Hard Light Productions Forums

Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Colonol Dekker on June 14, 2006, 05:40:59 am

Title: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 14, 2006, 05:40:59 am: Each must be 40 words or less, and funny......

So carl he shivan was eating a goat one day in the HLP Installation, he heard a noise up ahead.........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Akalamanaia on June 14, 2006, 05:48:50 am: it was the sound of the horrifying HLBB welcome beam roasting a newcomer, but Carl had a plan to stop such madness..
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: aldo_14 on June 14, 2006, 05:54:15 am: Carl had, unforunately, just has 12 bottles of vodka, and his plan consisted of pulling his trousers down, playing with his plasma beam, and square-going a passing meteorite.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 14, 2006, 06:03:29 am: as it turns out that meteorite was the property of mista T himself, he had used it as a store house for his excessive quantities of bling.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 14, 2006, 06:55:52 am: and Mr T pities the fool who plays with his beam cannon when his bling asteroid is nearby...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 14, 2006, 07:22:05 am: So Mr T soared in the HLPI cavernous docking bay, parked the ATeam class assault shuttle locked and loaded and crawled into the air ducts.....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 14, 2006, 07:33:47 am: and were mauled by hoards of man-eating cobwebs....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 14, 2006, 07:37:40 am: which sent messages back to carl, informing him of T's presence. however, 12 bottles of vodka don't just wear off, and carl was still trying to make his beam cannon shoot...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Prophet on June 14, 2006, 09:24:04 am: when he accidentally activated his power claw thingamazoo...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 14, 2006, 09:50:49 am: and sliced his ~~cock~~ beam cannon off. Screaming as only a shivan can Carl fell down an air duct only to land on Mr T who broke out into that cheesy rap from the 70's about loving his mother......
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 14, 2006, 04:48:02 pm: ..and the tune was so good that both he and Carl decided to swing it...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Dough with Fish on June 14, 2006, 06:06:09 pm: ...until Chuck Norris roundhoused his way into the room...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Dark RevenantX on June 14, 2006, 06:11:02 pm: ... But Chuck Norris turned out to be a hologram, making Carl go mad and somehow regrew his... erm... beam cannon.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 14, 2006, 06:16:17 pm: the real chuck norris was hiding in the air ducts, opening a bag lunch haning from a rope. little did he know it was one of nukes shivan traps and chuck norris was gatling gunned into hamburger meat. shortly thereafter carl and his newfound friend mista t decided not to let all that good meat go to waste and started a bbq.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 14, 2006, 09:47:16 pm: ...and eating chuck noris caused Carl to grow another beam cannon...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 14, 2006, 09:51:05 pm: ...and a whole bunch of new ammunition canisters. the 12 bottles of vodka were starting to wear off, and carl was starting to have some ideas...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: CP5670 on June 14, 2006, 10:19:39 pm: only to find that his new beam wouldn't work because he had not beam-freed it. He decided it must be broken and went to Sathanas #42 to get a warranty replacement, but the customer support Shivans just kept saying "the walkthrough is A-1 SUPAR!!" So he got pissed off at them and he...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Charismatic on June 14, 2006, 11:09:16 pm: ...got depressed and bought another 12 bottles of vadka when..
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 14, 2006, 11:43:19 pm: out of the airduct an idea came and knocked him out...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Ace on June 15, 2006, 12:19:09 am: ...of his funk. Sadly he was meek and vulnerable when not encased in the chitinous armor of his funk.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 15, 2006, 12:30:54 am: ......then he preceeded to set out on a quest for the funk medallion. Mr. T decided to jump on a donkey and go with him......
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: FireCrack on June 15, 2006, 01:23:20 am: ..the donkey didnt have subspace drives, so carl quickly outpaced mr T...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Black Wolf on June 15, 2006, 02:22:26 am: Mr. T, realizing that, should Carl possess both the ground up body of Chuck Norris and the Funk Medallion (The inimitable medallion of James Brown), he would be unstoppable. So Mr. T Placed the Donkey into the rear of his van and caught up with Carl, Menacingly, he...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 15, 2006, 02:39:21 am: ....and the donkey engaged the vans bling powered subspace drives, but suddenly a huge ship jumped out in front of them. On this ship was the title, "U.S.S. L. Ron Hubbard"......
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 15, 2006, 06:16:45 am: coming to free Xenu and...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 15, 2006, 07:16:46 am: kill everybody, now that they found a way to use thetans as a power source. little did they know that everything they believed was a load of crap. at the very same time, Pat Robertson was predicting imminent doom. entirely by coincidence, Carl was on his way to earth...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 15, 2006, 07:45:02 am: To help the states try and win at the world cup through the medium of tantric.............
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 15, 2006, 07:46:40 am: ...fortune telling. But he read the map totaly wrong and was heading in the wrong direction.. Meanhwhile, Mr T. had his hands full with the USSL Ron Hubbard. The captain of hte ship decided to use the doomsday device on him, but beeing a complete moron he punched hte wrong botton, and...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Ghostavo on June 15, 2006, 07:48:09 am: ...suddenly Bosch appeared, annoyed at the fact they were having a shivan party without him...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 15, 2006, 07:54:48 am: ..so, using the amazing power of his hi-poly Iceni, and thousands of cases of Bosh beer, he...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 15, 2006, 07:58:44 am: Got alpha ones Female wing"person" to give everyone a Lapdance then get fruity with Female Command until 3 am at which point...........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Prophet on June 15, 2006, 11:15:19 am: Mr T. managed to get his bling stuk on his pubic hair.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Janos on June 15, 2006, 01:42:56 pm: This caused outrage and...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Black Wolf on June 15, 2006, 02:51:51 pm: Volition to team back up to reform Parallax and make "Descent 4" with Mr T in the future as the newest PTMC recruit. The Game was...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Corsair on June 15, 2006, 03:30:47 pm: a huge success and made more money than God, which pissed him off to no end and...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 15, 2006, 03:57:13 pm: .. Pat Robertson's prediction came true as a result. unfortunately, nobody was paying attention because...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Janos on June 15, 2006, 04:58:15 pm: .. they were all ****ed up on cheap crack they had gotten from...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 15, 2006, 05:11:13 pm: ....kermit the frog while on a trip to cappella......
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 15, 2006, 05:18:20 pm: when he ran out of toilet paper....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Mars on June 15, 2006, 05:21:56 pm: (cause he scrunched rather than folded)...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 15, 2006, 05:25:51 pm: ..and decided to drop his dropping out of the airlock..which fell onto the sun.. Little did anyone know that Kermits crack-filled crap was in essence a super-reactive fuel that in contact with the Capella sun triggered a chain reacton causing a supernova!
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 15, 2006, 05:36:15 pm: .....But Mr. T's immense amount of bling reflected most of the damaging rays from the supernova.....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 15, 2006, 05:42:23 pm: but caused it to hit Barney's homeworld killing all his little friends, but didn't kill him, cause he is too happy, but now he is mad and declares war on Mr. T.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: watsisname on June 15, 2006, 05:59:55 pm: ...so Barney sent his semi-sub-official super happy fleet-o-doom to wage a terrible battle...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 15, 2006, 06:14:06 pm: ..when three cylon basestars jumped in and ambushed them...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 15, 2006, 06:38:43 pm: Shooting toasters, Barney's fleet had no chance
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 15, 2006, 06:40:55 pm: ....yet barney escaped, to be picked up by Mr. T and Kermit....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 15, 2006, 06:50:36 pm: ...who immediately made a barneyque patry....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 15, 2006, 06:59:37 pm: Carl, smelling the bbq'd purple dinosaur, decided to hop in on the party, and brought...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 15, 2006, 07:16:30 pm: drugged up gerbils.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: vyper on June 15, 2006, 07:32:34 pm: and a plain glass tube...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 15, 2006, 08:06:59 pm: ....and he was holding a strange mass of black leather, with one small red rubber ball attached to an elastic band.....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 15, 2006, 09:58:55 pm: marcellus marcus was said to have made a brief appearance, but fled the scene when he saw the ball
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 16, 2006, 01:13:57 am: ...meanwhile mr t dawns a leather codpiece and solid gold nipple claps....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 16, 2006, 01:24:16 am: ....he then turns to look at kermit in a menacing manner:drevil:. Mr. T proceeds to say, "I'm gonna do you like my momma did me as a kid foo!"...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 16, 2006, 01:46:17 am: Then a comet came and hit Mr. T thus killing him, while Bosch watched Kermit and Ms. Piggy turn the story's rating to "R."
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 16, 2006, 02:51:14 am: then bosch started fondeling carl
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Mars on June 16, 2006, 02:53:30 am: <COMMENT>

Quote from: Falcon on June 16, 2006, 01:46:17 am
Then a comet came and hit Mr. T thus killing him, while Bosch watched Kermit and Ms. Piggy turn the story's rating to "R."

Kermit has a dick?

</comment>
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Prophet on June 16, 2006, 03:48:13 am: <COMMENT>

Quote from: Mars on June 16, 2006, 02:53:30 am
Kermit has a dick?
You don't need dick for that, use your imagination for god sake. Now stop messing up the story. :hopping:
</comment>
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 16, 2006, 04:01:17 am: Hugh heffners Mansion class party juggernaut, came out of trans-subspace thus yupassing the collapsed sol node and offered Kermit 40% of the planets wealth for the film rights to his porn story........, He could because he lived on since the 20th century in a robot body he stole from mr burns and used his immense porn empire to form the GTA in the first place..
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 16, 2006, 06:44:03 am: but then the gtsj giant penis jumped out of subspace and collided with Hugh heffners juggernat, aparently he didnt dive and hit his burners fast enough and then there was a big whole in the side of his ship and he got sucked out. then in the confusion the gtsj giant penis accidently fired a bfcream at...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 16, 2006, 06:49:32 am: Mr T, reanimating him in the form of the Sperminator, a Jism powered superweapon, At seeing this.......
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Prophet on June 16, 2006, 07:42:07 am: ... Carl proceeded to consume the lunch bag he "liberated" from an unfortunate pianist during the commotion.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 16, 2006, 07:50:24 am: Pat Robertson Clone #281 appeared in the form of a hologram and thus proceeded to babble like an idiot. Soon Bosch made it his goal to...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 16, 2006, 08:06:23 am: Complete the sex-change operation he was funding by channeling funds from ETAK
(an anagram of KATE his soon to be name) He was about to fire the beam pistol at his wang when Carl..........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 16, 2006, 08:10:08 am: Fired it off for him...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 16, 2006, 08:55:33 am: ...But it missed, hitting the Nav panel on the bridge, causing the ship to crash into...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 16, 2006, 09:01:12 am: ... an israeli woman who wanted an abortion in palestine, who was about to experience some iceni-based selection pressure, thus proving evolution, causing all of the arguments on HLP to be solved. until...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 16, 2006, 09:16:07 am: a "swirly thing alert sounded" And Ace Bosch, and alternate version of himself appeared in a Dimension Jump ship and saved the palastinian woman through surgery involing a bicycle inner tube a rubber duck and an aold tampon, As the swirky thing was bout to close something started to come through, it looked suspicously like...........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 16, 2006, 12:56:38 pm: ....Bill Cosby....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: vyper on June 16, 2006, 01:23:44 pm: who immediately started talking about kids with their "bipping and a-boppin'...."
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 16, 2006, 03:01:54 pm: .....and "what the jazz is all about".....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 16, 2006, 03:35:54 pm: untill carl put a beam through his skull, giving him a reason to throw yet another bbq
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 16, 2006, 03:41:14 pm: ...and his brains came out looking remarkably like pudding, and Mr. T aka the Sperminator loves pudding...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 16, 2006, 04:20:15 pm: .... and the universe parted, revealing God in all His Glory.. And God said: "You did good. He was going even on my nerves. He then turned all the water on the ship into Bosch Beer and dissapeared....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: FireCrack on June 16, 2006, 05:40:06 pm: Confused at all this mayhem, carl paused to think...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 16, 2006, 05:43:29 pm: but then decided thinking was for losers and decided to feast on ice cream.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 16, 2006, 05:55:14 pm: Until he relized he was mosty machine and couldn't taste. He then proceeded to a have a charity to benifit the familys of all the people he killed to get their lunch. But then...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 16, 2006, 05:58:32 pm: he remembered that he's frakkin carl the shivan, and went on a rampage, stabbing people with his glowy stabby thingys and stealing all their lunches until...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 16, 2006, 06:00:30 pm: the fat guy farted, people screamed, someone lost a hot dog, Kermit forgot about his need for toilet paper, and Mr T wondered if the planets made him look fat, then...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 16, 2006, 06:06:10 pm: an opera singer with a really bad accent starting singing ballads in Bosch's ear this caused...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 16, 2006, 06:25:00 pm: ..Bosch to pull out his patented "annoying-people-desintegrator 3000 deluxe" and vaporize the inbred...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 16, 2006, 06:51:40 pm: ...Only to discover that the now-vaporized singer was none other than Emperor Khonsu II's 2nd wife, to whom he was paying huge amounts of allamony. This caused the Emperor to...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 16, 2006, 07:07:38 pm: praise Admiral Bosch and declare the NTF an ally, thus the alliance becoming the NTVF.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 16, 2006, 07:27:05 pm: ...but then while reaching for a fresh bottle of Bosch, he bumped the controls to the ETAK device, whitch caused the toilet to come alive. And Carl being drunk preceeded to do battle with it RPG style when the FF2 Boss theme started playing randomly, coming from nowhere.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Polpolion on June 16, 2006, 07:35:01 pm: *never happend
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 16, 2006, 07:45:20 pm: Doc using his DeLorean goes back in time and makes thesizzler's post never happen.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 16, 2006, 07:48:38 pm: ....shortly therafter, a flock of beavers flew buy on croissants...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 16, 2006, 07:56:30 pm: only they just looked like croissants from far away. they were actually cylon raiders, which had been commandeered by enormous beavers, on a mission to...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Polpolion on June 16, 2006, 09:02:53 pm: steal your candy!
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 16, 2006, 10:09:32 pm: Bosch noticed that he couldn't shot web...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 17, 2006, 03:01:45 am: so he began to spank his monkey, two minutes later he erupted all over...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 17, 2006, 04:09:41 am: ....himself....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 17, 2006, 04:55:15 am: ...and Oprah. Teal'c scratched his head as he came in and said, "What is an Oprah?" This...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 17, 2006, 06:07:53 am: made opera break her diet and starthuffing down crispy creams, little did she know carl sucked the cream outof all the boston cremes and replaced it with mr t's manjizz. all of the sudden oprah...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 17, 2006, 09:39:29 am: ...had mr T nymphs sputing out of her chest, not at all unlike the movie Alien. Teal'c seeing this, raised his eyebrow slightly, and walked slowly away, while...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Cobra on June 17, 2006, 10:29:00 am: ...one of Carl's bretheren lunged at Teal'c, proceeding to horribly maim and dismember him.

(i just got up. :D)
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 17, 2006, 02:17:32 pm: Unfortunately Carl's brethren could only do so much until Brea'tac came in and made it his goal to personally kill every Shivan...... blindfolded....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 17, 2006, 04:19:19 pm: which caused him to accidently shoot mr t right in the gold, causing it to melt around his neck, at the same time a passing by vorlon got encased in the gold, posessing mr t. meanwhile at the hlpi sperm bank, carl was accepting samples from...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 17, 2006, 04:43:12 pm: ....an unknown donor. He planed to make clone army, hearing that Emperor Palpatine pays good money for those...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Polpolion on June 17, 2006, 10:51:49 pm: ...until he got a whole bunch of paturnity suits filed against him. So Carl decided to...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Ace on June 17, 2006, 10:55:45 pm: ...get some crumpets however as he went to the store he was simply beaten to death by Commander William Adama's flashlight.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Gortef on June 18, 2006, 07:15:37 am: [oh dear god...]

Which was made out of pink rubber and...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Mars on June 18, 2006, 10:45:36 am: *Self Censored*
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 18, 2006, 03:45:07 pm: ..Adama tried to run back to his starship after the crime, but Carls clone army boarded the ship and was waiting....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 18, 2006, 04:13:15 pm: ...but they forgot who they were dealing with. the commander's face is, as we all know, bulletproof, and his flashlight, pink as it may be, is deadly. he's also a cylon, and about 50 other commanders (thankfully not naked) showed up....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 18, 2006, 05:04:28 pm: ...but the clones were many ,well trained and geneticly enhanced by Carl himself. A apocalyptic struggle ensued and finally the clones won. After blowiing Battlestar Galactica to bits they...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 18, 2006, 05:17:58 pm: ....ate some cake....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 18, 2006, 05:25:07 pm: ...at which point Bill Clinton, Commander Adama#52, Bruce Lee, and Rambo all burst out of the cake and proceeded to start attacking the clones, while on the outside of the clone cake-encampment...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 18, 2006, 07:45:31 pm: muad'dib was petting his worm
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Ace on June 18, 2006, 07:55:39 pm: ...unfortunately that angered the Imperial Concubine Cheney, who then shot Muad'dib when he was worm hunting outside of his sietch.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 18, 2006, 09:57:02 pm: Meanwhile, the surviving clone troopers grabbed Carl's body and threw him in a clone vat, bringing him back to life. They then re-grafted on his cybernetic components, including a BIGGER beam cannon ( :drevil: ). Unfortunately, his new parts were hot pink, causing...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 18, 2006, 10:01:18 pm: everyone's eyes who beheld it to melt out
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 19, 2006, 03:35:54 am: Which was unfortunate as a cylon passed Carl, and he saw himself in its reflection.... 20 minutes later an ice cream freighter was flying towards the HLP i when..............
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Dark RevenantX on June 19, 2006, 10:00:14 am: its reactor faced a "total reactor implosion," causing it to crumple into a little grain of dense matter and then explode. Apparently, the ice cream was bubble-gum pink...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 19, 2006, 10:54:03 am: which attracted a gay pride parade...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 19, 2006, 10:55:57 am: Oh dear sweet god................ :shaking:

"cough" said mr T, Yes :nervous: Mr T said..............
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 19, 2006, 03:32:04 pm: "I piddy da foo who is gay!"- he said and punced on the parade with his brass knuckles....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Polpolion on June 19, 2006, 08:40:06 pm: ... and his army of cloned ~~bill clintions~~ mutants...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 19, 2006, 09:01:29 pm: ...it was then that Kerrigan, the queen of blades (a well known dyke) showed up and started an epic battle with mr.T (which can only be resolved in no less than 3 posts of epic combat)...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Polpolion on June 19, 2006, 09:07:11 pm: Kerrigan charged...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Polpolion on June 19, 2006, 09:07:30 pm: ...Kerrigan then tripped...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Polpolion on June 19, 2006, 09:08:02 pm: ... and then ran home crying to the overmind...

(sorry I just had too :p )
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 19, 2006, 09:10:05 pm: kerrigan and the overmind then started a completely awesome dance routine...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Falcon on June 19, 2006, 10:07:09 pm: ...which was cut short because of improper funds...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 19, 2006, 10:09:56 pm: when they forgot how to eat.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 19, 2006, 10:23:42 pm: meanwhil carl was abord the ssj dante blowing **** up...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 19, 2006, 10:41:05 pm: ....when the clock stuck 12 am on Jan 1 and in his new years resolution he became a Buddist.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Charismatic on June 19, 2006, 10:43:17 pm: ..but then found a video on the internet of 'budda142' mowing down noobs on halo 2, and decided to continue killing things when..

(Btw, i love the mention of Mua'dib.. excelent choice)
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: watsisname on June 19, 2006, 10:45:52 pm: The GTVA unveiled the newly created GTD Rubber Ducky. Spanning 6 centimeters from tail to bill, the vessel took 20 minutes to complete. In a frenzy of pot-smoking, Command decided to throw it at the Sathanas.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 19, 2006, 10:55:59 pm: piloted by a subspace-shrunk Alpha 1, the rubber ducky destroyed the entire sathanas fleet, and the capella star in the process....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 20, 2006, 03:49:16 am: Which threw alpha one a nano-second out of phase with the rest of the universe, Where he an dbaxter stockman had a tea party. Suddenly Alpha ones Motorola V3909075897349 x Slvr - dLdo, started blaring out the Themetune to Zelda "WAZZZZZZZZZZZUP?" Apha one answered...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: aldo_14 on June 20, 2006, 03:56:29 am: ..."what the ****?"
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Gortef on June 20, 2006, 11:09:21 am: And on the other end of the line was his ol' english teacher who immediatly began nagging about Alpha 1:s bad language, which lasted about...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 20, 2006, 04:22:35 pm: ..5 seconds, as Alpha 1 shashed hte el lphone and returned to our normal space only to find out that 3 years have passed - Kerrigen was vaporized by hte Terran-Protoss fleet, the street were still littered with skulls of Mr T's parade rampage and Carl stole the birthday cake of hte queen of England...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 20, 2006, 05:32:49 pm: ..Whtich was his own mother
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Charismatic on June 20, 2006, 09:30:08 pm: dressed up in the clothes of none other than...the great..
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 20, 2006, 09:32:57 pm: ...Juggernaut, *****!!
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Ace on June 20, 2006, 09:54:27 pm: Who then bubble-hearthed home when he saw a little Orc girl.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Charismatic on June 20, 2006, 11:20:39 pm: with her makup not on...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 21, 2006, 03:52:06 am: then all the characters spen the next hour playing the latest version of nukemod. then they came to the consensus that the mod sucks and then,
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 21, 2006, 04:02:07 am: They dumped their pcs in a beer volcano whilst playing Pokemon outside a stripper factory, Suddenly out of nowhee pirates approached chanting "Ramen, Ramen," when..
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 21, 2006, 04:06:14 pm: ..the S.P.S. (Stupid Peoples Ship) Ron Howard appeared and hte scientologist threatened: "All bow down to the great Xizor or be destroyed!!!!"...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 21, 2006, 06:03:42 pm: and then, the Flying Spaghetti Monster descended from the Heaven-Sauce and touched L.Ron with His Noodley Appendage, and made him un-retarded. The pirates then started killing all the scientologists when...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 21, 2006, 06:40:26 pm: ...the Scientologists deployed their Bomb-of-God, which is 3000000000000000x more powerful than the Meson bomb. Fortunately, in their infinite wisdom, they set it off behind their battle line, annihilating all Scientologits, but leaving the pirates unscathed.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 21, 2006, 11:59:50 pm: ....then all the thetans flew away....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 22, 2006, 02:30:44 am: ....meanwhile the pope was choking on a vienna sausage...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 22, 2006, 03:35:23 am: [NARF!] Screamed pinky as the brain laughed maniacaly, his plan to take over teh world by replacing the pope after tempting him with a vienna sausage was nearly complete, the only thing that could possibly stop him was................
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 22, 2006, 05:14:17 am: ...a penut named ralph...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: LordPomposity on June 22, 2006, 09:20:19 am: ...which Mecha-Hitler ate, granting him a Maxim cannon coming out of his arse...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 22, 2006, 09:24:00 am: Quote from: LordPomposity on June 22, 2006, 09:20:19 am
...which Mecha-Hitler ate, granting him a Maxim cannon coming out of his arse...

Enter stage left dude from Wolfenstien 3D riding Carl the Shivan awhilst swinging Bill Gates by his feet.........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 22, 2006, 03:27:56 pm: ...and singing "What a wonderfull world!".. .
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 22, 2006, 06:22:12 pm: all hte sudden, a giant penis...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: vyper on June 22, 2006, 06:26:29 pm: never appeared, but the entire cast of Cats turned up demanding to know why so much smut was in this version of tas...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 22, 2006, 06:48:02 pm: ..."thats tass!" carl clicked, waving aroune a large pink dildo...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 22, 2006, 06:55:49 pm: when he was mugged and beaten by a bunch of webcam girls, with shoes on their heads....

(oh, and they took the dildo)
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 22, 2006, 08:27:17 pm: ...So he put out a bounty on the girls and *it* for 10000 Standard Monetary Units. The wanted posters were answered by none other than...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 22, 2006, 11:15:23 pm: ...george w bush....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 22, 2006, 11:16:24 pm: who was browsing on the internets, all 6 of them, looking for weapons of mass destruction and turrerists...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 22, 2006, 11:17:50 pm: as well as nuculur bombz
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Gunteen6 on June 23, 2006, 01:35:33 am: ...and more reasons to blame iraq for all the world's problems...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 23, 2006, 03:47:51 am: The AQD ~(Al Qaiada Dreadnought) Muahamshasshiramarananan commanded by Admiral Osama Bin Laden came out of Camel Space over The USS Whitehouse, and proceeded to unleash its arsenal of rotten fruit, 3000 cubic tonnes of the stuff, At this the White house used an inverse tachyon field to to fire a Temperal weapon at the AQD "Muahamshasshiramarananan resulting in...............
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 23, 2006, 05:17:49 am: ...skyrocketing oil prices...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: LordPomposity on June 23, 2006, 11:46:05 am: But then W at last revealed to the world that he was after tourists, not terrorists...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: vyper on June 23, 2006, 11:56:51 am: ..and the economy of florida vanished overnight...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 23, 2006, 03:31:13 pm: ...and bush opened a concentration camp for tourists, which unfortunately carl was sent to because he was on vacation at disney world...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 23, 2006, 05:45:28 pm: ..and was an illegal ALIEN...not to mention he had an unregistered plasma cannon. However Mr T. relized Carl has been trapped, so he and Bosch came with a plan to rescue him...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 23, 2006, 08:42:02 pm: The plan involved a donkey, a hand pump, and a rather large banana. As part of Phase 1, they used the donkey and banana to...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 23, 2006, 08:43:39 pm: smuggle cocaine (in sealed bags inside the bigger bags of coffee), they used the huge profits from this sale to purchase the contents of a sperm bank, which when used in conjunction with the hand pump ...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 23, 2006, 09:10:02 pm: until, they decided to ley carl rot, and turned into Orkin men.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 23, 2006, 09:54:54 pm: Unfortunately, the Orkin men saw that the extermination market was cornered by the Shivans. (They can destroy planets after all.) In light of this, they changed professions and became...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 24, 2006, 02:38:13 am: ....pornstars....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 24, 2006, 04:13:08 pm: How ever big, grene, smelly orkins weren't realyl in high demand, so they Mr T and Bosch formulated a new plan! Tehy would travel back in time and...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 24, 2006, 04:21:45 pm: assemble a group of persons of historical significance, however their safety was not guaranteed, and they had to bring thier own weapons...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 24, 2006, 05:04:34 pm: ... and they shot Geoge Washington in the butt, messing up the American revolution, gave Einstien future hair condititioner, stopping him from helping create the Atom Bomb since he thought he was too sexy for science. and Mr T's younger self started making fun of the older version, causing him to kill his younger self erasing himself from the fabric of time...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 24, 2006, 05:46:03 pm: ...causing amix-up in the time space continuum. The Timeship Relativity went to sort thigs out onyl to be intercepted by Voyager as it's captin though that the temporal chaos was good for her crew getting back. So after Relativity erased Voyager from existance tehy stopped Mr T from killing himself - insted he killed the whole Relativity crew and blew the ship. ....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 24, 2006, 07:48:50 pm: then, dr who took carl back in time to the beginnings of life on earth. while carl was there he threw a dildo into the primordial soup...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 25, 2006, 03:33:45 pm: ..which caused humanity to evolve....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 25, 2006, 04:13:06 pm: ...Into a race of sex-crazed maniacs, obsessed with having the perfect body. (Wait, how is that different from today?)
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Ace on June 25, 2006, 04:50:42 pm: Unfortunately they were also fanatical zealots in addition to being sex-crazed maniacs, leading to the AQD Muahamshasshiramarananan being the flagship of the Durkadurkamushamananaramanaman jihad which was the global authority of Earth, except for Pittsburgh.

This made Carl cry and...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Polpolion on June 25, 2006, 07:49:59 pm: ...he stared eating to many pies and became fat...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 25, 2006, 09:07:58 pm: ...And thus developed an unhealthy attraction to exercise equipment (Not always for exercise purposes)...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 26, 2006, 03:40:12 am: So as Carl was watching thighmaster infomaercials at 3:00am and whacking off, the SCOOP (Shivan Co-olition of Overly Obese Persons) Stormed his times square apartment and rallied round him as a leader to lead the fat masses against the body-beutiful image obsessed members of FLAG (Fit Ladies And Geezers), A bloody war ensued which for 14 terrible years covered three quarteres of the planet with .................
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 26, 2006, 07:38:26 am: ....elephant semen...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 26, 2006, 08:30:49 am: Thus causing a human-elephant hybrid to take over the world. They were called Hulephants. As a result of this genetic recombination, they gained the power to...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 26, 2006, 08:33:55 am: Speak to mice wearing majorettes uniforms called timothy.......
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 27, 2006, 08:18:46 am: Unfortunately, these mice had the ability to control minds and wanted to take over the world. They used their mind powers to tell the Hulephants to...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 27, 2006, 04:17:48 pm: ...buy major shares in all the Bosch Beer factories and thus they forced the whole GTVA to do their bidding, lest they cut all beer supply....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 27, 2006, 05:20:15 pm: ...then carl introduced space crack to the masses...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on June 27, 2006, 07:42:45 pm: Whtich everyone who posted in this thread gladly sacrificed a half of their brain to get, causing....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 27, 2006, 08:22:04 pm: George W Bush to sacrifice his whole brain, thereby fixing all the world's problems. Carl decided the world was too peaceful, so he...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Herra Tohtori on June 27, 2006, 10:36:17 pm: ...called home.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Ace on June 27, 2006, 10:39:53 pm: Unfortunately the Shivans had a plan...

...one foiled by Carl's inane antics. You see the Shivans watched too much of the original Star Trek and decided that George W. Bush was a necessary element in destabilizing the Terrans for a future invasion. Due to this deadly combination of politics and Trekdom they decided that the only means of keeping reigns on the galaxy was... Bush's Brain!
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 27, 2006, 10:53:18 pm: around this time the battlestar galactica arrived in earth orbit, at the sight of this bunch of humans, they promptly flew back to cylon space and surrendered...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Charismatic on June 28, 2006, 12:07:05 am: all their elephant porn and dildos to..
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 28, 2006, 12:42:23 am: a pack of number 6's who, as we all know, are complete hornballs. everyone just sat back and relaxed as they...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 28, 2006, 11:27:36 am: took turns giving commander adama lapdances. many other sixes had much fun involving a strap on and president baltar...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 28, 2006, 04:38:31 pm: ..who imeediately unleashed the "impotency Bomb", making everyone impotent and brining and end to the sexual comments in this thread...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 28, 2006, 05:31:31 pm: Unfortunately it wasn't enough, so Carl went back in time to find they guy who started it. He found who it was and shouted his name across the forum. He yelled out...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 28, 2006, 06:22:21 pm: ..."Screeeeeeee".. since as a Shivan he really doesn't have the vocal cords for anything else...but roughly translated it would be ......
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on June 28, 2006, 06:36:26 pm: scritch scritch scritch (+5 for getting the reference)

but that was because nobody really understood how to recieve shivan transmissions. frustrated that nobody could understand him, Carl...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 28, 2006, 07:03:28 pm: ... spanked the shivan equivelant of a monkey :D...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on June 28, 2006, 09:43:00 pm: Thereby continuing the many sexual references in this thread, causing...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Charismatic on June 28, 2006, 11:47:47 pm: Death, and shrinkage of..
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 28, 2006, 11:57:39 pm: ...the gamma draconis jump node, causing the sathani to come out as cute little minisathani which people could keep as pets...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: achtung on June 29, 2006, 03:19:33 am: ...the entire galaxy went on a rampage (not unlike the furby rampage) in order to get these cute little bundles of death...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 29, 2006, 04:47:40 am: unfortunately when the gtva build a knossos around the gamma draconis node, all the little sathani grew to their full size again and started firing their bf reads at anything not shivan...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 29, 2006, 05:26:31 am: Whch was unfortunate as at that moment Barney was en-route to the chid labour slave/brainwashing camp he set up in ALtair. Due to Sathanii beam fire scoching his ass, he trippled in size fuelled by Barney-Rage and took out a corner of teh galaxy with.............
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 29, 2006, 08:08:31 am: ....his power of anoyance.
Thus, seeing the great peril that was threatening the universe, the shivan united with the Terran, Vasudans, Loroi, Cyclon, Zentradi, the SDF-1, USS Enterprise, Klingons, Battlestar Galactica, Jedi Order and hte Sith, Carl, Bosch and NTF, Mr T. and every even remotely sane sentient being in the galaxy....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on June 29, 2006, 08:33:14 am: Except the smurfs who unveilled their ultimate weapon, a giant smurfified version of unicron who went off to meet the SNAFU (sentient nerfherders alient f*ckwit union) which was rallied against barney and ..........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Gunteen6 on June 30, 2006, 12:24:26 am: meanwhile, Mr. T puls a Dr.Who on us and comes back looking like my grandmother after beating the **** out of pornstars and thus also getting pelted with the only thing pornstars have... used condoms...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 30, 2006, 02:43:58 am: ....then carl ran off to vegas with smurfette and got married...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 30, 2006, 04:05:27 am: The combined power of a kazillion beam cannons, plasma guns, railguns and missiles was concetrated on the giant Barneys head. and it blew up in a great ball of fireworks..and the universe rejoiced....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Mars on June 30, 2006, 04:24:04 am: But alas, Carl and Smurfette's relationship was not to be, and Smurfette died a few days later from massive burns to the... area, presumabley from Carl's beam cannon
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on June 30, 2006, 06:35:37 am: which smurfett mistook for his penis :D
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 30, 2006, 04:34:20 pm: ..and half the universe came to smurfetes burial (she was allready cremated by Carl anyway) And when it was over and people started going home a massive lfeet came out of nowhere and a alien face appeared. it was - XENU!!!!!
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Herra Tohtori on June 30, 2006, 04:35:51 pm: It appears that Smurfette had found the everlasting battery and had taken it with her to power up her...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on June 30, 2006, 06:15:32 pm: ...ahem ..."toys"...

And so Xenu begun his reign of terror....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on July 03, 2006, 08:32:14 am: Ahhhhhhhhh, crap Alpha one said, "command, what the $£%$£% are you gonna do about this?" he asked over the subspace squawkbox, "Well Alpha, we have a plan but it involves..........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on July 03, 2006, 08:42:08 am: ....a meson bomb, and a crate of dildoes....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Ace on July 03, 2006, 12:15:42 pm: Unfortunately Command failed to realise that Alien Overlord Xenu was not George Michael.
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on July 03, 2006, 05:15:35 pm: ..and command immediately died of stupidity, when the bodies of those in charge realised that tehy had no brians...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: LordPomposity on July 05, 2006, 08:39:44 pm: ...and they didn't have any brains, either. So Mecha-Hitler and Mr. T teamed up and gave Command brain transplants from goats, bringing them back to life as brain-dead zombies which were still much more intelligent in death than in life...smart enough, in fact, to...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on July 05, 2006, 08:51:37 pm: spend their entire defence budget on hookers and blowjob machines...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Dark Hunter on July 05, 2006, 09:50:23 pm: ..which turned out to be a huge problem when the Sathani fleet, who had been recharging their beams after killing the giant barney, suddenly remembered who they had been fighting beforehand....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on July 06, 2006, 04:53:31 am: Thats right, The IRS !!!! For taxing the heck out of the sathanii fleet for overdue space-road tax, the Satanii brought all arms to bear on the fleet of Defecit class detroyers declaoking of their starboard bow.

The lead ship the IRD Rebate commenced firing the main Bill cannon at the fleet, and millions of tax bill forms clogged the guns of the sathanii.......
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Dark Hunter on July 06, 2006, 12:30:18 pm: ... when all of a sudden Spaceball 1 came rocketing by at Ludicrous Speed and wiped out the IRS fleet; around the universe, there was much rejoicing, until...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on July 06, 2006, 04:40:25 pm: ...they realised that Spaceball One's brakes weren't working and it warped around the universe at ludicrus speed, running over things and paintig the universe in the well-known colour scheme....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on July 06, 2006, 05:06:07 pm: BLUE! That's right, Command bleeds blue, cause they're all cowards! If they had a spine, they would have come up with a bolder plan for dealing with the Shivans...One involving...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on July 06, 2006, 06:22:10 pm: ... a big peace of paper, a plastic bag, glue and scisors.... and a superDVD with clips of Steve Urkel. The plan would be to construct a giant spider net and capture the shivans as they enter Capella, and then force them to commit suicide by playing that DVD....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Dark Hunter on July 06, 2006, 06:48:31 pm: The plan was rejected due to the fact that Shivans see in a different spectrum....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on July 07, 2006, 03:39:12 am: They see throught the medium of stage dance and song....... And as they communicated via the combination language of Riverstomp, the proceeded to advance on spaceball as it was etering the MEGAMAID transformation sequence during Ludicrous speed..........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on July 07, 2006, 08:11:19 pm: ...and were sucked....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Dark Hunter on July 08, 2006, 12:22:13 am: ...into the giant vacuum cleaner... they soon wondered how this happened because a vacuum cannot work in vacuum....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on July 08, 2006, 02:08:36 am: then the laws of physics break down and the universe imploads. meanwhile in paralell universe #21576921657...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on July 08, 2006, 10:18:20 am: ...The Shivans ally with the Tribbles, a race of cute pink balls of living fluff, because the Tribbles had the secret to the ultimate weapon of...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Sarafan on July 08, 2006, 12:18:10 pm: of creation to recreate the universe that just imploded because that's the only one in that the shivans are a violent race and balance must be remain lest ALL universes implode, meanwhile the Alpha one of this universe...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on July 08, 2006, 05:30:38 pm: ....pulled off a daring plan. The "Best of Steve Urkel" DVD has been converted to the shivan spectrum, and Alpha 1 downloaded it's contents inot hte Shovan comm nodes. As a result...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Sarafan on July 08, 2006, 05:42:36 pm: all the Shovans, the most peaceful and enlighted race of the universe, died as for the shIvans, nothing happened and they continued with their plans until... :lol:
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: WeatherOp on July 08, 2006, 09:45:50 pm: ...a rip in the fabric of time and space caused it all to merge with UT's HLP movie part two. :eek2:
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on July 09, 2006, 05:13:24 pm: ...however, the Movie was still under construction, so the universe could not end.....
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on July 10, 2006, 04:17:56 am: So the universe merged with a straight to tv special, making Alpha one slightly less effective and losing the war in one fell swoop..................Some time later however in a wall-mart in denver colorado, A certain egg-based person was browsing for........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on July 10, 2006, 10:43:37 am: ...Bug killer, to use against the Shivans...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: TrashMan on July 11, 2006, 02:46:07 am: ..when he triped and fell on his nose...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on August 02, 2006, 08:01:18 am: Spoiler:
[Thread reanimation successful]
So a GTM Hippocrates warperd into the Walmart, 247 vasudan and terran medical technicians swarmed the broken nose and..........
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on August 02, 2006, 08:45:00 pm: only managed to catch it on fire
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Tyrian on August 03, 2006, 12:01:32 pm: Unfortunately, one of the techs had a feather, which tickled the broken nose, causing it to sneeze, and shoot flaming snot everywhere...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Colonol Dekker on August 04, 2006, 04:06:39 am: Catching, Fury Aldo and Mefustae as they passed by in their respective cargo box fighters, At the sight of Flaming snot, they unanyimously
Spoiler:
(f**ed if i care about spelling that right)
cried out............
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: BS403 on August 08, 2006, 11:57:13 pm: Alpha 1, engage rebel fighters, break to attack go, go, go!
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Turambar on August 09, 2006, 12:29:35 am: at which point alpha one decided he was sick of being everyone's pawn, and started pummellling command, hoping for some answers when...
Title: Re: TELL A SHIVAN STORY
Post by: Nuke on August 09, 2006, 03:40:58 am: god showed up and told him it was all a misuynderstanding. you see god along with the hyperintelegent shade of blue, after smoking all the space crack in the universe, decided to play an innocent little game called "**** with alpha 1" (wich is known to us asfreespace 1 and 2). it was all fine and dandy up to the supernova, but after that everyone got bored. v and interplay decided to play lets not talk to eachother and no fs3 (****withalpha1episode4) was made. the fans made mods and tweaked the source code, but it just wasnt enough. so while god and blue were quite wasted they said, "hey, lets send the devil down to posess Colonol Dekker, then make him start a thread on hlp called 'tell a shivan story'. the evil in mans will would make it grow to a rediculous size like that other tas thread on the vbb." alpha 1, as he absorbed gods truth, converted to nihilism and shortly thereafter blew his head off with a shotgun. this made god very sad, so he and blue decided to play a game called "**** with mr t instead". blue and god passed a mista t voodoo doll around and took turns sticking pins into him. back in the coporial realm, mista t...