Off-Topic Discussion > The Classics

HLPX-COM: You're All Dying For Your Planet, Right Here!

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Hell, I'll sign up once you eventually need cannon fodder. Looking forward to how this turns out.

man I am going to derp your team up so hard

I volunteer for various soldiering duties that involve killing alien scum and/or dying as a redshirt to establish that these alien scum are in fact, serious threats in this story arc.

My life for FRED Discussion!  :arrr:

Having brought the Skyranger in for a landing close to the UFO, Darius drops the back ramp, while Karaj and a surprisingly feminine Goober undo the tiedowns on Spoon's tank and throw them off. Yes, we have to tie the tank down in flight, it's kinda huge and the Skyranger is currently tightly packed with ten troopers and one standard-model remote-control tank. Having that thing banging around in flight might be as dangerous as an actual mission.

Actually, Darius has set us down REALLY close to the UFO. He will be congratulated or chastised as required by the mission results.

Spoon gets the tank to cover behind the bulk of the UFO after having used it to check all flanks. Next to exit the Skyranger is Goober, but aliens do not take well to his long flowing blond hair and fire two shots at him as he kneels on the ramp to open fire. Both impact the Skyranger rather than Goob, upsetting Darius and proving that Redsniper is in fact prophetic. You should all demand his opinions on the plot of the sequel to War In Heaven while this is still the case.

Goob in turn apparently cannot draw a line of fire to the aliens despite their being able to so to him, so this is going to suck and he tries to move to cover. Karaj for some reason also cannot draw a line of fire from lower down the ramp, so he's moved into the area near the UFO also.

Sorry guys, I'm pretty sure it's plasma hell for the both of you already and we haven't even done one turn. Everyone else is moved up to disembark, and I note now that by some strange and terrible mistake, Mjn.maxel has been armed with a pistol rather than the heavy weapon he was supposed to have, as you can see above.


Proving that I am a terrible prophet, Goob and Karaj are still alive, and weren't even shot at. Almost all alien movement was hidden.

With a mighty and surprisingly girlish roar, Goober fires the first shots taken by an HLPX-COM agent outside of training! He then remembers he didn't actually get any training, and misses with a three round burst at about fifty feet. The alien spins around and returns fire, but misses both Goober and both sets of the Skyranger's landing gear. Goober's hate for us is far hotter than any plasma fire the aliens may direct at him, and so he fires again. Two good hits!

He shoots pretty well for a guy I pronounced dead.

Karaj, Zacam, Goober, and Polpolion prepare to assault the UFO, where at least one hostile is known to be, while the heavy weapons and remaining rifles debark. Spoon drives the tank forward, searching for hostiles, and finds one. But no one else is in a position to engage, and Karaj, the nearest person, actually has his back turned because he's getting read to enter the UFO. Spoon tries to fire, but the gun jams! (Or he didn't have enough TUs left to turn the turret, either way.) He bravely pushes forward to draw the alien's fire.

It works.

The tank is made of sterner stuff than the alien anticipated and he runs off.

It is reported that Zacam's final words were "OH ****". He valiantly engages the aliens, killing one, but is killed by return fire from the other two. Karaj steps forward with a grenade primed to toss it in and spare further causalities, but he gets shot as well...dropping his primed grenade, and forcing Goob and Polpolion to duck back behind the UFO before it can go off. The grenade, incidentally, incinerates Zacam's body. This is going to be difficult to explain to his family.

The other alien ducks out of cover again and fires at Spoon's tank, but misses low and short by about ten feet. Spoon returns fire, striking the alien, who turns to flee. Before it can make it to cover again Spoon fires once more at the fleeing alien.

The cowardly creature takes the second round between the shoulderblades and topples forward, messily slain. At this point Spoon is far and away the best tank driver I've ever seen in an X-Com game, having taken not one, but two reaction shots in the same turn. And hit with both.

It's time to take that damn UFO. Goober comes through the door and confronts an alien at point-blank range. Showing questionable target preferences, or simply trying to exploit the inaccuracy of the X-Com Rifle and the autoshot mechanics to hopefully kill both, he targets the more distant alien first. All three rounds leave the barrel and the first two strike home, killing the alien. The other passes through the space the further alien occupied.

Strangely, the first alien does not fire at Goob during this, despite being close enough to touch, so Goober turns his weapon on that alien as well, demonstrating the futility of resisting the administration.

Polpolion sweeps around the strange device in the center of the UFO, looking for other enemies, but there are none. Darius reports from the Skyranger that there is no further contact on the infrared or motion sensors. The mission is over.

Being first through the door on a small UFO assault kills you.
Spoon is awesome with a tank.
Goober, despite being portrayed as a female by the game, is apparently pretty badass.


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