[Scourge of Ages]

Congrats, Damage! Glad things are looking up

[Rogue Assassin04]

Just popping in here to say that I hope all are doing well. Take care and stay safe y'alls.
Read a lot of posts, some are really heart wrenching, I hope you all are better, and if not, I hope everything will be better real soon for all.

Later!

[Scourge of Ages]

The forum's alive again! Hurrah!

Coronavirus check-in: How's everybody doing?

[Mongoose]

Running a slight fever and my nose is going crazy.  It feels like a sinus infection more than anything else, but I'll see what my doctor wants me to do.

[Androgeos Exeunt]

I've started a routine of jogging 3.44 km every Mon-Wed-Fri. This time, I'm determined to make sure this routine sticks.

[BlueFlames]

Nobody around here stocks a 185/60/15 tire, because everyone's a big asshole who drives a big truck. 

[SL1]

Mental state continues to get worse. Seriously considering hospitalization at this point.

[Scourge of Ages]

Mental state continues to get worse. Seriously considering hospitalization at this point.

If you need it, do it. There's no shame in asking for help.

[Strygon]

Turns out I had a smashed right tooth for several years and never noticed it. Got it fixed yesterday.

[Su-tehp]

Just got tested a week ago. Results are again negative, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  Still have my job at the supermarket and they just increased my hours this week, so more money in the bank.

But FFS, it's exhausting constantly being on the front lines of the coronavirus where I have to take precautions against the risk of infection every day especially from dumbass customers who remove their masks to clarify things to me or just wear their masks wrong in the first place. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to tell customers to cover their noses with their masks.

Remember folks: wearing a face mask without covering your nose is like wearing a Speedo with your hammer hanging out the front.

[perihelion]

I think it is a bit worse than that.  One is embarrassing and very uncomfortable for the people around you.  The other is potentially lethal.

[SL1]

Really screwed up this time. Had an appointment with a psychiatrist for tomorrow. I sent him the new patient paperwork this morning, but it turns out that he wanted it a week in advance and is now refusing to see me tomorrow. I have to reschedule with him or make an appointment with someone else. Meanwhile, my OCD is getting worse and worse every day and I don't know how much longer I can take it. This is making me want to just lay down and die. I feel like I should've just shot myself when I had the chance.

[Goober5000]

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.  They're available 24/7, confidential, and free.  Do call them if you are feeling at all suicidal.

The website also has tips for coping with emotional distress.  See here for a list of suggestions:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/current-events/supporting-your-emotional-well-being-during-the-covid-19-outbreak/

You could also try the Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990.

[Grizzly]

That's dickish of them tbh. I know that these services depend on the paperwork being in order, but, well, you're suffering from mental health issues. Stuff like this is just one of the symptoms.

I've been suicidal myself, I can say with hindsight that it's very good that I didn't off myself. All that tiny stuff, like shared moments with friends, or books read or films watched, tend to add up, in a "I'm glad I survived all that for this" kind of way. It does get better - and I realize that saying this doesn't really make what you're going through right now easier to bear. Just be aware that you're not the only one, and that a lot of people can empathize with you.

In addition to Goober's post, you can also try the Samaritans, who are active in the UK. Wikipedia has a global list.

[Colonol Dekker]

Really screwed up this time. Had an appointment with a psychiatrist for tomorrow. I sent him the new patient paperwork this morning, but it turns out that he wanted it a week in advance and is now refusing to see me tomorrow. I have to reschedule with him or make an appointment with someone else. Meanwhile, my OCD is getting worse and worse every day and I don't know how much longer I can take it. This is making me want to just lay down and die. I feel like I should've just shot myself when I had the chance.

Dude, I've been near to where you are before....  Take any sense of detachment and funnel it into watching anything on YouTube for hours til you fall asleep.

[perihelion]

I’m not sure that works for everyone Dekker. Hours at night on YouTube mostly just fueled my sense of self loathing.

Direct human interaction is best, and I think calling any of the aforementioned intervention services would be a good idea.

[DefCynodont119]

There are people who care about you SL1, don't forget that.


If nothing else, at least remember that there are real people typing these posts and we want you to get better.

[SL1]

I've been suicidal myself, I can say with hindsight that it's very good that I didn't off myself. All that tiny stuff, like shared moments with friends, or books read or films watched, tend to add up, in a "I'm glad I survived all that for this" kind of way.

I'm glad things turned out better for you. I just don't see that happening for me.

Dude, I've been near to where you are before....  Take any sense of detachment and funnel it into watching anything on YouTube for hours til you fall asleep.

The problem with doing something like that is that I've come to believe that I don't deserve distraction. I don't deserve to try to detach myself or try to make myself feel better, because that's "running from the harsh reality". Well, that and I just have a strong self-loathing in general. See, the thing about my OCD is that while it's functionally similar to germaphobic OCD, I'm not afraid of "contamination" in the sense that I'm worried I'll get sick. For me, it's that if I let things get contaminated, I'm a loser and a failure as a human being, and I deserve to suffer for it. That's also why I have so much trouble fighting the compulsions - because I think I'm a loser who doesn't deserve a break, so I don't have the right to, for example, tell myself things like "I don't care if there are bits of bodily fluids still left on my hands, I'm tired of washing" or "I don't care if maybe my hands accidentally got close to that dirty thing, I didn't mean to touch it, so I won't torture myself over it".

There are people who care about you SL1, don't forget that.


If nothing else, at least remember that there are real people typing these posts and we want you to get better.

I appreciate that. I really do. I know I'm not very active in this community, but I appreciate you guys being supportive. It's just that with the way things are now, every time I go to sleep, I hope I don't wake up.

[Grizzly]

I'm glad things turned out better for you. I just don't see that happening for me.

I didn't see that either when I was in your situation. It does get better.

Eugh, I know that one. It's hard to punch through the wall of self loathing, especially if you believe that you're not worth investing any time in. I'm not trying to diminish that what you're going through right now is unfairily hard.

[SL1]

Eugh, I know that one. It's hard to punch through the wall of self loathing, especially if you believe that you're not worth investing any time in. I'm not trying to diminish that what you're going through right now is unfairily hard.

I think the self-loathing is the biggest obstacle right now. Every time I try to stop myself from doing a compulsion, I run up against the self-loathing, and it asks me what makes me think I have the right to not suffer. Lately, it's also been giving me self-destructive urges. Like, I'm getting urges to deliberately contaminate everything and make myself suffer. It's like self-harm but mental.