Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: aldo_14 on March 07, 2003, 04:22:15 am
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Only about 3 people will get this...
Chewbacca would look roughly the same, except he'd only be 5 feet tall,
from Blackhill, and called Shug.
He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos,
permanently smell of drink and invariably sport either a Celtic or
Rangers top.
Obi-Wan-Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by
his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would call him
"wanky nobby".
Darth Vader would be referred to as "Auld Helmet Heid" or in moments of
stress "That dome heided bastard".
R2-D2 would refuse to go out onto the streets at night after 10pm
because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in
his casing, or pissing on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of
wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray
painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.
Although proficient in over 3500 languages, C3PO would still be unable
to understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He
would regularly get beaten up for being a "greetin' faced poof fae
Newton Mearns"
The Millennium Falcon would have static stripes, tinted wind screens and
extra- flared exhaust pipes. It would have a Daily Record "I love
Scotland" sticker in the back window and a saltaire (St Andrews Cross)
bumper sticker.
Princess Leia Would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run
very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels, and a tiny silver
mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And
you've been a heavy smoker since the age of six.
The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be an all
out attack, Two easy ways would be - 1) Alter its orbit so it passed
through Bridgeton, and tell the locals that it was full of Roman
Catholics. 2) Leave in unattended in Easterhouse.
Lines from the film would be uttered in vernacular:-
Han Solo
"I've got a real bad feeling about this"
(Ah'm ****tin ma sel' here boy!)
"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around"
(Come right ahead then c****! Fight the f***ing lot o ye!)
"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny"
(The force?! D'youse think ah came doon wae the rain?!)
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good Blaster at
your side kid."
(Nae messin aboot wae the God squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get
yersel' a decent shooter)
Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker
"The Force is strong in this one"
(Stop shooglin' ya wee basturd)
Princess Leia
"You're a little short to be a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
(Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis)
"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade"
(Wuv got nae chance in this pile o' ****e)
Admiral Motti
"don't try to frighten us with your sorcerers ways, Lord Vader"
(You think yer that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart ae you!)
Obi Wan
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force"
(F*** me, whit wiz aw that?)
Luke to the Emperor
"Your overconfidence is your weakness"
(Oh ye bloody think so!!)
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
I esp. loved the ways to destroy the death star.... :lol:
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:lol: :lol:
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lol thats pretty good ;)
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LMFAO!:lol:
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:nod: :yes:
Good work.
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:lol:
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That's great :lol:
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What they said. :lol:
"Oh ye bloody think so!!"
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[color=66ff00]
Nice one Aldo :nod:
In craigavon, a town near me the falcon would be found burnt out, in a ditch after joyriders got a slim-jim down the inside of the docking ramp lock.
The deathstar would be stripped clean even though it was fully manned, the toilets would be filled full of kids with markers and no spelling ability on a combination of crack, various household solvents and speed.
Leia and Luke would bear no resemblance to Anakin Skywalker but instead look uncannily like the milkman.
Watto's shop would have a takeaway on either side of it and would be surrounded by no less than eight cantinas that sell only cider and buckfast.
Thank God I live far away enough to only hear of these things and never see them often. ;)
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Reminds me of a comment a friend of mine once made "What if TNG's Geordi LaForge was a real geordie?"
Explaination for those not aware of the Geordie dialect (http://www.une.edu.au/langnet/geordie.htm)
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:lol:
Don't forget to mention that the age difference between Darth Vader and Luke & Leia would be about 13 years! (I lived in Glasgow for 5 years!)
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Originally posted by Cuttenslise
Don't forget to mention that the age difference between Darth Vader and Luke & Leia would be about 13 years!
:lol: :lol: