Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Turnsky on May 02, 2005, 01:31:42 am
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dear god these are funny.
http://www.4q.cc/vin/
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:lol:
"Vin Diesel was conceived by a passing comet and carried in the womb for sixty seven years. He was born with genius level frozen waffle preparation skills and the ability to speak almost any language."
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" Vin Diesel eats his own feces, not for nutritional value, just because it's delicious."
"All Spell Checkers are actually mini Vin Diesels inside your computer. This is possible due to the fact that when Vin Diesel is cut into pieces each piece becomes a smaller and more verbose Vin Diesel."
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I'm sorry, but this was way too good not to share. Sorry bout you utah folk (I live there, I feel the pain) ;)
"Vin Diesel wrote the book of Mormon because he wanted to beat up the people who thought it was real."
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When Vin Diesel begins work on a new film project, he bludgeons a hobo to death with a hammer for good luck. For even better luck, he devours the corpse. For the best luck possible, he throws the bones at school children during recess.
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"Contrary to popular belief, the brassierre was not invented for feminine breast support, but to function as a jockstrap for Vin Diesel's gargantuan testicles."
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"Vin Diesel can read braille with his scrotum"
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Originally posted by phatosealpha
"Vin Diesel can read braille with his scrotum"
:lol: :lol: :lol:
I really used to like Vin Diesel, he made some very good stuff. But when he started doing cheap comedies, he lost the respect i had for him. Hence why people now make fun of him, and deservedly so.
:doubt:
With that said,
"Vin Diesel's penis is a fully functional light saber."
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" The movie Volcano starring Tommy Lee Jones was based loosely on the first and last time Vin Diesel tried lighting a fart."
"When Vin Diesel reaches a difficult point in his life, he often stops and wonders, "What Would Godzilla Do?" As the answer invariably is that Godzilla would devour a schoolbus full of Japanese children, whatever Vin does seems pretty OK by comparison."
" Vin Diesel's sperm are the size of full-grown male guppies."
:lol:
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:lol: ROFL.
"Vin Diesel bleeds chocoloate milk."
"Vin Diesel lives his life in bullet-time".
"Vin Diesel once defeated Jesus, the prophet Mohammed and L Ron Hubbard in an arm wrestling match to decide who was the true savoir of mankind."
" Upon seeing Vin Diesel's groin, one is transported to 16th century Prussia."
" Vin Diesel once stared so hard at an orphan, the child melted into a puddle of marmalade."
" Being murdered by Vin Diesel is the only way to enter Valhalla."
" Vin Diesel eats gunpowder and ****s bullets."
" Peanuts are allergic to Vin Diesel."
"Vin Diesel received his name when his mother asked the German Dr. Strangelove what substance she should immerse her son in to give him the might of Achilles."
"Every single one of Vin Diesel's internal organs is tattooed with a map to a different lost civilizations greatest treasure. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Vin Diesel did the tattooing himself."
" Kicking him in his right kneecap renders him unstable for approximately 4 minutes and 23 seconds."
"Vin Diesel found the real-life Stargate. He travels through it from time to time just to show the other races out there who's boss."
" Vin Diesel only feeds once every thousand years, exclusively on the flesh of virgins from the Isle of Crete"
"While in the Arabian Desert, Vin Diesel came upon a Genie. When he heard that he was only allowed three wishes, Vin Diesel kicked the Genie in the groin and swallowed the lamp."
"Shortly after the Big Bang had occurred, Diesel sought out Ingvar Kamprad (the mastermind behind IKEA) and forged the great demons primitive models. Kamprad was infuriated and swore to fashion a model so fiendish in design that not even Vin himself would be able to assemble it. Shortly thereafter a cardboard box was delivered to Diesel's residence (which lay buried deep inside the sun itself). Smiling to himself, Diesel accepted the challenge, but was shocked to find that the model consisted only of a mountain of ore, an enormous quantity of wood, and a small plastic flap. A small note on the box let our protagonist know that the instructions came written in Braille, and were to be found on the inside of Gods bladder. Our hero went to work, and six days later he was finished. He stared in awe, as he realized that he had actually created the Pangaea. Blinded by anger, Kamprad attacked Diesel. The two demigods fought for an eternity. Finally, Diesel emerged victorious after ripping Greenland out of the Pangaea and hurling it at Kamprad. After this he made love to himself, spawning several overlords, and in the long run, created life as we know it."
" The Legend of Zelda is based on the adventures of Vin Diesel battling Adolph Hitler and the Nazis in World War 2."
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"Vin Diesel has the Ark of the Covenant in his bedside table drawer."
"Vin Diesel burned down Chicago.... twice."
"Vin Diesel's mass is constantly monitored by a military installation in New Mexico. Should it exceed a critical point they are instructed to destroy him with a hydrogen bomb mounted to an ICBM. It is not known if this will be enough to stop the process."
"Vin Diesel can reproduce asexually, by mitosis."
"Vin Diesel found Sadam first, and was just keeping him in that hole to preserve freshness."
:lol:
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someone really must hate him.. or love him :)
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"Vin Diesel is a blood brother of Odin. He earned this status by saving Thor from a posse of Ice Giants in Jotunheim."
whoa, him too?
Vin Diesel created Earth as an expansion pack to Command & Conquer.
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My best friends' friend's sister worked on a movie set with Vin one time, and she said that she saw him making out with another guy (which I believe).
My theory about how Vin Deisal is gay? He's so straight, that his line of straightness extends outwards so far that it eventually reaches the end of the universe, curving back on itself and ending up exactly where it started, making it the largets circle ever concieved, and him the most gay man ever concieved :D
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Vin Diesel passed up the opportunity to star in 2 Fast 2 Furious because he was exactly 3 Fast 3 Furious to be caught on film.
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"Vin Diesel reads Japanese vomit-fetish manga purely for their artistic merit, in a totally non-sexual context."
"Vin Diesel lives inside the briefcase of Marsellus Wallace, and emits a golden glow when he sleeps."
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"Vin Diesel once raped George W. Bush, but G.W. let him off the hook because hey, he's Vin ****ing Diesel."
"His toenails are the main supply of fuel in Guatemala."
"Vin Diesel can do more in five minutes, than Brian Boitano can do in six."
"Jim Croce's hit song 'Don't mess around with Jim', was originally titled, 'Holy ****, its Vin Deisel!'."
"All of the socks you lose in the washing machine rest soundly on Vin Diesel's mantle."
"Vin Diesel makes toilet paper from his own belly button lint."
"The square root of any negative number was finally solved, and the answer is Vin Diesel."
"The part of Vin Diesel is played by Burt Reynolds"
:lol::dizzy:
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" Vin Diesel can overclock a Commodore 64 to roughly 3600 petahertz."
:lol:
"Vin Diesel is the fifth Ninja Turtle."
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"Vin Diesel's 1969 paper on quantum mechanics is the reason why Stephen Hawking is in a wheel chair."
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"When Vin Diesel thinks of the starving children of Africa, his tears make the skies above them cloud up and rain - a rain of pure acid that kills all the livestock and crops. But his smile can light up a room."
OMG I nearly wet myself reading that one. :lol:
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"Vin Diesel solved Fermat's Last Theorem with just a slide rule, but will not show the proof to anyone unless they beat him at a thumb wrestle. Tony Danza was the only man to ever beat Diesel and get the information." :lol:
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Vin Diesel once cut a hole in a watermelon and put it in the mircowave for a mintue or two. He removed it and checked the temp, it was just right. He then ****ed the watermelon, this isn't so much as a random fact as it is, as Vin calls it, "A damn good idea".
:wtf:
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"Vin Diesel once addressed a joint session of the British parliament while having rough sex with Margaret Thatcher. It was considered by many to be the crowning moment in British democracy"
...:eek2:
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This is THE dumbest thing i've seen in the longest time. It can be used on anyone as it has nothing to do with anything whatsoever, just random **** with vin diesels name in it.
And quotes like this ::
Originally posted by Swamp_Thing
:lol: :lol: :lol:
I really used to like Vin Diesel, he made some very good stuff. But when he started doing cheap comedies, he lost the respect i had for him. Hence why people now make fun of him, and deservedly so.
:doubt:
With that said,
"Vin Diesel's penis is a fully functional light saber."
Deserve a punch in the face.
Just cause someone makes a movie that doesent suit your hummor you go and change your whole opinion on your respect for a person.
In that sense you must also have no respect for ::
George Carlins
John Leguizamo
Chris Rock
Robin Williams
Jim Carrey
Arnold Schwarzenager
Jackie Chan
which deserves another punch.
God forbid someone make a movie not tailored to your liking.
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Indeed. Heaven forfend that people have opinions.
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Vin Diesel is the best cricket player in the world because he uses his huge penis instead of a cricket bat.
:D
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temped to submit: Vin Diesel attacked Derek Smart with a Coke machine.
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:lol: Do eeeet ;)
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Holy ****, actual fact:
Vin Diesel .... The Iron Giant (voice)
That was him?
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[q]George Carlins
John Leguizamo
Chris Rock
Robin Williams
Jim Carrey
Arnold Schwarzenager
Jackie Chan[/q]
With the exception of Arnie and Jackie Chan I don't have any respect for that list anyway :p
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Originally posted by PhReAk
temped to submit: Vin Diesel attacked Derek Smart with a Coke machine.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
That made my day. :nod:
EDIT: Vin Diesel can eat a VHS tape and excrete a DVD.
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sent. If it gets in, i'll take a screenshot and frame it.
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Vin Diesel's brain waves are audible to bats, and he uses them to get the bats to fly into his mouth. He has not sat down for a meal in twelve years.
Vin Diesel is the product of a hentai experiment gone horribly right.
Vin Diesel once dropkicked a cow because it gave him a funny look. Upon impact the cow combusted into confetti, in which Diesel pranced with his close friend Richard Simmons.
Vin Diesel is the reason you touch yourself at night.:wtf:
The Shroud of Turin is actually the remains of the arena that Jesus indian-wrestled Vin Diesel in. The imprint is the result of Vin Diesel's 'Flamboyant Piledriver' move.
Vin Diesel only eats Vin Diesel shaped cookies.
Vin Diesel has had sex with every Nobel prize winner in physics - all except for Douglas Osheroff (The 1996 Winner). Watch out Dr. Osheroff!
He starts his day by arguing with a bowl of green apples.
Vin Diesel will grant you three wishes if you can guess Yoda's last name.
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When Vin Diesel died, the last word he uttered was "Sled". That puzzled a lot of people, because Vin was allergic to snow. After a thorough investigation, it was discovered that "Sled" was the name of a rose bud he was cultivating at the time.
While in Egypt, Vin Diesel had an affair with Isis. He grew a beard and assumed the name Moses, all in a clever ploy to flee Egypt and escape the wrath of Osiris.
"All of the visits to this site were made by Vin Diesel."
Vin Diesel uses the Holy Grail as a chamberpot.
Every time Vin Diesel masturbates, god creates a kitten.
The dinosaurs went extinct after Vin Diesel told God he thought
the dinosaurs were "a mother****ing stupid idea...dumbass." God
was embarrased and killed off all the dinosaurs. Then, Vin Diesel
gave back God's bong.
Vin Diesel will kill you by the end of the week.
Contrary to what historians want you to believe the atomic bombs
that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not actually
bombs at all, they were actually Vin Diesel's orgasms. Vin has
not had sex since, and may god help us all if he ever does.
Vin Diesel's ejaculation can kill a man at 100 yards with
pinpoint accuracy.
For every five messiahs, a Vin Diesel is born.
Vin has recorded over forty albums in at least fifteen different
genres. Those who have been fortunate enough to hear these albums say that they are "some of the greatest sounds ever recorded." None of these records have seen the light of day outside of Japan, where they are some of the best-selling albums in the country. For reasons unknown to the rest of the world, any attempts at taking one of his albums outside of the country is the single crime punishable by death in Japan.
Vin Diesel mysteriously disappeared four years ago, only to show
up at the US Embassy in Guatamala, bearing the head of Medusa. When asked how he killed her, he vaguely replied, "A quarter mile
at a time...a quarter mile at a time..."
Vin Diesel played hockey in high school but opposing teams made
him strip down to his undies as an handicap. He still won most of
the games until his momma figured what he really did every thursday evening.
Vin Diesel cannot hear the word Onomatopoeia uttered in his
presence. If it is he will stamp his foot three times and then
dissolve into a pool of locusts that will devour New Hampshire.
His teeth are each separate, intelligent beings.
You cannot kill Vin Diesel, you can merely put him into stasis. You do this by chopping off his head and placing it in a bag made of raw silk. The silk bag prevents the head from growing legs and reuniting with the body. He shaves his head to prevent his enemies (which are numerous) from having hair to grab onto, making decapitation by sword more difficult.
Vin Diesel is the father of David Bowie, whom he sired in an attempt to have sex with the planet mars.
Vin Diesel held a press conference saying he was retiring from Major League Baseball. When a reporter corrected Vin saying he never played Vin beat him to death with a giant foam "#1" finger.
Vin Diesel is better known throughout the universe as the Silver Surfer. Galactus is better known on Earth as Bill Gates.
Vin Diesel invented menstruation by punching Eve in the stomach.
Dragon Ball Z is closely based on Vin Diesel's last piano recital.
Vin Diesel is the Wandering Jew
Vin Diesel is the cause of gravity. He picked 9.8 m/s for the gravitational constant because he deemed it to be "a ****ing awesome number." And that was that.
The idea for the show "MacGuyver" comes from the time Vin Diesel
went on a road trip and single-handedly wiped out the entire population of Salt Lake City with his shoe and a paper clip.
The actions that Vin Diesel's body performs are not directed by a
normal human mind. Instead, they are the long-term policies of a vast empire of more than a billion microscopic beings who all live inside Vin's head, where time flows at a faster rate. A thousand generations of those beings live and die in the time he takes to sneeze.
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Best one yet :p:
Vin Diesel removed the word victory from the French language after conquering France in 6 hours using only a salad fork. During the campaign, all French deodorant manufacturing plants were destroyed.
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Vin Diesel is not allowed to flex both arms simultaneously while on board warships because of the danger of him buckling the deck.
For the filming of Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick, Vin Diesel created a parellel universe populated with the characters from the script in order to save on the cost of hiring actors.
Vin Diesel is actually the one singing during Ashlee Simpson's concerts.
Vin Diesel's urine is the only substance that physicists can use to catalyze and sustain a cold fusion reaction.
Seismology is the study of Vin Diesel's masturbation habits.
Vin Diesel does not have opposable thumbs, He does, however, have a prehensile tail.
Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates.
If Vin Diesel was a woman, his vagina would contain the teeth and jaw pressure of a full grown crocodile.
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Vin Diesel has a twin brother named Evil Denis. He is actually quite nice; its just that their parents were fond of anagrams.
Vin Diesel and Russell Crowe go out, once a year, and drink until they black out. It generally takes three days and more alcohol than the annual consumption of Mexico. One time Vin Diesel went out to take a piss while they were doing this, and it formed the Yellow River, which to this day still flows through China.
Vin Diesel has a penis at the end of his toenail
Never one to back down from a fight, Vin Diesel agreed to fight the entire French army, who did not show up.
His real name is Mortimer Quincy Meriwether, Jr.
Vin Diesel can fit two rolls of quarters in his foreskin. He discovered this on a fishing trip with the late Charles De Gaul.
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Vin Diesel once challenged the deceased corpse of Mahatma Gandhi to an arm wrestling match, and lost.
His strict daily workout regimen consists of 4 hours of smoking expensive Venitian cigarettes while watching movie trailers on the internet in his skivies.
There is no "Bermuda Triangle". It is simply near Vin Diesel's island home, and when Vin Diesel sees a ship or plane, he sure as hell gets hungry...
As a hobby, Vin used to follow Elliott Smith around, whispering riddles into his ear. This stopped when Smith turned around, chased him down the street, caught up and beat him with the ostrich egg he had recently purchased. This is believed to be one of the only two times Vin Diesel has cried, both times involving Elliot Smith.
Boobs on women? Vin Diesel's idea to God.
Vin Diesel has submitted most of the facts you've read.
Vin Diesel once sat on a Cactus plant. When asked how it felt he replied "Like the souls of a thousand men all suffered for my indulgence." He then **** out tiny 6 ATVs.
Vin Diesel has solved all of history's greatest problems with ho-slappings and his unique ability to ejaculate anti-matter.
Vin Diesel once gave a woman an orgasm so intense she invented three new branches of mathemetics, discovered the first half of the true name of god and now only needs two and half hours of sleep a week. She can also now cook a damn good English Breakfast, and never breaks an eggs yolk.
Vin Diesel is in fact a transsexual midget who also starred in the Wizard of Oz as the little wiener munchican who always had his hands in her pokckets.
Vin Diesel made the Kessel run in less than ten parsecs, two whole parsecs quicker than the
Millennium Falcon.
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Incidentally, I've always wondered what amazing space-bending abilities Han Solo has that allows him to complete the Kessel Run in a shorter distance.
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Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.
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Originally posted by Grey Wolf
Incidentally, I've always wondered what amazing space-bending abilities Han Solo has that allows him to complete the Kessel Run in a shorter distance.
And I'd like to know why they used parsecs as a measurement of time when they're actually a measurement of distance.
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:lol:
"Vin Diesel killed the radio star. He let video take the credit after video blackmailed him with pictures of him in an orgy along with Elton John, Ron Jeremy, and his "The Fast and the Furious" co-star Paul Walker."