I like this one much better, but it does have problems...
First, the picture is off-center. I would put the ship quite a bit further to the left, and if possible add it's target. If you REALLY want to make it look good, change the view angle on the scene to add some depth. Put the Firing ship in upper left corner looking down and almost towards the camera, and maybe have the corner of a ship hull being cut through in the bottom right corner.
Second, the beam core needs to be "hotter." Make the core much more white-let most of the green come from the glow around it. Even if the beam center is RGB 255,255,255 the eye will still percieve it as slightly green because of the surrounding color, and it will look much hotter.
The model and background, however, look great.
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Sushi- the OTHER white meat!