Author Topic: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella  (Read 889 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Urbana

  • 24
    • Steam
Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
Aftermath of Capella

Our story takes place just after the Shivan Juggernauts have just destroyed the Capella star and as the alliance struggles to hold back the Shiva invasion while trying desperately to evacuate refugees from the system to safer GTVA controlled systems, but it was too late the Shivans caused the Capella star to go nova and it annihilated everything in the system just like in the end cinematic. However what if that wasn’t fully the case and there were some that did survive the onslaught of the Shivans and the exploding sun, well that is where our story begins and please note some things were changed to make the story work so please keep that in mind

Chapter 1: Awakening.

In the dimly lit and thunderous nebula of the destroyed star we come across a very damaged GTF Erinyes fighter as the pilot finally comes to. “Where am I?” he said. “What happened to me”. As the pilot focuses himself to the noise of all his instruments going haywire he suddenly realizing what had happened. “That’s right, we were fighting the shivans while helping a convoy leave the system then a bright flash of light hit me and I cant remember anything after that”. While getting the instruments under control and doing a sit-rep of the ship and situation the pilot says “Well I’m still alive for now, I cant believe I survived a super nova but I’m in bad shape and so is the ship. I see that the internal subsystems are repairing slowly but the weapons subsystem is destroyed so I will need a support ship to repair that, I just hope that the Shivans also didn’t make it out alive or I’m screwed.” But just as our pilot was getting a detailed analysis of the situation his radar had repaired to a point that he saw a blip on the radar and got worried straight away. “Oh god if that's a Shivan I’m space debris, maybe they will think im a wreck and leave me alone but I guess they aren't that stupid”. Then at the darkest moment to date the pilot hears crackling on the radio and immediately got scared but then calmed down to realize that its a GTVA distress beacon and immediately thought this could be of some help, as soon as engines were repaired to a point where he could at least move he made his way to the beacon point. The beacon was getting closer and the pilot immediately became more calmer as this could be someone else who also survived and was hoping it was a support or capital ship like a destroyer where he could land and get fixed up, but reality is a harsh mistress as it was just a fighter instead. The pilot flew over and once close enough tried to communicate with the damaged fighter. “This is Captain Bryce Madison with the 107th Raven squadron GTD Aquitaine, please identify yourself if you can”. For a short while Bryce only got static and then all of a sudden started to hear a voice and followed with “If you can hear me keep trying to get your communications going”. Then the voice became clear. “Hello this is ensign Louis Tucker of the 53Rd Hammerheads do you read me Captain?”. Bryce heard this and responded. “Ensign Tucker are you doing all right there, please report status of you and your ship”. Tucker then said. “Im a bit banged up but ill live sir and my fighter has seen better days but hanging on... oh my subsystems are all currently repairing at the moment so ill be ready to go soon after that”. When Bryce heard this he then asked Tucker. “how about your weapons subsystem are those still functional?”. Tucker responded with. “My weapons are at 32% efficiency at the moment, is that an issue at all Captain?”. Bryce then explained to Tucker that his weapons subsystem was destroyed and he would have to be the one to do the fighting if any Shivans showed up. “Think of me as an MVP that you have to guard with your life ensign, so do that until we can get out of the system. For now I’m going to re-calibrate my sensors to see if anyone else survived this mess and you should do so too”. Tucker did so and both fighters sensors were repaired and calibrated again they began scanning nearby for survivors and were both met with a green dot on the radar and both started moving towards it cautiously but now with more hope.

Chapter 2: Survivors of the Apocalypse

Both Bryce and Tucker are making their way towards the signal both trying to figure out what to do now then Bryce said “For now ensign we must gather up as many survivors as we can, at least together we have a fighting chance to hopefully get out of this hell we find ourselves in”. The two travelled for a while and came across what appears to be a support ship and intact. “That’s an old Centaur class support ship, I haven't seen one of those in at least a decade” said Bryce. “What do you think its doing here then captain, if its so old do you think it was left here after the first incursion?” said Tucker. While the two were going on about this the support ship came to life. Bryce saw this and on the comms said “This is Captain Bryce Madison with the 107th Raven squadron GTD Aquitaine, please identify yourself”. The support ship then responded with “This is Lt Rick of the GTD Minnow we were helping by repairing and resupplying ships as these were all that were on-board the Destroyer and are at least shielded, probably explains how we are still alive what about you guys?”. Bryce then responded with “ We are critically damaged and in desperate need of repair like you”. Rick then replied with “We can at least get you up to basic status but nothing fancy as were are barely holding together our side. Can you tell us what happened?”. Bryce then briefed the Lieutenant on the situation and that they are currently searching for survivors now and that they should tag along in case they find more damaged fighters and hopefully a capital ship of some kind.

On their way towards the signal they come across the wrecks of many ships, pilots and civilians that didn’t make it out in time. Bryce then spoke up “This is what happens when we underestimate our enemy and the innocent are the ones that suffer. Let this be a hard lesson and pill to swallow everyone, we are fighting for our very existence here.”. Tucker spots something off in the distance and then says “Sir im getting something not only on radar but I think I see a large ship or space debris”. As the 3 of them got closer they could confirm that it was a Deimos class corvette and thankfully It wasn’t wrecked like the fighters nearby it. Bryce straight away send out a communication to all in the area.“This is Captain Bryce Madison with the 107th Raven squadron GTD Aquitaine, Deimos corvette please respond if you are able to. Once again the crackly radio came to life and they heard. “This is Commander Jennifer Canyon of The GTCV Lemnos, I really wish we could have met under better circumstances but the Capella star going nova has made things a bit difficult for all of us. How is your wing holding out Captain?”. Bryce would go on to explain his Sitrep with Tucker and Rick to the commander who then replied. “Lt Rick can you please dock with us and see what subsystems you can repair for us then we can get a better idea of where we are”. Rick agreed and docked with the Corvette repairing what subsystems they could as they could only repair fighters and bombers under normal situations. Commander Canyon goes on to say “Please search the area for survivors in the meantime and have the support ship repair and resupply them so long while we try and get a makeshift fighter bay setup so they can get some much needed hull repairs.

Chapter 3:Licking our wounds

After scouring the battlefield for ages while the corvette readied their makeshift fighter bay the survivors managed to recover 3 more fighters and 2 bombers that were on the verge of hull breach. The commander then said to those that could hear her. “To all that are still functional please listen very carefully. We are extremely lucky to have survived the nova but that is only the tip of the iceberg, from here we need to find a way out of this dead system and back into GTVA space without the Shivan remnants finding us, we all know those bastards are still out there waiting for us to make the first move. We need to get fixed up as best as we can and resupply what we can from the support ship which is currently being repaired first due to its importance right now. We give our thanks to the support ship crew as we now have all subsystems above 40% efficiency and are now scanning the area to see where we are. From here on im going to split up our few fighters into 3 squads for now until further notice. First is Captain Bryce and ensign Tucker you will be Alpha Wing Lt Gate,ensign Palmer and Lt Fritz will be Beta wing and finally Lt Commander Pierce and ensign Brooke flying bombers will be Gamma wing in case of capital ship threats. We are on our own people so we need to make the best of it and I will do everything in my power to bring all of you back home in one piece but I wont say it will be easy but hopefully together we will find a way. For now pilots please begin docking sequence now one by one and we will begin with repairs to your fighters and bombers. This is Commander Canyon over and out pilots”. From this point Bryce then made sure the most damaged of ships were repaired first and when it was finally his turn the alarms sounded and everyone felt a cold chill down their backs because a flashing red blip had appeared on their radar. On the radios the Commander was saying that an enemy unit had been detected but isn't moving by the looks of it so Alpha wing would be deployed to investigate the signature as soon as repairs were made on Bryce’s fighter. Upon equipping a different load-out while being docked Bryce launched and met up with Tucker and went to investigate the enemy signature. Tucker on the radio to Bryce “Hey Captain what do think it is?” then Bryce replied “I don’t know ensign but whatever it is it cant be good for us.” After flying a long distance from the safety of the corvette and other fighters they eventfully came across what the signal was and it was a Crippled Shivan Corvette with 3 Critically damaged Mara fighters but they didn’t seem to notice us or just didn’t even care, Bryce tried to contact the Corvette but there was too much interference out there so they both decided to go back and report findings to the Commander. On their way back to the Corvette Tucker piped up saying “Sir should we come back here with the other fighters and the bombers and blow that corvette to kingdom come?”. Bryce then replied quickly “If we blow up that corvette that will do nothing but attract more of them to our position and we cant survive an attack right now in our damaged state with no reinforcements and no logistical support, so no is all I’m going to say on the matter but we must let the rest of the fleet know anyway”. Upon arriving at the Lenmos and telling everyone of their findings Commander Canyon replies with “I have to agree with you Captain Bryce that an attack now would be suicide but this also gives me an idea that might be crazy enough to work. You all remember the ETAK project that Bosch had, well Intelligence had managed to get a hold of the data and reverse engineered it and we were supposed to go and test in in the Laramis system but were diverted here at the last second. We may be able to use to talk to them and maybe find out if there is a way out of this system, cause lets face it we don’t have enough supplies to last forever as we were supposed to be resupplied in Laramis but that didn’t happen so we need to get out of this system asap. The rest of the pilots and crew were a bit perplexed by this and agreed to follow the commander to see where this goes as its better than waiting for death to come to us.


Chapter 4: The ETAK Project

“The GTVA Special Ops knew that Admiral Aken Bosch and his Neo Terran scientist had developed a device to communicate with the Shivans and used this device in the nebula where the Shivans boarded and killed most of the crew of the NTF Iceni and taking Bosch and several high ranking members on board a transport ship heading to Shivan controlled space and leaving the crippled Frigate behind as they held off allied vessels trying to capture the Iceni and Bosch in one strike but failed in that operation. Once the Shivans had left the system the Iceni was boarded and marines witnessed the carnage left behind after the Shivans had boarded. The marines and techs had control of the ship and got its engines going so It can be studied back at base and after some time a prototype based on the ETAK device was completed and loaded onto the GTCV Lenmos to be shipped to Laramis for further testing and eventual mass production but we were sent to Capella to assist in the evacuation efforts alongside other Fleet assets but arrived as soon as the sun went nova, but it looks like our armor and location we jumped out at was just enough for us to survive but thank to the efforts of Captain Bryce Madison and ensign Tucker with the support ship we have managed to get back up to minimal standards and recovered and repaired as many fighters that were nearby and not destroyed.” -  Commander Jennifer Canyon: GTCV Lemnos.

After bringing everyone up to speed on their current situation about the ETAK device and Shivans nearby the Commander gives out the marching orders to the pilots. “All right pilots of your newly designated wings and call-signs are a bit haphazard but due to the situation of what to do about the Shivan Corvette and fighters nearby. Generally the best course of action would be to strike the crippled corvette and destroy the fighters that survived but that will most likely draw more of them to our damaged position... so I had a thought and have spoken to engineers and the resident scientists about using the prototype ETAK device to try communicate with the Shivan force and see if they will let us go and leave them alone as I’m pretty sure they know we are here and I’m hoping they leave us alone for now. I want us to move together in formation until we are in range of using the ETAK device to communicate.Once the Lemnos was in range the ETAK device was powered on and begin transmitting a signal to the Shivan Corvette we had designated the SCV Mordred,their damaged fighters began moving towards us at full speed with weapons hot.Alpha, Beta and Gamma wings began moving into defensive position and getting ready to destroy enemy wings, then all of a sudden something comes through the comms but couldn’t make out what it was. The ETAK device began translating what I believes the signal was and it was from the SCV Mordred asking us to prepare to die by their hand and the Commander replied “Shivan vessel we know you are crippled and cannot fight back effectively right now, however in our case we are more than enough to finish off your fighters then your ship. I would suggest...

Chapter 5: The unlikely ally

“I would suggest...we team up for now and call a temporary truce out of necessity as none of us will last out here long without support and resupply.We both want to get out of here and I’m pretty sure you know of an alternate way out of the system. We can work together to get out of here and then go our separate ways after that, what do you say Shivan Vessel?. We will wait for your answer”. After that we awaited their answer and their fighters broke off their attack and went back to defend the Corvette. While defending the GTCV Lenmos Captain Bryce was trying to find out what the Commander was getting at. “Commander is this a good idea, these guys could simply get a hold of the rest of their fleet and exterminate us, I don’t want everyone here put in even more danger than before.” Commander Jennifer replies “I understand what you are saying captain but in this case we don’t have many options out here and we are basically flying blind out here,if these guys know of a way out of here and back to a system that we know of and can jump back to a GTVA controlled system then so be it. I know this is a lot to ask of not just you but everyone here but if we don’t try we may regret it more than if we destroy them and continue to fly blind here until we run out of supplies and eventually die out here.I want to at least try and get as many of us out of here and back home otherwise I would have failed all of you as a leader and I will try anything cause when faced with death every alternative is preferred” This amazed not only Bryce but the entire crew and funny enough the ETAK was still sending out the signal to the Shivan ships. The comm links from the Shiva vessel responded on the ETAK device with “Together for now, no kill us and we no kill you. There is way out but far from here. You follow us when engines fixed, cleaners come soon... we escape else die... even us, you protect until we can move”. This sent a cold chill down everyone's back as they had no idea what a cleaner was. Commander Jennifer replies with “What are cleaners Shivan vessel Mordred”. The Shivan vessel replies with “Cleaners are bad they devour all, all that remain after sun is dead. All are food to them even us. You must protect if they show as we cant defend right now”. Commander Jennifer and the survivors are on the verge of losing all hope then Bryce responded loudly on the comms. “So let me see if I understand this, all we have to do is destroy these so called cleaners and protect the corvette till its engines are going and then escape the system... Hmm seems easy enough when compared to going up against a Sathanas Juggernaut, all right pilots form up around the Shivan and our assets and lets be ready for anything. GTCV Lenmos move closer in and lets be ready for anything”. Once everyone had overcome themselves and began moving into position... a blip appeared on the radar again.

Chapter 6: The Cleaners

The blip on the radar starts to become more apparent the closer it gets it became apparent this was no enemy ship but an allied one and then on the radio we received. “This is the GVC Ptah-Nu we have have taken serious damage and are requesting repairs to any allied GTVA fleet in the system... please respond”. The Commander replies back “ This is the GTCV Lenmos and I am Commander Jennifer please report status GVC Ptah-Nu”. Ptah-Nu replies with “We are at 52% hull integrity and most systems are down and needing a repair transport, do you have one by any chance?”. “We only have a support ship that can dock and assist with repairs but it isnt anything special and before that we must explain our situation” replied Jennifer. After explaining the situation and temporary truce with the Shivan Corvette and lastly the cleaners that were in the area the cruiser moves into position with the support ship attempting to get as many systems going before the enemy arrives. “Fleet we have all subsystems above 60% and climbing we can now assist in the defense of the corvette, how are their repairs?” said the Vasudan Captain. “The Mordred is testing engines now we should know soon and I hope soon as this place is getting really creepy out there, almost like we are in hell or something like that you know what I mean right?”. As soon as the Vasudan captain was about to respond the radar picks up what they believe to be a Cleaner Class Cruiser designated SCC Asphodel. Thanks to the Shivan vessel Mordred sharing their radar data with us so that can track them and hopefully drive them off or destroy them, the fighters and capital ships form up around the Mordred awaiting what comes next. Captain Bryce goes on the radio and says “Pilots... our backs are once again against the walls and we have no idea of what to expect from these Cleaners and we are trying to protect shivans this time around, if you ask me this is a complete fluster cuck. However we are not dead yet and we can still make it out of this as long as we do this together and coordinate our attacks alongside the Shivan ships and we still have the Ptah-Nu assisting with fire support, lets finish this quickly and lets go home everyone as im sure we all have family and friends that will freak to see that we are still alive”. The speech ended and the pilots are feeling better, but then the early warning system goes off and in the low light of the nebula they see something moving in the distance and the Mordred sends out a signal saying that they are here and to be as quiet as they can so that the cleaner doesn’t notice them. The plan at this point was to move slowly towards the jump hole out of the system before the cleaners find them. The convoy with the repaired Moloch corvette begins to move at 1/4 speed while the convoy moves with in in a tight formation. While moving everyone can see the Cleaner as it dissolves the nearby wreckage's with its 2 forward flux cannons while devouring the rest of the carcass and then moves on to the next one not noticing the convoy moving. Commander Jennifer then sends a message to everyone stating that fighting is not an option right now and that getting to the jump hole is top priority and we must make full effort to remain as quiet as possible, if we are noticed and attacked then we will defend but until then  hold off on fighting till that tie comes.

Chapter 7: Oasis in the Desert

Continuing through the dark nebula while being as quiet as can be and keeping their sanity together as they make their way towards the exit to another system. The convoy moves silently through the wreckage of those that didn’t make it and the ones being devoured by the Cleaners which had swelled to a large amount and would be impossible to deal with if they were to attack. The convoy would eventually come across something that that could possibly be a good find if it is what they think it is so Alpha wing is sent to check out the signal ahead of the convoy to see what it is. “Captain Bryce and ensign Tucker I would like you two to go and see what the signal is and if we can make use of it in any way even as a diversion” said Jennifer. “Understood Commander we will get on that right away, Lets get going Tucker hopefully this could be useful to the convoy in some way”. Alpha wing locks on to the signal and engines to move as quick as they can without attracting unwanted attention. After some time they come across the origin of the signal and it turned out to be an Orion class Destroyer designated the GTD Aeneas with their searchlights. “Captain this destroyer looks like its intact we should try board and see if its still usable in some way” said Tucker. “Understood ensign prepare docking sequence and lets board and see if this is the so called oasis in the desert” said Bryce. Upon docking and leaving their fighters the can see the damage from the inside and are surprised this ship is still in one piece. Upon searching the ship they heard voices in the hangar bay and found some survivors onboard the ship. After some time they came across the highest ranked aboard the ship. “I am LT Carson and I am the highest ranked officer onboard what remain of this fine ship”. “What is the situation on this ship Lieutenant? Give me as much info as I can use and ill tell you of our situation” said Bryce. “Currently we have about 216 crew members that survived but many are injured and many have died from their injuries so you finding us is a miracle and we are all in your debt” said Carson. Bryce and Tucker explains the situation in full detail to the lieutenant and agrees to take them with on their way out of the system. “Lieutenant can you tell me if any weapon or engine systems survived and the status of the reactors. Carson goes on to give the details of the ship. “Engines are completely shattered and cannot be fixed so we are a sitting duck out here, In regards to weapons some of the beams and flak canons are working but will that be enough to take out these cleaners tat you spoke of. That reminds me the reactor is damaged but still working but could be set to overload if need be”said Carson. “Do you still have any intact supplies of any kind onboard” said Tucker and Carson said “Yes we have at least 45% of supplies that survived the explosion so it can be transferred to your convoy if needed. With all that Alpha wing decides to leave to make contact with the fleet and bring them here to resupply and bring on passengers. Alpha wing leaves and makes it back to the convoy and sends a message to Commander Jennifer. After getting and reading the message from Bryce the convoy alters course to the Orion Destroyer and makes contact with them but unfortunately something has followed them too.
Chapter 8: The Rescue operation

The convoy has made their way to the GTD Aeneas and the transfer of crew and supplies to the Corvette and cruiser while all fighters keep an eye out for trouble. “This is Lt Carson we are almost done with crew transfer and supplies are about half way just keep an eye out and well be done soon”. As the transfer continues there is an alarm from the Shivan vessel and the entire convoy’s blood went cold. A Cleaner rushed out from the Thick nebula and raced towards the Destroyer. “All wings prepare for battle. Ptah-Nu give them as much beam fire as you can and we will support you as well, buy us as much time as you can and we will race from here to the exit once everyone is onboard”. Once the order was sent out all wings moved into defensive positions around their capital ships and once the Cleaner was within beam range all vessels opened fire with everything they had even the beams on the Orion was assisting with fire support and the Cleaner was taking moderate damage from the beams then all wings moved in to finish it off and once the Cleaner was destroyed there was an eerie feeling about then that they just woke something up that they shouldn't have. “All wings listen closely we are picking up more of these things coming our way and we done have enough firepower to take on too many else our power grids will fail at this rate, we need to leave now!” said Jennifer. The last of crew members and supplies have finally been transferred to the convoy and are now beginning to move out.The radars of everyone start going haywire as more Cleaners make their way to the convoy at an unholy rate. “We have less than 5 minutes before more of these things show up, we need to leave now but we can t outrun them as we are now. We are going to have to fight them somehow” said Bryce. After this LT Carson onboard the Lenmos said to everyone “We can overload the reactor on the Aeneas and wipe them out in this area but we will need to activate it manually as the remote detonation is destroyed on the ship, someone will have to stay behind and activate it”. There was whispering from the pilots and crew but eventually Bryce spoke up and said “Ill do it but I will need a diversion so I can get onboard and do this, how long until we activate the detonation sequence will it go off Carson?”. Carson replies “Once activated it will go off in about a minute or 2 depending on the reactors current state”. “All right lets go Tucker, as I will need you to divert the enemy away from the convoy towards the Aeneas where the automatic defense systems will keep their attention towards the destroyer while the reactor goes off”. Alpha wing launches and makes their way back to the crippled destroyer and while Tucker remains outside Bryce makes his way to the reactor and gets prepared to detonate the reactor but then…

Chapter 9: The Final Battle

Bryce works as quick as he can to prep the reactor to detonate and Tucker waiting for the enemy. Beta Wing And a Shivan wing arrive to assist with being a target for the Cleaners to focus on while Bryce gets set to destroy them. “All right then lets give these bastards something to chase get ready everyone” said Tucker, and with that all the wings move out to distract the enemy by firing on them drawing them towards the destroyer where its beams begin carving up the Cleaners as best as it can, but then the plan works to well and they begin devouring the vessel bit by bit and the pilots trying to damage them to make them leave the ship alone to focus on them. The pilots unleash everything they have at the Cleaners but it isn't enough and when things start to look bad a Cleaner is destroyed right in front of them and notice that Gamma Wing and the Shivan bombers arrived to finish off damaged Cleaners making them ignore the Orion and start attacking the fighters and bombers. After destroying about 3 Cleaners all wings are starting to run out of missiles and find out from Bryce what the situation is. “Captain we cant hold them here forever, we are almost out of missiles and don’t want to risk resupplying in the heat of all this!”said Tucker. Bryce responds“I have started the process and the countdown is beginning now, we have about 2 minutes to detonation so all of you break off your attack and get back to the convoy now. Im going to get to my ship and leave with you so go so long and ill catch up w………”. At that moment a Cleaner crashed into the hangar bay trapping Bryce inside who then went on to say. “Go on get out of here, ill hold their attention here so you don’t get pulled into the explosion”. The radio crackles as it cuts out leaving the entire convoy fearful of the Captains fate. “I’m going to go back and help him, the rest of you get back to the convoy now” said Tucker but was immediately stopped in his track by the radio “Ensign Tucker you are ordered to get back to the convoy as you wont survive the explosion, this is a direct order pilot return immediately!. I know the Captain would've wanted us to get out of here and I wont waste his sacrifice”said Jennifer. In the rear view of their ships everyone could see the Cleaners swarming over the Orion as it continued to attack with its slashing beams and flak cannons and then it detonated with a massive explosion sealing the Captains fate. The convoy continued to follow the Shivan vessel and eventually all the Wings joined up and continued their guard duty but all with a heavy heart. “I want to say something to all of you and don’t worry about rank for this as I need to get this out. Captain Bryce sacrificed himself to save all of us and for that I would award him and his next of kin The Order of Galatea for bravery and gallantry of the highest order, he was a real hero and I want his memory to down in history for what he did today. This is Commander Jessica signing off”.

Chapter 10: The Way Home

Its been almost an hour since the destruction of the Orion and the morale is low with everyone but have been assured by the Shivan vessel that the jump hole is close and should take them back to the Vega system s at lease they can get home and the Shivan vessel can jump to Ross 128 as there is also a jump hole that leads there so everyone can go their separate  ways. “To all convoy party members we are nearly at our goal but we must remain vigilant in case some of the Cleaners have followed us out here as we still have them on long range radar”said Jennifer. After that something appeared on the radar, something small but regardless something we have no idea of what it is. “This is Ensign Tucker of Alpha Squad designation Alpha 2 will go and check and if its a Cleaner ill hold them so you can escape. I wont let the Captain’s sacrifice be for nothing”. Then at that time the radio began to crackle and hiss and a voice was coming through it. Hiss “Oh Boo Hoo Boo Hoo, oh you flyboys are killing me!”. It Was The Captain who had somehow survived the explosion and was flying in a Terran Mara Fighter. “Captain!… How did you survive the explosion of the Orion, we all thought you were dead!”said Tucker. “I was almost a goner when that prick crashed into the hangar bay but then a Mara Fighter was drifting so I made the jump to it and flew off at top speed before the explosion but it still damaged the engines but at least I’m alive, so hows everything here?”. The Mara fighter rejoined the convoy on the last part of the journey home. “Looks like that even death cant kill you Captain, welcome back to the fray. You are in line for a medal when we get back home so don’t you go and try to die again cause I don’t think I can do another speech like that again” said Jennifer. “Commander I wont try that again cause I don’t even know how I survived the last time but at least we learned something today, maybe we can learn to get along with the Shivans but in time cause all I want to do now is get home and see m family just like all of us”said Bryce. After a few hours the journey finally came to an end and the jump hole was in front of them and everyone began preparing to jump to the Vega system. After jumping through and coming out at the far side of Vega the Shivans Jumped out with a final message saying “Thank you Terrans we alive because of you, we go now see you again but as equals”. Once the Shivans had departed a Vasudan Destroyer jumped in as they had picked up Shivans in the system. Commander Jennifer explained the whole crazy story to the Vasudan Admiral and Transports and Medical ships were deployed to the convoy to get all injured off and back to their respective systems. “Hey Captain were do we all go from here I’m guessing back to our old squads right?” said Tucker. Bryce replies to Tucker the way I see it I want all of us to be part of the same squadron so lets get back to the Aquitaine as soon as we are relieved then ill talk to the Admiral to get all of you into the 107th Ravens as I believe all of you have more than earned it and I want you guys to be my wingmen and finally Pilots I believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship”. Back on the Corvette Commander Jennifer is doing the last of her paperwork also thinking back on their ordeal and what it could mean for the GTVA. “The ETAK device worked better than we could have hoped for and we were able to work side by side with Shivan forces proves one day we can be on allied terms but the existence of the Cleaners means we still don’t know everything about them and it scares me a lot, but as long as we have the amazing pilots that make up the bulk of the GTVA fleets I feel that we don’t have anything to fear and can look towards a bright future. This is Commander Jennifer Canyon of The GTCV Lemnos signing off.

THE END?
« Last Edit: February 09, 2021, 07:26:38 am by Urbana »
I have been away too long. The challenge has waned. They must learn anew the meaning of ph34r

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

  • HLP is my mistress
  • 213
  • Aken Tigh Dekker
    • My old squad sub-domain
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
You clearly put a lot of effort into that story.  I'm glad captain Bruce survived that self destruct.
Could use a teeny weeny bit more structure and pacing though.

My favourite bit was when captain Jennifer changed her name to Jessica and back. 😜

 

Offline Urbana

  • 24
    • Steam
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
Oh wow i didnt notice that till now this is why i need a proof reader else i make a real fool of myself, other than that im glad you enjoyed it to be honest i wanted to make this a short campaign but have no fredding skills what soever so ill stick to doing this and thanks for the comment i really appreciate that
I have been away too long. The challenge has waned. They must learn anew the meaning of ph34r

 

Offline The E

  • He's Ebeneezer Goode
  • 213
  • Nothing personal, just tech support.
    • Steam
    • Twitter
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
Congrats on getting some writing out!

Would you be interested in getting feedback on this for general writing issues and the like?

Do be aware that that feedback, if you are not prepared for it, will sound fairly harsh in places, as it concerns some very basic things.
If I'm just aching this can't go on
I came from chasing dreams to feel alone
There must be changes, miss to feel strong
I really need lifе to touch me
--Evergrey, Where August Mourns

 

Offline General Battuta

  • Poe's Law In Action
  • 214
  • i wonder when my postcount will exceed my iq
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
You can use paragraphs to shape and structure your story.

When a paragraph is short and sharp, it tends to build energy; readers will grasp it quickly, and leap forward to the next part of the story. When a paragraph is big and thick, it 'spends' energy. Readers will slow down and process more carefully.

By mixing up the structure of your paragraphs, you can guide your reader through the story.

These quick paragraphs pull them forward, like a downhill.

But thicker, denser paragraphs like this are where they slow down and dwell on what you're saying; maybe go back and reread, or reparse the structure of a sentence; maybe even skim ahead to the next short paragraph. When you write a long paragraph like this you are saying to your reader "this is a thought that requires some thought!" You are guiding them to stay a while and listen while you really discurse on a topic. A good way to think about a paragraph is 'everything that needs to be said, in one place, about one thing.'

Note how I tend to have more of these smaller paragraphs, in such a way that the number of words in the many smaller paragraphs is about the same as the number of words in the few large paragraphs. That's called pink noise.

Use paragraphs.

They're great.

 

Offline ShadowsOfLight

  • 27
  • Wannabe Composer
    • Twitter
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
Interesting concept - it definitely felt to me like you had a short campaign in mind. It sounds like you could keep it to a relatively small scale, so definitely worth a try!

Battuta raised some very good points about the usage of paragraphs, and it is very generous of The E to offer some detailed feedback. If you are looking to improve your skills, and are able to gracefully accept feedback, you should definitely take him up on it.

I would also encourage you to read something by a favorite author, and write some more of your own stuff in the midst of it - you will probably pick up on some techniques without even realizing it.

I look forward to your next short story!

 

Offline Trivial Psychic

  • 212
  • Snoop Junkie
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
Walls of text hurt my eyes.  Interesting otherwise.
The Trivial Psychic Strikes Again!

 

Offline Trivial Psychic

  • 212
  • Snoop Junkie
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
Double-post.

Was there supposed to be anything behind the presence of the Centaur class?  The Minnow was an FS1 ship though its fate was not revealed.  I wondered if maybe there was supposed to some sort of time-travel aspect, but I guess not.
The Trivial Psychic Strikes Again!

 

Offline The E

  • He's Ebeneezer Goode
  • 213
  • Nothing personal, just tech support.
    • Steam
    • Twitter
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
Okay, so since Urbana told me that they want some feedback, here is some.
I apologize in advance for any harshness.

Chapter 1: Awakening.

In the dimly lit and thunderous nebula of the destroyed star we come across a very damaged GTF Erinyes fighter as the pilot finally comes to. “Where am I?” he said. “What happened to me”. As the pilot focuses himself to the noise of all his instruments going haywire he suddenly realizing what had happened. “That’s right, we were fighting the shivans while helping a convoy leave the system then a bright flash of light hit me and I cant remember anything after that”. While getting the instruments under control and doing a sit-rep of the ship and situation the pilot says “Well I’m still alive for now, I cant believe I survived a super nova but I’m in bad shape and so is the ship. I see that the internal subsystems are repairing slowly but the weapons subsystem is destroyed so I will need a support ship to repair that, I just hope that the Shivans also didn’t make it out alive or I’m screwed.” But just as our pilot was getting a detailed analysis of the situation his radar had repaired to a point that he saw a blip on the radar and got worried straight away. “Oh god if that's a Shivan I’m space debris, maybe they will think im a wreck and leave me alone but I guess they aren't that stupid”. Then at the darkest moment to date the pilot hears crackling on the radio and immediately got scared but then calmed down to realize that its a GTVA distress beacon and immediately thought this could be of some help, as soon as engines were repaired to a point where he could at least move he made his way to the beacon point. The beacon was getting closer and the pilot immediately became more calmer as this could be someone else who also survived and was hoping it was a support or capital ship like a destroyer where he could land and get fixed up, but reality is a harsh mistress as it was just a fighter instead. The pilot flew over and once close enough tried to communicate with the damaged fighter. “This is Captain Bryce Madison with the 107th Raven squadron GTD Aquitaine, please identify yourself if you can”. For a short while Bryce only got static and then all of a sudden started to hear a voice and followed with “If you can hear me keep trying to get your communications going”. Then the voice became clear. “Hello this is ensign Louis Tucker of the 53Rd Hammerheads do you read me Captain?”. Bryce heard this and responded. “Ensign Tucker are you doing all right there, please report status of you and your ship”. Tucker then said. “Im a bit banged up but ill live sir and my fighter has seen better days but hanging on... oh my subsystems are all currently repairing at the moment so ill be ready to go soon after that”. When Bryce heard this he then asked Tucker. “how about your weapons subsystem are those still functional?”. Tucker responded with. “My weapons are at 32% efficiency at the moment, is that an issue at all Captain?”. Bryce then explained to Tucker that his weapons subsystem was destroyed and he would have to be the one to do the fighting if any Shivans showed up. “Think of me as an MVP that you have to guard with your life ensign, so do that until we can get out of the system. For now I’m going to re-calibrate my sensors to see if anyone else survived this mess and you should do so too”. Tucker did so and both fighters sensors were repaired and calibrated again they began scanning nearby for survivors and were both met with a green dot on the radar and both started moving towards it cautiously but now with more hope.

Let's talk about formatting.
Not in the sense of using paragraphs and line breaks to break up the flow, Battuta and others have already covered that, but in terms of which format you use to tell your story.
You've chosen to kinda-sorta adopt the format of a script for a cutscene or mission here. This isn't wrong, per se, but it does limit you a lot and makes some of the choices you've made in your introductory chapter unnecessarily awkward -- Plus, since you aren't following the formatting conventions of a traditional script, the whole story becomes very hard to read.

Most importantly however, it makes it very hard for your story to build engagement early on. Stories live and die by their openings; a good opening can carry a story a long way.
Let me illustrate:

In the dimly lit and thunderous nebula of the destroyed star we come across a very damaged GTF Erinyes fighter as the pilot finally comes to.

This sentence is an awkward synthesis of two dissimilar storytelling formats. The "we" implies the existence of an observer -- in a traditional script, this is usually read as stage direction for camera movements -- but in a short story like this, "we" implies a presence within the story itself.
A rewrite of this sentence in a more traditional "story" mode could look like this:
Quote
Lightning courses through the Nebula, the stellar remnant reacting to residual energies of its own creation. In this primordial soup that once was a star, an Erinyes-class starfighter drifts; its hull damaged, its systems flickering on and off as self-repair routines try their best to restore functionality, alerts clamoring for the pilot's attention as he regains consciousness.
Now, what's the difference here? This is pretty much the same as you had written, right, so what's the deal?
The main difference is that, in a script, it is perfectly acceptable to grab the imaginary camera and point them where you need it to point. It's stage direction, it's an instruction to the director and camera operator. In a short story however, I think it's more rewarding if you as the storyteller act in much the same way as a tourist guide would conduct a tour: You point out sights and sounds of interest, and if the reader is interested in what you have to tell, they'll let their imagination generate the imagery for them.
What this also lets you do is inject flavour into your descriptions and scene setting: Note how I made reference to the the nebula being alive with the energy of its own creation? This primes the reader for the revelation we'll come across later. Also note how I made reference to what the fighter is doing on its own: This lets the reader imagine what the scene looks like, regardless of whether or not they know what an Erinyes is or what damage lightning effects in FS look like.

Let's move on.

Quote
“Where am I?” he said. “What happened to me”. As the pilot focuses himself to the noise of all his instruments going haywire he suddenly realizing what had happened. “That’s right, we were fighting the shivans while helping a convoy leave the system then a bright flash of light hit me and I cant remember anything after that”.

This next pair of sentences is one of those awkward choices you're being forced into because you're writing this as a script. In a script, people talk to themselves a lot -- Having a character talk through their plans and actions is an easy, if lazy, way to communicate things to a viewer. More importantly for a scriptwriter, it allows the viewer to not pay attention to the screen and still get what's going on: TV writing, at least some of it, is done with the assumption that the viewer won't give the screen their full attention, and not losing the viewer is more important than doing a realistic depiction of whatever it is the character is doing (If you're watching The Expanse, the latter part of its most recent season features one character all alone on a starship -- and it's all done without any dialogue whatsoever. The actress is trusted to express everything physically - and as a result, a lot of inattentive viewers were confused as to what was going on, because they weren't being hand-held through the process).
When you're writing a story, however, you have other options: You can peer into a character's head and tell us what they're thinking. The character doesn't have to talk to themselves; This also allows you to tell us what the character is feeling in the moment.
In this instance, for example, you could use these sentences to describe what the pilot is doing and feeling: The confusion and dizziness, the retreat into the checklists and rituals of getting the fighter back online that he uses to focus himself, the checking of mission logs to jumpstart the memory, things like that.

Quote
But just as our pilot was getting a detailed analysis of the situation his radar had repaired to a point that he saw a blip on the radar and got worried straight away. “Oh god if that's a Shivan I’m space debris, maybe they will think im a wreck and leave me alone but I guess they aren't that stupid”. Then at the darkest moment to date the pilot hears crackling on the radio and immediately got scared but then calmed down to realize that its a GTVA distress beacon and immediately thought this could be of some help, as soon as engines were repaired to a point where he could at least move he made his way to the beacon point.

These sentences are a mess. Let's take a closer look at some of this:
You start a sentence of with "Then at the darkest moment to date....". Okay, this makes me as a reader perk up and pay attention. Something's obviously happening now!
It continues: "the pilot hears crackling on the radio and immediately got scared" There's still tension building up I wonder where this is leading.
It ends: "but then calmed down to realize that its a GTVA distress beacon and immediately thought this could be of some help, as soon as engines were repaired to a point where he could at least move he made his way to the beacon point." Oh. Hmm. Okay, not where I thought this was going.

Let's attempt a rewrite! The scene is set. We know the pilot has taken care of any immediate crisis and is just managing the fighter's repair or whatever.
But then:
"The Pilot spends a few minutes to bring the fighter back under control and direct its repairs. The Radar comes back online, but any feeling of elation the pilot might have had turns to ash as his sensors report a contact, close. If that's a surviving shivan, the Pilot thinks, I'm toast -- But as the sensors gather more information and put a friendly marker on the target identifying it as a standard distress beacon, he relaxes again. He immediately redirects some of the fighter's ressources to repairing its engines -- Whatever's at that beacon is going to be helpful, and it beats being alone out here."
What does this do? For one, by moving the dialogue internally and making it part of the narration, I've removed a break in the story's flow. It puts more emphasis on the action that's happening and the pilot's reaction to it; this, again, makes it easier for a reader to follow along and let their imagination play out.

I think that'll do it for this first post (it's already quite long), but there will be others.
If I'm just aching this can't go on
I came from chasing dreams to feel alone
There must be changes, miss to feel strong
I really need lifе to touch me
--Evergrey, Where August Mourns

 

Offline Urbana

  • 24
    • Steam
Re: Short Story "Aftermath of Capella
Double-post.

Was there supposed to be anything behind the presence of the Centaur class?  The Minnow was an FS1 ship though its fate was not revealed.  I wondered if maybe there was supposed to some sort of time-travel aspect, but I guess not.

The main reason is simple actually the centaur class support ship was shielded but the newer hygeia class wasn't, i went with that cause at least shields would have helped it survive the explosion a bit
I have been away too long. The challenge has waned. They must learn anew the meaning of ph34r