Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Stunaep on February 27, 2004, 02:33:38 pm
-
The UN has called a meeting between the Jews and the Palestinians to finally sort out the situation.
The speaker sais: "Please explain in short the nature of your conflict."
Sharon begins: "Fine. I'll make it short. But I'm gonna start from the beginning. When Moses led our people through the desert of Sinai, to the shore of the river Jordan, the Palestinians were on the other shore..."
On those words every palestinian in the room rises and shouts "That's a lie! No we weren't"
"Exactly my point." Sharon replies.
-
I don't get it.
-
Originally posted by Blaise Russel
I don't get it.
:p
I suggest you read the bible if you wanna understand... :p
Just kiddin' :p
-
Okay, let me put it like this:
I think I understand it, but I'm hoping that I haven't, because it isn't very nice.
-
It's a political joke. What do you expect?
-
Better.
-
I warned you it was bad.
-
I'm a glutton for punishment.
-
The idea being the Palestinians should have been on ther other side rather than the Israeli side?
Meh, the Israelis should have just booted the Palestinians out of the area when they arrived there. Oh... wait...
-
...I get jokes.
Hehe, that one took me like 3 times throuh to get it.
Basically, everyone has a claim to The Holy Land. Well, except the Buddhists....
-
I like that joke. :D
-
No no no, you got it wrong! Well, at least it's different from the version I heard, which makes more sense.
In "my" version, Sharon and Arafat are sitting down to talk peace accords and such. But before they begin to get down to business, Sharon says that he wants to tell a little story.
"When Moses received the Ten Commandments on Mt. Sinai 5,000 years ago (or so), he had to remove his sandals in the presence of the Most High. But when came back down the mountain, he found that someone had stolen his sandals from where he had left them."
Arafat frowned. "Who would do such a thing?"
"The Palestinians."
Arafat exploded. "That's a lie - it cannot be! There were no Palestinians back then!!"
Sharon was pleased. "Good, now that we've agreed on that point, we can start to talk."
-
Originally posted by Sandwich
Arafat exploded.
Unfortunate choice of wording
-
Originally posted by diamondgeezer
Unfortunate choice of wording
LOL! :D
And suddenly... a Wall went up between the two... :p
-
And lo, bits of the wall were marked 'made in Berlin from 100% recycled material'
-
Originally posted by Sandwich
No no no, you got it wrong! Well, at least it's different from the version I heard, which makes more sense.
In "my" version, Sharon and Arafat are sitting down to talk peace accords and such. But before they begin to get down to business, Sharon says that he wants to tell a little story.
"When Moses received the Ten Commandments on Mt. Sinai 5,000 years ago (or so), he had to remove his sandals in the presence of the Most High. But when came back down the mountain, he found that someone had stolen his sandals from where he had left them."
Arafat frowned. "Who would do such a thing?"
"The Palestinians."
Arafat exploded. "That's a lie - it cannot be! There were no Palestinians back then!!"
Sharon was pleased. "Good, now that we've agreed on that point, we can start to talk."
:lol:
Now that I got.
-
I liked sandwich's more. :nervous:
And sandwich, have you gotten my PM?
-
Oops, I thought I sent a reply. Sorry - sent. ;)
-
And you know, come to think of it, all those durn African countries and so on that we keep having trouble with- they shouldn't even exist! They were European colonies! You know those pissing little Eastern European states- we should give them back to Russia! NATIONS CANNOT EXIST UNLESS THEY ALREADY HAVE SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME!
Really, it's a terribly lame "point", and while I have no objections to political jokes I don't technically agree with, there should at least be some humor there, or something besides spurious politically-motivated semilogic. And there isn't.
Now, gimme a good joke about a suicide bomber (and there are a few), that's another thing.
-
Whilst I don't agree with the vast majority of your sentiment, Stryke, your point about the irrellevancy of the who has the older claim to the area around Jerusalem is absolutely spot on.
-
Historical justification's basically there for when there is none.
-
Milosevic and his family, Marko his son, Maria his daughter and Mira his wife are flying in a private jet over Serbia.
So, Marko says, "Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we throw out a $50 bill out of the plane, and then someone will find it and be happy.".
"Thats a good idea", says Mira, "but I've got an even better one. Lets throw out five $50 bills, and then five people will be happy."
"Well, all those are good" says Maria, "but I've got one that tops them all. Why don't we throw dad out of the plane, and then all of Serbia will be happy".
..err, thats the best and only political joke can remeber at the moment.
-
I can't seem to recall any political jokes off the top of my head at all. I like Mike's, though. ;)
-
Originally posted by mikhael
Whilst I don't agree with the vast majority of your sentiment, Stryke, your point about the irrellevancy of the who has the older claim to the area around Jerusalem is absolutely spot on.
But when the issue is brought to a point of "who was here first?", then one obviously has to look into history. And when one side or the other begins disputing established factual history, you have to wonder.
Originally posted by Rictor
Milosevic and his family, Marko his son, Maria his daughter and Mira his wife are flying in a private jet over Serbia.
So, Marko says, "Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we throw out a $50 bill out of the plane, and then someone will find it and be happy.".
"Thats a good idea", says Mira, "but I've got an even better one. Lets throw out five $50 bills, and then five people will be happy."
"Well, all those are good" says Maria, "but I've got one that tops them all. Why don't we throw dad out of the plane, and then all of Serbia will be happy".
..err, thats the best and only political joke can remeber at the moment.
That one's been regurgitated with every political leader who's ever been disliked on the planet, I think.
-
i remember the one about Stalin (or was it Lenin) who died of an heart attack, and everybody said: "since when does he have a heart?"
-
"Members of Congress...people of America....
I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven't been paying attention. The only babes in D.C. I haven't tried to do are The First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they're a Little older than I like and they have legs that former Houston Oiler Earl Campbell would envy. Which isn't to say I don't appreciate Hillary... I do. If not for the ice-water coursing through her veins, I'd be Pumping gas into farm equipment in Hope, Arkansas, and she'd be married to The President.
So, let me set the record straight. I dodged the draft, hid FBI files, smoked dope, flipped Whitewater property, set up a new Korean wing in the White House, fired the travel staff, paid hush money to Hubbell, sold the Lincoln bedroom like an upscale Motel 6, and grabbed every ass that entered the Oval Office. Got it? Good.
Six years ago, there's not a man, woman, or child who didn't know I Was as horny as Woody Allen. But, you elected me anyway, which turned out to be a good move on your part. Your other choice was Bush, an aging Baseball player and part-time resident of some place called "Kennebunkport." There was Reagan, who left the office with the same Alzheimer's he came in with. There was Carter before him who brought you a 17% prime interest rate, smiling the whole time like his lithium drip had just kicked in.
Nixon before that coined, but never really understood, the concept of 'plausible deniability,' and almost got a one-way ticket to San Quentin (instead of San Clemente) for his crackerjack style of governing. Johnson was an inbred, power-mad war criminal whose major contribution to American society was Agent Orange. And John Kennedy, who was a little naughty himself, didn't hang around long enough for America to spot that curious atavistic tic for "beaver-wrestling" shared by at least a dozen former residents of the White House. Which brings me back to my point...
Since I have been strumming the banjo here at the White House government is doing more for less. The budget is balanced for the first time since JFK did a one gun salute to Marilyn, a fact the press didn't seem to care about, evidently. Unemployment is so low today a blind felon can get a job as a night-watchman. The stock market is higher than a D-student on a full gram of dumb-dust, and anyone with a degree from a junior college who can spell 'internet' has enough money to ponder the annual maintenance cost of his boat, instead of where his or her next meal is coming from. Bottom line: I'm running a country here and I'm doing it with my pecker showing.
What I'm asking for is your support, not a date with your daughter...unless, of course, she's a hotty with thin ankles, and then I'd like to discuss it. In the meantime, think about where you are today and what kind of life you're living before you get too interested in where I'm parking the Presidential limousine.
Thank you, good night and God bless America! "
-
Here's one that Gorbachev himself told on a visit to Britain.
Two russians were waiting in a queue for bread. One of them turned to the other one and said
"I'm sick of this. We've been waiting here for two hours. The line is hardly moving. This is all the fault of Gorbachev's policies. I'm going to go home and get my gun and then go to the Kremlin and shoot him"
Before his friend can do anything the man storms off. About 10 minutes pass and then the man comes back and rejoins the queue behind his friend.
"What happened" the man says "I thought you were going to the Kremlin to kill Gorbachev."
"I went there but the queue for that was even longer."
:D
-
Originally posted by Sandwich
But when the issue is brought to a point of "who was here first?", then one obviously has to look into history. And when one side or the other begins disputing established factual history, you have to wonder.
Absolutely. But when making such a claim, one usually uses reliable historical documentation.
If you even consider using the Bible as 'reliable historical documentation', don't. Just tell me to walk away from the thread. We don't need to have this conversation again.