Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Kazan on April 08, 2004, 06:04:52 pm
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http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=817&e=8&u=/ap/fifteen_kids
i must say: atleast they aren't on public money!
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Apparently they have heard of birth control and stopped using it when they heard it could cause a miscarriage.
Quite a lively sex life...except for those nine month periods when she's pregnant.
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DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,
Because
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.
MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,...
CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.
PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed...
CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's.
MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!
NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.
EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!
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"Stan! I haven't been pregnant this year! Get upstairs."
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Poor kids will have a serious attention disorder when older :lol:
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One more and they have a full team with subs bench, too.
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and probably discipline problems
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:lol: Aldo did you make that up or are you quoting from somewhere??
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And people ask, "Why is Jim Bob Duggar building himself an army?"
Bah, it doesn't work with a name so stupid.
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Originally posted by Corsair
:lol: Aldo did you make that up or are you quoting from somewhere??
alas, I'm not that good.
Monty Python & the Meaning of Life.
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Bet christmas is a ****ing nightmare.
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Originally posted by aldo_14
*snip stupid poem*
Actually, in normal intercourse, most of the sperm ARE wasted. 200 million are ejaculated, but all but a couple hundred die before they reach the egg. Most of the rest die by slamming into the egg's protective membranes and cells and rupturing themselves, releasing enzymes that digest the layers around the egg until it is possible for a sperm to get through. And only one actually gets in. In many cases, ALL of the sperm die, which is why it can take many tries to produce a baby.
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I should stab you in the face just for calling it a poem, let alone a stupid poem.
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Originally posted by Corsair
Apparently they have heard of birth control and stopped using it when they heard it could cause a miscarriage.
Wow, maybe it causes miscarriages because it's BIRTH CONTROL. They take pills designed to prevent the birth of babies, and then they go complaining that the pills are preventing them from having a baby? Since they were having miscarriages, they were likely taking RU-486, which is designed to--gasp--cause a miscarriage! Shocking!:rolleyes:
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Originally posted by an0n
I should stab you in the face just for calling it a poem, let alone a stupid poem.
Well, it could be a song or a poem depending on whether you recite it in notes or not. Then again, I didn't grow up around people who badger me not to "waste" sperm, never mind that even if you never ever ejaculate, the sperm is "wasted" because the sperm cells are destroyed to be reconstituted if they linger too long. I don't even see what's wrong with "wasting sperm" since you produce hundreds of millions of the things EVERY SINGLE DAY. Why aren't they so concerned about egg cells, since a woman only gets 400 viable eggs and when they're gone, they're gone?
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Wow woolie, you really must be one of a kind.
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Originally posted by Woolie Wool
Well, it could be a song or a poem depending on whether you recite it in notes or not. Then again, I didn't grow up around people who badger me not to "waste" sperm, never mind that even if you never ever ejaculate, the sperm is "wasted" because the sperm cells are destroyed to be reconstituted if they linger too long. I don't even see what's wrong with "wasting sperm" since you produce hundreds of millions of the things EVERY SINGLE DAY. Why aren't they so concerned about egg cells, since a woman only gets 400 viable eggs and when they're gone, they're gone?
:rolleyes:
M_O_N_T_Y P_Y_T_H_O_N
Geddit?
numpty
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:lol: Oh so true...
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Are doctors now surgically removing the sense of humour at birth?
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yeah they do it to males right after removing something else
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And I suppose it's then sent off to be made into pork scratchings.
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Originally posted by Petrarch of the VBB
Are doctors now surgically removing the sense of humour at birth?
Its a new NHS directive.
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That I can believe. They are the biggest joke in Britain, after all.
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See, that's where all your hard earned humour is going.
Damn government.
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Originally posted by 01010
See, that's where all your hard earned humour is going.
Damn government.
Exactly. They've tried to implant it into John Prescott, but it was rejected. Very difficult to impant humour in pie based form, apparently.
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Originally posted by Petrarch of the VBB
That I can believe. They are the biggest joke in Britain, after all.
I think you're forgetting about Blair.
And to a lesser extent, the trains.
And customs.
And the immigration service.
Y'know, now that I think about it, has anything improved under New Labour?
This country has gone completely to **** and 90% of all the crap that's happened is down to that false-smiling, pretentious bastard.
I should go bomb his house in Sedgefield.
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Originally posted by an0n
Y'know, now that I think about it, has anything improved under New Labour?
Well, it's a lot easier to find work as a roof tiler if you're a one legged Romanian.
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:lol:
Good one.
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Suppose this probably wouldn't be a good time to mention some serious improvements i guess. *hides*
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Thing is, we're stuck with him.
I mean, Micheal Howard is hardly electable, and the other parties needn't bother...
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Originally posted by Petrarch of the VBB
Thing is, we're stuck with him.
I mean, Micheal Howard is hardly electable, and the other parties needn't bother...
Vote Monster Raving Loony. At least they admit it.
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Micheal Howard lol, i wouldnt like to see him handle diplomacy, he's such a uncharismatic person.
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The BNP are gonna clear up at the next election.
They'll take the Sunderland area seats for certain. And I can imagine the comedy of having 5-6 BNP MP's in the Commons.
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Originally posted by Petrarch of the VBB
Are doctors now surgically removing the sense of humour at birth?
There are several words you could be looking for here...
Asshole, prick, twat and crotchety bastard come to mind....
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Originally posted by an0n
The BNP are gonna clear up at the next election.
They'll take the Sunderland area seats for certain. And I can imagine the comedy of having 5-6 BNP MP's in the Commons.
BNP are a bunch of ****ing twats, may I add. There was a yound 15 year old who was abducted and beaten to death by a couple of asian men in Glasgow (they mistook him for another bloke who had 'offended their honour' by going out with thier sister or something, apparently). Anyways, the BNP did their bid by sending out a candidiate with a wreath to the area, stir up votes via racial tension, predicting race wars and all that pish.
End result - practiclaly everybody ignored him, and the family of the murderd boy spoke out against them for trying to incite trouble. They also tried a similar thing by going to Sighthill (an area where many asylum seekers are housed - poor bastars - the place is a tip) after an (asian) asylum seeker was stabbed to death in a racist attack. Again, they were condemned by all involved and the community has actually done a lot of work integrated the Scots with the asylum seekers.
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The BNP are a joke and always will be regarded as a joke by anyone with more than half a brain and the slightest bit of knowledge about the Nazi party.
What I'm more concerned about is getting a real alternative to the two horse race that is our elections. Currently it's the choice between being ****ed in the ass with a razor blade or just being ****ed in the ass.
And I don't appreciate either of them.
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There is Joshua, 16; Jana and John-David, 14; Jill, 12; Jessa, 11; Jinger, 10; Joseph, 9; Josiah, 7; Joy-Anna, 6; Jeremiah and Jedidiah, 5; Jason, 3; James, 2 and Justin, 1.
and all their names start with 'J'. What a bunch of assholes
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What gets me is the scheme to reduce voter apathy. All the reasons given for it seem to be "People don't want to vote because it's too complicated", "People don't have time to vote", "People don't want t vote because they don't want to vote".
No bugger mentions it's because there's no sodding point.
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Originally posted by PhReAk
and all their names start with 'J'. What a bunch of assholes
Jinger? JINGER?
****ing sadists...
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Originally posted by Petrarch of the VBB
What gets me is the scheme to reduce voter apathy. All the reasons given for it seem to be "People don't want to vote because it's too complicated", "People don't have time to vote", "People don't want t vote because they don't want to vote".
No bugger mentions it's because there's no sodding point.
"i don;t do politics" "If you don;t do politics, there's not much you do do"
Guess what - i don't do politics because the politicians are ****ing useless, money grabbing twats who only turn up when they know their fat little faces will be on the telly. Give me a political party whose candidiates aren't solely interested in picking up £100 grand a year for doing **** all bar shagging their secretary, and who actually give the impression of having a sense of morals - then maybe I'll vote.
but instead we get these stupid little idiots who are so keen to keep their cushty seat (when they turn up) in the commons, that their oh-so-lofty opinions and morals only last up till the point where they gert offered a free junket for voting a certain way.
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That's what you get in the south.
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Originally posted by Petrarch of the VBB
What gets me is the scheme to reduce voter apathy. All the reasons given for it seem to be "People don't want to vote because it's too complicated", "People don't have time to vote", "People don't want t vote because they don't want to vote".
No bugger mentions it's because there's no sodding point.
(http://home.cogeco.ca/~llebl/sil/ballot.jpg)
:D :D
And I'm assuming the BNP are some ultra-Right party?
edit: at least the Americans have Nader. Time for the UK to get a serious third party candidate. I nominate John Cleese.
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Nader, serious? :ha:
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That's another thing I'm going to do in the years before I nuke France: Kill, cripple or bankrupt all career politicians.
No-one with a criminal record will be allowed to be voted into office. No-one who is the head of a major corporation will be allowed to run for office (unless they actually started the company, as that shows a good work ethic). No-one will be allowed to serve more than 3 terms in a single post/office.
And most importantly of all: All positions in the Cabinet and/or Parliament will be unpaid.
And anyone found to be paying someone to write their scripts for them will be killed.
Basically, if money is a motivation for you in even the most minute way, you'll get ****ed up beyond belief.
One of my main campaign promises will be to destroy career politicians.
Then when they ask why if I think it's hypocritical that I've allowed myself to become a career politician I'll simply inform them that "I'm not a politician, I'm a dictator" then nuke France.
Simple.
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If government positions are unpaid, then you only get the wealthy in government because the poor can't afford it.
Of course, if you're going to be dictator, an0n, you won't need a parliament, will you?
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I'm not going to be an active dictator.
I'll be like Castro. Dictate foreign policy, have anyone who's ****ing with the status quo publicly humiliated and generally only pop up when someone is being a retard and rocking the boat.
Basically, things would run the same as they do now, but I'd be watching over their shoulders with my God-like overruling ability.
As for the money thing, it'd ensure only people willing to suffer hardship got into government. Though while it's true that rich people could best afford to get into office, I'd still be there with my '**** you up' bat, waiting for them to start trying to profit at the expense of Joe Public.
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Right, and how do the public servants feed their families during their time in office?
Though I don't really know if these remarks are worth ackowledging. Clearly its meant to be in jest, but I fear you British are contagious with that anti-humour crap. I was flying over Britain in an airplane, in the middle of a joke, and the -pop- my sense of humour is gone. In its stead, I had a craving for tea and scones, as well as a deep sense of self loathing. Go figure.
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We didn't take your sense of humor, you repressed it when that clown sexually assaulted you.
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Originally posted by Rictor
Right, and how do the public servants feed their families during their time in office?
Though I don't really know if these remarks are worth ackowledging. Clearly its meant to be in jest, but I fear you British are contagious with that anti-humour crap. I was flying over Britain in an airplane, in the middle of a joke, and the -pop- my sense of humour is gone. In its stead, I had a craving for tea and scones, as well as a deep sense of self loathing. Go figure.
Self deprication is humour at it's most advanced level. Welcome to the evolution of comedy.
I don't understand when the government went from representing the people of the nation to controlling the people of the nation. I know it happened before my time but why didn't anybody pick up on this?
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When Parliament took over from the King as the sovereign body.
Before that, the King would call his "Great Men of the Realm" and hear what they had to say about their regions, and the people within them. Any complaints of the people would be brought to the king. (Whether he did anything about them or not is another matter)
Now, though, Parliament spend so much time passing laws back and forth 15 times that the oldest function of the House, Representation, is left without any time. And since Parliament's agenda is ultimately controlled by Our Tony, he can keep it that way.
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some of these posts gave me a wonderfull insight in British politics.
and yeah, your train system is even more of a joke then ours.
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Originally posted by kasperl
some of these posts gave me a wonderfull insight in British politics.
Perhaps we ought to get a few politicians to read them then.
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that'd be grant
i wish we could get some of our politicians to get the IQ of your average high schooler and do something.
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Funny, I just watched a TV show about contraception (particularly, the pill) on SBS. I just realised how ignorant I am of this myself. :p
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Buh?
There's nothing really to know. Condoms + Pills = No kids.
Or the funner version: Condoms + Alcohol + Friends + Hooker = Orgy with balloons.
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Originally posted by aldo_14
:rolleyes:
M_O_N_T_Y P_Y_T_H_O_N
Geddit?
numpty
Dang, British humor is so bad nowadays that I can't tell it's humor anymore.:p
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monthy python isn't nowadays, and i don't thing the not getting it is the fault of the British.
bloody yanks.
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It's not that he's an American, it's just that he's a dick.
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well, it might be both.....
but yeah, he's a dick too.
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Originally posted by kasperl
monthy python isn't nowadays, and i don't thing the not getting it is the fault of the British.
bloody yanks.
I really don't find that little song funny. Maybe it's because American religious loonies are too busy yammering about Britney Spears and evolution in our schools and gay marriage to tell us what to do with our semen, so the song, which would have a topical humor to Brits, sails right over our heads.
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I still think it's 'cos he's a dick.
Anyway,
[q]Funny, I just watched a TV show about contraception (particularly, the pill) on SBS. I just realised how ignorant I am of this myself. [/q]
What you mean?
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Originally posted by Woolie Wool
I really don't find that little song funny. Maybe it's because American religious loonies are too busy yammering about Britney Spears and evolution in our schools and gay marriage to tell us what to do with our semen, so the song, which would have a topical humor to Brits, sails right over our heads.
Sucks to be you, then.
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Originally posted by Woolie Wool
I really don't find that little song funny. Maybe it's because American religious loonies are too busy yammering about Britney Spears and evolution in our schools and gay marriage to tell us what to do with our semen, so the song, which would have a topical humor to Brits, sails right over our heads.
Wow. And I was almost starting to think americans had a sense of satire, and BOOM! - there you are!
Buy / download / rent This- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085959/ - drink a large amount of alcohol (you can reverse the order if need be), then come back.
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<-- is American and finds it funny.
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Originally posted by Corsair
<-- is American and finds it funny.
Thank you sir. you have re-affirmed my faith in humanity.
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<--- American, found the song funny
too
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Ignore Woowoo (thanks for the name Venom. That rocks. ;)). Anyone who doesn't grok Monty Python and cites the current religious and social climate of the US has obviously failed to get bloodflow to the brain. Monty Python's 'Every Sperm is Sacred' is ESPECIALLY funny given the current political, religious and social climate in the US.
Don't make me start singing "Sit On My Face" or, worse yet, "Traffic Lights".
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Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
:D (http://www.wilken.freeserve.co.uk/Montypython/Songs/song18.htm)
EDIt- oh, **** it - here goes
THE THIRD WORLD
Yorkshire
[A northern street. Dad is marching home. We see his house. A stork
flies above it, and drops a baby down the chimney.]
Dad: Oh bloody hell.
[Inside the house. A pregnant woman is at the sink. With
a cry a new-born baby, complete with umbilical cord,
drops from between her legs onto the floor.]
Mother: Get that would you, Deirdre...
Girl: All right, Mum.
[The girl takes the baby. Mum carries on.]
[Dad comes up to the door and pushes it open sadly.
Inside there are at least forty children, of various
ages, packed into the living room.]
Mum: [with tray] Whose teatime is it?
Scores of Voices: Me, mum...
Mum: Vincent, Tessa, Valerie, Janine, Martha, Andrew, Thomas,
Walter, Pat, Linda, Michael, Evadne, Alice, Dominique, and
Sasha... it's your bedtime!
Children: [all together] Oh, Mum!
Mum: Don't argue... Laura, Alfred, Nigel, Annie, Simon, Amanda...
Dad: Wait...
[They all listen.]
I've got something to tell the whole family.
[All stop... A buzz of excitement.]
Mum: [to her nearest son] Quick... go and get the others in,
Gordon!
[Gordon goes out. Another twenty or so children enter
the room. They squash in at the back as best they can.]
Dad: The mill's closed. There's no more work, we're destitute.
[Lots of cries of 'Oh no!'... 'Cripes'... 'Heck'... from
around the room.]
I've got no option but to sell you all for scientific
experiments. [The children protest with heart-rending pleas.]
No no, that's the way it is my loves... Blame the Catholic
church for not letting me wear one of those little rubber
things... Oh they've done some wonderful things in their time,
they preserved the might and majesty, even the mystery of the
Church of Rome, the sanctity of the sacrament and the
indivisible oneness of the Trinity, but if they'd let me wear
one of the little rubber things on the end of my cock we
wouldn't be in the mess we are now.
Little Boy: Couldn't Mummy have worn some sort of pessary?
Dad: Not if we're going to remain members of the fastest growing
religion in the world, my boy... You see, we believe... well,
let me put it like this...
[sings]
There are Jews in the world,
There are Buddhists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then,
There are those that follow Mohammed,
But I've never been one of them...
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics,
Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm...
You don't have to be a six-footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes on -
You're a Catholic the minute Dad came...
Because...
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Children: Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Child: [solo] Let the heathen spill theirs,
On the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for,
Each sperm that can't be found.
Children: Every sperm is wanted,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood.
Mum: [solo] Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.
Men neighbours: [peering out of toilets]
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
Women neighbours: [on wall]
If a sperm is wasted,
Children: God get quite irate.
Priest: [in church] Every sperm is sacred,
Bride and Groom: Every sperm is good.
Nannies: Every sperm is needed.
Cardinals: [in prams] In your neighbourhood!
Children: Every sperm is useful,
Every sperm is fine,
Funeral Cortege: God needs everybody's,
First Mourner: Mine!
Lady Mourner: And mine!
Corpse: And mine!
Nun: [solo] Though the pagans spill theirs,
O'er mountain, hill and plain,
Various artefacts in a Roman Catholic Souvenir Shop:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.
Everybody: Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood.
Even more than everybody, including two fire-eaters, a juggler, a
clown at a piano and a stilt-walker riding a bicycle:
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
[Everybody cheers (including the fire-eaters, the
juggler, the clown at the piano and the stilt-walker
riding the bicycle). Fireworks go off, a Chinese dragon
is brought on and flags of all nations are unfurled
overhead.]
[Back inside.]
Dad: So you see my problem, little ones... I can't keep you here
any longer.
Shout from the back: Speak up!
Dad: [raising his voice] I can't keep you here any longer... God
has blessed us so much that I can't afford to feed you
anymore.
Boy: Couldn't you have your balls cut off...?
Dad: It's not as simple as that Nigel... God knows all... He would
see through such a cheap trick. What we do to ourselves, we do
to Him...
Voice: You could have them pulled off in an accident?
[Other voices suggest ways his balls can be removed.]
Dad: No... no... children... I know you're trying to help but
believe me, my mind's made up. I've given this long and
careful thought. And it's medical experiments for the lot of
you...
[The children emerge singing a melancholy reprise of
'Every Sperm is Sacred.']
[They are being watched from another Northern house.]
Mr Blackitt: Look at them, bloody Catholics. Filling the bloody
world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.
Mrs Blackitt: What are we dear?
Mr Blackitt: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it...
Mrs Blackitt: Why do they have so many children...?
Mr Blackitt: Because every time they have sexual intercourse they
have to have a baby.
Mrs Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry.
Mr Blackitt: What d'you mean...?
Mrs Blackitt: Well I mean we've got two children and we've had
sexual intercourse twice.
Mr Blackitt: That's not the point... We *could* have it any time we
wanted.
Mrs Blackitt: Really?
Mr Blackitt: Oh yes. And, what's more, because we don't believe in
all that Papist claptrap we can take precautions.
Mrs Blackitt: What, you mean lock the door...?
Mr Blackitt: No no, I mean, because we are members of the
Protestant Reformed Church which successfully challenged the
autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century,
we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.
Mrs Blackitt: What do you mean?
Mr Blackitt: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with
you...
Mrs Blackitt: Oh, yes... Harry...
Mr Blackitt: And by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller I
could ensure that when I came off... you would not be
impregnated.
Mrs Blackitt: Ooh!
Mr Blackitt: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's
why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for
anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right
to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his
protest up to the church door in 1517, he may not have
realised the full significance of what he was doing. But four
hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear
whatever I want on my John Thomas. And Protestantism doesn't
stop at the simple condom. Oh no! I can wear French Ticklers
if I want.
Mrs Blackitt: You what?
Mr Blackitt: French Ticklers... Black Mambos... Crocodile Ribs...
Sheaths that are designed not only to protect but also to
enhance the stimulation of sexual congress...
Mrs Blackitt: Have you got one?
Mr Blackitt: Have I got one? Well no... But I can go down the road
any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up
high, and say in a loud steady voice: 'Harry I want you to
sell me a *condom*. In fact today I think I'll have a French
Tickler, for I am a Protestant...'
Mrs Blackitt: Well why don't you?
Mr Blackitt: But they... [He points at the stream of children still
pouring past the house.]... they cannot. Because their church
never made the great leap out of the Middle Ages, and the
domination of alien episcopal supremacy!
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I'll have you know that Bradford IS like that.
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Series 1 of Red Dwarf still kicks Python ass:
HOLLY: Oh. Then you won't want to know about the two super-lightspeed fighters that are tracking us.
LISTER: What?!
HOLLY: They're from Earth.
LISTER: That's three million years away.
HOLLY: They're from the NorWEB Federation.
LISTER: What's that?
HOLLY: NorthWestern Electricity Board. They want you, Dave.
LISTER: You what?!
HOLLY: Seems when you left Earth, three million years ago, you left two half-eaten German sausages on a plate in your kitchen.
LISTER: Did I?
HOLLY: You know what happens to sausages left unattended for three million years?
LISTER: Yeah, they go mouldy.
HOLLY: Your sausages, Dave, now cover seven-eighths of the Earth's surface. Also, you left seventeen pounds, fifty pence in your bank account. Thanks to compound interest you now own 98% of all the world's wealth. And because you hoarded it for three million years, nobody's got any money except for you and NorWEB.
LISTER: Why NorWEB?
HOLLY: You left a light on in the bathroom. I've got a final demand here for one hundred and eighty billion pounds.
LISTER: A hundred and eighty billion pounds?!! You're kidding!
HOLLY: (Wearing a Grouch-Marx glasses-nose-and-moustache) April Fool.
LISTER: But it's not April!
HOLLY: Yeah, I know. But I can't be waiting six months with a red-hot jape like that underneath me hat.
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Bwuahahahaha!!!
HOLLY: The highest form of life in the universe is Man and the lowest is a man who works for the post office.
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Red Dwarf is excellent, but it just doesn't quite make the grade of Python--or better yet, Douglas Adams.