Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Stunaep on October 26, 2003, 03:25:25 pm
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In the recent Hollywood trend: Here's the sequel, to the (in)famed VBB Thread we all (or at least some) know.
Keep it civil people. And please don't lock this. At least not before an0n posts.
so. Unoriginal as I am...
Here we go.
One day, admiral Bosch woke up onboard the NTF Iceni, when...
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..he gave Stunaep a new title.
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Smiling, Bosch turned to his journel. Engaging its voice activated auto-read function the first item came up which read...
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"Oh my god! Your grandmother just died!"
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she was hit when a light fixture fell from the ceiling
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on board the GVD Hope. What she was doing there was...
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something unspeakably un-natural
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and when the shivans arrived....
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They put up a white flag, made of underwear..
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...and opened a bottle of champagne...
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and got all the GTVA officers drunk.
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and had a mad orgy.
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Meanwhile, back at the forum, those members who have retained their sanity wait patiently for an admin to lock this thread :p
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This was doomed to fail however, as the admins tended to follow the mantra "curiosity killed the cat" where by the forum was a curiosity and they were a cat. The thread remained. However somewhere deep in the Delta Serpentis system lurked...
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Crack. Lots of it.
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...the largest cheesecake ever to carve a path through the inky void of space...
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...baked thousands of years ago by the Ancients, who had just perfected the new Fromage-class subspace drive when...
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the next item then came up from the auto-read jornal thing,
confused by the odd mesage, he begain saying it, "com put erbeg in, sel f'de struct seque... ah! nice try!", a little window opens up on the jornal's main screen with a black man on it, "damn you bosch! we'll get you next time!", to wich Bosch said, "oh yeah how?", just then the helm's man comes on the PA, we have a wing of inbound fighters, Bosch turns on a tactical view screen in his office were he sees 3 fighters banging into each other and a fourth headed strait for the Iceni.
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EDIT: Bugger. 3 Posts made in the time it took me to write 1.
Therefore...
These fighters were none other than the GTVA's elite 43rd Greengrass, flying off the GTD Aidensfield. All the pilots of this squadron were clones of Bill Maynard himself, and specialised in the psychological warfare of re-enacting episodes of Heartbeat. There is a very good reason for this...
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Aw heck, it's that Alpha 1 kid, cried Bosch. Helm, engage subspace drive! Helm?
But helm had succumbed to the crack.
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"bollocks", he says, thinking he should have...
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Originally posted by 01010
...the largest cheesecake ever to carve a path through the inky void of space...
...Suddenly an SJ comes out of Subspace and catches the cheesecake on one of it's spikes. A GTVA vessel jumps in shortly and the SJ opens fire. From great heat...the cheesecake splats all over the GTVA vessel causing massive malfunctions...
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Oh I give in. It's impossible to make a reply when there are 5 other replying simultaneously.
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Hooray for the quick-reply box.
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Originally posted by Petrarch of the VBB
Oh I give in. It's impossible to make a reply when there are 5 other replying simultaneously.
;7 I know
So where were we?...Bocsh or the cheesecake thingy?
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I believe that we were at Venom (Nico?)'s post.
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Originally posted by Razor
...Suddenly an SJ comes out of Subspace and catches the cheesecake on one of it's spikes. A GTVA vessel jumps in shortly and the SJ opens fire. From great heat...the cheesecake splats all over the GTVA vessel causing massive malfunctions...
such as the food-replicators merging together to produce a 50-foot Jim Bowen, who was then launched into space to wreak general havock. The captain, upon noticing this, suddenly put on old tapes of Bullseye and looked at what he could have won. It was then that the Shivans took advantage, and neutralised the vessel for the greater good. However, the Jim Bowen continued on its way...
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Originally posted by Odyssey
I believe that we were at Venom (Nico?)'s post.
were, yeah, but I love being ignored, so never mind :p ( Nico is the short for my real first name, I was fed up with venom, it was... plain ).
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Makes me think:
NiCa
Like those batteries...?
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I was wondering were this nico person came from with all his posts and working for sevral projects,
anyway, alpha 1 on his way to kill Bosch, and C&C out on crack
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It is for the best that you're ignoring mine.
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little does alpha 1 know that he is falling in Bosch's 'cheescake of tasty doom' trap, just as a number of shivan vesles had before him, that bosch had summoned with ETAK
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and little does Bosch know that Alpha 1 is being flown by Rolf Harris himself.
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nevermind
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(Can I just interject here that for TAS threads, it generally works much smoother when your post continues a previous sentence to its conclusion, starts the next sentence, and leaves it open for continuation? Ergo, "...the Shivan cruiser Taranis jumped into the system. But as soon as Alpha wing started their attack..." is good, whereas "Bosch drank the mug of beer. Then he peed. After that the Shivans came and took him away, but luckily ETAK was working, so he was able to convince them to let him live on a small planet in their space as a cook. But they hated his meals, and so decided to eat him instead" is a terrible post for TAS. )[/b][/size]
:)
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Another changed name...
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...is not necessarily a bad thing, mused Bosch. "From now on, I will call myself...
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"Fairly boy, the wonder bunny!" too bad bosch hadn't taken into account...
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..the fact that he was drunk and renamed himself to "Fairly boy". Undeterred, Farily Boy the Wonder Boy decided to...
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...pass out becase he was drunk. wich was unfortunate timeing becase just then...
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...a swarm of shivan fighters jumped in and started ramming each other in an attempt to achieve orgasm.
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...bosch grabs his favorite brand of beer and watches the specticale only to see some strange...
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.... Headz drifting throughout space..
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with the sign "Don't mess with me. Ahmose" attached to it.
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The GVA Setekh, sensing the huge mass of headz, decided to light its engines and leave GTVA space to investigate. Jeeves was busy shining the Array, when he saw...
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An Argo class transport stealing the only copy of SPIRE for the needs of the Evil Peanut Master...
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...at which the captain of the Setekh scoffed, knowing he would never be able to run it on his own hardware. Staring out at the sky full of stars, the Captain thought back - far, far back to that distant place called the VBB, the origin of...
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aken bosch watched to stars and opened another beer bottle
and thinked something
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*Ignores HIG for breaking the chain*
All that you see before you. Except for...
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..the cyrogenically frozen body of gary coleman, drifting aimlessly through the stars...it comes into close contact with...
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...A Tasmanian with a strange affinity for objects drifting in space, who himself is drifting in space. Being perfectly used to the vacuum due to his time as an exchange student with the Shivan School for SubSpace Manners, Turnsky...
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turned into a radioactive, genetically enhanced spider, who bit the Tasmanian, who bit Gary Coleman, who changed into a
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Shivan like space spider with ten legs and....
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a fondness for green flowerpots. It was then seen to...
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... be headed into a black hole which was created by Arnold. "The Shivan like space spider with ten legs and... " managed to avoid the black hole and took a course into...
(edit: oh I forgot to add OH CRAP! IT'S ALIVE!... sorry about that)
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...a strange region of space where the laws of physics apply even less, and reruns of 60s sitcoms appear in the void at random intervals. Surprised by what he saw, the Spiderized Coleman decided to...
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... make his own retro 60's show. He planned and planned and wasted many many PC HD's and years to plan the great series. Finally he got his plans ready and the new series was...
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Ally Mcbeal, who is still being eaten by the rabid midget apes. this made Alpha 1...
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...decide that it was time to eat lemon jelly. Having accomplished this, he hopped in his trusty Anubis Class fighter and proceeded to...
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chase dogs around the neighborhood, who had previously eaten his precious...
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Aken Bosch Maytag man hat! So depressed from this recent turn of events, Alpha 1 contemplated...
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... getting back to the Iceni, where Bosch had just ...
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...found himself hanging upside down from a plasma conduit, these masonic initiation rituals were getting foolish. Besides this, he had been...
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...painted in pink and...
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...had certain parts dyed orange. When his XO discovered this...
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...he offered to shave the offending areas...
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...with his trusty Prometheus R. Bosch refused, claiming that it would...
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ruins his chances to run for president against George W. Bush, who would then...
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make Bosch gay by making him watch 24 hours of "Wing Commander". To stop this, Bosh decided it was time for...
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...small monkeys to begin a seige upon the calm planet of...
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...Alderaan. But then he realized that he'd been watching too much 20th century sci-fi, and so he....
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...cloned Freud. Freud suggested Bosch should go and...
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...Ask his mother why she raised him the way she did...
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..., which was as follows. When he was born, he was placed in...
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...side the rectum of a small donkey and...
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...forced to listen to Phil Collins music until he was 4... after bosch escaped the donkey he then..
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...set about his lifes quest to destroy all known copies of Phil Collins' CD's...
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...and started a career in crime, but became a porn star during his late teens...
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:wtf: :wtf:
......after which he went to college to study....
(how's that ?)
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...the fine art of mass genocide. then he...
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...studied zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance...
EDIT: People post too fast
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..and establishing good working relationships with genocidal alien species...
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...whilst at the same time maintaining many hundreds of motorcycles, for use in...
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potted plants..
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and illegal street racing, where he met...
(gettin' the hang of this!)
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Pat Sharpe, the mulleted kids TV presenter. Upon meeting him, he...
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gave him several plants, which lacked pots incidently...
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..rid the world of said mullet and replaced said TV presenter on
kids TV show um, uh.."Fun House".. ?:nervous: ...
ulp, Zeronet beat me to it. what's with the pot plants anyway ?
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Originally posted by Zeronet
gave him several plants, which lacked pots incidently...
and so were free to do as they pleased. However, what they pleased was...
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the creation of a large mammal, in high orbit, which fell to the ground and
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told sad stories about certain people known only as Frank, who lived on the planet of...
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Earth, which was a giant computer to solve the question to the answer of
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why can you never get those big stickers off matresses. The real reason for this is...
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for advertising. bosch didn't like...
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matresses at all. He preffered to sleep on...
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plants
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indian hemp in particular, he liked to smoke them with...
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bandits
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Suddenly Bosch recieved a call on a secured channel. The GTVA hackers that mannaged to break the code of NTF communications told him...
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potted plants had invaded the bridge.
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...that a certain ancient enemy of their was inbound, to strike him his name is Bill...
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Meanwhile, somewhere, Gackt ejaculated.
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...and he saw that it was good. Realizing his chance, Bosch went to the nearest closet, jumped inside and donned his...
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..Shivan Costume™. His lieutenant looked at him and said..
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... Does this make me look fat?...
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..then bosch said "Why are you asking me? I'm the one wearing the suit? His lieutenant replied...
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.."i was referring to this grey jump suit you made me wear" he glared...
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... Bosch replied "oh, yes. very much so", after a moment of acward silence, Bosch turned and continued his...
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..game of checkers, which he was beating himself 20 to 1... he...
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decided to quit and instead read http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com's
review of...
Battlefield Earth
Warner Brothers
John Travolta
Forrest Whittaker
(http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/bfearth.jpg)
(http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/bfearth2.jpg)
(http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/bfearth3.jpg)
(http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/bfearth4.jpg)
I give Battlefield Earth my highest rating: two stars.
**
And decided...
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.."my god.. that is the /biggest/ piece of **** i've seen in a long time"..he then proceeded to...
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...think that yes scientology is the one true path to enlightenment, this thought somehow threw him off balence as no one had mentioned that cult wich nearly took hold of all the governments earth in the year 2034 and was in no small part the begining of the great unification war, but for some reason after watching Battlefield Earth it just poped into his mind, almost as if there was some sotrt of subliminal mesage in the anchent film... (http://www.seizurerobots.com/)
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...visions of John Travoltas codpiece swam in his mind while he...
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.. was chasing his XO with a dog-shaped dildo...
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...which, by a startling turn of fate, was actually a dog. He had purchased this dog on...
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... eBay and the prize of the dog had gone pretty up as much as...
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...pinecones get in mating season. One of the said pinecones then went about its...
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..business in a most uncouth manner. What this business was is anybody's guess. However, it is clear that...
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...three metric tonnes of semen was found buried...
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... in the center of the Capella Sun. When the Capella sun exploded, the semen was expelled, causing a...
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.... Horrific amount of sperm head straight towards some sort of...
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vast subspace vagina, which...
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was known to the locals as Valerie. This was because...
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... of the huge solar wind that....
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...the aforementioned subspace vagina was a trollop, a right old slag as it were. The combination of interstellar sperm and dimensional wormhole vagina caused...
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...the conception of a 5000-mile wide Andi Peters. All he needed now was...
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...A camera...
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...to make a picture of killing himself...
ot: this is getting more the just a bit wierd
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....Andi peters finds a camera in the quarters of Aken Bosch...
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...as the good admiral regularly needed it for his own personal needs. These were...
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...taking pictures of his...
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...good friend, Peter Phile...
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...told his friend, Peter Phile to leave and in came the infamous...
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Mr. T, who threw Admiral Bosch...
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...a large cake, which he then proceeded to eat. This cake was made of...
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Ice, f00. Mr.T then proceeded to lay the smackdown on the jibber-jabbaring f00's, who...
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threatened to destroy Admiral Bosch's New Youth Center For Small Love-hungry Shivans. The leader of those sucka's was the mighty...
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Murdock, tha' crazy f00 'imself. 'e then proceeded to arrange tomorrow's Ice delivery. Mr. T was annoyed. Mr. T started laying down more o' that crazeh smackdown, destroying the delivery ship and, accidentally...
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smacking the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy, killing Harry Potter, and all those other crazy sucka's. Seeing all the kids in the world in spasms of ectasy, Mr. T went...
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... to show teh suckas some manners...
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by force-feeding 'em milk and veggies until they were too full to have happy spasms, and instead...
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calculate the exact value of pi on a daily basis. Seeing this, Mr. T went...
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and got together a group of men to reconstitute the 'A' team. Unpon playing the theme song....
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all the men unfortunately went into happy spasms at the sound, so
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... back to the Iceni with his space van and...
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...and found a cow sitting on his toilet, saying...
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... "Moo"... ... ... ... ... ... and then the cow left and Mr. T....
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...understood that the cow wasn't really a cow, but a pornstar named Michael. Then, suddenly, he was atttacked by...
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...men wielding Pogo-Crutches™ (http://swooh.com/peon/Petrarch/pogo-crutch.jpg). They had bought them from...
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...a large tablespoon, which had found the cure to...
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...all unknown diseases, thereby leaving the doctors with some work. However, these doctors...
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...had caught a bad case of Life. Ronald McDonald, one of the doctors, prepared his...
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... knife in order to perform a life removing surgery to a pink spacecarrot which...
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involved cutting it up into small peices until it was dead. The doctors then boiled the carrot in a pot of...
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... olive oil. It gives the carrot a smooth taste. Served with some tasty beef and potatoes is a real winner in dinner tables. Now on the next day...
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...Admiral Bosch and Mr. T was visited by J. Michael Straczynski, who wanted to...
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...turn them into a paper bag. Thus he pulled out his...
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...flexible appendage and...
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...polished it at quite a rate. Upon seeing this...
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Mr.T also pulled out his flexible appendage and also started to polish it. As Admiral Bosch watched Mr.T and J.Michael Straczynski polish their flexible appendages...
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...he raised an eyebrow, having never witnessed anything like this before. How he'd reached such an age without doing so was anyone's guess, but still...
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...he continued, mesmerised as the vacuum cleaners started to glow with all the polishing...
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...and suddenly Ronald turned into a McSpatula. Mr T's vacuum cleaner, on the other hand...
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... was hard to polish. And so Mr T. had to...
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...borrow some of the stuff that Jeeves uses to shine the Array. Jeeves kindly lent the strange substance over to Mr. T, asking onl that...
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...he would shoot himself in the foot. Hearing this, Mr. T was...
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...shocked and awed. However, faced with the risk of having an unshiny...vacuum cleaner, T crumbled and acceopted Jeeves condition. Gripping a pistol, he took aim towards his foot, closed his eyes and was about to pull the trigger when suddenly...
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...but this hen was not at all pleased about this, and so...
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...How are you gentlemen!! Mr. T whirled around to face CATS, whipping out his...
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...8ft telescopic fly fishing rod - Mr T was a keen fisherman, unknown to many. In the confusion of juggling a pistol and a rather uncoordinated bit of tackle, Mr T...
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...dropped the pistol on his tackle, inducing a...
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space alien to appear before Mr. T and say "Mr. T, you are a fool" before departing, leaving shortly before a set of giant space bulldozers appeared before Earth and.....
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threatened to destroy it for the leeds bicycle path. Mr. T liked cycling, so started to negotiate, but...
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suddenly a powerful explosion rocked the Iceni. "They set up us the bomb" Bosch said. CATS replied, "How are you Gentlemen? All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive. Make your time." To which Mr.T responded...
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..this **** be old suckah. Then promptly exploded leaving no trace of his jolly self.
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Knowing his true purpose in life now, Bosch gave unto CATS the great...
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...finger. "Why am I scared of you? You're a poorly drawn blue man with bad English skills. Weapons - Fire all beams" Withthe destruction of Cats' ship after a single AAAf salvoo, Bosch set a course for...
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...the nearest water balloon. Speaking of water balloons...
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....in the Background, J.Michael Strazcynski was riding a great bloody waterballoon, that was shaped like a....
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...spoon. The Spoon class water balloon changed course to intercept...
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, but was thwarted by Bosch's pea-shooter, which caused it to implode, resulting in the biggest...
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pinata in the world to smell the watery remains of the waterballon, and come to do it's bidding. Horrified by this new threat, Admiral Bosch, Mr.T and JMS...
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...began to send invitations to all of the greatest...
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...minds in the universe, and promtly formed a committee to deal with the new threat. However, they could not decided who would be the president amoung themselves, because they were all to shy to put their hand up. And so they ellected someone outside the comittee, who's input they would judged by facial expressions from a video link (strangely without sound, this was broken on the television display) of their new president. The new president ellected was...
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...A dog with a slight resemblance to Bruce Boxleitner. Surprised by this new developent, JMS said:
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"Well isn't that a gumdrop donut?" The rest of the team turned to him, and then...
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started to do the Macarena. Suddenly Mr.T pulled out his hella-fast van from his pocket and said.
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.."I'm gonna hella fast this hella fast van up yo hella ass hella fast if yo f00s don't stop doin da't crazzy macarena ****!". The rest of the team...
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stopped doing the macarena, and instead started to do the Ketchup Song. Upon seeing this, Mr. T...
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...who fancied the short one out of las ketchup, got excited and promptly retired to the mens toilets to do his own 'sauce dance'.
Meanwhile, the dancing continued untill...
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... the nightfall when...
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... bad things came out to play...
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basketball with our team. Unfortunately, JMS wasn´t really good at basketball, so he decided to...
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...voice act a campaign instead, but he began to get deep throat jagginess...
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...so he anti-aliased his throat...
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...with a vibrator...
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... a cat shaped one, and after that he...
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went on a vibrator rampage, but couldn't find any female members of staff aboard. Outraged by this, he demanded Bosch explain. Bosch calmly replied...
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that sex-hungry vampires had killed all of his female crew a few days earlier. How they got onboard, is a different story entirely, but for now, JMS settled for...
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"everybody to their stations! Wee're beeing attacked by the SD Mother****'a! " the Iceny wheeled to face the new threat, when suddenly a transport fiddel with Bosch beer jumped in and collided with the Mother****'a!. Boch Beer contained a high percantage of alchocol, so a single beam from Iceni ignited the beer and...
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caused the transport to emit alcoholic fumes to all around. The ships started to manouvre in a weird fashion, as the intoxicated helmsmen...
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collided with the Mother****'a! , igiting the rest of the alchocol and turing the shivan thrat into a badly smelling chrisp. The highly-explosive Bosch Beer caused a explosion of massive proportions, the so-called Bosch-Beer-Nova and...
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died happily drunk from the Beer. The transport then exploded with the force of a Meson Bomb, due to the volatile nature of Bosch Beer, destroying the SJ Mutha' ****a'. With the threat neutralized Bosch then...
EDIT: whoa, cross post.
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exercised slow-breathing exercises he learned in highschool gym. Mr. T joined in with some big'ass breaths, but his breath stank so much that...
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The rest of the team were forced to pull their underpants over their heads. Mr. T, not wanting to feel left out, also pulled his underpants over his head, and so...
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the intolerable stench was filtered, and everyone else removed their underpants from their heads. Mr.T then followed suit, which meant the stench came back, so everyone put their underpants over their heads again. This cycle continued for a good half-hour, until...
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JMS discovered that he had forgotten to put on his underwear that morning, and the thing he had been pulling over his head for the last half hour was actually...
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one of Bosch's spares. He promptly screamed and ran in circles until it came off, then pouted away to have a bath. Everyone else found this so hilarious that they spent the next half hour rolling around laughing, but later they were caused to laugh even louder when...
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...MrT jumped to the rescue and tried to beat the offending shorts with a ugly stick. Naturally he cloberd JMT good and skrieked in panic! He wanted to get out of the room but opend the airlock doo by mistake and....
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was sucked directly into one of the water globules from the spent water balloon. The airlock was then closed, and everyone watched quietly as he gently drifted away. His voice could just be made out, saying...
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...SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!.....
..I'm gonna get you all, mother****ers!...
And then a drunk shivan flew by and splated the ballon!
Mr.T was sent off spiraling into the sun. At the same time Bosch orders the helsmann: "Helm, set course for Bahama-Vegas station! I'm in the mood for some chiks, holas and more beer... Papa want's a brand new cruiser - and a matching pair of shoes!"
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And that was the end of JMC. Alas, we knew him well. Now, on the Iceni, a big celebration was being held for no apparent reason, where...
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...they were all getting ready for the big party and gambling spree...
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...ther reat of the yourny wasa more-or-less uneventfull. The Iceny reached the station and the crew could hardly wait - gambling, beer & babes! Sevral crewmen couldn't wait, so they fired themselfs in a escape pod towards the staton. unfortunately, they were drunk and missed the air hatch....
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so made a rather large dent in the outside of the station. They had to pay rather large fees to be rescued, and when they were, they discovered they had nothing left to gamble with. So Mr.T...
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was cooked to a crisp by the hot sun. He came to the staton by hitchhiking (the drunk Shivan) and had a rather nice tan. The crew took Mr. T's gold (he was allso drunk and asslep) and gambled till dawn.....
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.....they won BIG money (Bosch pulled his connections (read GUN)) and they bought themselves an cruiser for escort at Rear Admiral Pants B. Gone Army Surplus and a matching pair of shoes for Bosch. But it was not over yet. Baron von Kein Lederhosen challenged Bosch to a toothpick model building contest in open space while driving trough rings in a drag fighter!
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Bosch accepted the challenge, all the while knowing that...
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...Baron von Kein Lederhosen was dressed in drag for his drag fighter! Bosch looked upon the Baron and lovingly said in his softest voice...
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..."my ballbags are in great pain"...
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...and suddenly Bosch was turned into a marshmallow by...
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... a fairy godmother who...
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...realised that naughty boys like Aken shouldn't be racing around recklessly in their drag fighters. The Baron chuckled, muttering to the Marshmallow Admiral...
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..."You've been turned into a marshmallow." to this, the Admiral replied...
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"Remeber the Great American Leaders" and charged off into the sunset on a...
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...hot rod. But Q appeard out of nowhere and turned Boch back to his normal self. The Baron and Bosch then raced and naturally, Bosch won by building the Colloseum out of tootpicks! Now Bosch and his crew were filthy rich, so they returned to Rear Admirals Pants B. Gone Army Surplus store and bought a few fighters (and the admiral bought a mink coat and the genuine Napoleon outfit).
then they set course deep into the void of space for their next adventure, but by now, Mr. T woke up and relised his gold was gone and..
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...a cheese grater had mysteriously devoured his head. He looked (using his magical psychic senses in his middle finger, of course) out a window to see the cheese grater flying off towards a white hole, which was...
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...still very far away. Iceny launched intercept fighters that captured the cheese garter and Mr. T's hea was sawn back..
the imortal Mr. T was back (alltough he now looks like an electricuted and burned frankenstein with lots'a gold).
So he went on to pummel the crew for stealing his gold but was again sucked out of the airlock....
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...and was sucked into a black hole (that turned even blacker) and collapsed into itself. the massive forces resulted in a cataclysmic explosion that....
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.. sounded like *puf*. In the mext hours....
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Admiral Bosch cried in his bed, because he had lost both of his new friends. But he went a lot happier when...
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..The time-space-continuma-flux-fabric was thrown into chaos and charachters from different games/movies/carttons/serier started to pop up everywhere.
The fairy godmother from cinderella wanted to turn Bosch into a cheesecake, but Q turned her into a rabbit. She turned Q into a donkey, but Q counterd by turning her into a bottle of Boch Berr, and the crew drunk her, and so she met her end!
Out of the window Bosch saw the Battlestar Gallactica and and Imperial Star Destroyer collide due to the now massive traffic. The Enterpreise was soon on station as Picard try to parlay with the capitains and find a peacefull solution. But then....
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...he was turned into a matching pair of green headphones. Bosch boarded his now deserted ship, and spying the headphones, he...
-
was about to put them on, when a ripple in the space-time cataclysm collided with him turning him into an Ewok...
-
At which point, Jar Jar Binks arrived and ate the Ewok Bosch. However, just as he was about to go and ruin a third Star Wars movie in a row, he was attacked by Jim Henson, who had risen from the dead just to....
-
avenge his father, who was actually...
-
...prove Pythagoras' theory wrong. What this had to do with attacking Jar Jar Binks, only one person knew. That person was...
-
Hannibal Lecter, who appeared from behind a closed door to eat Jar Jar's limbs with some fava beans and a nice chianti. Suddenly....
-
...the Iceni was transformed into a mobile AOL headquarters. Jar Jar Binks, ignorant of this new development, flicked on the news channel to see...
-
..that Bosch is till alive! The headphones were a decoy!
Bosch and Picard were drinking and chatting in ten-forward on board the Enterpreise D when Worf saw Jar-Jar's face on the comm-link. He imediatley fired a full topedo volley blasting the idiot to dust!....
-
...however, then he understood, that he had accidentally targeted the Enterprise-D, and blasted himself to bits. "Damn!", he thought..
-
..But Q wasn't let his favorite pets die...so he wheeled the torpedos around and blasted Jar-Jar...He hated him too....
-
But the torpedoes were actually under the control of the mighty John Cleese, who turned them arond again, and blasted Q. "HA!" said John Cleese,....
-
Who, as it turns out, didn't really exsist. this made the torpedos take on three different quantum realities making them all go in all three directions at the same time hitting Jar-Jar, The Enterprise D, and Q seimotaneously. This confused Bosch, who turned to Picard and said...
-
"want a pie?" Sure, Picard replied. "Number One, set course for Pie!"
In four hours, Picard and Bosch reached the...
-
pub. Unfortunately, Bosch found out it only sold local varieties of beverage, said '**** it', and promptly left with a cornish pasty and packet of wotsits.
A somewhat befuddled Picard turned to the barman and ordered.......
-
Bosch beer and Spacecrack for everyone. He then looked out the window and saw...
-
3 monkeys. 1 with a trumpet, 1 with a drum, and 1 with a pancake stuck to his bum.
"Wait a mo - that's a bit odd", he pondered, as the monkeys were joined by a giant .....
-
possessed DivX player (http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=1999-06-18) from Penny Arcade, who was bent on the destruction of all other media types...
-
...patch of weed that smoked itself.
"Not THAT is self-destructing!" - calmy added Picard, and the Enterpreise-D went back to negotiate a truce between all those mixd-up games/movies/series/cartoon charachters.
Meanwhile, all hell broke loose as enitre galaxy's from different relities fought each other! Mr. T and He-Man pummed eachother sensless, while cat-woman pulld Lara Croft by the hare (Bugs Bunny)! Different Anime heroes were making a nice barbaque out of Road-runner and Tweetie, while hunded's of fighters, robots, mechs blasted eachother....
-
... except for paper, because ...
-
..they were all enviromentalist, and recycled the stuff....
-
..in order to make pro-capitalist iterature. Meanwhile, a new day was beginning in Mexico ...
-
..when Picard, Bosch, Darth Vader and all others decided to make an end and everybody showed for a showdown!
At pricisely 12:00 EVERYTHING in every reality opend fire....and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!....the word was gone, and...
no...wait...the writer was struck down by a nature call and had to leave the ending unfinished....
-
.. which is just as well, as he was dreaming and would have wet the bed otherwise. Thankfully, he was able to resume sleep, whereupon.......
-
..... a giant gorilla with a water-pistol and a frying pan with the head of a Alien and godzillas tail jumped out of the closet wearing a pink dress and and cowboy boots!!!!
..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Screamed Bosch!..." Oh good...it was just a dream!"...
"Fell asleep? Does archeology boare you, Bosch?" - calmly replied Picard..
...ARghh...:eek2:
-
...Bosch then realised it actually wasn't a dream and began to point frantically behind Picard as the giant gorilla with a water-pistol and a frying pan with the head of an Alien and Godzilla's tail wearing a pink dress and cowboy boots began to creep up behind him. Bosch yelled:
-
only to find out that his lips had melted together, after freaking out for a few seconds he woke up at his desk and realized it was all a dream. On his computer screen someone named Morpheus had left the message: The Matrix has you to which Bosch responded...
-
....:doubt:...
-
...and then he threw the computer out the window. And then he jumped after it, screaming "You can't run forever Number 13!". Suddenly realising his fate, he said...
-
..."What the hell!" And returned to drink tea with Picard and chatt about archeology..
Menwhle, Mr. T was still not done with his vengance. Using a captured spoon, he boarded the Iceni and kicked the crap out of half the crew before realising Bosch wasn't there. He then went to his quarter and decided to play Space Invaders and wait for Bosch. Howewer, he didn't know the other half of the crew was plotting to trow him out of the airlock (again...again)....
-
"Sssshhhh... jump him when he puts down the spoon," whispered the NTF officer. "I'll distract him by joining in a remote game with my Nokia N-Gage."
"Nobody owns those, idiot! Uhhh, sir!"
"A minor flaw in my plan. Now, on three, enter the Admiral's quarter and restrain him..."
-
...one...two ...threee......
Mr. T was so distracted by the game, that before he knew it he was out of the airlock!
"I'm gonna get you motherfuka'z!!!!.....AGAIN!"...
-
... and Mr T then drifted into Mars. The crew of Iceni...
-
...celbrated AGIN... (yeah...those motherrfuka'z are always drunk).
Then, Bosch was returning from his visit on board the Enterpreise, but his transport collided with an TIE-fighter (which blew up) which was beeing chased by an X-Wing. The Transport was damaged and a drif in space.
"Everybody's killing eachother...So what else is new? " said Bosch calmly....
-
NOTE: THIS IS HILARIOUS
I saved this whole thread to my HD. Now I can allways have something to laugh about!
-
..."and why the hell am I in the star wars universe, anyway!" Bosch thought. As he was thinking this a giant duck floated by...
-
and grabbed his transport and began to carry it away...
-
When it exploded. Killing everyone and everything in the universe.
The End. :p
-
Meanwhile, somewhere in the multiverse, in the last universe on the left, a huge wad of chewing gum drifted through space. Its peaceful voyage came to an end when...
-
... a giant banana swallowed it. Watching this bizarre thing was...
-
strangely extatic for Bosch. So, slowly, he reached down, and grabbed his...
-
... telephone and called to Siegfried and Roy...
-
Originally posted by Stunaep
strangely extatic for Bosch. So, slowly, he reached down, and grabbed his...
dropping off, he realized he was dead, and promptly poofed out of existance.
-
Originally posted by Gortef
... telephone and called to Siegfried and Roy...
and told them to bring the tiger to his...
-
...wild end-of-the-universe party.
Meanwhile, all the iritating charachters from every known universe(Jar-Jar, Tweetie, Road-Runner, etc...) had a party of their own at Stupid Prime, where they discussed how to even further screw up the universes they come from. Information of this came to the Boches party and everyone relised that the biggest threat ever was there! They had to be stopped! So, everyone prepaired for an all-out assault on Stupid Prime...
-
...and then Siegfried turned into a spinach roll. Roy bounced up and down for a while, before he...
-
...exploded, sending pieces of...
-
... mold everywhere. These mold pieces...
-
...reformed into a giant robot from Hell, and began to savagely rampage among the living. Only one can stand against its onslaught. That being is...
-
... Mr. Bean...
-
...mr. bean tips his hat to the deadly hell robot, then pulls out a...
-
..giant pie bazooka and blasts it to hell! with the robot out of the way our heros (several million of them) embark to destroy Stupidity Prime and all evildoers for good!...
-
...or atleast they were, before they were crushed by a giant iPod. Onlookers said later...
-
...that it came out of the sky playing Britney Spears before it fell over. Meanwhile in the crab nebula, the...
-
...Knossos portal activated, and from it sprung forth a deformed mousepad. A scout ship from Stupidity Prime spotted it, and reported that it was...
-
...in the shape of a half eaten oreo cookie! Stupidity Prime raised its alert status and prepared its MEGA Weapon! THE...
-
The Half-eaten Donut of Doom(tm). This Half-eaten Donut of Doom(tm) was then manned by...
-
...The Pilsbury Doughboy and his crew of enigmatic chocolate Chimps! They smiled in anticipation when...
-
... Doughboy tried to open a can of pineapples. The can....
-
... Ate his arms off and began to chase him around. The screaming doughboy attempted...
-
...to salvage what was left of his body and combined it with his horde of chocolate chimps to make: DAS ÜBERCOOKIE! 9th wonder of the world! Then quite suddenly...
-
He caught the bastard flu. With snot dripping from his nose he...
-
... lied in bed waiting for...
-
...The One to return and free them from...
-
... neverending Tell A Story threads...
-
..but unfortunately, since the worlds is riddled with unsatisfactory sequels, we can be pretty sure that there will be a TaS III: Revolutions. Meanwhile, suddenly, without explanation, J. Michael Straczynski was resurrected and went to...
-
...A frat party, where he got so drunk that he...
-
...mooned the dean showing off a little...
-
..of the effects of catching the flu from ...
-
...Das Übercookie, which was in the process of being eaten. However, the Dean had a trick up his sleeve and whipped out his...
-
..mirror of see-all! there he saw that Bosch and our other Heroes were still alive! Data came up with an anti-Britney shielding and the fleet was saved. They assaulted Stupidity Prime next morning.
However , their advance came to a stop when the iritating charachters started to spek their irritating lines! Bosches massive army shriekd as soldiers coverd their ears. Luckily, Odisseus had ear drums to spare and the army moved on. the Irritating charchters then begun to do their irritating facial expressions and the army stopped agin as soldiers turned their eyes away from the horrible sight!
"That's it!" - said Bosch as he recalled the troops. Then the fleet nuked Stupidity Prime from orbit!...
-
...with frogs. Incidentally, these frogs were made out of...
-
...Chocolate, leaving a brown chocolate mess in its destructive wake. However, this brought out all the little children to eat the mess, and they soon began to have...
-
... big, fat & agressive children that tore all the irritating charachters apart, and thus, the word(s) were saved from the greatest of all threats...
-
...The Teletubies!...
-
...The teletubies stormed Bosch's ship, firing a small beam cannon that was on top of their....
-
...kidneys. Unfortunately due to this bad design decision the Teletubbies ripped themselves apart. Bosch pointed at the pathetic things and said:
-
...hahaha what funny creatures....
-
...He decided to do a tap dance on the spot and began to sing...
-
.."What a wonderfull world!". All of our heroes joined in the happy song as their great victory was celebrated around the universe(es)....
-
... with majonese on top of it. On the next morning Bosh was having the worst...
-
...case of flatulance ever...
-
...causing a subspace tear...
-
...That brang forth a never ending stream of...
-
... replies from jolly FS2 modders everywhere....
-
...ready to cork the Admiral's butt...
(I said CORK!)
-
... who -for some ominous reason- was not happy about it and decided to...
-
... whip the offenders senseless until they begged for...
-
a cookie. This cookie was found later, unconscious on a...
-
...stirrup...
-
... witha distinct smell of...
-
..molasses(sp?)..
-
...Bosch say's...
-
"Does anyone know what colour is green?" At that moment, a giant...
-
...bridge made out of muffin mix...
-
...Collapsed on top of him, making it hard to move as the mix settled. The only thing left he could do was...
-
..call Dr. Evil who collected all the muffin mix, for he wanted to use it for his new secret weapon...
-
...Das Wünder-Muffin, high scurge of the gastrocosm! All that stood in his way was...
-
... a potato which...
-
...was good and the resulting mix was not 100% bad!...
-
and tasted like goat milk. Speaking of goats...
-
... Have you heard the joke about the farmer and his goat? It went like this...
-
...The Farmer was getting ready to...
-
...make love to his goat...
-
...He grabs his huge...
-
who was stuck in a tree of...
-
...Paradoxes where one thing happens before the other, however things got back in track when...
-
the farmer pulled out his copy of "Daphnis and Chloe", and started reading it aloud to the...
-
...little god-fearing children of Farm Town. All the while his goat was...
-
Humping a river. This river that was being sexually harassed by the Goat was named...
-
... Jolly. The Goat then...
-
...ate the farmers first born then it...
-
..imploded blowing the farmer, the river and everything within a 10 mile radoius away! Now, back to Mr. T who was still alivee floating around in space somewhere...
-
...he checked his watch...
-
...10:45, just in time to watch Transformers. He switched on the the Galactic Holonet viewer on his utility belt and reached for...
-
...the remote. as he tried to turn the channel he found that he got only static now what will Mr. T watch...
-
...Instead of his beloved Transformers? With a heavy sigh and shrug, he switched to the Galacti-Porn Network and got comfortable. He popped a beer and saw the title "Vasudans wuv fishes 7: The night of the Vasudan" appear on his screen. He then...
-
pulled out his lovely dog-shaped vibrator, which we've met before. But suddenly, this dog-shaped vibrator started to talk. It said: "I am the dog-shaped vibrator of Fortune. I will grant you three wishes." The first wish Mr. T made was...
-
...That transformers would be back on. "Why don't it show? I want it to show dammit! I piddy da foo' that turned it off!". His second wish was...
-
...that he could be almighty ruler of the TV network, and that they would play Transformers 24/7. The dog shaped vibrator said...
-
...that unless those bratty kids were killed, it was a no-can-do. Mr T. said...
-
..."I pity da f00s", and for the job he took out a...
-
...Big Gigantic Humongous...
-
..whiste to summon his Aquamiarine Swiming Sea Shark Knights Of Total And Absolute Destruction....
-
...and lobbed them at the closest kiddies, the all exploded in giant burst of...
-
...purple floofy floofs of love and happiness. Mr. T said...
-
"I Piddy da foos..." and then made his third and final wish...
-
... "I wan't a bottle of milk ya foo" said Mr. T and he...
-
...was surprised by the giant manic cow that appeared in the doorway. "You want milk, do you?" it cried, before attacking Mr. T. All Mr. T could do....
-
...is wonder why there was a doorway floating out in space. he then realized...
-
... that the nagging itchy feeling on his left...
-
was the rash he got from visiting prostitutes. Meanwhile, the cow begins to...
-
... Eject streams of milk at Mr. T which instantly freeze into deadly pointed milkcicles that plunge into him, making him tumble backwards. As he begins to lose conciousness his final thoughts are...
-
...Man i should have wished to be transported to a planet with breathable air. well i'm....
-
...dead. And Mr. T died. Due to a quasi-dimensional plasmodic hyper dithermial temporal flux, Bosch was revived from the dead along with the Iceni. Seeing Mr. T's dead body floating in space, he...
-
...Grabbed a bottle of 100 year old Brandy (jack daniels of course) and went streakin throughout the...
-
...cosmo spreading joy and happiness...
-
..and exchanging happy capitain storys with Picard, for all was well in the universe(es) now....Or was it?
For in the far reaches of the space we can hear a voice sayin "I piddy da foos!"
TA-Da-Daaaaa (creppy music)!!!!!!.....
-
...and from the shadows of the vacuum of space came the Great f00 piddying Mr. T. It was a big vacuum. Mr. T came forth in the form of a...
-
...really pissed, burned and beat up Mr. T and wanted REVENGE....
-
for the A-team being cancelled. Mr T flexed his muscles and pointed a finger at Bosch, and said...
-
..."Be wary of the zuccini of justice!" and then vanished. A stunned Bosch, wondering what the Hell that meant, said...
-
..."What the hell did that mean?" and then quite suddenly got the inspiratrion for painting frescos of naked women in unnatural poses. His latest masterwork being one of...
-
the late works of Picasso, entitled the "ladies of Avignon". To give Picasso this painting, Bosch travelled back in time into the...
-
.. his workshop, but something went wrong and Bosch found himself 1000000 year in the past standing under a gigantic zuccini...
-
...that promptly squashed him, squeezing his innards out of his mouth like a tube of toothpaste. A nearby Saber Tooth cat took interest in the carcass and...
-
violently raped it, producing an offspring of 8 little bosch-sabertooth hybrids. These hybrids then went...
-
Forward in time, and became Mr. T's pets. Meanwhile....
-
...A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
-
the Bosch-Sabertooth hybrids mentioned earlier were fighting an intergalactic war with clones of J. Michael Straczynski, also mentioned before. Now, the clones of JMS were getting the upper hand because....
-
the hybrids were still wearing diapers, but then Mr. T came along and started punching the JMSs with a giant pair of brass knuckles, when....
-
..anothe portal open and Bosch stepped trough it. "How'd ya piddy foll do dat?"
"I traveld back in time and stopped myself from traveng back and getting squashed. Sounds stupid I know...It's on of those paradoxes"
The Bosch hybrids then dissapeard, for they never existed...
-
and the clones of JMS managed to take over the known universe. The original JMS then appointed himself leader, and mutated into a funny old man with a beard named Lorien. It was then, that...
-
...Mr T punched him in the face with the aforesaid brass knuckles. JMS cried, "You can't run forever number 13!" and pulled a leaver, which...
-
Caused JMS' head to explode. Mr. T then said: "You pulled the wrong lever, foo." Suddenly....
-
..Bosch stormed the room with soldiers at his back.
"This room..and the universe..are now mine!....You don't mind , do you Picard?"
Picard - "No, not at all.. I'm going back to my own universe anyway. Thanks for those artirfacts. I'm gonna pop up every once in a while.."
Bosch - "K...Take care...bye!"
----
Picard leaves with the Enterpreise and Bosch sits on his throne...
-
wondering where the hell suddenly Picard and the Enterprise got here. Then suddenly, appeared the...
-
...original plaguebearer of the Plague of Fatal Death! Mr. T, having been brutally ignored, announced...
-
.."I'm gonna kill that foo!" and jumped on the plaguebearer!..
-
...unfortunately, neither the plaguebearer or Mr. T's actions caused Bosch to pay attention to him. Looking up and pointing his scepter at the ceiling, he said:
-
... "muchos grazias my bananas". That statement...
-
...infuriated Mr. T so much that be beat the pleagbearer into a mushy goo and let out a rooar.
"no foo fu'ks with me!!!!" he yelled and pummeld sevral other strange charachtes (Saddam, Michael Jackson, JMS, Jar-Jar, Mu'dock )that were in Boschs thore room for no apparent reason.......
-
...and then his rage caused a temporal distortion field and transported everyone, including Bosch, into the 14th century. Bosch looked up, and saw...
-
A drawbridge lowering down towards him. He dived forward to get out of the way, but unfortunately hit a....
-
... horse that was double parked and on it a....
-
...rather annoyed Mr. T, who picked him up and jammed an iPod up his nose. Above them, the drawbridge...
-
...lowerd, Boch jumped to the side and Mr. T got squahed.
"My, don't we have a lot of squishing and timetraveling lately?" said Bosch as he jumped back in time-space to his throne room, when he saw none other than the immortal Mr. T again (a little worse for wear). Mr. T said - "Yu not the only one that can jump back in time, foo!" and was squashed by the horse that jumped back in time after him...
-
(lol)...a door opened up in Boschs throne room. a strange green Oooze with gold chains began to crawl to the throne...
-
..and said: "I am tzhe oooze of justice! Behold me and hear the word of truth!"
Then another horse fell from the time portal and squisshed the oooze....
-
...into peanut butter. Bosch jumped up and down excitedly before he picked up a spoon and...
-
..the spoon vanished, for there was none. so he picked up a.....
-
... shovel which also vanished. This was quite...
-
..irritating, so he ate the penut butter with his hand. In the end he got all dirty and sticky, so...
-
... he wiped the hands on Carl. Carl...
-
... bit the hands off and let rip with a huge belch which smelled a bit like...
-
...turkey. Bosch called Picard and promissed him some more ancient artifacts if he helps him. Naturally the Enterpreise was there in 0.21 seconds and dr. Chrusher re-grew Bosches hands.
After Picard pillaged one ancient archeological site, they parted.
Bosch now called his troops, over 100 elite soldiers + Mr. T, and they cought Carl and threw him out of the airlock.....
-
...And then out of nowhere...
-
Of course, Carl, as a Shivan, didn't mind the vacuum. He wondered, however, how he managed to eat Bosh's hand. Meanwhile....
-
...Bosch and Picard where examining the ancient artifacts when the Enterprise and the iceni where flung into a....
-
...giant spacial curry...
-
... and Carl the Shivan was still pondering how he was able to eat Bosh's hand...
-
...then Q appeared and said "I don't like curry!" - and the curry disapeard. "I like french salad!" - and a gigantic french salad owerwhelmed the sector. "What do we do now?" - said Bosch
"It's obvious - we eat our way out!" - reasoned Data....
-
...who was at the time not actually paying attention and watching a cooking show. Bosch pointed at Data and yelled...
-
... Got Salad Dressing?...
-
..Then the crew of noth ships started eating...and they got real FAT..so they had to go on a diet...
-
...an ATKINS diet!...
-
...at which point everyone spontaneously combusted. A passing duck looked at the heatlessly flaming bodies and said...
-
...in a deep voice "My, this a distrubing universe we live in." after which the duck...
-
...got cooked and eaten by the crew (who are all in sickbay uinder intnsive care)...
-
...the duck was not please about this and reformed itself from constiuent parts in the crew's defecation...
-
... The Crew watched bit's and peices of stuff crawl out the toilets...
-
...And form a giant clay animated death dealing...
-
...(don't forget it smelled horrible):ick...
-
...chicken schnitzel. Acting quickly, Bosch proceeded to...
-
...the control room, where he took his plama rifle and then said:
"Mr. T, you better take care of this!"...
-
... and MR. T took care of the plasma rifle and wen't to bed. In the meantime...
-
...Bosch picked up the pieces of his plasma rifle and stared sad eyed at Mr. T and said...
-
..."Twiddle dee dee. Whoops, there goes the pumpkin!" By saying this Bosch accidentally summoned the dark and evil...
-
...Magic mushroom...
-
... with a Badger... and a Snake. These three...
-
...possed Mr. T and forced him to beat the crap out of the chicken schnitzel! With the schintzel dead, Bosch took command again, but forgot that Mr. T was still possesed!...
-
...and so took steps to eliminate him. Well, he would have, but unfortunately he had succumbed to the dreaded...
-
..sneeze attack - he got a cold. So he went to bed to rest a while. He called Picard to govern the Galaxy while he was ill....
-
.. unfortunately, Picard was busy. So Bosch left his room and was looking for a telephone when he tripped and fell into a plot hole. The plot hole led to ..
-
A small room. In it was a man who called himself Morpheus, and this is what he told Bosch: "You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed, and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes..."
-
...and Bosch yelled, "Don't peddle your vile candy to me, candy man!" and bit Morpheus' hand off, accidentally eating both pills, expanding the plot hole exponentially until it consumes the entire...
-
.. storyline. Subspace, subplots, subpoenas, and submarines tumbled into the hole. There was only one man who could stop the plot hole from destroying space and time as we know it. That man was... out to lunch, so they sent Grey Wolf instead, who..
-
... was wearing only a sarong and a g-string...
-
...with some multi-colored high-heals which...
-
Were only products of vyper's deranged imagination. In reality, he was wearing a leather jacket, t-shirt, and jeans. He walked up to the HLP Master Computer (TM), and attempted to press the reset button. Unfortunately, that failed. Thinking quickly (and realizing that saving Capella just wouldn't cut it this time), he....
-
...Then pulled out the welcome beam and pointed it at the Master Computer. "Asta la Vista...
-
...honey! But the beam didn't fire. Then Mr. T jumped out of nowhere and smashed the HLP master computer to dust!
Thousands of voices let out a loud "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and - Picard woke up saying - "all this psycho nigtmares ARE a massive plot hole! Mr. Data we must leave this time-space-story continuum!!!!!"
-
But suddenly, Elvis and his respective hordes of specially-trained Uzbekistani Commandos and Prune-Throwing Gnomes appeared, and said...
-
...wheres the neares bathroom we...
-
all caught Montezuma's Revenge from drinking the water. Mr. T replied...
-
...about nothing, but simply ate Elvis head and...
-
..started to sing "Jailhouse Rock"...
-
...then went to Picard and...
-
...Began to dance in front of him...
-
..at wich point Picard took out his phaser and vaporized Mr. T. Bosch said "Thank you" and went back to sleep...
-
...but then woke up constipated because he ate all that chili and ran to the bathroom but could not go because...
-
... Bosch was allready there doing...
-
...[blocked] then...
-
...a three headed monkey appeared behind a...
-
...Giant Wax Banana...
-
.. and began eating the wax banana. This was a mistace because...
-
... it was a cluster bananna bomb from the Worms 2 arsenal so it...
-
... was boeing made...
-
..to explode, blasting the hall and the monkey. Bosch then took a gun and tried to shoot himself in the head, so he could finally escape the friggin story, but the writter forgot to put bullets in the pistol...
-
...so he kindly threatened the administrators to shut it down but...
-
...the Admin was out to lunch, so...
EDIT: Where's Stu? He usually brings the threads back!:D
-
...Bosh pleaded with Stu to bring the threads back...
-
...and the Stu returned. And he saw that it was good. and then there was much rejoicing...
-
...until we ran out of vodka...
-
...and a planet crashed into wherever the hell all the characters are now...
-
.. while sometime, somewhere, Winston Churchill cried like a little baby. The characters managed to escape without bodily harm, but..
-
...got drunk and lost on their way to...
-
Disneyland. Ergo, Concordently, vis à vis, their bus to Disneyland was destroyed by...
-
... a black van with a red stripe down the side, which then...
-
...opened its side doors. And lo and behold, Mr.T stepped out and said "I piddy da foos'!" He walked over to the bus and...
-
..All of our charachters looked down at him from the hill and pointed their fingers at him. Then they laughed, for he fell in their simmple trap. "Eat this Mr. T!" they said and flicked a switch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM.. and there was only a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig crater where Mr. T once stood.....
-
...and Stu saw that it was good. Then came night, and came morning, 7th day.
-
...and someone hit Stu in the head for playing God! It was the charachters from Escaflowne and Evangelion (and other anime's with similar morals). They said "Don't steal our moral! Find your own!" - and went back to the fluffy and colourful land of . . .
-
...Sméagol. Who kept on pestering them about his precioussss and his aching...
-
... so they promissed that they wil give his his presioussss if he shows them they way out. And he did. And they gave him a preciouss kick in the butt. And went home...
-
to meet an elf, a man and a dwarf in the Riddermark. These characters were chasing...
-
...A lost dream of...
-
...a spork from Hell. This spork was the one spork to...
-
...Bring Hell on Earth For the Next Three Thousand Years...
-
..but our heroes farted and killed the spork, thus saving Earth! In a column of light they vanished back to their own home and that's when our original heroes (Bosch, Picard, Mr. T & co) saw it fas safe and returned to the scene saying:.....
-
"Oh, we are so tired of our existance as stale, overused in-jokes that lost their comedic value long ago! Let us end it all by drinking drano spiked with flaming pirahnas and shredded copies of Newsweek" And they did, and there was much rejoicing.
Meanwhile, shortly after the last horrible dying spasm of our late heroes...
-
...God spake, 'I don't want you guys in heaven. Bugger off.' And they did. And God saw that it was good. Bosch, Mr. T, Picard, and whoever else was present, were all thrown down to Hell to meet...
-
Eternity. Meanwhile, someone more interesting whose name the next person will likely mention was just starting his day, casually grabbing a baby out of an unattended stroller and wolfing it down as he headed to...
-
..a clenched fisdt in the face as the mother pulverized him. Darn..well that hero's bust...Who's our next candidate....SEARCHING...SEARCHING....SEARCHING...NO SUITABLE CANDIDATE FOUND.....ACESSING REJECTED FILES...*WARNING - USE THESE CHARACHTERS AT YOUR OWN RISK*....
And the weenier is..................
-
...Barney...
-
...the dinosaur.
-
And everyone was speechless...
-
Until Gollum snuck up behind Barney and swallowed him. This was immediately followed by Samwise Gamgee stabbing Gollum in the back. He then turned to Bosch and said "You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that." He then sat down and took out his pipeweed. Seeing this, Bosch said....
-
"So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the weed that is given to us."
-
"mwaaahahahahah you can not kill me" they hear the voice of barney
suddenly Gollun transform into barney and lauth like hell...
-
...but Falcon came in with a stick of dynamite shoved it down Barneys throat and walked out of the room, Mr. T then said...
-
"I pity da-" but was interrupted by a large marshmellow with bad eyesight which had barged through the wall and was heading straight for...
-
Sam, who promply tossed it into his pot, and cooked it for Mr. T and Bosch.
-
...Sam lifted the lid to sniff the wonderful smell only to have the Marshmellow jump out and eat his face right off. Bosch and Mr.T both said...
-
..."Aaaaagh!" as they fell down a large hole which had mysteriously appeared under them. Sam, being blind, mute and deaf, decided to...
-
...kill himself. And so he did. Then again Van appeard out of nowhere and tried to cathch our falling heroes, but they were too heavy, so they all fell with a large BOOOOOOOOOOOM.....
-
unfortunately, they passed the speed of light, which caused time to come to a halt, and turn all shrubberries in the world into 1:1 replicas of the Statue of Liberty. Upon seeing this, Samwise Gamgee, who had mysteriously been ressurrected, said:
-
I'm ALIVE!!!!
-
He promptly then went off to stew some coneys. Suddenly, the Borg arrived, and....
-
assimilated the coneys. These coneys then went off on a rampage to the far side of the world, where...
-
assimilate them all, exept barney, they dont assimilate purple creatire that might be...
-
...gay, so Admiral Bosh and Mr. T came back with Gandalf who....
-
...Placed a spell on the forsaken coney's...
-
... this spell was a mute spell so the coney's couldn't speak anymore which was...
-
..a blessing. And the Borg seeing that said:....
-
nothing, their controler cube was destroyed by 3 Satanas in orbit and a Luficer
-
Mr. T did not like this so he ripped a spike of the Sathannas and hacked them to bits and...
-
...Made utensils out of them. now it was time to...
-
...fly. So Mr. T jumep and yelled: "ip, upand away!". But then he rememberd he wasn't a superhero and that he can't fly and fell to his doom!...
-
Mr. die...
-
...was dead. At this point a large bucket of molluscs fell on Samwise. Looking up, Sam saw...
-
The falling sea creatures. Thinking quickly, Sam put the pot on his head and caught all the mollusks within.
-
Who unfortunately mutated into big men with horses and swords, and started chasing poor Samwise through the streets of Boston...
-
...Samwise said aloud, "Damnit, i'm wearing the wrong pants to be running around in boston!"...
-
..and tried to escape trough the sewers, but only found new and exciting smells....
-
.. that reminded him of home cooking, he then...
-
found some pizzas with mashmellow and 4 tourtles...
-
...and a strange rat named Rocky...
-
"welcome Samwise" rocky the rat said."tell me what wisdon can i share with you?"
-
Wich puzzled Samwise, because he had put a question mark at the end of the sentence, even though it wasn't a question.
suddenly, Bosch woke up.
"I'll never got out of these dreams!" He said. "There is only one thing to do!" So Bosch shot himself. Then he woke up again. This made Bosch...
-
...supremely pissed off, realizing that he had only killed himself in his dream. He then proceeded to "pinch" himself with a butcher knife, which then he...
-
...woke up again to a punch in the face by...
-
and woke again, finding him self on a Kilrathi Ship and a Killary pull he hearth out and he...
-
... Picard woke up again and said: "Not another Bosch nightmare!"...
-
so he take a shower, walk to the brige and soo that all his screw where shivans and then Mr. T woke up.....
-
and went back to sleep, Picard on the other hand to a phaser rifle and shot invader zim, Invader zim said...
-
"Would anyone like a peacan pie?" at which point Bosch woke up again. He began to have a nervous breakdown. Giggling hysterically, Bosch threw a giant packet of Saltanas at...
-
...the a shivan that happened to be in his quarters. it "stared" at Bosch and began to power up it's beam cannon...
-
...and then it's head exploded. It had a cold and it's nose was full of slime, and he had trouble breathing . The beam cannon was too much pressure for him to take.
Boscjh Jelled:"Yepeeeee!" and danced around outside the ship in a space-suit.
-
Kevin Cosner, who was reading this movie script, got confused abd trow (my english is not good but i try to said that he drope the scrip in the trash can) the scrip inthe garbage and said "How the hell do they pretend to film this stuff?"...
Edit: to make it more clear, sorry if I did confude you
-
2fb, go back over that post and translate it, please.
-
Lol. And where did Kevin Costner come from?
-
Translation of 2FB's post:
Kevin Costner, after reading the script, threw it into the garbage. He then asked: "How the hell do they plan to film this stuff?"
-
I just edited the post, I'm sorry for the Mega Huge Misspleling...
-
...The script bounced out the garbage can and hit Kevin costner in the eye...
-
...which was unusual since five seconds earlier Kevin Costner had burned up in the atmosphere of a nearby planet. The ship began to fall towards the planet's surface, when suddenly...
-
...Oprah appeared and began to pull the entire universe into her mouth. Everygod in the known universe tried to defeat her only to be sucked into the vortex we call her mouth...
-
..but then Mr. T came back again and punched her in the nose. No effect. Then he farted in and Oprah fell dead! Then Osama Bin Laden appeared out of nowhere with a bomb and yelled: "Death to stupid capitalis movies!", but was chrushed by a cow dropped on him by Data. Seeing that, Spock said:....
-
"Interesting". Captain Kirk stumbled over to Spock...
-
...Captain kirk began to make gestures as he talked, " what the hell is going on spock. and Where is Bones?"...
-
"Dr. Makoy is on the enfermery sir" say Spock...
-
Kirk punched the button for the comm and called up the infirmary, only to hear McCoy drunkenly singing dirty limericks about Bosch. Kirk decided to abandon ship and went to the shuttle bay where the A-Team's van was ready to launch...
-
into the vagina of Queen Latifah. What they were supposed to do there, was another matter entirely, as...
-
They were completely occupied with punching Stunaep for brining up that vision. Spock had a genius escape plan, though - he told his crew mates "all we have to do is...
-
...realign the deflector array!"
After starting a cliche that would torment the universe for hundreds of years later, a godlike alien turned the Enterprise into a salt cube.
Aken Bosch found a giant derelict cracker created by the ancients, and fired his beam cannons to break up the salt so it would fall on the cracker.
Then the Shivans arrived...
-
...and took one look at the scene before them, and ran screaming back into the night. The cracker...
-
Then turned back into the Enterprise, only it was inside out. Seeing this....
-
...Picard puked, but Data said - "lets re-polarize the tachion deflector!". And the Enterpreise was it's old self again - only it had one extra nacelle and a BIG cannon. "WTF?" - asked Picard!?...
-
"Am I in the future again?"
Seeing the Enterprise now looking far cooler, Bosch begins planning to take it over. Meanwhile, Mr. T....
-
...was launched into the sun by a disgruntled potato. Nobody noticed. Meanwhile, Bosch took out a...
-
small red spud gun, and aimed it at the small wooly sheep that was lurking in the corner un-noticed.
-
But instead of firing, Bosch stopped, put down the gun, and said: "wait...the enterprise turned into a salt cube, but then the cracker was turned back into the enterprise? but the salt cube was the enterprise, not the cracker! ahhh! plot hole!" Bosch was then sucked into the plot hole.
-
...which began to expand exponentially as it sucked in the entire universe. Bosch, now in Plot-Space, watched as countless episodes of badly designed Sci-fi shows whizzed past. And then he bumped into...
-
..the command bridge of the enterpreise. The bridge crew and Picard were astonished for on their viewscreen thy saw Bosch slpaterd like a fly. "Somebody pick him up!" - Yelled Picard, not relising that this was all part of Bosches secret plan to take over the now cooler-looking Enterpreise....
-
...they instead used him as a hood ornament which looked...
-
..kind of lame, so they decided to bring him back in. He then yelled: "Hand over the command of your ship Picard - or else I will use THIS!" - and he pulled out....
-
...of his mother's home-made caserole which made everybody...
-
...wonder what the hell is that. Bosch relised hismistake. "Ups!---Wrong pocket!" - he said and from his other pocket pulled out a tedy bear.
"What is that supposed to be?" - asked No1
"Why, it's my Terrible Teddy of Total Destruction and Utter Annihilation of Everyone's Soul but Mine - or TToTDaUAoESbM for short!"...
-
...an anonymous crew member screamed: "No! Not the Terrible Teddy of Total Destruction and Utter Annihilation of Everyone's Soul but His!" and promptly jumped into an escape pod, which imploded. Bosch raised the TToTDaUAoESbM and...
-
...Picard asked: "Are you insane? You're threatning my crew with a teddy bear?"
Boch made a eeeeeeeevil smile and replied: "Oh, but it's not really a Teddy... It's a Mega-Uber-Plasma-Injection-TriCobalt-Photon-something bomb trigger masked as a Teddy!"
"And where's the bomb?" - asked Picard again
"While on my ship of course!" - and it is then that Bosch relised he made another mistake. But he had two more pockets left....
-
[color=cc9900]Whoah, look at the post-whoreism going on here...
Oops, I broke the chain. Silly me.[/color]
-
...nervously Bosch started to dig around his third pocket and smiled as he pulled out.....
-
...luckily, the censors cut in at this point and spared the viewership from the sight of....
-
[color=cc9900]...another post in this thread?[/color]
-
Suddenly, Worf pulled out a Bat'leth and charged Bosch. However, he forgot about the fact that Bosch is apparently immune to anything that could harm him, causing Worf to....
-
...explode. The End.
-
Or is it?
-
Nah!!! is just an intermision,...
-
{Insert Monty Python sketch}
John Cleese, appearing out of nowhere: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
Cleese: 'Ello, Miss?
Eric Palin: What do you mean "miss"?
Cleese: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Palin: We're closin' for lunch.
Cleese: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Palin: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Cleese: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
etc.
(That's enough. Here's rest of the Dead Parrot Sketch:
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/~ebarnes/python/dead-parrot.htm)
And now back to our regularly scheduled mindless drivel....
-
Southparck make a parody of it, the same, just change teh parrot woth a Death Friend Kenny
-
..and so Bosch pulled out a Banana of Doom(TM) but that didn't work. So from the last pocket he pulled out a free turkey dinner and all the Enterpreise crew ate it. But Bosch put sleeping powder in it and the crew went to sleep. Now Bosch had the cool-looking Enterpreise under his control, but forgot about Data, who....
-
Was bored, and had nothing better to do, so decided to help Bosch. Meanwhile, the V Gods, long forgotten, were rising from their sleep....
-
... Looking at one another, they suddenly said "Eric Palin? WTF?"
-
... "Don't ask me, I just awoke!". The V-gods looked around and after seeing in just what kind of mess the universe is, they all had a nervous breakdown and went back to sleep and drown thier sorrows in drink, waiting for the fools to destroy themselves.
Meanwhile, Boch wanted to test his new ship against the Shivans and so he set couse to....
-
...nowhere, because his ship was surrounded by large hostile space-dwelling potatoes, which were hastily...
-
..colsing in. So Bos h ordered "Fire at Will!" but all the crew was sleeping....
-
Please let this die.
-
One of the crew members suddenly awoke and cried out "Never!" to nobody in particular. Lacking a competant crew, Bosch decided to...
-
..use the computer to contol the ship..but the computer has gone insane and...
-
switched off.
-
...Bosch who was now standing in the dark Yelled....
-
...for help because he was getting tired of this thread...
-
...then exploded eradicating everyone and the entire universe, it was not a dream, it was not an alternate dimension, there was absolutely no way anyone or anything would ever exist again, it was the utter annihilation of everything.
The end.
-
ME UNG! ME BASH!
-
...but as the great Bosch-explosion swept across the universe, God looked upon His creation, and the destruction they were wreaking upon it. And He wept. And then He too was wiped out by the chaos of Man's hate, and the Shivans cried out in despair at this evil, which was the thread that refused to die. And then they died too. And everything else died. Including sporks. Nothing was left. Nothing but...
Somewhere in the utter darkness of the now empty space, a single circular disc floated aimlessly, waiting for a light to shine on it that would now never come.
On it was the words: "Freespace 3"
End.
-
Thank **** for that
-
:D Finally it over! :D
-
..But as circle of life, fate and similar stuff continued to turn, a small spark emerged AND!!!!!...
*taaaa....taaaa...taaa........*2001 a Space odessey music*
TA DAAAAAAAAAA! * We see Bosch pressing the reset bottun on a computer*
TA DAA DAAAAAAAA* Computer is starting up*
DA, DAAA DAAA DAA DAA DAA DAAA DAAA DAAA* Windows logo shows up*
TAAA DAAA DAAAA* "Windows is Starting up message"*
TAAAAAAAAAAAAA. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*Blue screen of Death.*
BOSCH:"****!..Not again!"
-
[color=cc9900]Oh, fer cryin' out loud. SHUT UP![/color]
-
Bosch continues to watch the blue screen of death thinking over the installation of linux then all of a sudden...
:)
-
everyone dies. the thread is incinerated. the world ends. shrike lives. the big collapse happens. the shivans come and destroy everything. monkey.
-
Yet... Out of the darkness, a lone voice calls out "I piddy da foo..."
-
who sic a monkey on da HLP forums.
-
they voice say "wend something is over, it is over, there are no reason to keep doing something that is over"
-
Bosch then wondered what the word "wend" means.
-
a glitter of gold appeared in the corner of his eye then POW!
-
A large meteorite of gold had implanted itself in his eye! Bosch screamed in pain, only to find...
-
...that the source of the shiney projectile was none other than...
-
....His mother-in-law!!! Which was even stranger, since he wasn't married!....
-
... yet. th weddings were planned on next summer but...
-
...unfortunately there had been a bit of TROUBLE with the mother in law (obviously) involving a rather psychotic...
-
abortion doctor gypsie who did wierd incantations and divination spells which later caused a explosion killing bosh whearas the mother in law went into convulsions screaming for the return of Mr. T, who came and kicked her in the gonads which freaked....
-
...out and turned into a rather annoyed packet of mints, which promptly began to...
-
...jujmp out of the sack and into Bosch's mouth, re-viving him AGAIN!!...
-
And then... After long last... The final confrontation... The moment we've all been waiting for... Literal Mortal Combat, where in which Mr. T must fight it out to the DEATH with Bosch! Both men eye each other, trying to measure one another up.
"So we come to this at last..." Bosch says, taking his hat off.
"I piddy da foo..." Replied Mr. T.
The bell is rung and both men head towards each other...
-
...and Hulk Hogan joins Mr. T in an assuault against Bosch.
"I'm the Man!" - screamed Hulk as he ripped his shirt apart!
But then, out of nowhere Rocky appeared and stood by Bosch!
"Now it's two against two!" - calmy said Bosch...
-
....soon enough they all made up but this did not please the Shivans who hoped to see spilt blood so they instead took their fleet of Juggernauts and beamed the whole arena. Later Mr. T turned into a shivan and Admiral Bosch took some Aspirin swallowed it but then found out that he had taken laxitive pills which caused......
-
...an explosion of ducks. The ducks, quacking in anger, began to...
-
... cook some meat and...
-
...were eaten alive cause the shivans wanted to know what duck tasted like but to the shivans surprise they tasted like....
-
..cheese.
-
....then suddenly the shivans blew up cause Admiral Bosh implanted nuclear explosives in thier bodies this was horrible luckily Mr T. wasn't there but heard it, being angry he took Admiral Bosh and started to strangle him, but unfortunately....
-
...Bosch called Rocky and Mr. T and Rocky carried it out in the Arena! Rocky punched Mr. T straight in the face and sent him stagering backwards. But Mr. T then jumped back and Rocky side-stepped and Mt. T's brass knuckles hit Hulk right in the stomach.
Then Schwarzinegger, the Rock, Dolph Lundgren, Jan-Claude Van Damme and dozen other muscular fighters joined the fray and blod and teeth have been flying everywhere.
The Shivans cought the best seats in the house and were enjoing themselves eating popcorn. They even brough the little shivans along. Then, Michael Jackson appeared out of nowhere and yelled "They are just little children!"
Shivans, terrified by the sight escaped as fast as their 5 legs culd carry them. They were so frightened some even pushed their ship's enginies too far and blew up. Others in panic didn't even look where they were flying and chrashed into nearby objects.
In all the comotion, 20 Sathanas juggernouts colided with the moon, leaving big black craters, that when looked from afar, formed a smiley on the Moon...
-
...And thats how Yoda saved christmas!
-
Meanwhile, Bosch restarted his life-long search for the...
-
....THE COSMIC MEAT TUBE....
-
... and everyone was happy.. ... except the...
-
...Shivans...
-
...because they had just found a cosmic meat tube through their entire Sathanas fleet...
-
..and proceded to make hamburger meat....
-
... for the entire fleet of...
-
...rubber ducks...
-
...The Shivans bring one of their last Superweapons the bath tub....
-
...and filled the bathtub with Bosch Beer, before...
-
... that they of course cleaned it up... they're a tidy bunch of fellas indeed. That...
-
...infuriated Bosch. "What a wast of my beer! This cannot be tolerated!" and summoned an great fleet to punish the Shivans.
Such was their wrath that the Shivans fled in terror, for no one could stand against Bosch and his BottleOpener of the West!
-
...except the Great One™ from the Ancient Times™. He rose up and bellowed his mighty battle cry. "I pity da foo"...
-
*Falcon walks into a mysterious room not knowing what lies within he finds an old rusty file cabenent the age of it is noticible but preceeds in openining it there he pulls out a big dusty book accedently dropping it the book opens and a great beam of light comes out and there Falcon sees that he has opened up something evil*
-
oh, yeah...this is a good idea.
-
Originally posted by Ransom Arceihn
...except the Great One™ from the Ancient Times™. He rose up and bellowed his mighty battle cry. "I pity da foo"...
...who steal mah golden chains.
:D
-
...Bosch still rampaging through Shivan space ignores the Ancient one...
-
...and used his Might Bottle Opener of the West to open all beer botttels in the galaxy...
But all the crew on his ships got drunk and his fleet broke off as ships wandered aimlessly with the crew sinnging and having belching competitions....
-
..."99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. you take one down pass it around 98 bottles of beer on the wall"....*Belch*....
-
....this song of course was lead by a choir of disgruntled pigs who....
-
...wore tutu's and make up...
-
....and liked watching reruns of soap operas which.....
-
...caused the thread to die.
-
.....but it didn't happen the madness continued.....
-
...Admiral Bosch's Bottle opener wreaked havoc on....
-
...Falcons Mom...:drevil:
-
:wtf: well
*Falcon's mom was turned on by Admiral boschs sudden affection so they...
-
...engaged in "risky behavoir"...
-
....the Ancient one (Mr. _) came and knocked on boschs door...
-
......and shot Bosch in the head and then shot jdjtcagle for being a stalker and hid his mom in a safe place which.....
-
surprised Grey Wolf when he wandered in, as he thought this sort of thread was killed a while back. Then he wandered back out, at which point Bosch, now a lich, turned jdjtcagle into his zombie minion, and set out to....
-
*rot in the deepest purgatory hell had to offer*
-
...they where on their way there when they tried to open the gate, they tried again only to get a huge sign busting into their face saying ACCESS DENIED B*tch, looking at this they give a questioning look....
-
...zombie jdjtcagle then busts down the gate and to find a...
-
...Big Bottles of...
-
... cyrup. And those bottles were hanging...
-
...from upside down, empty, with cyrup dripping down and a big puddle on the foor benetah.
The scene was too much for him to take.....
-
....then Admiral Bosh came and said to him, only those with bottles of maple surup can enter, only jdjtcagle didn't have maple surup he had....
-
... Aunt Jemima's which angered Lucifer. So he came up to the gates of Hell and said to Bosch...
-
......he must be tortured for his deeds how dare he bring to me the one bottle of surup that I hate! this brought about many shivans who loved the taste of auntie jemima and tortured lucifer themselves.....
-
...bosch now noticing the madness decided to end it by drowning himself in maple syrup...
-
...The End?...
-
.....these are commonly the words you would find nearing the end of a book, unfortunately there is no true end to this book which is why it was brought back from the darkness, maybe now it is over maybe not with this I leave you with these words: or is it?....
-
...Mr. t pops out of the screen saying, " it's not the end Foo!!!"....
-
....and Bosch finds a strange mirror. Looking into it he sees people sitting by their computers writing his story and the stroy of others.
And suddenly he realised the truth. All the incredible stuff that was happening, all the unlogical things semd so normal to him now. And he realied that he is nothing more than a mere product of fanasy, with no real will or life of his own. And he started to cry.
But one of the writters gave him amnesia and Bosch forgot that he is invented. And the writer wrote that Bosch is happy, and he was happy again......
-
...And all was good in the land. Until the great blemish appeared...
-
....this blemish was nothing more than the beginings of a great plague that was about to infect the millions....
-
...with cooties!
-
...bosch knowing what would happen to millions of terrans and vasudans, decided to get a hundred thousand females of both the vasudans and the terrans... being a freak bosch loved them both *wink* *wink* ...
-
.....but this only earned him 200 slaps in the face which deformed his appearance this made......
-
...which still left bosch with a comfertable 99,800 women he and his loyal crew could have fun all day and night till the end of their food supply...soo next tuesday...
-
...they all decided they need a break, since they were very exhausted. So, they called the Mr. T Travel Agency (who's motto is: "I piddy da foo who doesn't fly with me!") and....
-
.......took a tour to the Shivan homeworld this was bad because.....
-
Bosch suddenly remembered that he had become a powerful undead sorcerer (lich, remember?). He then killed all the Shivans, and then made them into his zombie minions....
-
....unfortunately he forgot his remote control so taking command of the shivans was useless then.....
-
...at this point a large interdimensional cat was inbound. As it neared Bosch, it...
-
Began to shed its coat, that happened to be made of...
-
...Man eating lions of UBER DOOOOOOOOMMMMM...bosch attempts to use his lich powers to stop this evil man eating lion coat from gobbling his undead crew but it was....
-
.....useless then out of nowhere Mr. T comes out and starts wrestling the lions saying....
-
... "I piddy da lion foo!" He pounds the monster again and agina with his brass knuckless, but then relizes that they are actually made out of gold, and are now all covered in filthy blood. In a state of frenzy he rips the lion cat's head, only to relize that is wasn't alion cat, but rather....
-
the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future. This caused Mr. T to....
-
.......hunt down the man who sent it from the future so he.......
-
...jumped into the time machine and poofed away.
Meanwhile Bosch went to rally his crew, but then the crew realised he was a Lich and were afraid of beeing killed and turned into mindless zombies. Boch won their confidence by
saying: "I'll never hurt you. Not over my dead body!"
But then they realised that he was allready dead...or un-dead...or whatever...
-
and they cried while singing...
-
......Bluegrass favorites karokee style!.....
-
...which frustrated Bosch so much he launched himself out the airlock. Witnesses said later...
-
...that he wore a tutu. Alltough this has never been proven....
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.....until the SOC released the secret documents cause it was so funny....
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..And becoase of that humoliation, Bosch swore revenge. With his mighty army of mindless zombies he assaulted the SOC headquaters....
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......but this to failed because little did Bosh know that the SOC painted the pic on a Deimos Corvette and Bosh was mad for the mindless zombies laughed so hard that they all fell apart......
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...which released an ooze that slowly ate away at Bosch's flagship, until...
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......Mr. T came and repaired the ship saying, "I piddy da foo who doesn't use my repair service this made Mr. T millions as the Iceni cost all of Bosh's allowance....
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...and pathching his zombie minions one by one, he assebled a full army one again and continued with the attack.
However, the army of midless zombies proved to be too stupid to do the job (since they were too stupid to actually open the doors, so they just bumped into them).
then Bosch paid Mr.t and the A-Team to help him with his vengance. Bosch's armry stormed the SOC headquaters, with Murdock leading the zombies...
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.......unfortunately Bosh didn't pay anything so instead they all attack Bosh, Alpha 1 soon came out of hibernation and asked what was going on, soon 500 Sobek corvettes opened fire on everything......
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..and 300 Sathanas Juggernouts jumped in, blasting at everyone and evrything.
Nsaturally, Alpha one was there to save the day. With onyl 2 missiles, 3% hull and 4% shields, he pulverized hte shivan armada, and then took on the Sobek's for breakfest!
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...Suddenly, giant alien space spores that reproduce on destruction attack Alpha 1. The situation seemed hopeless, until...
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Mr. T flew his hella fast van (modified for space flight) at the swarm of spores and set it to self destruct. He ejected at the last moment and watched as all the spores were incinerated. Unfortunately the shockwave was powerful enought to destroy Alpha 1's fighter. Thinking quickly, he...
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... wrapped himself in folio and...
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..imploded....
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.......once he awakened to his surprise he found information that startled him, this information was.....
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...currently unavailable at his computer console. He banged his fist on his desk and screamed...
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...DAMN YOU BILL GATES!...
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Edit: Damn faster posting people :p
He then looked out his window only to see the horrific image of...
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...a miniature giant space hamster called BOO!
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......Bosh soon decided to control the hamster but then got scared of cause the hamster said the forbidden words....
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...and at that point Minsc got pretty bloody annoyed at Bosch for trying to control his precious Boo, so he got his axe and in a mighty berserker rage he threw it at...
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.......Mr. T who then dodged the attack and said, "I pity da foo who just threw that axe at me!".....
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...however, Mr. T had not counter on Minsc's boomerang axe. Unfortunately, neither had Minsc. The axe spun around, missed Mr. T, and hit...
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....Ransom Arceihn who told Minsc to throw it in the first place.....
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...who then ejected Falcon out the airlock for putting him in this bloody story. Bosch watched Falcon explode from his window, then said:
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"So long Falcon" just then Falcon come through the door and asks what just happened. Bosh with a surpirse on his face was confounded by this mystery, Falcons response was, "It was my clone!" He then took Bosh and threw him out and space where he then exploded he also took out Bosh's clones as well......
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...but they fought back, and threw some explosive peanuts down Falcon's throat. These were special peanuts however, and they caused a chain reaction which destroyed all the Falcon clones. Meanwhile...
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......Falcon laughed as he was watching all this happening while he was on the Shivan homeworld.....
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...right up until the point he was ripped apart by Shivans...
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.......unfortunately Falcon got tired of these falsehoods told by Ransom and decided to take a long vacation on a secret floating island.....
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...which was soon crushed by a giant ballistic pinecone. Meanwhile, Mr. T was...
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......shaking his head saying, "I pity da foo who messes with floating islands!" Falcon awakened and took a ship to the most distand part of the galaxy and shielded it up so no one could get in....
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...someone walked in and laughed at the puny Windows XP Firewall he had used...
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...which incidentally was made entirely out of melted cheese...
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.......but Falcon doesn't use Win XP for its problem with security he instead used a Linux firewall......
:p
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...which has a hole the size of a penguin, hence ensuring that...
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...there would be enough noodles for all. However...
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.......a shivan was discovered which ruined the whole plot line Admiral Bosh said.....