Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: wEvil on October 19, 2001, 10:31:00 am
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A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL - its a rather sad pointer to exactly how pitifully POOR the UK is getting
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Dear Cretins
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your
3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service
which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and
stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue
your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or
more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading
material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking
vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting
in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive.
When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to
your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman
telling me to look at your helpful website.... how?
I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles
for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and
highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although
the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a
drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further
telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived
... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%...these
are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and
most of the useful periods over the weekend.
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone
calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully
transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also
highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will
call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me
back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a
telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be
transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is
available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that
your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to
the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this
theme.
Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't
are, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in
print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were THE PITS , that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there?
How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable
dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you
truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents
of the highest order. British Telecom - MONKEYS though they are - shine like
brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your
seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to
receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and
cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the
services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver
- any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief -
although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even
perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter
tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and
your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become
desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of
posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not
experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the
very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
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AARGGH!!
My Normals' Flipped!!
[This message has been edited by Thunder (edited 10-19-2001).]
[This message has been edited by wEvil (edited 10-25-2001).]
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ROTFLMAO!!!
That was one of the funniest things I have ever read!
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(http://www.brainaideddesign.co.uk/phpBB/images/smiles/icon23.gif)
[This message has been edited by wEvil (edited 10-19-2001).]
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Originally posted by wEvil:
Cretins
does this means the same than in french? (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif)
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Originally posted by venom2506:
does this means the same than in french? (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif)
it is french (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif)
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oups (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif)
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My mate works for NTL customer service.....
just as well he's quitting, eh?
(and i got that e-mail in an e-mail at uni, too.... coincidences, eh (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/smile.gif) )
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(http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/lol.gif) I'm guessing NTL is a sort of phone service?
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ROTFLMAO (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/lol.gif) I'll have to print it out and send it to those fuX0r5. I HATE THAT HOLD MUSIC. It seems though every time I ring the service I always get a Welsh guy called Conran. I have often wondered if he was the only guy in the call centre as out of the ten times I have dared to brave the 57 minutes of the ghastly hold music (I'll try to get a sample for those deprived people who have never had the delight of calling NTL) on a premium rate line to get through to some teenage luser who has been fired from The Swansea (or Wherever the hell he comes from) branch McDonald's, he has answered. This is funnier than any of my wise cracks about that abomination of a phone service
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Hilarious until it descended into mindless abuse- the whole list ofd nasty things they are detracts considerably from the otherwise very good letter. At least, unlike our equivalent, it's speld corektly j00 f00lz... (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif)
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LMFAO! That was the funniest thing I've read all day! (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/tongue.gif)
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go kick some minbari *** in Freespace2. (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/smile.gif)
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"You know you've played Freespace too much when you're driving along trying to use countermeasures to shake off pursuing highway police." - Top Gun
Material Defender Studios ("http://www.mdstudios.f2s.com/index.html")
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In the UK you get a choice of phone services, bad or brilliantly bad. British telecom was recently caught when it created a dialup for people who was using its 24/7 service too much (how is it possible to overuse a 24/7 service?!?).
BT sent out a letter to these people claiming they were being given access to a new line so that they may experience a better service. What the new phone number got them was a computer designed to hang up on them, give an engaged tone or give them a connection error. All of this was a move to attempt to make them pay for ADSL which is currently prohibitively expensive for most people.
Nice phone company eh?
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Originally posted by Raa Tor'h:
ROTFLMAO!!!
That was one of the funniest things I have ever read!
(http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif) (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif)
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RECIPROCITY ("http://uk.geocities.com/gunnery_control/index.html")
Fastest Man Alive
[This message has been edited by Blue Lion (edited 10-19-2001).]
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Damn, isn't that illegal?
Originally posted by Maeglamor:
In the UK you get a choice of phone services, bad or brilliantly bad. British telecom was recently caught when it created a dialup for people who was using its 24/7 service too much (how is it possible to overuse a 24/7 service?!?).
BT sent out a letter to these people claiming they were being given access to a new line so that they may experience a better service. What the new phone number got them was a computer designed to hang up on them, give an engaged tone or give them a connection error. All of this was a move to attempt to make them pay for ADSL which is currently prohibitively expensive for most people.
Nice phone company eh?
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The universe is a big place and an even bigger mystery
Webmaster SubSpace Zero ("http://www.subspacezero.com")
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you'd sure think so, at least here in the US it could be.
Actually, if a company tried to pull that stunt in the US we'd all switch companies. Not like we've got a shortage of them.
An excellent example of why socialism and monopolies are VERY BAD THINGS. Not inherently evil, but not exactly prone to greatness.
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Funny, but...
Originally posted by wEvil:
[This message has been edited by Thunder (edited 10-19-2001).]
(http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/confused.gif)
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See "monkey" reference.
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Ah, indeed. No monkeying around I see...
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Originally posted by WarpStar:
Damn, isn't that illegal?
You better believe it. BT has OFTEL (telecommunications monitoring officals) chasing its own tail, to the point that OFTEL is either powerless or that it won't carry out any actions against BT. A sad state of affairs.
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And I thought Bill Gates was a expletive deleted.
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"Don't make others suffer for your personal hatred."
Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, Neon Genesis Evangelion episode 12, "The Value of a Miracle Is..."
[This message has been edited by Thunder (edited 10-26-2001).]
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Thunder i suggest you review your moderating practises. The bad language was NOT intentional but i thought you should all read it in its' origional unedited state.
If you're going to go around deleting everyones' messages then i might as well not bother posting anymore if noone will ever see what i post.
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AARGGH!!
My Normals' Flipped!!
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You know the rules.
And how could it not be intentional, you're typeing, not talking
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i just cut & pasted it.
and i do actually view the act of TYPING something as talking online. Call me odd but ive spent so much time doing this stuff it becomes second nature.
There..edited. Happy now?
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AARGGH!!
My Normals' Flipped!!
[This message has been edited by wEvil (edited 10-25-2001).]
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I agree with wEvil. Fools who can say nothing but crude words and stupid insults are one thing, people who use fairly standard cursing another. It's not like anyone here has never heard the words or is so innocent-minded that they cannot bear to read them. Censoring language is a step toward censoring ideas, even if there are at times (not always) more articulate ways to describe things than using the tired old standards. Besides, this stuff is mild at best, acting offended at tepid insults is self-righteousness of the most pointless degree.
That sermon done, I'm off to the VBB to see if I can teach ZylonBane to be nice to people for a change (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/biggrin.gif)
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Originally posted by Stryke 9:
I'm off to the VBB to see if I can teach ZylonBane to be nice to people for a change
Might want to go write your will before you do, could be a while....
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You have not seen me in a real argument, have you?
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No, but I do know Zylon is one stubborn son of a monkey (and I mean monkey)...
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That he is. I have no intentions of converting him, however, just making him discredit himself completely and be driven from the forum in shame... I've recently had practice on a much more powerful foe than he in much more adverse conditions (and lost, but that's beside the point), so I'm still in practice at jerkbaiting. Fun fun fun!
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be nice or i'll have use the hammer of HLP justice. i mean it. ZB might be mean to the newbies, but keep it on the VBB.
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I am. While such argumants might be entertaining at times, I hardly want them everywhere I go.
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C'mon guys, it's very simple. Don't swear. Swearing gets edited - nothing else in the message is touched, so it's not like what your saying is being ruined. It's perfectly possible to post without swearing and I will make no exceptions when it comes to it.
Additionally, do not re-edit swearing into your messages. It's a good way of saying "take away my edit post abilities".
I make no apologies for taking a hard-line attitude to swearing, deal with it or deal with what happens when you do swear to much. It's your choice.
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I agree with THunder. This is a public forum. Try to refrain from swearing. Let's keep this a clean and friendly forum.
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GTD Excellence ("http://freespace.volitionwatch.com/excellence") Webmaster
< [b][email protected][/b] >
"Be flakked or be square!"
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Ah well, we (the HLP Staff) have found an easier way than simply asking people to stop. Since everyone gets so annoyed about having swear words edited out of their messages we've simply added all the swear words we can think of to the censorship panel on the forum. Any words we missed will be added and the person who said them will be shamed with whatever my tortured mind can think up when I edit their swearing out of their post.
There, problem solved - it would've been easier to just not swear but... well I'm damned if I'm going to spend my day slapping people on the write.
Here endeth the lesson. Have a nice day.
Edit: and since I can't see anything new coming out of this thread apart from peolple being silly or complaining, Consider it locked (if you really must complain, email me about your troubles).
0wned. (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/hammer.gif)
[This message has been edited by Thunder (edited 10-26-2001).]