Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: diamondgeezer on October 30, 2003, 11:32:30 am
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K, normally I wouldn't do this but this forward had me chuckling more than most. I reckon I can justify the spam by the comedy value :nod:
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers (by the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident):
Note: P = The problem logged by the pilot, S = The solution and action taken by the engineers
> > P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
> >
> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> >
> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> >
> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> >
> > S: Live bugs re-ordered.
> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> >
> > S: Evidence removed.
> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud. (Distance Measuring Equipment)
> >
> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
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> > S: That's what they're there for.
> > P: IFF inoperative.
> >
> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> >
> > S: Suspect you're right.
> > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> >
> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> >
> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> > P: Target radar hums.
> >
> > S: Target radar re-programmed with lyrics & brass section.
> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> >
> > S: Cat installed
> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> >
> > S: Took hammer away from midget.
HAPPY FLYING!!!!
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maybe someone should pin copies to the walls of the departure lounge..:p
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roflol
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I had read that a long time ago, but that doesn't remove the comedy value. Damn funny. :)
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that is funny:) :lol:
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LOL Yep, I saw these ages ago, and yes, I think they should be put up in the waiting lounge, as someone who flies on average 12-16 times a year, it would be nice to have something to cheer me up while I am waiting for my delayed flight :)
Flipside :D
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:lol:
Good stuff.
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:lol:
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/me laughs
these are funny, are there any more?
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That's awesome. BA and Quantus are pretty much the only airlines I fly. If that's true (however unlikely that is), it makes me like the Q even more. :)
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They are true, I tried for a year or so as an Avionics Engineer with BAe, but was crap at making things ;)
Other things you don't hear when you are in the passenger compartment's are......
'Ok Dave, dangle the Dunlops'
'This is control, you've got a nasty downdraft on the runway, don't worry about landing, just turn off the Engines and let nature take it's course'
And the scariest one I personally had was...
'The design specs say this helicopter won't go backwards, but look what I can do!......'
Most terrifying 4 minutes of my life followed that comment :(
Flipside :D