[freespacegundam]

I finally got off my lazy ass and came up with a campaign idea.  I'm in the process of finishing up the first mission, but I thought I'ld give everybody a little info and a possible command briefing I came up with.

The campaign takes place 2 years after Capella, and has the Shivans returning to once again reek havoc on the GTVA.  This time, however, it seems the Shivans are not interested in destroying the GTVA, but on merely pushing them out of the way.  You fly as Beta 1 alongside Alpha wing(hence the title)

Command briefing

Personal Log of Alpha 1
Callsign: Magus
Acessing Files....

Displaying log for March 1, 2369

This is the personal log of colonel Josh Salcos, I don't normally do this sort of thing, I'm not one for making a record. This time, however, I feel that there has to be some kind of testimony.  I do this, because I think it a very real possibility that our end is fast approaching.  I've never been one to have these kind of doubts, and I can only deal with them by making this log.  Perhaps it will be an example of how even the staunchest of defenders can quake with fear before the coming of the storm.

It has been two years since Capella, and the danger has not passed.  Command thought the Shivans could be contained within Capella, that by destroying the jump nodes we could save ourselves.  The operation was a complete failure.  The Shivans have sprouted up in Adhara, Altair, and even here, in Ross 128.

It seemed subspace was our greatest enemy, always giving the Shivans access to us.  Perhaps it would've been better if mankind had stayed in caves and hunted rather than travel the stars.  I think that it might've been even better had we not been born.

Command has offered many theories regarding how the Shivans entered our systems, but it really doesn't matter.  The enemy has returned, and this time there can be no quick solution.  We once again have to face the greatest enemy in our history.  I myself have no fear of the Shivans, they are the enemy, and I will carry out duties.  I know that one pilot can make little difference in this fight, but that won't stop me from flying.  Its much better than sitting around thinking about the end.  That's what I have this log for.

I have just recently been assigned here to Ross 128, aboard the GTI Boone.  Being the hind end of space, the system does not have the defenses to fight off a Shivan attack, and command is scrambling ships and pilots to assist us.  The pilot assigned to lead Beta wing seems to have some potential. And I think Beta wing will do well under new leadership.  I still can't help but wonder if it may already be too late.

End Log.....

comments?

[Black Wolf]

It doesn't sound exactly like the spoken word -I'm not sure why, but I just get the feeling my mouth wouldn't get around some of that naturally. Always read your dialogue out loud when you write it - if it feels stupid coming out of your mouth, it'd probably feel the same out of your protagonists.

Other than that, there's not a lot to comment on. Shivans are back, Terrans are still in trouble, Vasudans still wuv fishies. Give us some details whydoncha?

[freespacegundam]

Yeah, I sorta thought that myself.  The only problem is that in information wise I can only say that the Shivans are interested in something, and if that something may have a connection to Sol, well then that makes it more interesting.

Here's another possible command briefing for the campaign, which hopefully sounds better. The first part is the same, the rest is a little different.

This is the personal log of colonel Josh Salcos, I don't normally do this sort of thing, I'm not one for making a record. But I've been having nightmares these past few weeks, and I rarely get more than four hours of sleep anyhow.  The doc says I need to take my mind off of things and relieve stress.  So, I make this log to put my feelings into some kind of box so I don't go crazy.  As of right now, I still feel like ****.  So much for that plan.

We've all had a vacation these last two years. I guess its time to pay for all the down time.  I was at Capella, and I'm one of the lucky guys who made it out of the system before the Shivans made the sun go nova.  After it was destroyed, I figured my life would get back on track.  Its funny how life can trick you like that.

The Shivans apparently aren't satisfied with wiping out just one system.  Losing Capella like we lost Sol did not have the same result.  The Shivans are back, and I don't think we have a prayer of stopping them.

The eggheads at R&D have theories about how the Shivans got around Capella, but they're really nothing but a bunch of idiots.  'Oh we, think it was because the Shivans can jump without nodes', 'Its because the Shivans use artificial jump nodes' on and on and on.  They may as well claim the universe is made of cheese and the Shivans found our hole in it.  The eggheads have theories coming out their asses, and none of them make a damn bit of difference.

The Shivans seem to pop up everywhere these days.  Ross 128, Adhara, and Altair are already fighting off Shivan attacks.  Hence, the reason why I'm in Ross.  The geniuses at command thought that this system would be safe from attack, I guess they didn't think this through well enough.  We're scrambling ships, supplies, and pilots to hold the system, but I think its all a waste of time.

I guess whoever will want to read this log later won't want to hear all the doom and gloom, so I'll stop there. I think I'll just talk about my assignment here.  I'm still leading Alpha wing, and I have to reassign pilots frequently.  Half the pilots here are kids in flight suits, and their flying shows it.  Yesterday, Beta 2 clipped a transport coming out of the hangar bay.  Luckily for him, it just tore his wing off.

The Boone, the only base we have in this system, is one of the older stations still in existence.  Half the time her weapons fry out, and other times the gravity fails.  Why command thinks we have a prayer at defending this place is beyond me.  We'd be better off abandoning the base and throwing rocks from the planet.  I give the Boone five minutes in a fight and then her weapons will overload and blow us all the pieces.

Once piece of good news, the new pilot assigned to lead Beta wing is a top notch flier.  I can't believe this pilot was never assigned to a frontline fight.  I'd trade any of my current wingman for this pilot, but I think its better that Beta wing have a good leader, in case I buy the farm in an engagement.  I'm not planning on it, but then again no one does.

I know I said I'd stop the doom and gloom talk, but I have to say.  I won't say it to my wingmen, but I'm scared ****less, and this situation has just become fubar.  Heaven help us all, we're back to the brink..  End log

[Setekh]

Hey, I actually kinda like this. The best suggestion I can give to you right now is to keep writing - you can come up with a pretty convincing body of work, then. After you've been doing constant writing for a couple of weeks (if you have the time!), come back to your original works here, and you'll find yourself capable of making huge improvements on the original idea in terms of how it's articulated. Keep at it.

[Silent Warrior]

Just a little prod: Are the Shivans reeking now? I know some aliens are smelly, but THIS... And do look over your use of the ever-dreaded comma. Really. If there's bad commatisation in briefing and whatnot, the missions can be heavenly and still not feel ace.

Until I see more of the campaign (in raw .fs2-format :devil: ) I don't want to add anything else.

[Edit: Smiley-fixin'.]