Author Topic: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing  (Read 2827 times)

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Offline Su-tehp

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
I actually love the bit about the ancient Colossus of Rhodes.  The FS Colossus is the Sixth (or was it Eighth) Wonder.  I vote for its incorporation into the cutscene.

In point of fact, there are only Seven Wonders of the Ancient World of which the Colossus statue is generally regarded as the sixth (hence the title of the FS2 mission that introduces the GTVA Colossus being "The Sixth Wonder." Whenever someone is trying to declare something as the "Eighth Wonder of the World," they are trying to declare that something is really, really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY awesome. Needless to say, such an opinion might not be a consensus view. :p

But I do agree that text about the Colossus of Rhodes should be in the Colossus cutscene since it would be altogether fitting and proper. :D
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Offline Goober5000

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Public service announcement: Crew or squadron complement is spelled with an E.

And mind the difference between its and it's.

*doffs Grammar Inquisition hat*

Aside from that, these text blurbs look great. :)

 

Offline Androgeos Exeunt

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Public service announcement: Crew or squadron complement is spelled with an E.

And mind the difference between its and it's.

*doffs Grammar Inquisition hat*

Aside from that, these text blurbs look great. :)

Also, Mjn, one small change you can make to the Squadron Complement blurb, if there's still time for it: replace the word "accommodate" with "fit".

These screens are incredible. It's frankly quite amazing to see all the crowdsourced text fitting into the cutscene elements so well. :nod:
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Offline Su-tehp

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Public service announcement: Crew or squadron complement is spelled with an E.

And mind the difference between its and it's.

*doffs Grammar Inquisition hat*

Aside from that, these text blurbs look great. :)

NOBODY EXPECTS THE GRAMMAR INQUISITION!

Our main weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear. Fear and surprise. Our two main weapons are surprise and fear and a fanatical devotion to proper spelling and grammar. Amongst our weaponry....

But yeah, thank you Goober, for pointing this out. I would have pointed this out myself, but I've gotten burned (that is, gently told to use PMs instead of posting in people's public threads when correcting their grammar) at the Rancor Pit for doing exactly that sort of thing.

But damn, it's so awesome that my (admittedly silly) Kurtwood Smith blurb actually made it into this new Colossus cutscene. It is a minor accomplishment of no financial or social import, it will do nothing to even infinitesimally contribute towards solving any of the world's problems, and even the subject of this blurb, Kurtwood Smith, will never see it.

And yet, I still feel oddly proud of it for some strange reason that I cannot fathom. :D :D :D :D
« Last Edit: August 06, 2020, 12:00:52 pm by Su-tehp »
REPUBLICANO FACTIO DELENDA EST

Creator of the Devil and the Deep Blue campaign - Current Story Editor of the Exile campaign

"Let my people handle this, we're trained professionals. Well, we're semi-trained, quasi-professionals, at any rate." --Roy Greenhilt,
The Order of the Stick

"Let´s face it, we Freespace players may not be the most sophisticated of gaming freaks, but we do know enough to recognize a heap of steaming crap when it´s right in front of us."
--Su-tehp, while posting on the DatDB internal forum

"The meaning of life is that in the end you always get screwed."
--The Catch 42 Expression, The Lost Fleet: Beyond the Frontier: Steadfast

 

Offline Colonol Dekker

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Can we puhlease include the old classic HLP welcome blurb....

 

Offline mjn.mixael

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
The only areas left now are the Lasers, Flak, and Beams sections. :yes:
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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
My small thingy for the Crew part:

Hidden Text: Show
The vessel's crew has displayed excessive eagerness to use the thermal management systems as means of meal preparation, disregarding their standard ration heater equipement. While using reactor coolant for chilling drinks or heating sausages next to heatsinks was found to be perfectly safe, the act of cooking bacon on secondary heat exchangers nearly caused several catastrophic failures and was promptly banned. After a massive outcry from both Terran and Vasudan parts of the crew, the ban was lifted under the condition that it will not be attempted unless the safety of the act is notified by the ship's commanding officer. This event was responsible for the creation of "Bacon Green" and "Bacon Red" conditions, now famous among all GTVA military personnel.

I expect someone to reference HLP flamethrowers-without-fuel-under-your-seat in Weapons section.
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Offline Su-tehp

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Mjn, is there a way for me to do a final proofread of the cutscene texts before you finalize it? I'll look through everyone's posts here on the thread to double-check their spelling and grammar, but if there's a way for me to proofread the cutscene before you publish it, I'd like to know.

For right now, I'll inspect the previous posts in this thread instead of waiting for Mjn (he's busy enough as it is). Stay tuned for any text edits to be posted. I'll post them on this thread as I spot them.

EDIT: Mjn, never mind my previous request. The screenshots you posted are of a sufficient resolution that I can read them right off the screen. I'll do my proofread off of them and post my edits as needed. Stay tuned.

EDIT 2: Mjn's Posted Colossus Picture 1: Pending.

Mjn's Posted Colossus Picture 2: I lied that edits in Picture 2 didn't need more editing. I said "May be subject to change" for a reason. Anyhoo, shouldn't "radiation shielding is secured in no less than 12 seconds" more properly read as "radiation shielding is secured in no more than 12 seconds"? For something like radiation shielding, the less time it takes to activate, the safer and more comforting it is. The former implies it could take more time than the latter. Unless that was the author's point and is Playing It For Laughs with a D.I.Y. Disaster...

Mjn's Posted Colossus Picture 3: The word "accomodate" has the first letter "a" separated and on a different line from "ccomodate". Also, double-check that "a" is not capitalized. It probably isn't capitalized (and rightly so), but just make sure my eyes aren't playing tricks on me. Also, in the Squadron section, "compliment" should be "complement".

Mjn's Posted Colossus Picture 4: As noted previously in the Squadron section: in the "Security" section, "compliment" should be "complement". Also, "ball room" should be "ballroom". In the "Munitions" section, "Skroops" should be either "Skoop's" or "Skroops'" depending on whether the "s" is part of the "Skroop/Skroops" handle, respectively. Further edits pending.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2020, 04:01:32 pm by Su-tehp »
REPUBLICANO FACTIO DELENDA EST

Creator of the Devil and the Deep Blue campaign - Current Story Editor of the Exile campaign

"Let my people handle this, we're trained professionals. Well, we're semi-trained, quasi-professionals, at any rate." --Roy Greenhilt,
The Order of the Stick

"Let´s face it, we Freespace players may not be the most sophisticated of gaming freaks, but we do know enough to recognize a heap of steaming crap when it´s right in front of us."
--Su-tehp, while posting on the DatDB internal forum

"The meaning of life is that in the end you always get screwed."
--The Catch 42 Expression, The Lost Fleet: Beyond the Frontier: Steadfast

 

Offline Firesteel

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Laser Turrets:

Hidden Text: Show
The gunnery crew of the Colossus have taken to drawing lots for who is stuck operating the laser turrets on any given deployment. These are after all the least glamorous and even arguably least important positions to fill due to the projectiles' general lack of velocity, range, and damage to shields. They have even had their roles as anti-torpedo point defense encroached on by the likes of flak and AAA turrets. Some in the gunnery crew however are excited to put their feet up during a mission and will try and pull the assignment as it were. There was an early attempt to curb this behavior but it ultimately failed after the push back about it building comradery. In response, the command crew doubled the number of gunnery drills and as such the Colossus has one of the most disciplined crews in the fleet.

I could also see someone doing a "please help me my point defense isn't effective" blurb.
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Offline Su-tehp

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Firestar, I think the word you were looking for in place of "comradery" was "camaraderie". Also, "push back" should be one word: "pushback". Maybe re-write the sentence like this?:

"There was an early attempt to curb this behavior but it ultimately failed after the pushback claimed that this behavior built camaraderie."

There were at least two separate "it" in the previous version of the sentence, the first "it" referring to the attempt and the other "it" to the behavior so I rewrote it this way to be more clear.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2020, 03:46:08 pm by Su-tehp »
REPUBLICANO FACTIO DELENDA EST

Creator of the Devil and the Deep Blue campaign - Current Story Editor of the Exile campaign

"Let my people handle this, we're trained professionals. Well, we're semi-trained, quasi-professionals, at any rate." --Roy Greenhilt,
The Order of the Stick

"Let´s face it, we Freespace players may not be the most sophisticated of gaming freaks, but we do know enough to recognize a heap of steaming crap when it´s right in front of us."
--Su-tehp, while posting on the DatDB internal forum

"The meaning of life is that in the end you always get screwed."
--The Catch 42 Expression, The Lost Fleet: Beyond the Frontier: Steadfast

 

Offline mjn.mixael

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
We don't need to do spellcheck grammar check in the thread. I can do that right in my animation app.
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Offline Su-tehp

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Fair enough.

EDIT: Well, on second thought, you did confuse "compliment" and "complement" the first time around... :p

And let's not even mention the deal with "it's" and "its"...

Too late, I mentioned it!  :nervous:
« Last Edit: August 06, 2020, 03:50:23 pm by Su-tehp »
REPUBLICANO FACTIO DELENDA EST

Creator of the Devil and the Deep Blue campaign - Current Story Editor of the Exile campaign

"Let my people handle this, we're trained professionals. Well, we're semi-trained, quasi-professionals, at any rate." --Roy Greenhilt,
The Order of the Stick

"Let´s face it, we Freespace players may not be the most sophisticated of gaming freaks, but we do know enough to recognize a heap of steaming crap when it´s right in front of us."
--Su-tehp, while posting on the DatDB internal forum

"The meaning of life is that in the end you always get screwed."
--The Catch 42 Expression, The Lost Fleet: Beyond the Frontier: Steadfast

 

Offline mjn.mixael

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
I didn't confuse anything. I literally copy and pasted. I have to run spellcheck individually as a separate process which I haven't done because not all the text is in yet. kthx.
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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
"They look like big, good, strong hands, don't they? I always thought that's what they were. My little friends. The little man with his racing snail, the Nighthob, even the stupid bat. I couldn't hold on to them. The nothing pulled them right out of my hands. I failed."

I always picture that scene from The Neverending Story when the Colossus goes down.  Would it be appropriate to embed that somewhere or is that just me?
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Offline mjn.mixael

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
I still need text for Flak and Beams. It's looking like most of the major rendering will be done over the next day or two. All that's left will be text details and other minor adjustments.
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Offline Goober5000

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
I always picture that scene from The Neverending Story when the Colossus goes down.  Would it be appropriate to embed that somewhere or is that just me?

I'm not a fan of that myself.  Stick with FreeSpace-y references.

 

Offline DefCynodont119

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Beam text adapted from BP's techroom with some light changes:


Quote
The GTVA Colossus is capable of overloading its beam emitters, forcing additional power to the magnetic bottle and increasing plasma core feed rates. Overloading beam weapons is not standard practice on GTVA warships, but as confidence in power grid and heat sink handling has increased, trained crews have begun drilling on tactical weapon overloads. This comes at the cost of subspace engine recharge and emitter endurance. Do you want to know more? Well you could ask General Battuta, our beam weapon expert, but he is busy right now, he's not some Oracle, he has a life you know.
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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
And here's something for FLAK turrets:
Hidden Text: Show
FLAK turrets are the nightmare of every attacking pilot. They fire blobs of highly energized and compressed plasma enclosed in a magnetic bubble that burst several seconds after firing. The compressed plasma then expands upon release which creates a kind of micro-explosion. FLAK turrets release hundreds of those projectiles per minute and create a large death zone for fighters, bombers, and every other object unfortunate enough to enter this zone. Since enemy ships are hit from almost all sides their shields are quickly drained and then their hulls get hammered.
After attempts by a kitchen appliances manufacturer to use a similar technique with plasma compression in one of their products to evenly roast meat led to several unfortunate accidents, the GTVA passed legislation to restrict the use of plasma compression technology to spacecraft-related purposes only.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2020, 03:41:08 pm by SilverAngelX »

 

Offline mjn.mixael

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
All text is in. Just waiting on the last two blueprints to be completed and I believe someone is already working on those.
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Offline deathspeed

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Re: Colossus Cutscene Crowdsourcing
Damn.  I just saw this topic today.  It was a fun read!
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