Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Turnsky on April 08, 2004, 11:34:54 am
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From this site: http://www.ozjokes.com/
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. . .
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the ****es in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and HerveyBay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not ...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?(France)
A: Only at Christmas.
16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
19. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
20. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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just proves there are dumb people in every country
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Funny.
And I'm sure it'd be funnier if I knew anything about Kings Cross?
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Originally posted by Raa Tor'h
Funny.
And I'm sure it'd be funnier if I knew anything about Kings Cross?
kings cross is like a red-light destrict in sydney, 'swhat i heard anyway.
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Are all Australians like Mick Dundee? :D:D
Disparging the boot is a bootable offense.
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King's Cross is known for it's prostitutes.
Thanks, Turnsky. My wife just blew Pepsi Max out her nose all over her screen reading that.
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Mick (D) rules
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Originally posted by mikhael
King's Cross is known for it's prostitutes.
Thanks, Turnsky. My wife just blew Pepsi Max out her nose all over her screen reading that.
after having bubbling mineral water coming out of my nose a few times after stupid jokes by my dad, i think i can imagine that picture.......
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Yeah, we've all had the pepsi comming out of the nose at some time or other. One of those little things in life you really need to experience before you die
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Originally posted by diamondgeezer
Yeah, we've all had the pepsi comming out of the nose at some time or other. One of those little things in life you really need to experience before you die
God does that ever burn....
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This is unbelievable. Amongst the political debates and religious stuff, something that is funny. Aside the two previously mentioned topics. :yes: :yes: :yes:
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Leave it to the Aussies to answer stupidity with humor.
:lol:
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Just like that Quantas checklist...
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:D That brightened my day. ;)
It's "Qantas", btw. Stands for Queensland And Northern Territory Aerial Services, not that it applies any more. :nod:
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reminds me of that IRC quote, it went something like this:
<1> Dude, there are so many criminals out there, can't we just ship em all to some unused continenent, turn up 150 years later and ask 'sup?
<2> i wonder what they'd say....
<3> G'dday mate!