I think there may be some tonal issues. It feels a little slapstick.
I'll be able to respond when I'm not on my way out the door. Until then!
And here we are!
There are two things contributing to this, I feel: One, the subject itself which naturally lends itself when, two, I'm the person writing. Assuming we're talking about the same thing here, the voice I've developed writing short narratives for classes at 4 in the morning last year isn't the most... respectable. To be honest I don't think it's a bad voice, but I should've done more revision because "slapstick" isn't exactly what I was going for. Or are you talking about tone consistency issues? In any case, care to elaborate at all?
Another edit, to be fair, "slapstick" isn't what these pieces of fiction
are supposed to feel like, "slapstick" does actually describe the intended personality of a couple characters pretty well. But you're not referring to that, I'm assuming, because I did minimal characterization of those two in these two pieces.