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Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Sandwich on October 08, 2005, 06:02:13 am

Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Sandwich on October 08, 2005, 06:02:13 am: :lol:

[q]The Cornerstone of Civilization, Part 1

The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for splitting humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and
Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the brewery.

That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
"The Conservative Movement".

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, weaving, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of "The Liberal
Movement." Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest became known as 'girleymen'. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
include the domestication of cats, the trade union, class action lawsuits,
the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives
provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef
well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare. Another
interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury
attorneys, journalists, hair dressers, Hollywood dreamers and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat & potatoes.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction
workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers,
self employed, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside
government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to
work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. They also like to take money
away from successful people and give it to the failures. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed & created a business of trying to get
MORE for NOTHING.

Thus ends today's lesson in world history.
Tomorrow we will discuss the origins of the evolution of whining.

This document has been reviewed by Joseph A. Bowden, ADC, and was
determined to be UNCLASSIFIED.

Joseph A. Bowden
W78 Lead System Engineer
Engineering Sciences and Applications Division
Weapon System Engineering
Los Alamos National Laboratory
Los Alamos, NM 87545[/q]
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: redmenace on October 08, 2005, 07:04:56 am: Quote
They also like to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures.
:lol:
Title: Re: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Carl on October 08, 2005, 07:25:01 am: Quote
Originally posted by Sandwich
evolved into women

don't you mean devolved?
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: TrashMan on October 08, 2005, 07:48:13 am: LOL!
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Nuke on October 08, 2005, 09:20:19 am: give me your money!
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: achtung on October 08, 2005, 05:06:01 pm: Wonderful Article!:yes:

Although in my town the liberals are usually rich but don't share it.:p
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Scuddie on October 08, 2005, 05:50:07 pm: This is the most insulting, closed minded rubbish I have read since I can remember. Brilliant stuff :D.
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: IceFire on October 08, 2005, 06:21:35 pm: More beer....less politics :)
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: vyper on October 08, 2005, 06:28:28 pm: Beer.

Politics.

Wang.

But mostly just wang.
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Ace on October 08, 2005, 06:31:16 pm: Ahh so now M.D.s have been adopted by 'conservatives,' what you guys lacked any professionals in your ranks so you had to kidnap the poor doctors? :p (which by the way, the very concept of medicine to heal the sick is very un-conservative as the weak must perish... or join a perish for faith healin'. Replace "M.D.s" with "HMO executives" ;) )
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: aldo_14 on October 08, 2005, 06:59:36 pm: Quote
Originally posted by Ace
Ahh so now M.D.s have been adopted by 'conservatives,' what you guys lacked any professionals in your ranks so you had to kidnap the poor doctors? :p (which by the way, the very concept of medicine to heal the sick is very un-conservative as the weak must perish... or join a perish for faith healin'. Replace "M.D.s" with "HMO executives" ;) )

Ah, but doctors - well, American doctors - charge an absolutely ****eload of money. So they're exploiting the sick & needy, which is good ole fashioned conservatism!
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: achtung on October 08, 2005, 07:03:06 pm: Quote
Originally posted by aldo_14

Ah, but doctors - well, American doctors - charge an absolutely ****eload of money. So they're exploiting the sick & needy, which is good ole fashioned conservatism!

Yea I mean the average ride in an ambulance is $1800 i think
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Nuke on October 08, 2005, 07:11:40 pm: call a limo, its cheaper :D
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: vyper on October 08, 2005, 07:19:12 pm: Quote
Originally posted by aldo_14

well, American doctors

Have you seen the overtime money we pay NHS doctors? We're just as bad.
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: neo_hermes on October 08, 2005, 07:30:00 pm: :lol: Funny Article.

Quote
Originally posted by Swantz

Yea I mean the average ride in an ambulance is $1800 i think

Ambulances are usually Private businesses. so "you" the rider Sometimes have to pay for the oxygen you use which is $20. the cost of riding an ambulance last i saw was around $250. usually your Insurance takes care of that. $250 is for gas, the EMT-B/Paramedics cut, and other supplies you'll be using that cost money. IE: Bandages, Gauss wrappings, oxygen mask, etc. sry for taking your time and the space.

Though it could be different in some areas. FYI: EMT's and paramedics are in short supply. so if you paid $1800 it's prolly to pay for their services...
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Ford Prefect on October 08, 2005, 08:27:24 pm: The main hole in the joke is that the left claims the urban working class.
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Flipside on October 08, 2005, 08:38:09 pm: Wheels...beer.....funny...

Sudden jump to Arkansas-sized chip on shoulder about a political system he clearly has no grip on..... Bit worrying...
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: redsniper on October 08, 2005, 08:58:01 pm: Heh, our Government teacher read this to us in class. She can be cool sometimes.
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Flipside on October 08, 2005, 09:10:10 pm: LOL So much for schools leaving kids to make up their own political minds ;)
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Deepblue on October 08, 2005, 09:16:50 pm: Yup. In my school it's the other way around. :D
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: redsniper on October 08, 2005, 09:40:20 pm: Well, it's not like she was going: "ARRR! This is the truth and if you think otherwise you're a terrorist and I'll get you thrown in jail!" Most of the kids in my class probably didn't understand much past the word 'beer' anyway. She also showed us those flash cartoons last year during the presidential race, "This Land is Your Land" etc.
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: mikhael on October 08, 2005, 09:59:34 pm: There was a scholarly article I cited in a report back when I was in the 9th grade that pointed out that the development of beer was very likely to have been central to the organization of the first large scale settlements and agriculture in Mesopotamia.
Title: The History of Beer, Politics, & Other Important Things
Post by: Deepblue on October 09, 2005, 12:16:11 am: It's all true!!!