I didn't know the skirt was red. Always thought it was white...damnit, knew I should've payed proper attention.
I'll edit the changes in when I get back home. :/
I sure wish I knew who Paxton Fettel was.
As the figure emerged from the fog, one could clearly make out that it was male. Wearing a red shirt and a black jacket over it, the man looked ahead at the door way. He stopped for a moment as the lights came on around him, and then flickered and died once more.
Paxton Fettel's expressions grew into that of a rather evil smile.
Good story, Singh! I leik. I leik.
Recommendation: This may not be the best time to reveal Paxton Fettel's name (I think the description presented above should suffice - also mention that his vest was blood-stained), as none of the present characters have been introduced to him by name yet. Keep him anonymous for now, and let another character introduce him, perhaps through the usage of a vision.
- Rampage
Well if you'd played FEAR wouldnt you already know?
Oh, a couple other things that bug me a bit. You keep referring to Spartan 117 in pain, however, after injury his suit injects him with a cocktail of drugs to dull the pain and allow him to continue unhindered. Then there's the fact that you have a Spartan and an Elite working together like the best of teams despite the continuous war against humanity and John's personal witness of civilian massacres. While you can make the excuse that the truce is forced because of the threat of Alma, to make the story seem more natural you will have to deal with these underlying tensions at some point.
Great writing though, keep it up!
To me, disclosing the Chief's first name is just insane. That should be kept hidden so people will HAVE to read Halo: The Fall of Reach, the best novel I've ever read (not cuz it's Halo, but the writing is phenomenal).
seriously i don't think replicas would be faster then a SPARTAN.You've obviously not played FEAR with the Replicas on the hardest setting, those suckers are fast.
seriously i don't think replicas would be faster then a SPARTAN.You've obviously not played FEAR with the Replicas on the hardest setting, those suckers are fast.
But yes, fine details don't really come in to it when the story is this good. :yes:
Spartans, elites, hunter - HALO (Correct)
soldier, Jin, Paxton, ALma - FEAR (Correct)
Nemesiss - (resident Evil???) (Correct)
death - ??? *definately the wierdest char* (Surprisingly, also correct. Dunno where he popped up from...he just did)
flood - Halo
the Many - System Shock 2 (Correct)
“ Mayday, …day! This…Kappa 3 of the 107th Ravens, GTD Aquitaine! Do you cop…[/i]”Freespace 2 (lol)
“This is Dr. Marie Dalcroix of the UNN Von Braun. We have…hijack…by an unkn…source. Ship’s security has been compromised Do not…., I ……..do not let this...leave under any circumstances. I do….”System Shock 2?
“Oh God someone help us! This is the cruiser liner Valley. We’re under attack and being boarded by Reavers! Someone, please he – OH GOD THEIR HE-”Firefly?
“Mayday, mayday! This is the USS Pensacola, we’re under attack by Dominion forces and request immediate assistance. Is anyone out there?! We’re under at-”Star Trek?
“Valley Forge, this is Echo squad. The bugs have got us pinned down – we need immediate assistance! Valley forge, can you read me? Can ANYONE rea-!”Starship Troopers?
“Someone get us a goddamn transport! GDI forces have swarmed all over Ayer’s rock and we need extraction on the doub – Oh God… ION STRIKE INBOUND! Everyone get to co-”Command & Conquer?
“This is UEF Colony delta to anyone that can hear us. We are under attack by Aeon forces and have no defenses online! We need assistance immediately otherwise we’ll be overrun! Can anyone hear me?”I got no clue on this one.....