Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Tyrian on April 24, 2006, 03:19:30 pm
-
I'm a little bored right now so I thought maybe we could start an HLP version of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", specifically Scenes From a Hat. Every couple of days, I will (try) to post a new theme. If someone else comes up with a good theme, we can try that too. Most of all, have fun and keep it reasonably clean...I don't feel like getting banned by an admin anytime soon.
TOPIC 1: What does Admiral Bosch do in his spare time?
-
He brews Bosch Beer.
-
He funds the NTF with his range of fridges and DIY tools. :blah:
-
He plays poker with the leaders of the Hammer of Light
-
He stares into space and talks to himself.
-
He escapes! (Thanks to Command, of course!)
-
He smuggles kittens through the GTVA blockade of Polaris. Cute fuzzy little kittens.
-
He wakes up on the NTF Iceni and walks to the bridge when...
-
...he spots Alpha 1 headed his way so he immediately...
-
....harvests the universe's entire supply of wheat for unknown purposes..... ;)
-
and uses that wheat to bake some extra-special dutch apple pies and then shoves them out the airlock for alpha 1 to pick-up.
mmm...pie...
-
And by mucking up the value of Pie, he manages to get command to compute Bogus co-ordinates, facilitating his escape from Alpha One who.....
-
...is busy eating the pies.
-
I think it's about time for the next "scene from a hat". Tyrian?
-
... He then takes of his head, whitch is a mask! and alas it is none other then Galemp, who uses the force to take control of Alpha 1's mind, making him bang his head on the hud until his ship explodes.
-
:lol: Yeah, that's pretty much how it would go down.
How about this for a "scene from a hat": What the Vasudans are really saying in game.
-
They're really playing TaS while messing around with Terran heads and see how many of them they can get killed while keeping their own casualties as minimal as possible. Sometimes they get carried away though and neglect their shipboard duties... the most notorious example of this was when 10,000 Vasudans were all playing TaS aboard the GVD Psamtik and were so busy spamming the boards on the destroyer that they jammed the ship's radar and they wound up far too close to Knossos 2 than anybody in their right minds would want to be.
-
..gets his ass kicked by Mr. T. Apparently, bosch enjoys it, as it's an honor to get your ass kicked by Lawrence Tureaud.
-
They are so busy eating headz that they have allways their mouths full and that's why their language sounds uncomprehensable.
-
"Twinkle twinkle little star..."
-
Exploding gently from afar...
-
"Belisarius, this is the GVD Psamtik and we are the Shiznit."
"Your posturing insults us both, Vasudan. The NTF never surrenders."
"As you wish. All your base are belong to us."
*enormous beam cannon obliterates Belisarius*
*This all seems strangely familliar... I see Bosch waking up aboard the Iceni and Mr. T turnining up... if a guy who looks like DaveB joins the party I'm walking.*
-
Good one Trayus. The scene is now "What Vasudans really say..."
...And how did you guys manage that chain with Alpha 1 and pies...?
-
"Let's make some funny noises and see how the Terrans interprete it...."
-
do we really want to go down this road again, guys?
-
...And how did you guys manage that chain with Alpha 1 and pies...?
hehe...
-
Vasudan: http://home.comcast.net/~cp5670/6_a1m8_f.wav
Translator: OMG OMG LAGBOMBER FAG HAX BAN!!1
-
Vasudan Pilot: "You Fight Like a Vasudan!"
Real Translation: "Lucky shot Jackass! All your headz are belong to us!"
-
'kekekekekekeke.....'
-
All you fishies are belong to us!
-
And this is me, Clive Andersen, saying good night. Good night!
-
*Lurks*
Vasudans actually speak English. The "translator" is actually Goob nitpicking their grammar...
*Relurks*
-
This is great. How bout this one: What command talks about when they're not on the air.
-
'I saw Beta 2 chattiing to my wife on Wednesday, you just wait till he tries to fire off a Helios......'
-
Ha! Remember when we found that "Knossos"? And we sent Alpha 1 to "investigate", and there were Terran pilots dressed up as Shivans? We scared the **** out of them! You should've seen the look on Alpha 2's face when he blew up!
-
'Ummm, where the hell am I?'
-
"Have you ever noticed how good Alpha one is, I mean he never crashes into ships, he kills five times more then the other per mission, and he gets all the dangerous missions. I mean it's allmost like he is in-human.
You know, what if all we know is, like everything is set up, like some big computer, you know about the un-explained laggs, even tho they are never officially recorded, but I tell you they are real."
Command person Two
"Yeah....., sure...., but remember, this is what Bosch thought, and he went off the deep end."
-
'Remember Alpha Wing, 10,000 civilians and personal are relying on that convoy, you must repel those Shivans!'.....
.
.
.
.
.
'So... you soak the chicken in a cinnamon and ginger marinade for 24 hours and then glaze the skin with honey....'
-
"... Juggernaught, isn't that the nickname you gave to that chick you were dancing with last night?"
-
'This is Allied Command signing off, Godspeed pilots!'
.
.
.
.
.
'So... you soak the chicken in a cinnamon and ginger marinade for 24 hours and then glaze the skin with honey....'
-
"And so I told him, 'Help is on the way'! LOL ROFL"
-
'So, what is it about Vasudans and headz?'
-
I'm not convinced Command actually knows how to speak, just push buttons on a tape recorder randomly.
-
This is great. How bout this one: What command talks about when they're not on the air.
"Oh... Oh man... I'm so baked. Man. Maaan. So.......... baked. Where're the chips? Man. Chips, man. Yeah."
-
"And now, we'll start an offensive on the kitchen. Wife, prepare to start an attack on the waffle maker while I sit in my chair and do nothing."
-
"And now, we'll start an offensive on the kitchen. Wife, prepare to start an attack on the waffle maker while I sit in my chair and do nothing."
"Avoid the stove and you won't get burnt, honey."
-
A new one...
Why does Alpha 1 never say anything?
-
Command does his comm system maintance too.
-
Alpha 1's lines are edited out for the sake of the other pilots moral. If for instance, Beta Leader were to hear "F*** C*** S*** STOP LAGGING YOU S*** BASTARD I JUST BOUGHT A NEW GRAPHICS CARD FOR F***** SAKE! WHY WONT YOU RUN PROPPER YOU BASTARD C****** S****..." And so over the comm he'd probably die a whole half second sooner.
-
A new one...
Why does Alpha 1 never say anything?
For that, I shall refer you to An0n's explanation....
(http://www.penguinbomb.com/images/likely.jpg)
-
After a while, Alpha 1 got tired of hearing Command, so he decided to go deaf, losing his hearing and his ability to speak altogether.
-
Command's commands are not actually from any ruling authority. They are actually just a random assortment of words put together to form a phrase. This is done by putting a monkey in a room containing a bucket full of words, the monkeys then slip these words through a hole in the wall and in return they get a bannana. Shortly after the words are taken from the buckets that the slips of paper fall into. Then the words are put in the order that they were picked up in.
Thus where all of commands orders to alpha 1 come from.
-
Because Alpha 1 doesn't want to get personally attached to any of his short-lived wingmates.
-
Command writes its orders by placing a dancing hamster named "Huey" on a keyboard. That's why they always report the obvious seconds after it has already happened. It also explains why their orders sometimes don't make sense...
As for why Alpha 1 never speaks, he's actually a Shivan in disguise. You couldn't have that screeching and squeaking give you away...
-
As for why Alpha 1 never speaks, he's actually a Shivan in disguise. You couldn't have that screeching and squeaking give you away...
Now I'm confused... I thought that the screeching and squeaking was command...
-
A new one...
Why does Alpha 1 never say anything?
Alpha 1 suffers from a common but debilitating condition that only seems to arise in heroes. They completely lose the ability to speak, forcing them to use their actions to convey their opinions and statements. Some, like Link, a famed swordsman from Hyrule, have developed the ability to utter short grunts and convey such things as which item they like, but sadly they are in the minority.
-
Alpha 1 is addicted to chewing large wadds of chewing gum, and thus his/her mouth is always full and cannot utter any verbal communication.
-
NEW TOPIC: Rejected ideas for GTVA superweapons.
I say the GTSG Sheepinator...
-
Alpha 2 was canned in favor of a cheaper Alpha 2.
-
GTSUMAKJ Chuck Norris.
-
Command person 1: Hey is Alpha 1 a Boy or a Girl
Command person 2: How should I know, they don't pay me enough to check every pilot that comes thru.
-
The GTVA Odin
Armed with beam cannons mased on the mjlnor satilites....
nah, too practical...
-
The Bovine Intervention weapon.
If you don't get this, go play Sacrifice.
-
The Vasudan hybrid of the Meson Bomb, the Setusupthe........
-
The GTVA Fuzzy Kittens. Because nobody can resist Fuzzy Kittens.
-
The GTVA Fuzzy Kittens. Because nobody can resist Fuzzy Kittens.
The GTVA Spanish Inquistion. Because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
-
Um...not that related...but it is a celebration of the silliness of HLP forum members. And at least some of this post will be on topic. So:
Yeah- theres no need for the overboard smilies like the "UT weapons smilies" and so on, they just have no place here.
Um...That was 2001. Nowadays... :snipe: :headz: :wakka: :bump: :jaw: :arrr: :v:
That's all for that. Now...talking about stuff actually on this thread...
TOPIC 1: What does Admiral Bosch do in his spare time?
He smuggles kittens through the GTVA blockade of Polaris. Cute fuzzy little kittens.
No no no, you've got it wrong. He doesn't smuggle kittens, he kills kittens ;7
How about this for a "scene from a hat": What the Vasudans are really saying in game.
Don't people remember the Deus Ex Machina mission where Bosch gets ETAK to work but when it decifers the incoming Shivan transmissions it's all in leetspeak so they don't get anything? If you use F4 to go through everything the Shivans say, it's about how they are eager to finally meet other sentient species and they much prefer communicating by ETAK then by modulating pulses of plasma, because the latter method is very destructive. Then the NTF don't know what's happening so they don't respond. Then the Shivans are all "Why are you not replying? Please, keep talking! We want to learn about you!" and then "It appears we will have to resort to our earlier method of communicating by plasma, unfortunately..." and then all the Shivans open fire.
Also...
NEW TOPIC: Rejected ideas for GTVA superweapons.
The GTVA Spanish Inquistion. Because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Don't you mean the GTVG (Galactic Terran-Vasudan Goober) Grammar Inquisition? Its main turret is said to be able to convert correctly between it's and its at over 4,300 replacements per minute.
P.S. Perhaps I should have said It's main turret instead ;7
-
NEW TOPIC: Rejected ideas for GTVA superweapons.
The Sex Bomb... oh wait! That was for "Rejected Ideas for Nazi Superweapons"! I'm sorry, wrong topic. :drevil:
-
The "Boooo", the M fell off due to how powerful and ridiculous the weapon was.
-
Highlight of the topic for me: "What command talks about off air" >
"And so I told him, 'Help is on the way'! LOL ROFL"
-
The Battle Kow!
-
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope!
-
NEW TOPIC: What Shivans do in their spare time.
-
I sense another suggestion involving kittens coming. :nervous:
-
Smuggle baby kittens.
-
You are right. ;)
See, Bosch kills kittens in his free times...
So the Shivans kill SHIVAN KITTENS! They are like normal kittens, but they are spiky and glow red and shoot a beam of bright stuff from their head...wait...ew...Never mind.
-
That's my...no, actually it's Dire Trucking's line. Give it back to them in good condition.
They stare into the ever-shifting patterns of subspace...and then get dizzy and throw up.
-
The Shivans are addicted to watching subspace, even though they should be doing other things... :nod:
But it's legal to watch it, so...
-
They worship their kitten overlord.
-
they float aimlessly in space until Summoned
-
They are writing a Cease and Desist order against HLP for "The Thread". :nervous:
-
Aiken Bosch was actually a nom de plume for Jack Thompson, the ETAK device was designed to offer to litigate against God for the fact that continuous watching of Subspace is what has turned them into mindless killers.....
-
...continuous watching of Subspace is what has turned them into mindless killers.....
Killers of shivan kittens you mean. Yeah, watching that kind of stuff makes you do that.
-
They write new spinoffs on the Law & Order series.
-
Law & Order 2367: Hey Intern, Give me some coffee.
-
Got another one: The cast of Freespace 1 and 2 on famous game shows (Millionaire, etc.)
-
FreeSpace: Family Fued Edition
-
Fear Factor: Freespace
-
Well, that's not quite what I had in mind. I meant what would the characters say/do on these shows?
-
http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php/topic,26028.0.html
http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php/topic,28103.0.html
-
Yeah, I know. I'm just too lazy to think of anything. :p
-
They write new spinoffs on the Law & Order series.
Law & Order: Shivan Victims Unit :nervous:
-
Does that mean the Shivans are the victims, or the victimizers? :wtf:
-
It means their the victimizers, then the victims of stupid TV producers trying to make another L&O spinoff.
-
They write new spinoffs on the Law & Order series.
Law & Order: Shivan Victims Unit :nervous:
- So what've we got?
- Oh, burned up corpse lying in the middle of the street... death most likely caused by violent trauma by laser beam to the head, incinerating the facial and cranial regions. Typical Shivan hit... body's still hotter than Capella, can't give you a time of death quite yet.
-
Snuggle baby kittens
-
They write new spinoffs on the Law & Order series.
Law & Order: Shivan Victims Unit :nervous:
- So what've we got?
- Oh, burned up corpse lying in the middle of the street... death most likely caused by violent trauma by laser beam to the head, incinerating the facial and cranial regions. Typical Shivan hit... body's still hotter than Capella, can't give you a time of death quite yet.
- "Any sign of sexual assualt like last time?"
- "God, I hope not. I couldn't look at a cabbage for a month after that."
- "The nightmare never ends."
-
They write new spinoffs on the Law & Order series.
Law & Order: Shivan Victims Unit :nervous:
- So what've we got?
- Oh, burned up corpse lying in the middle of the street... death most likely caused by violent trauma by laser beam to the head, incinerating the facial and cranial regions. Typical Shivan hit... body's still hotter than Capella, can't give you a time of death quite yet.
- "Any sign of sexual assualt like last time?"
- "God, I hope not. I couldn't look at a cabbage for a month after that."
- "The nightmare never ends."
:wtf: ....that...that's just...no.
-
:lol: I thought it was funny.
-
:lol: I thought it was funny.
In a :eek2: type of way.
-
This...is ...deranged.... :lol:
-
This...is ...deranged.... :lol:
I think that should just be the subtitle for the HLP in general.
-
This...is ...deranged.... :lol:
And the understatement of the year goes to....... TrashMan!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
NEW TOPIC: Rejected descriptors for the General Forum section.
I say...
This...is ...deranged.... :lol:
Can't say it any better than that. ;)
-
:lol: I thought it was funny.
In a :eek2: type of way.
HLP in a nutshell. :nod:
-
"General Forum: Where all your spam really goes".
-
"General Forum: Take 5 times per day as instructed by your physician".
-
Hard Light -- Save yourself.
-
Best Meds: Gen3raI f0rum at low low prices!
-
Hard-Light Productions - Cart your arse on in!
-
HLP -- Where everyone is welcome. If you donate the good, expensive pills, we can make you an Admin. :D
@ Admins: Don't kill me...I have good pills...
-
General Forums - Use only as directed. *deadpan*
-
General Forums:
What's Freespace?
-
Hard Light forum: Where your spam learns how to breed
WARNING: shown in great detail.:
-
WeatherOp, I don't see your "Shown in great detail" thing down below...Or do I not want to?
-
...I think he meant it was shown in the forums.
-
>.< ... That's what I get for posting 3:00AM...
-
Mutated spam... not something you'd want to see anyway. :ick:
-
General Forum:
This...is ...deranged.... :lol: