Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Stealth on September 11, 2006, 10:31:25 pm
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so my dad just packed his bags and walked out on my mom
never heard them argue like this. never heard my mom cry so hard or plead and beg him so much. ive also never seen my dad yell so much in my life. i got scared. i even hid his guns cause i didnt know what he was going to do. and now he's gone and my mom's sobbing in her room. he didnt take his phone with him so i can't call him. my mom was pleading with him to stay with the family and support it just until my two younger sisters get done with college.
and i was going to be moving out the end of the year. i wish this had happened after i moved out
and i dont know what to do
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First, and most important, don't blame yourself. You did the right thing, but as much as you love your parents, you are not responsible for them.
This happened to me a couple of times in my life, and I'm probably not the only one here by a long shot. All I can really say is that a big row and walking out is usually the culmination of hundred of little tiny things all being blown up into one big one. You may find that now the Thunderstorm is over, the air will clear, they just need some room. Either way, take things as they come, there's nothing you can do other than be there for both of them. Don't judge, just be there ;)
Secondly, go give your Mum a hug, once again, regardless of who considers who guilty or who said what, sounds like she needs one.
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May we ask what exactly caused this whole thing to happen?
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i dont know.
i hope my dad comes back
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Give them time to breath, parents are humans too, they might just need some space.
I can't predict what will happen in the coming days, it may be all noise and no substance, it may be more, that's none of my business, but, you need to be strong for both of them. It's a corny line, I know, but it's true. As far as your Dad is concerned, once again, what is important is that he is your Dad, and you are his Son, that can mean a very great deal.
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My parents fought alot. Try not to let it get you down that much. As has been said, it's not your fault, and your parents are human too.
Of course, my parents fought over my mother's drug problem, your situation is probably a whole load lighter than that.
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I'll be praying for you and your family.
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Well my parents are also divorced, so I kind of know how you feel. Nevertheless as people has allready said it's not your fault and give them some time to breath fresh air. Usually after a little time by themselves people can again talk to eachother more calmly.
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sounds sort of like what happened with my parents except it was more like I ran my dad out, caught him cheating on mom when I hacked his email (HA! it was AOL you can't realy call it hacking). sometimes these things are a good thing, but sence you don't know what the fight was about it's hard to make that judgement.
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Oh man...I'm so sorry Stealth. I guess the only thing you can do is wait and see what happens. Maybe start looking for a job so you can help support your mom and sisters.
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Back when my parents were having huge arguments and pops was threatening to move out, I'd just sit and try to make things worse.
No reason.
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an0n stfu
that sucks stealth... nothing you can do bro. just be there for them both. my parents fought a fairly good amount and once in a while mom would storm out and go work on something - like the landscaping at her church - for a while to cool off.
my fiancee and I may get into one fight every 3 months
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Patience fella, Just go and sit with Mum for a while and give her a hug...She'll appreciate it.
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Back when my parents were having huge arguments and pops was threatening to move out, I'd just sit and try to make things worse.
No reason.
Which is quite obviously why you've grown into such a well-adjusted person.
Oh, wait...
Back OT: Stealth, don't be afraid to give your parents what-for. You're part of the family too, so if you feel that they're breaking it apart, give 'em your side of the story. If worst comes to worst, try to guilt-trip 'em back together so they can at least try to work things out. Things aren't going to get better while you're sitting on your arse lamenting your situation.
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Never ever guilt trip your parents, They deserve more than that. supportive and frank is the way to go. My parents split up when i was 7even, Not that yours will just cos they had an arguement. Just as aforementioned, make sure they know you're pissed off, and if they tell you to back out, let em know that it's messing you up emotionally. But don't try to guilt em.........
edit (when i was even made no sense lol)
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Try to act as a mediator between them, maybe.
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Their problem, leave them alone.
Since as you said, you don't even know what the hell they're fighting about, it means they probably think it's none of your buisness anyway.
It's not your relationship, stay out of it, do your own thing. If they want to separate, their buisness. Regarding the consequences to you, that's what you can talk to them about, if your position to leave is threatened or your college money or whatever - that's your buisness to confront them about.
At any rate, just another opinion. Looking at some of the replies above -_- i'd say mine is at least backed up by some experience.
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Don't worry... they'll either get over it, or get divorced. I know it's harsh, but if they get over it, it'll be better for you and your family, and you can get on with your lives. If you're parents get divorced, everyone's happy. It'll be hard, but at least you won't have the emotional pressure of fighting parents. My cousin's parents are divorced, but they're still friends. The marriage didn't work out, but they don't fight like cats and dogs and put pressure on my cousin.
If neither of those happen, call child services. It sucks, but at least if things get really bad, you can call them and they'll either separate your parents temporarily, or take you out of a bad situation.
Trust me, the last comment might make you think, "WTF Spartan, you want me to do WHAT?!?!?!" However, there's nothing worse than an adolescent suffering because parents can't work something out. If you're suffering, you NEED to get out of that situation
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Try to act as a mediator between them, maybe.
I hope it doesn't feel like I'm trying to shoot you down, Unknown Target, but I would actually recommend against this one, to tell the truth. One of the major focuses of my research has been the relationship between parents and their children as they grow into adulthood. One major finding has been that even fully-trained, competent professionals are not good candidates for being the mediators for their own parents. They are too close, there is too much emotional background, and the dynamics are too complicated. It actually usually makes things worse in many ways, and the person it takes the worst toll on is the child who has tried to act as the mediator.
Stealth, I am so sorry to hear that this has happened. Whether or not you blame yourself, it is a frightening experience and tears at the fabric of what has been your world for so many years. You are not abnormal, crazy, or weak for experiencing such strong emotions in response to this. It is a normal reaction to having your primary attachment figures on the verge of a breakdown.
As for what to do about it, I think you have already started doing some useful things. First, talk about it with people you trust. All they have to do is listen, but don't bottle it up inside or bury it. I also recommend writing down your thoughts.
I like the suggestions people have given about not attacking your mom or your dad. I think that is spot on. At the same time, it may not hurt to write them both a letter stating what it was like for you to see that and what your thoughts and feelings about what has happened and the possible future are. Express your love, but tell them the truth about how it has affected you. The purpose is not a guilt trip, the purpose is to maintain your relationship with each of them.
Part of what they need to remember is that being a parent is a huge responsiblity: gone forever are the days when you can just think about yourself. Whether they get back togeter or break up, they need to remember that HOW they do it is going to be very important and have a big impact on the kids, no matter what their age is. So, getting a loving, non-condeming letter from you in which you express your love and support for each of them and in which you have the courage to let them know how this has affected you may be a good way to go.
As others have said, ultimately this is something your parents are going to have to figure out. Don't hide from your feelings, but don't live in them, either. Give yourself time to think about, talk about, and write about what is going on, but also make sure to take some time doing things that help you feel better: I'm not talking about getting drunk. I'm talking about watching sunsets, playing soccer, playing FS, talking to friends, making cookies, or whatever. You need to make room for this situation in your life, while not letting it become your life. Does that make sense?
I sincerely wish you the best of luck. One of the tricks to getting through this sort of thing is not trying to run away or numb out. That which we flee from will always have power over us. That which we are willing to face and experience is that which we will eventually overcome.
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Back when my parents were having huge arguments and pops was threatening to move out, I'd just sit and try to make things worse.
No reason.
:lol: OMG an0n, you're my hero.
:nervous:
Seriusly, that sucks, Stealth.
Seeing as how I have no experience in these situations, I don't know how helpfull I'll be.
Wait a couple days, and if he is still not back, get his phone (yo said he didn't take it, right?) and look through it for anything.
If you don't find anything, you could rip your legs off (or any other limb) so your 'tragedy' will get on the news, and hopefully, your dad will see it and come see you at the hospital, then while he's there, you can try and straighten everything out. Of course, it always seems that little kid's meddleing like this could just make it worse, so be careful.
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I advocate a policy of slapping them both and shouting "GROW THE **** UP!"
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just wanted to say thanks for everyone's help, suggestions, and sympathy. i appreciate it :)
today i found out my dad went to work (which meant he hadn't left the city at least. lol). this evening, he came home from work, as normal. my mom was prepared, and she'd cooked an amazing dinner, with pork and all, just in case he came home (which he did). he sat down, ate dinner with the family, and then after dinner him and my mom went into their room to talk. they've been there ever since, and it's been almost 4 hours.
hope this works out, i really do, but it's looking really good.
again, thanks everyone for the help, it was appreciated more than you know :)
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just wanted to say thanks for everyone's help, suggestions, and sympathy. i appreciate it :)
today i found out my dad went to work (which meant he hadn't left the city at least. lol). this evening, he came home from work, as normal. my mom was prepared, and she'd cooked an amazing dinner, with pork and all, just in case he came home (which he did). he sat down, ate dinner with the family, and then after dinner him and my mom went into their room to talk. they've been there ever since, and it's been almost 4 hours.
hope this works out, i really do, but it's looking really good.
again, thanks everyone for the help, it was appreciated more than you know :)
;7
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I advocate a policy of slapping them both and shouting "GROW THE **** UP!"
You mean like the baby in the Simpsons where they sell their TV? "No, why don't you BOTH SHUT UP!"
Stealth, I hope it works out. Over in my house there's fights all the time, but everyone knows they don't mean anything. I think we've average one or two good shouting matches a day for years, but no one holds a grudge for more than a day, usually a few hours.
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Good to hear things are working out, the simple fact they are talking is the best sign of all :)
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it's been almost 4 hours.
Sounds like its going well to me.......... :nervous:
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it's been almost 4 hours.
Sounds like its going well to me.......... :nervous:
Do a little dance, make a little love... get down tonight (oh yeah) get down tonight...
Ah it always ends in make-up sex. Although you probably didn't want to think about that.
/me runs
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:lol: @ choice of music.
Very apt. :)