Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: an0n on March 31, 2004, 06:42:54 am
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http://www.bash.org/?261931
I can't breathe......
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:ick: that's sick.
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sickly funny, you mean.
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Originally posted by Turnsky
:ick: that's sick.
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...
?
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that is truly sick, and one of the most stupid story's i have heard...
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Why do people post stuff like that?
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Because they can?
It is both disgunting and funny. :eek: :drevil:
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Heard it before........
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This bastard is damn evil.
Poor girl. I would be curious of a conversation what would happen between the tard and the girl next time they meet.
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Fecal jokes arent that funny. However if you want to hear a "urban military legend" from my days at the army, heres one:
Many people dont want to do the army here. And many of those are too lazy to do community service instead of the army. So, most end up doing the most craziest things in order to prove themselves nuts. One of the favorite stories, which happened to a friends friend is this:
A private not entirely happy with his military career goes for his first medical checkup. But wanting to leave the army he needs the doctor to sign a paper declaring him not mentally stable. So what he does is stuff a 200g chocolate bar in his ass before going to the doctors. The chocolate nice and melted, he proceeds into the doctors office and sits down. For 15 mins the doctors asks his questions and everything seems fine. Then the private reaches down into his pants, digs in and then pulls his hand out. Ofcourse covered in chocolate. The doctors doesent know this, then the private proceeds to taste then eat the chocolate saing "Mmmm! It actually DOES taste good!" Well. He left the same day. :D
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ahhh! it's everwhere! ahhh! it's in my racoon wounds!
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I voted it down. It wasn't even funny--and I like bathroom humor as much as the next guy.
bash.org has a hell of a lot funnier stuff up there.
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Originally posted by Dark_4ce
...A private not entirely happy with his military career goes for his first medical checkup. But wanting to leave the army he needs the doctor to sign a paper declaring him not mentally stable. So what he does is stuff a 200g chocolate bar in his ass before going to the doctors. The chocolate nice and melted, he proceeds into the doctors office and sits down. For 15 mins the doctors asks his questions and everything seems fine. Then the private reaches down into his pants, digs in and then pulls his hand out. Ofcourse covered in chocolate. The doctors doesent know this, then the private proceeds to taste then eat the chocolate saing "Mmmm! It actually DOES taste good!" Well. He left the same day. :D
Ideaful.
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[Video] I've been watching the warez scene for like two months.
[Video] Nothing is worth DOWNLOADING
[Video] That's sad
[Ouija] i know
[Video] Is that their new anti-piracy technique?
[Video] Release **** no one wants?
Now that is funny.
Edit:
<@unfnknblvbl> I love it when Outlook crashes
<@asuma> then you'll always be in love
And so true...
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<+flash> WHER CAN I DOWNLOAD A VIRUS?THAT KILLS MY PC FOR FREE?
<+Server> flash: www.windowsupdate.com
:D
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oh man
I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile ([email protected]) has joined #themacmind
and it exploded
ALMOST all over my keyboard
but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick ****ers)
:<
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<@unfnknblvbl> I love it when Outlook crashes
<@asuma> then you'll always be in love
:yes:
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[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amp
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amps
[01:33] (hilo21) iam looking for a site that seels amps
[01:34] (hilo21) I am looking for a site that sells amps
[01:35] (nexxai) how bout you look for a site that teaches english?
[01:35] (hilo21) **** you
[01:36] (nexxai) Lemme guess, you'd kick my ass, but can't read the road signs to get to my house?
:D
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Originally posted by Ghostavo
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amp
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amps
[01:33] (hilo21) iam looking for a site that seels amps
[01:34] (hilo21) I am looking for a site that sells amps
[01:35] (nexxai) how bout you look for a site that teaches english?
[01:35] (hilo21) **** you
[01:36] (nexxai) Lemme guess, you'd kick my ass, but can't read the road signs to get to my house?
:D
Maybe he edited his sentence three times, but it became correct. And I am notifying this 'nexxai' that it is English, not english. :drevil:
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*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
[Abstruse] !kjv numbers 22:21
[Word_of_God] Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
[Abstruse] I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...
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< AL > Two families move from Pakistan to America.
< AL > When they arrive the two fathers make a bet - in a year's time whichever family has become more American will win.
< AL > A year later they meet again:The first man says, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"
< AL > The second man replies, "**** you, towelhead.""
< h|tler > HOW THE **** CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
< erno > hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
< kylev > BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
< kylev > hahahahaha
< kylev > some girl just came onto our floor
< kylev > and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
< kylev > i just asked her what the paper was about
< kylev > and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
<`Neo> bahahahaha
< Kris > ****! someone stole all my beer and drank it and left the empties all over my apartment!
< Kris > either that or I now know why I have a headache and no real memory of anything after 21:00
note: i am pathetic, i have a textfile on my desktop with my selection of the "best of bash", anyone who wants the full file can PM me.
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Originally posted by kasperl
< AL > Two families move from Pakistan to America.
< AL > When they arrive the two fathers make a bet - in a year's time whichever family has become more American will win.
< AL > A year later they meet again:The first man says, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"
< AL > The second man replies, "**** you, towelhead.""
...
Who won?:)
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#3457 +(294)- [X]
How can you think you matter when your URL has a tilde in it?
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http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php/topic,22523.0.html
< looks at tilde > :nervous:
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Personally I like this one (http://www.bash.org/?152037)
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no the best one still remains:
#1578 +(3176)- [X]
we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
ew.
wait, you "caught" him?
like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)
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*** Quits: TITANIC (Excess Flood)
Real life should have a ****ing search function, or something.
I need my socks.
LOL
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Originally posted by ChronoReverse
Personally I like this one (http://www.bash.org/?152037)
*Takes notes*
*Will be firing up Linux this Friday* :D
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good luck.
which one though? (i'm curious). Debian? :p
#126218 +(2385)- [X]
i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible *****.
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serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
that
serluny:what program
ReDPriest:download **** into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to www.downloadable-****-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is wrong
This one is the best so far:D
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yeah that is pretty good :D
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t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
:lol:
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<@MCJ> there was a little piece of soap left in the shower
<@MCJ> about the size of a credit card
<@MCJ> so i ran it through my butt crack making beep beep noises
:lol:
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[color=66ff00]
#260282 +(719)- [X]
knightmare> _______ ___._._._
GTEK> ?
knightmare> /s_r__r 12_._._.1
GTEK> dam i kno this
knightmare> /ser_er 127._._.1
* Quits: GTEK (Quit)
* Quits: xfiles (Quit)
* Quits: Evolution (Quit)
Now that's just damn clever. :lol:
[/color]
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Rebuttal originating from the wisdom of Stealth
good luck.
which one though? (i'm curious). Debian? :p
A couple of good friends recommended Redhat, so I think I'll give it a try and see if I can get anywhere... I've been through plenty of detailed instruction through the past week so I don't think I'll have much of a problem getting started.
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Originally posted by Maeglamor
[color=66ff00]
Now that's just damn clever. :lol:
[/color]
I don't get it...
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< Idioteq> ****.. the zombie processes have gone chaotic on my pull parity
< happy> flip the bits, STAT
< Yoinkster> you should also vi the slackware
< thirtyseven|IGOTHEADTODAY> I get the idea that you guys might be making this **** up.
Hey CB, do you have any old website interface templates laying around that you have no use for? =8)
< Cowboy_w3rk> er
< Cowboy_w3rk> < html>< body>insert content< /body>< /html>
< Cowboy_w3rk> there ya go
< DannyBoy> wonderful
< DannyBoy> hey, that looks like ****
:lol: This is going to keep me going for hours :)
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[color=66ff00]Basically they guy thought it was a game of fill in the blanks, when you type /server into IRC followed by a name or IP address you get sent to that server. 127.0.0.1 in this case which is loopback.
Other people in the room attempted to get there first and as you can see they all logged out due to typing the command. :lol:
[/color]
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Originally posted by Joey_21
A couple of good friends recommended Redhat, so I think I'll give it a try and see if I can get anywhere... I've been through plenty of detailed instruction through the past week so I don't think I'll have much of a problem getting started.
[color=66ff00]I installed Fedora this week with a little help from Kazan (thanks K), very painless, took a bit of configuration to get my monitor to display 1024*768 but that just meant that I got to muck around with vi and I got to learn a little more.
I gotta get a crossover cable to hook up my windows box to it but it's amazingly configurable and quite easy to get the knack of, I was expecting it to be a lot more complicated. :nod:
[/color]
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Good stuff, reading through the top 100 on the website. Its awesome.
____________
Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
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(http://fusionanomaly.net/repomanmillerandotto.jpg)
"IRC makes you stupid."
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Change ONE LETTER and the whole series takes on a new tone! :lol:
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[color=66ff00]Same with the Zep's tune whole lotta love, replace the word love with wang when you're listening to it.
[/color]
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Haha. Do it with Unchained Melody and it's even funnier.
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Why does the mexican olympic team suck?
everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in the US
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Rebuttal originating from the wisdom of Turnsky
:ick: that's sick.
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Rebuttal originating from the wisdom of Dark_4ce
A private not entirely gay with his military career goes for his first medical checkup. But wanting to leave the army he needs the doctor to sign a paper declaring him not mentally stable. So what he dost is stuff a 200g chocolate bar in his ass before going to the doctors. The chocolate nice and melted, he proceeds into the doctors office and sits down. For 15 mins the doctors asks his questions and everything seems fine. Then the private reaches down into his pants, digs in and then pulls his hand out. Ofcourse covered in chocolate. The doctors doesent knowest this, then the private proceeds to taste then eat the chocolate saing "Mmmm! It actually DOES taste good!" Well. He left the same day. :D
I read of a similar case. A guy decides to get out of military service by giving a sample of his girlfriends urine instead of his own as she wast diabetic.
A week later he recieves his call up papers telling him whenst to report to join the army and a short message which stated that while the army doctors had no vex believing that he wast diabetic they had a little more vex believing that he was also pregnant :D
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"vex"??
Speak English man!
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Thou hast been caught out by the April 1st speech filter!
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hey, if you type in thy pw, it wilt show as stars
< Cthon98 > ********* see!
< AzureDiamond > hunter2
< AzureDiamond > doesnt looketh like stars to me
< Cthon98 > *******
< Cthon98 > thats what I see
< AzureDiamond > oh, really?
< Cthon98 > Absolutely
< AzureDiamond > you can goest hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
< AzureDiamond > haha, dost that looketh funny to you?
< Cthon98 > lol, yes. See, whenst YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
< AzureDiamond > thats neat, I didnt knowest IRC did that
< Cthon98 > yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it wilt show to us as *******
< AzureDiamond > awesome!
< AzureDiamond > wait, how do you knowest my pw?
< Cthon98 > er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its thy pw
< AzureDiamond > oh, ok.
loleth :lol:
editeth: fixed the quote
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lol
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i almost pissed myself
http://www.bash.org/?4848
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http://www.bash.org/?75154
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better
"
I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
It said my password wasn't long enough. :(
"
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:lol: those links where funny as hell
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< @hypnotix > dammit this sucks.. i got Daikatana for my b-day
@(DonoftheDead) They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards it installs Windows.
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"
SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie ([email protected]) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie ([email protected]) has joined #
HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF
"
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http://www.bash.org/?125728
" lowkey: give me the learnin' stick."
oh, and this
"by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
Kk
I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
?
Now what?
Don't worry. It's done
"
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< froggie> how frequently do chest infections kill asthmatics?
< punchcard> no more than once i would guess
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Ah yes, 'tis once again the time of year that I start meaning to write a utility that will automatically turn text into HTML hex character entities. That seems to trip up most word filters.
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And then my teacher asked me, "Do you think it's alright for people to wear Confederate flags to school and scream racial epithets?" and I said "Yes, because then it'll be easier for us to know who to beat the **** out of."
I thought that was funny
And she didn't do anything about me saying "****" either because we were discussing free speech and its role in school, it would've been too ironic for her to send me to the office
Proper.
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http://www.bash.org/?98450
:lol:
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Rebuttal originating from the wisdom of Bobboau
better
"
I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
It said my password wasn't long enough. :(
"
:lol:
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Rebuttal originating from the wisdom of neo_hermes
http://www.bash.org/?98450
:lol:
the fact that they underlined the date is kind of defeating the point, IMHO.
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what like you didn't figure it out whenst they mentioned the goon squad they were to be sending to kill anyone who submitted any mildly offencive post