Hard Light Productions Forums

Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: KappaWing on March 13, 2005, 02:14:59 pm

Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 13, 2005, 02:14:59 pm: EDIT: Thank you for coming this far. Moral of this story; dont listen to Aldo and you'll get rewarded... With blonde jokes!

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

- she called me to get my phone number.

- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."

- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

- she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.

- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

- she tried to drown a fish.

- she thought a quarterback was a refund.

- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.

- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

- she tripped over a cordless phone.

- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put Sagittarius."

- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

- she studied for a blood test.

- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

- she sold the car for gas money.

- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16
friends.

- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left"
she turned around and went home.

Post your own unique blonde jokes! Have fun! :lol:
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: aldo_14 on March 13, 2005, 02:10:52 pm: Just stop here. Don't look down.

That's it, up to the back button..... on you go, don't let me stop you.

You'll thank me for it, you really will.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: RedgeTester on March 13, 2005, 02:14:16 pm: Paris Hilton is blonde.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 13, 2005, 02:25:32 pm: ARGH! Thrice-be-damned the blasted time warp! :hopping:
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: WMCoolmon on March 13, 2005, 02:50:53 pm: :lol: at aldo's post.

I've heard most of the blonde jokes already. :p
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Grey Wolf on March 13, 2005, 03:05:48 pm: I'd have to side with aldo here. Nothing very good there.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Ford Prefect on March 13, 2005, 08:23:14 pm: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Not everyone's been in a 747! OMG LOL!!!!1111one11oneshiftone
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Grey Wolf on March 13, 2005, 08:19:24 pm: What's the difference between this thread and a steaming pile of feces? Nothing, it was a trick question.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Saturn2004 on March 13, 2005, 08:30:52 pm: LOL you rock solid Kappa!!
you made laugh my ass off
i like this one especially :
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

anyways thanks for the the good laugh i appreciate it very much
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 13, 2005, 09:09:40 pm: Quote
Originally posted by Saturn2004
LOL you rock solid Kappa!!
you made laugh my ass off
i like this one especially :
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

anyways thanks for the the good laugh i appreciate it very much

You're very welcome, Saturn! At least someone likes my jokes! :D

Here's a long one:

A Blonde is at a soda machine. She puts a dollar in and presses the button and a soda comes out. She continues doing it for about 20 minutes when a man comes up and waits behind her. After about 5 minutes of the routine the man asks her if he could just buy a coke and then she can continue with whatever she's doing. She replies, "No way, im on a winning streak!" :lol:
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Falcon on March 13, 2005, 09:11:22 pm: Stupid.
Posts.
Annoy.
Me.

That is all........ :blah:
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 13, 2005, 09:14:43 pm: Dude, you have no sense of humor.

And wtf is this?
Quote

Last edited by Falcon on 99-99-9999 at 9:99 PM
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Kamikaze on March 13, 2005, 09:30:32 pm: Quote
Originally posted by KappaWing
Dude, you have no sense of humor.

And wtf is this?

Probably copying my sig... :blah:

Edit: This is a totally random edit to test the word filter. If you've found this post for some strange reason, then congrats. You can now break the filter. Woohoo. Kudos to kode. Fuck.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 13, 2005, 09:46:55 pm: Oh i see, those are sigs. :doh:

For a minute I thought it was a side effect of the time-warp predicament.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Falcon on March 13, 2005, 10:18:07 pm: Quote
Originally posted by Kamikaze

Probably copying my sig... :blah:

Ehhhh your not the one I copied it from........ :nervous:
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Anaz on March 13, 2005, 11:05:32 pm: I knew a blonde who was so stupid he/she/it thought....

....That plastic surgery was for barbies!

bu-dun-tish!
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Falcon on March 13, 2005, 11:31:55 pm: Bah okay heres mine:

9 Blondes and a Brunette were hanging of a rope from a helicopter which was in air. Because the weight on the rope was to much one of them was going to have to jump off. The Brunette was eventually picked and was allowed to say a few words before she jumped. The Brunette gave this speech that she has allways given stuff up for people, bla bla bla. After she finished her speech the Blondes started clapping.........
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Saturn2004 on March 14, 2005, 01:52:59 pm: weird stuff falcon!!
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 14, 2005, 02:13:53 pm: Quote

9 Blondes and a Brunette were hanging of a rope from a helicopter which was in air. Because the weight on the rope was to much one of them was going to have to jump off. The Brunette was eventually picked and was allowed to say a few words before she jumped. The Brunette gave this speech that she has allways given stuff up for people, bla bla bla. After she finished her speech the Blondes started clapping.........

Hah hah! I get it! :lol:
Spoiler:

When the blondes let go of the rope to start clapping they fell into the water. :D

Here's another;
A brunette and a blond are taking a roadtrip and get stranded in the middle of the desert. they decide that it would be easier to take only one essential item each. the brunette picks up a bag containing some food, and bottles of water. she turns around to see the blond ripping off the car door. "what the hell are you bringing that for?" the blond replies "If it gets too hot, we could roll down the window".
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Saturn2004 on March 14, 2005, 02:22:52 pm: seriously kappa have you ever thought of being comign a stand up comedian?
it mightbe a good position for you
just a sugggestion....
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 14, 2005, 02:28:00 pm: Gah, I get nervous in front of audiences and I can't memorize anything very well. Once I forgot my part in a school play and tried to ad-lib it. It turned out... well... strange to say the least.

Anyways, I got a really long joke but it's funny! :)

A blonde and her boyfriend are driving down the highway. The blonde tells her boyfriend that if he goes over 100mph she'll take off her clothes. Once she takes off her clothes, the blonde's boyfriend is so distracted that he drives into a ditch. The car rolls and the blonde is thrown from the car while her boyfriend is pinned underneath. Her boyfriend screams from under the car for her to run to the nearest gas station and get help. The blonde replies that she can't go there naked, so her boyfriend tosses her a shoe to cover her privates. She runs to the nearest gas station and enters holding the shoe over her privates. She begs the manger: "Help! Help! My boyfriend is stuck! He can't get out! He may be injured!" The manager replies; "Sorry miss, but there's nothing we can do. I'm afriad he's in too far." :lol:
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Saturn2004 on March 14, 2005, 02:39:55 pm: lol that joke sucked the first ones you posted were good
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Falcon on March 14, 2005, 02:42:58 pm: Quote
Originally posted by KappaWing
into the water. :D

I didn't say there was water involved :wtf:

More like jagged rocks below :devil:

:nervous:
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Sapphire on March 14, 2005, 02:56:23 pm: If you can't beat 'em.....join 'em.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Saturn2004 on March 14, 2005, 03:34:38 pm: and anyways i think all you need is courage a strong iron clad will to be a good comedian i know you could do it
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 14, 2005, 03:55:51 pm: Heh. Thanks. :)

Oh and by the way;

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 14, 2005, 03:58:15 pm: This is one of my favorites. Thanks to my friend David for this one;

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.

"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers." :lol:
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Clave on March 14, 2005, 05:32:50 pm: :lol: not bad...
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Clave on March 14, 2005, 05:50:34 pm: Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 14, 2005, 06:01:34 pm: VERY good Clave and Falcon! :lol: Those are awesome! :D
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Falcon on March 14, 2005, 06:01:17 pm: Whats a blonde's favorite mystery novel? Her checkbook.............

Why was the blonde in the shower for weeks? Cause the shampoo bottle said lather, rinse, repeat.........
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: Flaser on March 15, 2005, 06:01:05 am: Q: Who's the red chick?
A: The one who failed to read the bottle.
Title: Blonde Jokes!
Post by: KappaWing on March 15, 2005, 04:25:22 pm: :)

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."
:wakka: