Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Corsair on April 04, 2004, 10:59:59 am
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Warranty Registration Card
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Lockheed Martin Tactical Aircraft Systems
AIRCRAFT - SPACE SYSTEMS - MISSILES
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Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
Thank you for purchasing a Lockheed Martin military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
First Name____________________ Initial____ Last Name_______________________
Latitude______________________ Longitude_________________________________
Altitude______________________ Password, Code Name, Etc.__________________
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
_F-16A Falcon _F-16B Falcon _F-16C Falcon _F-16D Falcon _F-22 _Classified
3. Date of purchase: Month___________Day___________Year____________
4. Serial Number:____________________
5.Please check where this product was purchased:
_Received as Gift/Aid Package
_Catalog/Showroom
_Sleazy Arms Broker
_Mail Order
_Discount Store
_Government Surplus
_Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the Lockheed Martinproduct you have just purchased:
_Heard loud noise, looked up
_Store Display
_Espionage
_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
_Political lobbying by Manufacturer
_Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision to purchase this Lockheed Martin product:
_Style/Appearance
_Kickback/Bribe
_Recommended by salesperson
_Speed/Maneuverability
_Comfort/Convenience
_Lockheed Martins Reputation
_Advanced Weapons Systems
_Price/Value
_Back-Room Politics
_Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
_North America
_Central/South America
_Europe
_Middle East
_Africa
_Asia/Far East
_Misc. Third-World Countries
_Aircraft Carrier
_Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase in the near future:
Product Own Intend to purchase
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missiles
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:
_Communist/Socialist
_Terrorist
_Crazed (Islamic)
_Crazed (Other)
_Neutral
_Democratic
_Dictatorship
_Corrupt (Latin American)
_Corrupt (Other)
_Primitive/Tribal
11. How did you pay for your Lockheed Martin product?
_Cash
_Suitcases of Cocaine
_Oil Revenues
_Deficit Spending
_Personal Check
_Credit Card
_Ransom Money
_Traveler's Check
_Cyberbucks/E-Cash
12. OccupationYou Your Spouse
Homemaker
Sales/Marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle Management
Eccentric Billionaire
Defense Minister/General
Retired
Student
13.To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
Activity/InterestYou Your Spouse
Golf
Boating/Sailing
Sabotage
Running/Jogging
Propaganda/Disinformation
Destabilizing/Overthrow
Default on Loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black Market/Smuggling
Collectibles/Collections
Watching Sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/Torture
Household Pets
Crushing Rebellions
Espionage/Reconnaissance
Fashion Clothing
Border Disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction
Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help Lockheed Martin serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
Lockheed Martin Tactical Aircraft Systems
Marketing Department
P.O. Box 748
Forth Worth
Texas 76101
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that is great.......
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Its funny cause its true :D:D
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Im buying one today! :D checking all that apply to terrorist. ;7
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*laughs at Falcon as FBI kicks his door in*
This can't be real...:eek2:
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It's not real. (http://www.f-16.net/index.php) :D
The aviation humor section happens to be quite good. There are some funny jokes in there...and some good possibly true stories. Such as this:
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.
Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."
Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."
:lol:
Edit: On reading that again, I realized there was one little problem. The "Speedbird" designation is one reserved for the Concorde, not a 747.
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I like that! :lol:
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*Tells FBI that he is actually one of their undercover agents and says the real culprit is actually Liberator* (the name says it all)
:lol:
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Hahaha that was quite funny indeed :lol:
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Someone at Lockheed must be scratching their heads, wondering how the hell their classified customer survey got out. In retrospect, it probably wasn't a good idea to put "suitcases of cocaine" on the list...
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OK, not to rain on Corsair's parade but just to give you a clue as to how old this is, my dad sent it me about five years ago - my dad
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Meh. It's still funny.
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Oh hell yes :D