Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Sandwich on May 09, 2006, 02:34:04 pm
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Hey guys, here's something I've wanted to do for a while now - translate the HLP Registration Agreement into plain, humorous, blunt English.
Anyone want to have a go? Here's the full text:
You agree, through your use of this forum, that you will not post any material which is false, defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, adult material, or otherwise in violation of any International or United States Federal law. You also agree not to post any copyrighted material unless you own the copyright or you have written consent from the owner of the copyrighted material. Spam, flooding, advertisements, chain letters, pyramid schemes, and solicitations are also forbidden on this forum.
Note that it is impossible for the staff or the owners of this forum to confirm the validity of posts. Please remember that we do not actively monitor the posted messages, and as such, are not responsible for the content contained within. We do not warrant the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information presented. The posted messages express the views of the author, and not necessarily the views of this forum, its staff, its subsidiaries, or this forum's owner. Anyone who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to notify an administrator or moderator of this forum immediately. The staff and the owner of this forum reserve the right to remove objectionable content, within a reasonable time frame, if they determine that removal is necessary. This is a manual process, however, please realize that they may not be able to remove or edit particular messages immediately. This policy applies to member profile information as well.
You remain solely responsible for the content of your posted messages. Furthermore, you agree to indemnify and hold harmless the owners of this forum, any related websites to this forum, its staff, and its subsidiaries. The owners of this forum also reserve the right to reveal your identity (or any other related information collected on this service) in the event of a formal complaint or legal action arising from any situation caused by your use of this forum.
You have the ability, as you register, to choose your username. We advise that you keep the name appropriate. With this user account you are about to register, you agree to never give your password out to another person except an administrator, for your protection and for validity reasons. You also agree to NEVER use another person's account for any reason. We also HIGHLY recommend you use a complex and unique password for your account, to prevent account theft.
After you register and login to this forum, you will be able to fill out a detailed profile. It is your responsibility to present clean and accurate information. Any information the forum owner or staff determines to be inaccurate or vulgar in nature will be removed, with or without prior notice. Appropriate sanctions may be applicable.
Please note that with each post, your IP address is recorded, in the event that you need to be banned from this forum or your ISP contacted. This will only happen in the event of a major violation of this agreement.
Also note that the software places a cookie, a text file containing bits of information (such as your username and password), in your browser's cache. This is ONLY used to keep you logged in/out. The software does not collect or send any other form of information to your computer.
I suggest you tackle this paragraph by paragraph, ala the Windows XP license in plain english (http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php/topic,39730.0.html) translation. Make sure to post what paragraph you're providing a translation for. ;)
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Hmm, could be fun. I'll give it a go:
1) If anything you do would make Mother Theresa or the RIAA cry, don't do it.
2) We don't do mind-control (not until SMF 1.2 comes out), so what people post is their responsibility alone. As we can't check everything, if you spot a problem, tell us so we can fix it instead of whining about it. If it proves out of line, we'll deal with it.
3) You get us sued because of your posts? You pay.
4) Pick a proper name (see 1), and don't use 'god' as your secret password. Secret, as in don't tell anybody what it is, mmkay? Oh, and stick to your own account.
5) When filling out your profile, don't mess around. Facts only. You mess around, you risk getting messed around by us.
6) We know who you are, we know where you live. So play nice or you're gone, and your internet connection too.
7) Don't worry about the cookies, they won't harm you (much).
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U AGRE THROUGH UR US3 OF THIS FORUM TAHT U WIL NOT POST ANY M8RIAL WHICH IS FALSE D3FMA2RY INACURAET ABUSIEV VULGAR HAETFUL HARASNG OBSC3NA PROFAEN S3XUALY OREINTED THREAETNNG INVASIEV OF A PERSONS PRIVACY ADULT M8RIAL OR OTH3RWIES IN VIOLATION OF ANY INTERNATIONAL OR UNIETD STAETS FEDERAL LAW!1!!!11 OMG U ALSO AGRE NOT 2 POST ANY COPYRIGHT3D M8RIAL UNLES U OWN DA COPYRIGHT OR U HAEV WRIT3N CONS3NT FROM DA OWNER OF TEH COPYRIGHTED M8RIAL!!11!1 WTF LOL SPM FLODNG ADV3RTIESM3NTS CHANE LETARS PYRMID SCHEMES AND SOLICITATIONS R ALSO FORBIDEN ON THIS FORUM
NOTE!!1111 OMG WTF LOL TAHT IT IS IMPOSIBLE FOR TEH STAF OR TEH OWN3RS OF THIS FORUM 2 CONFIRM TEH VALIDITY OF POSTS111!! OMG PLZ REMAMBR TAHT WE DO NOT ACTIEVLY MONI2R TEH POSTAD M3SAEGS AND AS SUCH R NOT RESPONSIBL3 FOR TEH CONT3NT CONTANEED WITHIN1!11!!! OMG WE DO NOT WARANT DA ACURACY COMPL3TENES OR US3FULN3S OF ANY INFORMATION PRESANT3D!!!!1 OMG WTF DA POST3D M3SAEGS 3XPRES TEH VEIWS OF DA AUTHOR AND NOT NECASARILY TEH VEIWS OF THIS FORUM ITS STAF ITS SUBSIDIAREIS OR THIS FORUMS OWNER!!!1!!! OMG ANYON3 WHO FELS TAHT A POSTED MESAEG IS OBJ3CTIONABL3 IS ANCOURAEGD 2 NOTIFY AN ADMINISTRA2R OR MOD3RA2R OF THIS FORUM IM3DIAETLY!11!!1!! WTF LOL DA STAF AND DA OWNER OF THIS FORUM R3SARVE TEH RIGHT 2 RAMOV3 OBJ3CTIONABLE CONTENT WITHIN A R3ASONABLA TIEM FRMA IF THAY DATARMIEN TAHT REMOVAL IS NAC3SARY1!1!! LOL THIS IS A MANUAL PROC3S HOW3VER PLZ R3ALIEZ TAHT TH3Y MAY NOT B ABLE 2 R3MOVA OR EDIT PARTICULAR MESAEGS IMADIAETLY111!! WTF LOL THIS POLICY APLEIS 2 MAMBR PROFIEL INFORMATION AS U!!!!1 WTF LOL REMANE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR TEH CONTENT OF UR POSTAD MESAEGS11!! WTF FURTHERMORE U AGRE 2 INDEMNIFY AND HOLD HARMLAS TEH OWNERS OF THIS FORUM ANY RELAETD WABSIETS 2 THIS FORUM ITS STAF AND ITS SUBSIDIAREIS!!1!1! OMG WTF DA OWN3RS OF THIS FORUM ALSO RESARVE DA RIGHT 2 R3VEAL UR IEDNTITY (OR ANY OTHER RALAETD INFORMATION COL3CT3D ON THIS SARVIEC) IN TEH EV3NT OF A FORMAL COMPLANET OR LEGAL ACTION ARISNG FROM ANY SITUATION CAUSED BY UR USE OF THIS U11111!1! OMG WTF HAEV TEH ABILITY AS U REGISTER 2 CHOS3 UR US3RNME11!!1111 OMG WTF W3 ADVIES TAHT U KEP DA NM3 APROPRIAET1!1! WTF LOL WIT THIS USER ACOUNT U R ABOUT 2 REGIST3R U AGRE 2 N3VER GIEV UR PASWORD OUT 2 ANOTH3R PERSON AXCEPT AN ADMINISTRA2R FOR UR PROT3CTION AND FOR VALIDITY REASONS!1!1 WTF LOL U ALSO AGRE 2 NAVER US3 ANOTH3R P3RSONS ACOUNT FOR ANY REASON11!111 OMG LOL WE ALSO HIGHLY RECOM3ND U USE A COMPLEX AND UNIQU3 PASWORD FOR UR ACOUNT 2 PR3VANT ACOUNT THAFT
AFTER!!!11 OMG WTF LOL U R3GIST3R AND LOGIN 2 THIS FORUM U WIL B ABLA 2 FIL OUT A DETALE3D PROFIEL1!!!!!!! OMG LOL IT IS UR R3SPONSIBILITY 2 PRASANT CLEAN AND ACURAET INFORMATION1!!!1111 ANY INFORMATION DA FORUM OWN3R OR STAF D3T3RMIENS 2 B INACURAET OR VULGAR IN NATUR3 WIL B REMOV3D WIT OR WITHOUT PRIOR NOTIEC1111!1!! OMG WTF LOL APROPRIAET SANCTIONS MAY B PLZ11!11! OMG WTF LOL NOT3 TAHT WIT 3ACH POST UR IP ADR3S IS R3CORDED IN TEH EVENT TAHT U NED 2 B BAN3D FROM THIS FORUM OR UR ISP CONTACTED!11111 OMG WTF LOL THIS WIL ONLY HAPEN IN DA AVENT OF A MAJOR VIOLATION OF THIS AGREMENT
ALSO1!!!1!! OMG WTF NOTE TAHT TEH R PLAECS A COKEI A T3XT FIEL CONTANENG BITS OF INFORMATION (SUCH AS UR USARNM3 AND PASWORD) IN UR BROWSARS CACHE1!11!!!! OMG WTF LOL THIS IS ONLY US3D 2 KEP U LOG3D IN/OUT!!1!1111 OMG WTF DA R DOES NOT COLACT OR SAND ANY OTHER FORM OF INFORMATION 2 UR COMPUTAR!1!!! OMG
Sorry, couldn't resist. :D
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That document's English is already pretty straightforward.
Oh, and tell me you didn't do that leetspeak translation manually.
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You agree, through your use of this forum, that you will not post any material which is false, defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, adult material, or otherwise in violation of any International or United States Federal law. You also agree not to post any copyrighted material unless you own the copyright or you have written consent from the owner of the copyrighted material. Spam, flooding, advertisements, chain letters, pyramid schemes, and solicitations are also forbidden on this forum.
No smut or swearies. We've got our eyes on you, you dirty bastard. And don't try and rip us off either - we've got your number, BARRISTER MBO BUGONGA!
Note that it is impossible for the staff or the owners of this forum to confirm the validity of posts. Please remember that we do not actively monitor the posted messages, and as such, are not responsible for the content contained within. We do not warrant the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information presented.
Most things you read here will be utter pish. Live with it.
The posted messages express the views of the author, and not necessarily the views of this forum, its staff, its subsidiaries, or this forum's owner. Anyone who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to notify an administrator or moderator of this forum immediately. The staff and the owner of this forum reserve the right to remove objectionable content, within a reasonable time frame, if they determine that removal is necessary. This is a manual process, however, please realize that they may not be able to remove or edit particular messages immediately. This policy applies to member profile information as well.
It's not our fault if some nutcase posts rubbish. But ask nice and we'll clean it up for you.
You remain solely responsible for the content of your posted messages. Furthermore, you agree to indemnify and hold harmless the owners of this forum, any related websites to this forum, its staff, and its subsidiaries. The owners of this forum also reserve the right to reveal your identity (or any other related information collected on this service) in the event of a formal complaint or legal action arising from any situation caused by your use of this forum.
Ha! We've got you by the balls now, sonny jim!
You have the ability, as you register, to choose your username. We advise that you keep the name appropriate. With this user account you are about to register, you agree to never give your password out to another person except an administrator, for your protection and for validity reasons. You also agree to NEVER use another person's account for any reason. We also HIGHLY recommend you use a complex and unique password for your account, to prevent account theft.
If your password is 123, you will get a swift kicking. If you tell anyone your password, you'll get a swift kicking. If you choose a naughty name, you'll get a swift kicking. Capiche?
After you register and login to this forum, you will be able to fill out a detailed profile. It is your responsibility to present clean and accurate information. Any information the forum owner or staff determines to be inaccurate or vulgar in nature will be removed, with or without prior notice. Appropriate sanctions may be applicable.
Don't fanny about with your profile
Please note that with each post, your IP address is recorded, in the event that you need to be banned from this forum or your ISP contacted. This will only happen in the event of a major violation of this agreement.
We have your number and we know where you live. MUWHAHAHA!
Also note that the software places a cookie, a text file containing bits of information (such as your username and password), in your browser's cache. This is ONLY used to keep you logged in/out. The software does not collect or send any other form of information to your computer.
We're not doing nuffin, right?
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You agree, through your use of this forum, that you will not post any material which is false, defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, adult material, or otherwise in violation of any International or United States Federal law. You also agree not to post any copyrighted material unless you own the copyright or you have written consent from the owner of the copyrighted material. Spam, flooding, advertisements, chain letters, pyramid schemes, and solicitations are also forbidden on this forum.
Porn and selling things baaaad.
Note that it is impossible for the staff or the owners of this forum to confirm the validity of posts. Please remember that we do not actively monitor the posted messages, and as such, are not responsible for the content contained within. We do not warrant the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information presented. The posted messages express the views of the author, and not necessarily the views of this forum, its staff, its subsidiaries, or this forum's owner. Anyone who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to notify an administrator or moderator of this forum immediately. The staff and the owner of this forum reserve the right to remove objectionable content, within a reasonable time frame, if they determine that removal is necessary. This is a manual process, however, please realize that they may not be able to remove or edit particular messages immediately. This policy applies to member profile information as well.
No one likes a liar.
You remain solely responsible for the content of your posted messages. Furthermore, you agree to indemnify and hold harmless the owners of this forum, any related websites to this forum, its staff, and its subsidiaries. The owners of this forum also reserve the right to reveal your identity (or any other related information collected on this service) in the event of a formal complaint or legal action arising from any situation caused by your use of this forum.
Don't blame the good admins of this forum for your ****ty post.
You have the ability, as you register, to choose your username. We advise that you keep the name appropriate. With this user account you are about to register, you agree to never give your password out to another person except an administrator, for your protection and for validity reasons. You also agree to NEVER use another person's account for any reason. We also HIGHLY recommend you use a complex and unique password for your account, to prevent account theft.
Crappy account name/password? you're screwed.
After you register and login to this forum, you will be able to fill out a detailed profile. It is your responsibility to present clean and accurate information. Any information the forum owner or staff determines to be inaccurate or vulgar in nature will be removed, with or without prior notice. Appropriate sanctions may be applicable.
Post a decent profile or else.
Please note that with each post, your IP address is recorded, in the event that you need to be banned from this forum or your ISP contacted. This will only happen in the event of a major violation of this agreement.
You know you can get your ass kicked out for good, yes?
Also note that the software places a cookie, a text file containing bits of information (such as your username and password), in your browser's cache. This is ONLY used to keep you logged in/out. The software does not collect or send any other form of information to your computer.
The good admins of this forum are try--- er, AREN'T trying to pass off bad software.
That's what I think. aldo's post is good, too. :D
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No warez. No porn. You're solely responsible for what you post. Anything you post becomes our property. **** with the people or the boards and we'll **** with you. Other than that, do as you please.
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(like putting your age as 17 when you're actually 12 or something. You all remember fs2freak88, right? )
Crap. I'm not really 2005 years old. :nervous:
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I kept trying to put it in that I was born in 3040, but it wouldn't let me.
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My entire profile is bullscheiss.
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You agree that all your rights are belong to us.
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You agree, through your use of this forum, that you will not post anything stupid. Don't be stupid. Stupid people get killed and they never get the Iron Cross. So think before you post. If you go unnoticed and manage to stay under the might radar of the Administrative Oppression Machine, you'll be safe. Ok, it's better just not to post until you have some idea what's going on here. Don't do anything stupid on your first day here and you may make it to where all the Good Posters make it to - Valhalla.
We cannot stop you from posting. So if you do something stupid, you'll be flamed, ridiculed and maybe banned. Your internet image will be tarred forever and you can no longer post your favourite lines from obscure fansubbed anime series. If you decide to post content from 4chan.org and get us sued, your family will pay and your mother will die a coward's death, lonely and forgotten. And you will suffer.
If you do something astronomically stupid we will leak you name to CNN and stileproject.com. Then we will take pictures of your home. Is there anything more dangerous? I think not. We know who you are. We know where you live. We know what you did last summer.
Your username should be something sensible. Usually, first misspleling "DETH" or "killah" and then randomly mashing the numpad with your misfigured filthy fist will do. But not here! So god damnit try to think for a change. If your sig and profile are full of excrement of a horny bull, we will reveal it and perform cabbalistic rites on the grave of your unborn children.
No, really - no bull**** when it comes to profiles and so on. Yeah, gimmick accounts are fun and nice but no. Just no.
Please note that with each post, your IP address is recorded, in the event that you need to be banned from this forum or your ISP contacted. This will only happen in the event of a major violation of this agreement. Read: BANNED. NO HLP FOR YOU YOU SLOW SPECIAL KID THAT RIDES THE SHORT BUS
The software will also spy you. And so do we.
So say we all.
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You agree, through your use of this forum, that you will not post any material which is false, defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, adult material, or otherwise in violation of any International or United States Federal law. You also agree not to post any copyrighted material unless you own the copyright or you have written consent from the owner of the copyrighted material. Spam, flooding, advertisements, chain letters, pyramid schemes, and solicitations are also forbidden on this forum. No pr0n, flames, or pissing off t3h Feds. Don't yank other people's stuff. No spambots either.[/b]
Note that it is impossible for the staff or the owners of this forum to confirm the validity of posts. Please remember that we do not actively monitor the posted messages, and as such, are not responsible for the content contained within. We do not warrant the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information presented. The posted messages express the views of the author, and not necessarily the views of this forum, its staff, its subsidiaries, or this forum's owner. Anyone who feels that a posted message is objectionable is encouraged to notify an administrator or moderator of this forum immediately. The staff and the owner of this forum reserve the right to remove objectionable content, within a reasonable time frame, if they determine that removal is necessary. This is a manual process, however, please realize that they may not be able to remove or edit particular messages immediately. This policy applies to member profile information as well. The admins don't like reading every bloody post. Many posts here are utter bull**** at times, though some bull**** may be removed at the request of forum members.[/b]
You remain solely responsible for the content of your posted messages. Furthermore, you agree to indemnify and hold harmless the owners of this forum, any related websites to this forum, its staff, and its subsidiaries. The owners of this forum also reserve the right to reveal your identity (or any other related information collected on this service) in the event of a formal complaint or legal action arising from any situation caused by your use of this forum. Dude, don't screw with the admins. They can rat j00 out to the Feds.[/b]
You have the ability, as you register, to choose your username. We advise that you keep the name appropriate. With this user account you are about to register, you agree to never give your password out to another person except an administrator, for your protection and for validity reasons. You also agree to NEVER use another person's account for any reason. We also HIGHLY recommend you use a complex and unique password for your account, to prevent account theft. Pick a good SN, noob.[/b]
After you register and login to this forum, you will be able to fill out a detailed profile. It is your responsibility to present clean and accurate information. Any information the forum owner or staff determines to be inaccurate or vulgar in nature will be removed, with or without prior notice. Appropriate sanctions may be applicable. Make it easier for all of us to stalk you. Name, age, address, phone number, social security number, please.[/b]
Please note that with each post, your IP address is recorded, in the event that you need to be banned from this forum or your ISP contacted. This will only happen in the event of a major violation of this agreement. IP Banning = you screwed up bad.[/b]
Also note that the software places a cookie, a text file containing bits of information (such as your username and password), in your browser's cache. This is ONLY used to keep you logged in/out. The software does not collect or send any other form of information to your computer. The Feds, the admins, and Bush are all spying on you. Thank you very much.[/b]
Uh... I'll just move along now... :nervous:
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That document's English is already pretty straightforward.
Oh, and tell me you didn't do that leetspeak translation manually.
http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html
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You guys.... :lol: :)
Anyone care for something a bit less... wild? I'm looking for something... simple, with subtle humor.
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My entire profile is bullscheiss.
Your profile only has an age and a sex in it.
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Exactly. He's an ageless asexual being from the planet Omicron Theta.
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I think Janos nailed it. Put that one up.