Sorry I didn't get to it sooner, but I tried the mission tonight! Here's some thoughts:
In the pre-mission bit of story, "regular" is misspelled as "regulary"
Somehow someone named "Command" is giving messages during the mission. I think it's supposed to be one of the fighter pilots. "Command" sends the message telling you that there's nothing at the Navpoint.
I was kind of confused as to what is actually going on. Are you a civilian? What exactly are you and your buddies doing? Eventually I figured out, more or less, that you're fleeing from a civilian station to get away from the coming war, but I didn't figure that out until the in-mission messages.
I really liked the early-mission chitchat that the characters are throwing around.
Speaking of characters, I notice that you're trying to make this into a more character-driven, personal story. Nice work! Giving everyone unique callsigns, names, and personalities is a big step towards fleshing out your story.
Wow, this is intense! I can't even beat it yet, and I'm playing on Easy! Honestly, I would suggest turning the difficulty down a bit, especially with this being the first mission of a campaign. The transports go down in seconds.
All in all, great start! Asking for beta testing was a good move. Take people's advice and I think you'll have a campaign that everyone will enjoy.