant, flaming, ominous mouth. However, a later film will reveal that Snark was simply a pawn, and that SAURON was actually the primary villain all along! Remember Sauron? He's back, baby!
• The armies of MORDOR are amassing again, only this time they are calling themselves MURDETH. The armies of Murdeth, however, still look, act, and appear exactly the same as you remember them from the original trilogy. Remember the Uruk-hai? They're back, baby!
• The reason the armies of Murdeth have been able to assemble is because all the various kingdoms decided to completely demilitarize in the wake of the War of the Ring. Don't worry though - because ARAGORN is working on putting together a strike force. Remember Aragorn? He's back, baby!
• Why didn't Aragorn use his power and influence to prevent the rise of Murdeth? Read the novels to find out!
• The primary protagonist is set to be a hobbit named DORFO. Despite living her entire life in a village that looks and sounds precisely like Hobbiton, but is called something different, Dorfo is a master of ninjitsu, oliphant riding, archery, first aid, the lute, the lyre, the tambourine, Javascript, Formula 1 repair, contract negotiation and hotpot cookery. She can also assemble IKEA furniture without even looking at the instructions and she knows every single Excel keyboard shortcut.
• Gandalf is missing! The search for Gandalf will kick off with a Macguffin chase that will immediately get sidelined when Dorfo realizes that she possesses the One Sombrero To Rule Them All. The only thing that will destroy the One Sombrero is to throw it through a dimensional portal into a realm that is nothing but ZILLIONS of volcanoes. In order to reach this portal (which lies deep in enemy territory) she much go on a perilous journey!
• Dorfo will be aided in her journey by an orc that realizes the error of his ways and turns good. This conversion have will little to no bearing on the plot, but he will, however, yell "DORFO!" quite a lot.
• Along the way, Dorfo will stop in a tavern that looks just like The Prancing Pony but will have a different name. There, Dorfo will find Frodo's dagger Sting, which will call out to Dorfo for reasons that the fanbase will have a wonderful time speculating over. Patented JJ Abrams Mystery Box magic!
• Samwise will have a lengthy cameo. He's now divorced, his son hates him, and his character development has been rolled back to the point that he is once again afraid to talk to girls. Remember Samwise? He's back, baby!
• The end of the movie reveals that instead of preventing the rise of Murdeth (and, ultimatley, Sauron), Gandalf was simply hanging out on an island. "But wait, isn't doing nothing and preventing the rise of evil deeply contrary to Gandalf's character?" The answer to the question is, of course - remember Gandalf? He's back, baby!

[Su-tehp]

I can’t decide whether to cry or nod my head at this because it so perfectly encapsulates the travesty and mockery that is Episode IX.

[Thaeris]

BREAKING - JJ Abrams has been tapped to helm a new Lord of the Rings trilogy!

Clearly, this is some very, very exciting news for the fandom! I know this is primarily a Star Wars themed sub, but due to the deep admiration this community has for JJ Abrams's storytelling you should all get a chance to share in the excitement.

Some plot points have already been leaked:

• Story takes place roughly 20 years since the conclusion of the original trilogy.
• The primary antagonist - whose name will be SNARK - has no corporeal form, but will instead appear to the audience as a giant, flaming, ominous mouth. However, a later film will reveal that Snark was simply a pawn, and that SAURON was actually the primary villain all along! Remember Sauron? He's back, baby!
• The armies of MORDOR are amassing again, only this time they are calling themselves MURDETH. The armies of Murdeth, however, still look, act, and appear exactly the same as you remember them from the original trilogy. Remember the Uruk-hai? They're back, baby!
• The reason the armies of Murdeth have been able to assemble is because all the various kingdoms decided to completely demilitarize in the wake of the War of the Ring. Don't worry though - because ARAGORN is working on putting together a strike force. Remember Aragorn? He's back, baby!
• Why didn't Aragorn use his power and influence to prevent the rise of Murdeth? Read the novels to find out!
• The primary protagonist is set to be a hobbit named DORFO. Despite living her entire life in a village that looks and sounds precisely like Hobbiton, but is called something different, Dorfo is a master of ninjitsu, oliphant riding, archery, first aid, the lute, the lyre, the tambourine, Javascript, Formula 1 repair, contract negotiation and hotpot cookery. She can also assemble IKEA furniture without even looking at the instructions and she knows every single Excel keyboard shortcut.
• Gandalf is missing! The search for Gandalf will kick off with a Macguffin chase that will immediately get sidelined when Dorfo realizes that she possesses the One Sombrero To Rule Them All. The only thing that will destroy the One Sombrero is to throw it through a dimensional portal into a realm that is nothing but ZILLIONS of volcanoes. In order to reach this portal (which lies deep in enemy territory) she much go on a perilous journey!
• Dorfo will be aided in her journey by an orc that realizes the error of his ways and turns good. This conversion have will little to no bearing on the plot, but he will, however, yell "DORFO!" quite a lot.
• Along the way, Dorfo will stop in a tavern that looks just like The Prancing Pony but will have a different name. There, Dorfo will find Frodo's dagger Sting, which will call out to Dorfo for reasons that the fanbase will have a wonderful time speculating over. Patented JJ Abrams Mystery Box magic!
• Samwise will have a lengthy cameo. He's now divorced, his son hates him, and his character development has been rolled back to the point that he is once again afraid to talk to girls. Remember Samwise? He's back, baby!
• The end of the movie reveals that instead of preventing the rise of Murdeth (and, ultimatley, Sauron), Gandalf was simply hanging out on an island. "But wait, isn't doing nothing and preventing the rise of evil deeply contrary to Gandalf's character?" The answer to the question is, of course - remember Gandalf? He's back, baby!

...

By just skimming through that post, I almost thought it was serious.

You're a monster.

[Mammothtank]

BREAKING - JJ Abrams has been tapped to helm a new Lord of the Rings trilogy!

Clearly, this is some very, very exciting news for the fandom! I know this is primarily a Star Wars themed sub, but due to the deep admiration this community has for JJ Abrams's storytelling you should all get a chance to share in the excitement.

Some plot points have already been leaked:

• Story takes place roughly 20 years since the conclusion of the original trilogy.
• The primary antagonist - whose name will be SNARK - has no corporeal form, but will instead appear to the audience as a giant, flaming, ominous mouth. However, a later film will reveal that Snark was simply a pawn, and that SAURON was actually the primary villain all along! Remember Sauron? He's back, baby!
• The armies of MORDOR are amassing again, only this time they are calling themselves MURDETH. The armies of Murdeth, however, still look, act, and appear exactly the same as you remember them from the original trilogy. Remember the Uruk-hai? They're back, baby!
• The reason the armies of Murdeth have been able to assemble is because all the various kingdoms decided to completely demilitarize in the wake of the War of the Ring. Don't worry though - because ARAGORN is working on putting together a strike force. Remember Aragorn? He's back, baby!
• Why didn't Aragorn use his power and influence to prevent the rise of Murdeth? Read the novels to find out!
• The primary protagonist is set to be a hobbit named DORFO. Despite living her entire life in a village that looks and sounds precisely like Hobbiton, but is called something different, Dorfo is a master of ninjitsu, oliphant riding, archery, first aid, the lute, the lyre, the tambourine, Javascript, Formula 1 repair, contract negotiation and hotpot cookery. She can also assemble IKEA furniture without even looking at the instructions and she knows every single Excel keyboard shortcut.
• Gandalf is missing! The search for Gandalf will kick off with a Macguffin chase that will immediately get sidelined when Dorfo realizes that she possesses the One Sombrero To Rule Them All. The only thing that will destroy the One Sombrero is to throw it through a dimensional portal into a realm that is nothing but ZILLIONS of volcanoes. In order to reach this portal (which lies deep in enemy territory) she much go on a perilous journey!
• Dorfo will be aided in her journey by an orc that realizes the error of his ways and turns good. This conversion have will little to no bearing on the plot, but he will, however, yell "DORFO!" quite a lot.
• Along the way, Dorfo will stop in a tavern that looks just like The Prancing Pony but will have a different name. There, Dorfo will find Frodo's dagger Sting, which will call out to Dorfo for reasons that the fanbase will have a wonderful time speculating over. Patented JJ Abrams Mystery Box magic!
• Samwise will have a lengthy cameo. He's now divorced, his son hates him, and his character development has been rolled back to the point that he is once again afraid to talk to girls. Remember Samwise? He's back, baby!
• The end of the movie reveals that instead of preventing the rise of Murdeth (and, ultimatley, Sauron), Gandalf was simply hanging out on an island. "But wait, isn't doing nothing and preventing the rise of evil deeply contrary to Gandalf's character?" The answer to the question is, of course - remember Gandalf? He's back, baby!

All of my friends thought this was real for until a certain point.

[Det. Bullock]

BREAKING - JJ Abrams has been tapped to helm a new Lord of the Rings trilogy!

Clearly, this is some very, very exciting news for the fandom! I know this is primarily a Star Wars themed sub, but due to the deep admiration this community has for JJ Abrams's storytelling you should all get a chance to share in the excitement.

Some plot points have already been leaked:

• Story takes place roughly 20 years since the conclusion of the original trilogy.
• The primary antagonist - whose name will be SNARK - has no corporeal form, but will instead appear to the audience as a giant, flaming, ominous mouth. However, a later film will reveal that Snark was simply a pawn, and that SAURON was actually the primary villain all along! Remember Sauron? He's back, baby!
• The armies of MORDOR are amassing again, only this time they are calling themselves MURDETH. The armies of Murdeth, however, still look, act, and appear exactly the same as you remember them from the original trilogy. Remember the Uruk-hai? They're back, baby!
• The reason the armies of Murdeth have been able to assemble is because all the various kingdoms decided to completely demilitarize in the wake of the War of the Ring. Don't worry though - because ARAGORN is working on putting together a strike force. Remember Aragorn? He's back, baby!
• Why didn't Aragorn use his power and influence to prevent the rise of Murdeth? Read the novels to find out!
• The primary protagonist is set to be a hobbit named DORFO. Despite living her entire life in a village that looks and sounds precisely like Hobbiton, but is called something different, Dorfo is a master of ninjitsu, oliphant riding, archery, first aid, the lute, the lyre, the tambourine, Javascript, Formula 1 repair, contract negotiation and hotpot cookery. She can also assemble IKEA furniture without even looking at the instructions and she knows every single Excel keyboard shortcut.
• Gandalf is missing! The search for Gandalf will kick off with a Macguffin chase that will immediately get sidelined when Dorfo realizes that she possesses the One Sombrero To Rule Them All. The only thing that will destroy the One Sombrero is to throw it through a dimensional portal into a realm that is nothing but ZILLIONS of volcanoes. In order to reach this portal (which lies deep in enemy territory) she much go on a perilous journey!
• Dorfo will be aided in her journey by an orc that realizes the error of his ways and turns good. This conversion have will little to no bearing on the plot, but he will, however, yell "DORFO!" quite a lot.
• Along the way, Dorfo will stop in a tavern that looks just like The Prancing Pony but will have a different name. There, Dorfo will find Frodo's dagger Sting, which will call out to Dorfo for reasons that the fanbase will have a wonderful time speculating over. Patented JJ Abrams Mystery Box magic!
• Samwise will have a lengthy cameo. He's now divorced, his son hates him, and his character development has been rolled back to the point that he is once again afraid to talk to girls. Remember Samwise? He's back, baby!
• The end of the movie reveals that instead of preventing the rise of Murdeth (and, ultimatley, Sauron), Gandalf was simply hanging out on an island. "But wait, isn't doing nothing and preventing the rise of evil deeply contrary to Gandalf's character?" The answer to the question is, of course - remember Gandalf? He's back, baby!

At first I thought that rather than Gandalf was Frodo the Luke equivalent but then again considering how superficial JJ Abrams is he probably wouldn't get it so this is probably plausible and eerily so.