Off-Topic Discussion > The Classics

HLPX-COM: You're All Dying For Your Planet, Right Here!

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Yes, you. You can sign up, unless you're a currently supposed to be a moderator or admin, in which case you've been conscripted. Hey, you wanted to defend order and righteousness in the world on the forums, you get to actually do it.


As you can see it's not quite in the right place.

Our brave forum administration and moderation has been "volunteered" to serve as the first batch of soldiers in the war upon the Shivan Sectoid menace. They've also all been demoted to Rookie, despite the fact I was pretty sure that some of them have long since earned a Squaddie title by now. The paper-pushers told me that "It's complicated" and somehow involves being moved into a paid position.

What's that you say, some of them are missing? Well this is true. I have assigned some of them to other tasks. Dekker and Nuke, for example, have been drafted to fly our two Interceptors. Darius, because we all like him and his moderated area is probably run the best, has been given the only safe combat job in the game and will fly the Skyranger, while Spoon will get to take out all the frustration he's built up dealing with lunatics trying to devise ways to rape Dawn and Misuzu by blowing things up with our tank.

All the inactive moderators and anyone I've forgotten are currently locked in the science lab. It is up to Rev_Posix, as our least-recognizable admin on the forums, to decide whether they are more useful as scientists or test subjects. I don't expect we'll find out what his decision was until the activities of the science division are declassified thirty years from now and General Battuta writes the Official History of HLPX-COM, assuming Battuta isn't killed by then. Rest assured, even then you probably won't want to know.

Incidentally I hear we just detected our first UFO. Interceptor 1, with Dekker at the controls, was launched in expectation of an easy victory. As he closed to within a hundred kilometers the Skyranger was also launched to clean up the inevitable crashed alien spacecraft. Somewhere over Pennsylvania our Interceptor and the alien craft meet, but apparently recitations of Dekker's sexual prowess in the WHIYL thread have frightened the aliens! The UFO fled just before Dekker closed to effective weapons range and did not slow down enough to allow the pursuing Interceptor to engage again.

Dekker chased it all the way from the Great Lakes to Cuba, where it managed to land before he could shoot it down. He is now flying CAP over its landed position while the Skyranger closes in to deliver our scared ****less brave soldiers.


General Battuta:

--- Quote ---assuming Battuta isn't killed by then
--- End quote ---

i think we both know the answer to that

i hope you last long enough for the laser cannon black market to start ticking along

Woohoo! Tanks! \o/

All I request, is a funny one-liner when I die.

Sign me up.


--- Quote from: NGTM-1R on April 19, 2012, 09:04:37 pm ---Darius, because we all like him and his moderated area is probably run the best, has been given the only safe combat job in the game and will fly the Skyranger

--- End quote ---

Implying it's safe to fly the Skyranger.


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