Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Setekh on February 25, 2002, 09:23:00 am
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For some reason, the thread never got transferred over to the vB. Anyway, a lot of you don't know what it is, so here: have a read...
http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~freespace/ubb/noncgi/Forum13/HTML/000235.html
It gets a little dodgy after Page 5, but hey... have a read, have a laugh, enjoy. :D
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Must... resist... the urge... to read it again...
(people are already looking at me funny - I'm laughing just by remembering the thread... if I read it, I'll get kicked out of the room...)
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That be bloody old, and possibly funny at first.
Then it just got... sad.
... wait.... oh crap, that was the one where I impersonated a Progenitor. Don't read it. Just... don't.
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Well, when I say it's funny, I'm refering to the first few pages, while it was a full-scale posting rampage... it got kinda boring after that...
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LOL, this was before my time; interesting thread...:D
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The GOU Loose Cannon breaks to a halt, drive fields throwing up livid streaks of energy. If a warship could give the impression of looking around, it was doing so.
Hey Tesna, this area of space looks familliar.
You sure, oh overgunned bucket of bolts?
Careful or I'll Displace you into the pool again.
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Out of the huge blue swirling storm comes a pitch-black shape that the Loose Cannon knows just too well. Deccelerating to a relative halt, the Apocalypse starts a quick scan of the area, following the standard procedure:
Styxx: Fire all weapons!
Suddenly, space is filled with the raw power of the Electrobeams™. Amused by the pretty fireworks, the Loose Cannon starts to approach the twenty-kilometer long ship...
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that was pretty funny, too bad i couldn't see any of thunders pics he showed... :)
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Well well, if it isn't Admiral Barni and his flagship. I thought we'd seen the last of him.
Guess we're not the only people who can be Stored and ressurected.
Nah, we went to see that supernova over by Capella, remember? We left them behind, I guess they got away from all those other guys.
Oh right. Those guys we picked up must have thought they were goners. Lucky we picked 'em up before they got fried.
They were really surprised when we dropped them off at their home planet. Sheesh, you'd think they'd never seen their home for thirty years...
The Loose Cannon continued to leisurely fly towards the Apocalypse, dodging in and out of the electrobeams, amused by the spectacle.
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Terran Turret#Weaks 0wn j00!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111
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Who the hell is Windrunner?
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That's probably the first thread that I ever read at HLP (that thread was like in June or May right?)...and then I went and looked at the Steak's Arrays and thought "hey that's pretty cool! I wonder if I could do that in Graphic Design at school?" I couldn't though (no FS models) but then I got PS6 on my laptop and I got 3DE and other programs and hey presto! I started rendering and then I decided, maybe I should actually join HLP and so here I am today...of course I can't render as well as the Steak but that's ok. :D
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Hmmmmm. That's the one with the Chickens.
They're still here you know...
Biding they're time...
Watching...
Laying Eggs... (which is, I suppose, their equivalent of mustering their forces).
Beware the IW2 chicken invasion. It will happen :p
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We have three Terran Turret#Weaks trained on you...
:lol: (http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)
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On board the GVA Setekh
Vasudan #1: I sense awakeness once again...
Vasudan #2: I concur.
Vasudan #3: I also... wait, I sense a disturbance... something... is not... right...
Setekh: Hey hey everyone!
Vasudan #3: I thought so...
Setekh: Alright, 'sup, guys!
Vasudan #1: Prepare for realspace emergence. Arm TerranTurret#Weaks. Emergence in three, two, one... transition!
The small AWACS vessel emerges from a swirling blue Vortex
Setekh: Hail the Apocalypse and the Loose Cannon...
Vasudan #2: Transmitting...
Setekh: Hey, f00s! It's not fair, you guys get to be in the same time zone. ;)
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You should see us in the same room.
That would have to be a damn big room.
General bay, perhaps?
Yeah, that would work.
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All of the Apocalypse's guns stop firing and start cooling down, space becoming once again the deep black that every starship crew knows so well. Two small shapes, though, pollute the otherwise pure landscape.
Styxx: Damn, I hate when they survive!
Random Lieutenant #437: Huh, sir, they're the same ships from that engagement...
Styxx: Which engagement lieutenant?
Random Lieutenant #437: You know, sir, that engagement.
Styxx: Aaaaahhhhh... Beware the small ship with the rotating part, they are armed with Terran Turret#Weaks!
Random Lieutenant #437: Sir, yes sir!
Styxx: Now, hmmm, gotta think of some funn... er, I mean, cohesive and efficient battle plan.
Random Lieutenant #437: Huh, pardon me sir?
Styxx: Nothing, nothing. We'll just sit here for a while... Y'know, see what happens.
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There is a thunderclap and the TD Aquila emerges from a swirling vortex of fire, cutting a dark shadow across the bow of the Apocalypse...
Thunder: Watch your futures end.
As quickly as it arrived the TD Aquila vanished into the same vortex, leaving the three puzzled regarding its implications...
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So, that screenshot still survives huh? Hehehe....never knew by submitting it, I could cook up a battle of such huge proportions...:D
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Yeah, and all your booze is belong to us, Aquila. Geez, shouldn't let people drink and fly.
I wonder what that was all about, anyhow?
Your guess is as good as mine. If you want to call what I do guessing.
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A ghostly voice echos through the void around the three assembled ships...
One billion bottles of Bosch on the wall... one billion bottles of Bosch...
Slowly the voice fades and silence reigns again.
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Good lord!
They're starting again!!!!!
(http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)(http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)(http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)(http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)
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The Bosch Beeer finally got to their brains... :p
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And the spacecrack...Carl didn't guard it well enough. :D
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Uh, no. That was me. I made some 'special' brownies and added a little something to the Bosch Beer.
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The broiled vasudans and steak that you made in the air vents?
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STEAK?! :D
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The silence is once again broken as the LNCa Sillier enters the area.
Lt. Narol: Helm, where are we?
Ed: we came our of subspace somewhere, but i dont know where...
Lt. Narol: hmmm, that little ship with the blue spinning parts looks familiar, what do we have on it?
Ed: We dont know, its a little ship with blue spinning parts sir.
Lt. Narol: *sigh*, i knew i shoulda stocked up on some more Lieutenant Jnr Grades. O well, bring up the SillyBeamsTM , we'll silly them to death.
Ed: Umm, sir? You removed the main fusion reactors to make room for more spoo
Lt. Narol: i did? o ya, i did. Scramble the 158th then, Silly Squadron can live up to its name.
Ed: Umm, sir? You left the fighters behind to make more room for the Bosch beer.
Lt. Narol: o...damn, bring me another crate of Bosch beer then.
Ed: Umm, sir? The pilots finished the last crate half an hour ago.
Lt. Narol: NOOOOOOOO, NOT THE BEER!!! Plot us a course back to Epsilon Pegasi, we're gonna pick up more beer from that Seven Eleven.
Ed: Umm, sir? We cant jump.
Lt. Narol: Well why not?
Ed: You forgot to get more gas at that Seven Eleven.
Lt. Narol: O dear...
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
OMG THIS THREAD IS SOOOO FUNNNY!!!!
or at least it would be if I could load the pictures.
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Originally posted by Corsair
Good lord!
They're starting again!!!!!
(http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)(http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)(http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)(http://www.egri.co.uk/smileys/devil-laugh.gif)
Hey, you, punk. You want some of this? I've got a CAM with your name on. Tell ya what, today's special. Two for the price of one. Best deal ever, eh?
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Lt. Narol: In that case, all speed ahead, we're gonna ram that ugly little ship with blue spinning parts.
Ed: We can't sir, we have a complete burnout. All three engines are down.
Lt. Narol: What? How?
Ed: You dumped all the coolant back in Epsilon Pegasi, to make more room for the cookie doh.
Lt. Narol: What cookie doh? I didnt have any cookie doh brought aboard, o...THAT cookie doh.
Ed: Right sir, we can muster enough power to bring online a Terran Turret#Weak.
Lt. Narol: We can? Do it, and open a channel to that little ship with the blue spinning thingy.
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Man, this is getting funny....more!!:D
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WIthout warning the GTAD Thunder exits subspace and skids to a halt across the bow of the Setekh
Admiral Avery: Oh damn, wrong timeline...Oh well - we'll stick around untill the Aquila gets back. Comm, open a channel to the Setekh - let's see what the hell's going on out here!
Comms: Aye sir, channel open....ah, I'm getting something through sir - faint... piping it through to you...
Headz.....heeaaaaadzzzz.....[/i]
Admiral Avery: Oh my god, it's him! Helm, move us to the far side of the Loose Cannon, hold us there till the Aquila arrives - and for gods sake don't accept boarding parties from the Setekh. She's after our headz...
Helm: Aye sir, moving us now. -Z 3500 meters, course 320 mark 134. Executing.
The GTAD Thunder slides silently through the void to the far side of the Loose Cannon where she comes to a stop. Waiting the next move of the ships surrounding her or the return of the Aquila for assistance.
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WE ARE THE AWACZ HEADZ COLLECTORZ. YOU WILL SHUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS SYSTEMS AND SURRENDER YOUR HEADZ. WE WILL ADD THE INTELLECTUAL AND VERNACULAR DISTINCTIVENESS OF YOUR HEADZ TO OUR HEADZ BOX. YOUR HEADZ WILL ADAPT TO SERVICE US. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
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On board the GVA Setekh
Setekh: Hey, can we get that motto painted on our hull?
Vasudan #4: We would have to sacrifice Array space to fit it all.
Setekh: Ahhh, that's not acceptable. What's happening now?
Vasudan #5: TD Aquila on ... attack vector?
Setekh: That's impossible. The Aquila hasn't been created yet.
Vasudan #4: Incorrect, sir. The Aquila currently exists as a paper drawing. Observe the viewport.
*there's a gigantic piece of paper on the radar*
Setekh: I see...
Vasudan #5: Sir. If I might suggest?... *whispers*
Setekh: Great idea. Relay attack co-ordinates for the Aquila to the Loose Cannon. Tell them to use something less feeble than CREWS...
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Meanwhile on board the Thunder...
Sensor Officer: Sir, I'm picking up the Loose Cannon firing on empty space... I don't understand...
Science Officer: She's taking her fire orders from the Setekh, could it be sir...?
Admiral Avery: Interesting.... there seems to be an error in the sensor systems aboard the AWACs. Helm, we can make use of this time - the Apocalypse is out or range, the Loose Cannon fireing on empty space and the Setekh carries no weaponry of real value of her own. Bring us within firing distance...
Helm Officer: Aye sir, entering firing distance....Now!
Admiral Avery: Weapons, GOD cannon - open fire full bore, target her engines!
Weapons Officer: Yessir, all batteries! Fire!!
There is a rumbling through the space around the Thunder as energy collects around her main cannons, then lightning errupts with a banshee like wail across the space between the Thunder and the Setekh, tearing into her hull and reducing her engines to scrap metal.
Admiral Avery: Victory is ours! Helm, move us out or range of the Loose Cannon, we don't want to attract attention at this stage.
Helm Officer: As you wish, moving us out of range of the Loose Cannon.
The Thunder slides effortlessly across the void past the now-crippled AWACs and out of range of the Loose Cannons weaponry.
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Originally posted by Thunder
WIthout warning the GTAD Thunder exits subspace and skids to a halt across the bow of the Setekh
So those 'orrible brown marks were yours, eh?
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On board the GVA Setekh
Setekh: Argh! Work!
*kicks the engine*
*smoke starts emerging from the assembly*
Setekh: Ahhh, crap... Jeeves? A little help?
Jeeves: Yes, sir.. sorry, sir... I'm glad to see you again too, sir...
Setekh: Oh, that's right, you went on holiday. Lazy, lazy!... so, what are you waiting for? Going to get back to work?...
Jeeves: Yes, sir, sorry, sir.. I suppose you want the Arrays™ polished too, sir...
Setekh: Why, what a wonderful idea. Get to it.
Jeeves: Yes, sir, thank you, sir...
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Originally posted by Setekh
On board the GVA Setekh
Setekh: Argh! Work!
*kicks the engine*
*smoke starts emerging from the assembly*
Setekh: Ahhh, crap... Jeeves? A little help?
Jeeves: Yes, sir.. sorry, sir... I'm glad to see you again too, sir...
Setekh: Oh, that's right, you went on holiday. Lazy, lazy!... so, what are you waiting for? Going to get back to work?...
Jeeves: Yes, sir, sorry, sir.. I suppose you want the Arrays™ polished too, sir...
Setekh: Why, what a wonderful idea. Get to it.
Jeeves: Yes, sir, thank you, sir...
rubbin' up your arrays again.
:eek2:
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Ahhh, peanuts... you just ruined what was going to be a blissful night of sleep, with that one comment... :p
I'll be tossing and turning with nightmares, now... :D
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:lol: :lol: :doubt: :lol:
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On board the LNCa Sillier
Lt. Narol: Wheres that com channel you were supposed to open?
Ed: Its been open sir.
Lt. Narol: It has? Well why didnt you say anything?
Ed: You didnt ask me to say anything sir.
Lt. Narol: O nevermind. This is the LNCA Sillier to the little ship with the blue spinning part, we have chosen not to sillify you for the time being. I propose a truce, the GTAD Thunder would look much better painted on my hull.
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He's trying to get out of range. I don't believe this. How does he expect to pull that off? That ship had better be a real sleeper.
Hey, why don't you do something really evil?
Let me guess. Displace some of those head-hunting Vasudans onto the Aquila?
Well, I was going to say effector their engines, but that works as well.
Suddenly, a number of silvery spheres appear on the bridge of the Aquilla. Popping out of existance, they reveal an entire host of shambling Vasudans.
Thunder - "Oh dear god, Vasudan Zombies! RUN!"
Zombies - "Headz.........."
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Without warning the GTAD Thunder slews out of control and begins a slow descent towards a neaby sun as her navigational officer has been eaten.
What will become of the GTAD Thunder?
Will Admiral Avery make it off the ship? And how can there be an Admiral Avery on both the Thunder and the Aquila?
Will Arthur ever get a cup of tea out of the Heart of Gold?
Find out in next weeks exciting installment of the Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy.
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The GTDx Aquitaine falls out of subspace...
Everyone stares in silence at the Aquitaine...
It looks like it was taken through a meat grinder. Pieces hanging off in odd places, half the hull is crumpled...
Admiral Dranon: I thought you said this area of space was unoccupied...
Nameless Lt: It showed up empty on the sensors... That Vasudan AWACS must have been jamming the sensors...
Suddenly the ships power goes out... There is a thump, then silence
Admiral Dranon: Ensign, put the Lt. in an escape pod, and send him off to the AWACS. Include a message saying that this is a peace offering, and they can have his Head for thier Headz collection. Then get this rumbling piece of junk to the nearest shipyard...
The Aquitaine, peices slamming into each other, slowly starts on its way to the nearest jump node...
*First time i have my own flagship, so forgive me... :) *
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What will become of the GTAD Thunder?
Someone will come up with a technobabble solution 5 minutes before certain death
Will Admiral Avery make it off the ship? And how can there be an Admiral Avery on both the Thunder and the Aquila?
I dont have a clue. Maybe he was cloned?
Will Arthur ever get a cup of tea out of the Heart of Gold?
Nope, he'll get a pint of guinness if I have anything to do with it!
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Dude! You ruined the ending, you shall pay for this my preciousesss.... :lol:
Anyways, since sombody cough wEvil cough ruined the story I may as well bring everyone up to date on developments on board the Thunder...
As we last left the Thunder she was falling towards a local sun as her helmsman had been eaten by a pack of Vasudan Zombies™...
Admiral Avery: Damage report!
Engineering Officer: Shields weakening, hulls beginning to take hits from solar matter and our entire supply of ships hot water bottles were mistaken for inflatable heads by the Vasudan Zombies™ and eaten! Oh, and sir... Counciler Boi feels... something...
Admiral Avery: Dammit, have her shot. Get me someone who can fly this damn thing before we all die!
Enter Ensign Crusher...
Admiral Avery: Oh ****.
Ensign Crusher: I shall save the day! Engineering get me an inverse kintic tachyon surge through the main arrays - bounce it off that little green ship we just flew past.
Engineering Officer: The Starbug?
Ensign Crusher: Yes, fire.... now!
A beam of light bounces off the Starbug, instantly removing all hair from the crews bodies and cooking the last surviving Space Weevil on the ship.
Engineering Officer: We're still falling!
Ensign Crusher: I know.
Admiral Avery: Your crazy!
Ensign Crusher: I know.
Admiral Avery: Um, right.... Engineering! route all navigation to my console.
Engineering Officer: Yessir! Done.
Admiral Avery - outstanding pilot, dashing space hero and resident sex icon for trout everywhere proceeds to execute the most tightly completed 760 degree half-pipe mickeey maneuver ever seen. The GTAD Thunder, having completed a sling shot maneuver around the sun finds it'self five minutes into the past.
Admiral Avery: Beam Admiral Avery over from the -5 minute Thunder, I've always liked me.
Engineering Officer: As you wish, transport complete sir.
Admiral Avery: Good, Now ready my personal fighter and give Admiral Avery command of the Thunder. I've just recieved word that construction on the Aquila has begun, I shall take her back here as soon as she is completed.
And so Admiral Avery relinquishes command to himself, and leaves for his new charge - the TD Aquila! Meanwhile the last of the Vasudan Zombies™ are lured into the cargo hold by showing pictures of the Alien Queen around the ship along with directions there. They are promtly sealed in and released into deep space. The Thunder returns to the outskirts of the system to observe proceedings from a safe distance....
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Originally posted by Thunder
Anyways, since sombody cough wEvil cough ruined the story
you know you love it :P
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Hmm.. two Admiral Avery's... somehow that worries me... :)
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Originally posted by Thunder
Admiral Avery - outstanding pilot, dashing space hero and resident sex icon for trout everywhere proceeds to execute the most tightly completed 760 degree half-pipe mickeey maneuver ever seen. The GTAD Thunder, having completed a sling shot maneuver around the sun finds it'self five minutes into the past.
How the **** do you end up a sex icon for TROUT? Please explain that one, Cannon. You're the brains of this outfit.
Do you really want to know?
Do I want to?
No.
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*Corsair warps in in his Herc. Mark IIIIVXXXX*
Meet the newest version of the Hercules fighter everybody! The Herc Mk. IIIVXXXX! :D I think I'll just fly around for a while and let you guys destroy each other, then clean up what's left...of that ship with the blue rotating thingies :D
*opens up a channel to Lt. Narol*
Corsair: Lt. Narol, my friend, I think we need to talk about an alliance - against that little annoying ship with the blue rotating thingies. And also, if you're going to command a large ship, you need to have a better title than Lieutenant. With your big ship and my little fighter that Bobbau made for me with 900 hardpoints and 600 missle banks, we can easily destroy it! So whaddaya say?
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On board the LNCa Sillier
Ed: Sir, we have an incoming transmission.
Lt. Narol: The little ship with the blue spinning part is responding?
Ed: No sir, its another little ship, even smaller. Says it wants to kill the little ship with the blue spinning part.
Lt. Narol: Kill the little ship with the blue spinning part? I just proposed a truce to that ship, it would be awefully in appropriate to go kill it now.
Ed: What do you want to do the?
Lt. Narol: Bring us around, power to the Terran Turret#weak and close on that little ship without the blue spinning part.
Ed: The Hercules MK IIIIVXXXX you mean?
Lt. Narol: Yes, that annoying little thing, i want it gone. Bridge to gunnery control, [Grand Moff Tarkin voice]you may fire when ready.[/Grand Moff Tarkin voice]
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Onboard Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX
*Powers up all 900 hardpoints and opens fire on the LNCa Sillier*
Computer AI Helm: Core overload! Core overload!
Corsair: Dammit! Bobbau promised me that this ship would work! Then again, he does say "bringing you MODs that work...in theory." Hmmm...open a channel to the Sillier! I want a truce with him immediately, and for God's sake, get him to stop targeting me with that incredibly powerful :rolleyes: terranturret#weak!
*Opens channel*
Corsair: Lt. Narol, I propose a truce. I unload 20 cases of Bosch Beer on you that I just picked up at a Seven Eleven on my way over here which will make for more reactor power (cuz I'm keeping it very very very cold) and you stop targeting me with that one incredibly powerful :rolleyes: terranturret#weak! Then maybe we can talk about getting some kills today...
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Meanwhile, on board the LNCa Sillier
Ed: Sir, that little ship we're targetting is communicating again, shall I respond?
Lt. Narol: Nah, keep up fire.
Ed: But sir, he says he has 20 cases of cold Bosch Beer on board.
Lt. Narol: WHAT? Take out his engines now! Then dispatch a support ship to retrieve the beer.
Ed: Yes sir!
A sinister laugh fills the bridge of the LNCa Sillier
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Onboard Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX
Computer AI (renamed AI Janson): The Sillier is still firing at us sir, but I have our reactor back online! I think that they're trying to take out our engines and take all of the Bosch Beer!
Corsair: Now we can't have that! Turn off the refrigerator and put all power into missile bays! Fire all spacecrack missles at the Sillier and try to get her crew so high that they won't be able to see straight, let alone fire straight!
*presses button that sends 600 spacecrack missles hurtling towards the Sillier*
Corsair: [Dr. Evil Laugh]Mwuahahahahahahaha[/Dr. Evil Laugh]
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On board the LNCa Sillier
Ed: Sir, i think that Herc is trying to get us high, hes firing SpaceCrack missiles at us.
Lt. Narol: Damn, what a waste of SpaceCrack, whats the status of the....*gets high, starts seeing funny colors*
Ed: The what sir? The...*gets high, starts seeing funny colors*
Random crewman: Hmm, i think the Lieutenant's getting h...*gets high, starts seeing funny colors*
Monkey hanging off the ceiling: *gets high, starts seeing funny colors*
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Onboard Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX
Corsair: Janson! Open up a channel to the Sillier and see if they will form a truce now! Maybe that spacecrack did its job...meanwhile, get me an ice cold Bosch Beer and for all that is holy, turn the refrigerator back on!
Janson: Ahhh yes sir! But shouldn't we send over a boarding party to the Sillier?
Corsair: Ummm Janson? You're forgetting that this is a one man fighter! We don't have any boarding parties!
Janson: Oh right sir!
Corsair: Hmmm...I think we should also rename the Sillier the Higher! And if Narol is going to command that ship any more, he needs a proper title, like High Commander!
*Opens a comm channel to the Silli- errr Higher*
Corsair: So High Commander Narol! Will you cooperate now in order to get your Bosch Beer?
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On board the LNCa Sillier
Lt. Narol: a ake licemod jowode fijre jenif dok?
Ed: kek dejenif bonwidej efevoj dejewikof jovceb wiwo quo oww ivjije
Lt. Narol: eer oiu fhdo i ehge ien?
Ed: kei gidjek lejeipo dokeke iwow o eiuvivie inei wev
Monkey falls from ceiling, lands on switch. Everything goes dark for a moment.
Computer: Power redirect complete...SillyBeam 1 online, SillyBeam 2 online, SillyBeam 3 online. Selecting Target: searching for nearest hostile, hostile found: contact F01928. Target Selected, firing weapons.
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Onboard Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX
Janson: Sir?
Corsair: Yub yub!
Janson: Sir snap out of it!
Corsair: Yub yub!
Janson: Sir, stop playing with the ewok doll!
*Robotic arm extends and gives Corsair a Bosch Beer*
Corsair: Much better! Now since he's targeting me again, I think that I'll make him shoot at his allies! Janson! Set a course for that Setekh over there and get behind its Arrays... [Dr. Evil Laugh]mwuahahahahaha[/Dr. Evil Laugh]
*Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX hides behind Arrays to stop Sillybeams from completely overloading MOD that doesn't even work...*
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On board the LNCa Sillier
Lt. Narol: Hiz runib, awe spee a'ed, dun le im exoop!
Ed: Yeh hiw! Dibewting awe abaiwable powew to engineh hiw!
Lt. Narol: Hiz hidin en da aways, howl yur fiwer
Ed: Yeh hiw!
Lt. Narol: Led da liddle swip wit da bleu swinnin pats tak cae ob im. Sed a supord swip bawk ta Epesloin Paguse ta ged fuol and beeh.
Ed: Yeh hiw!
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Onboard Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX
Corsair: Good! Now that the Sillier has disengaged so it can send the support ship away, we can get some results...Janson! Open a channel to the Setekh!
Janson: Ahm a loyl sahvant ah da Silliah!
Corsair: What did you say Janson?
Janson: Ahm a loyl sahvant ah da Silliah!
Corsair: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Wow, these Sillybeams really did some damage. *Reboots AI Janson* Janson! Are you better now?
Janson: Ahm a loyl sahvant ah da- What? Oh, Corsair, sir! I was acting very silly for a moment...it was those Sillybeams. You wanted a comm channel with the Setekh?
Corsair: Yes! Now!
*Comm to Setekh*
Corsair: Setekh! I am inside your Arrays and have a clear shot at your puny, weak, unprotected ship! Now...[Darth Vader voice]give me an art gallery or be Spacecracked!!!!!![/Darth Vader voice]
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LOL...look at the last few posters:
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
:D:D
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Originally posted by CP5670
LOL...look at the last few posters:
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
:D:D
yes, I just mentioned that to Narol on IM...:D
Oh Setekh, where are you? I'm in you Arrays!
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Originally posted by CP5670
LOL...look at the last few posters:
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
LtNarol
Corsair
:D:D
You gotta admit they were pretty darn funny though ;)
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Onboard Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX
Corsair: Hmmm...no sign of life. I think I'll go into a cold sleep. Janson! Wake me when something happens!
Janson: Yub yub Commander!
Corsair: He's turning into NeoHunter...This is very strange.
*Hissing noise, as Corsair goes into cold sleep and awaits the activation of the Vasudan AWACs*
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On board the GTDx Aquitaine...
Ensign: Sir we are currently 2 hours from the shipyard...
Adm Dranon: zzzzzzzzzz
Ensign: Sir? *taps Dranon on shoulder*
Adm Dranon: zzzzz... What????
Ensign: Sir we are 2 hours from the shipyard. Also long range scans show lots of ships just sitting around, although there was lots of SpaceCrack flying around earlier.
Adm Dranon: Damn... we didn't get any?
Ensign: No Sir.
Adm Dranon: Oh well, let's get this junk heap to the shipyard. I forgot and took her out before she was complete...
The GTDx Aquitaine moves along, peices clanging along with it...
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Meanwhile on board the GTAD Thunder...
Un-named officer: Admiral on the bridge!
Admiral Avery: As you were.
Un-named officer: Sir, I thought you'd left for the TD Aquila?!
Admiral Avery: I did, but that was another me...
Un-named officer: Sir I don't understand!
Admiral Avery: You don't need to.
Un-named officer: But I do- BAM!!
Admiral Avery: I said you don't need to. Ensign! lick this blood off the floor!
Ensign Crusher: Headzzzzzzz....
Admiral Avery: Oh my god! Crushers a Vasudan Zombie!™
Ensign Crusher: Not really, had you going though didn't I!
Admiral Avery: ......
BAM!!
Admiral Avery: Ensign Styles! Clean up Ensign Crushers... mess and then the officers.
Ensign Styles: Yessir!
Engineering Officer: Aye, this admirals a bad-ass....
Science Officer: Indeed, he is most illogical...
Admiral Avery: .....
Admiral Avery: I'm back!
What does the newly arrived old admiral mean, why are most of the bridge officers lifted directly from Star Trek? Find out... if you dare....
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Oh goodness, the 158th Crazies have taken hold... :D
On board the GVA Setekh
Setekh: Status report!
Vasudan #6: Sir! It's crazy! There's the Loose Cannon wreaking havoc, clones of some disgusting Terran running around, and to top it off... the entire place has been filled with these... these..!
*points out viewport, at a ship bearing little resemblance to a Hercules attack fighter, and a carrier with the word Sillier painted on the side*
Setekh: What the... this is crazy... it's like "Poor LtNarol", but not...
Vasudan #6: Indeed, much insanity abounds, sir. Suggested course of action?
Setekh: Need more info. What's with this ship in front of us? It's.. a... a...
(http://www.3dap.com/hlp/staff/setekh/herc4540.jpg)
Vasudan #7: Evidently a Hercules Mk. 4540, sir.
Setekh: 4540? Eh?
Vasudan #6: The Roman numerals were screwed up, sir...
Setekh: What did you say?
Vasudan #7: His articulation was intended to define the inaccuracy in previous representations of the ship's marked version.
Setekh: That's better... so, who-
Vasudan #6: One named 'Corsair', sir. He's a member of the 158th Crazies. Strongly suggest... *whisper whisper*
Setekh: As if I'd say no. It's time to teach these intruders a lesson! Gunnery control... begin plasma core insertion...
(http://www.3dap.com/hlp/staff/setekh/herc4540-destroy.jpg)
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Janson (or NeoHunter if you will which ever you prefer):Sir?
Corsair:Zzzzzzz
Janson a.k.a NeoHunter: Sir?
Corsair: Zzzzzzzzzzzz
Janson a.k.a NeoHunter: Yub?
Corsair: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Janson a.k.a NeoHunter: Yub yub?! Oh dear, I ...yub...think...yub yub....I think....yub yub yub......
*looks like rebooting didn't really solve the problem...:D*
YUB YUB COMMANDER!!!:nod:
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Nice renders Setekh:D add some admosphere to the war:D
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* a subspace vortex suddenly opens, revealing the majestuous ITD Concentus Gloria jumping in. A quick scane reveals that the place is full of contacts, and many seems really hostile. Looking at the calendar, High Admiral Venom notices he's off of about 100 years, and therefore has nothing to do here. Many puzzled peoples looks at the superb ship as this one jumps out. The puzzled people are even more puzzled*
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Plasma core insertion, eh? Let's add a little plasma of my own
With an unheard pop, a displacer activates and drops a ball of superheated plasma right into the middle of the AWACS's weapons array, causing it to explode violently
Ha, check it out! Nothing left but rubble! Way to go,Cannon!
Slowly, something moved....
AWACS: ::SHODAN voice:: Headz.....
Oh ****, it turned into a giant space zombie........
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* Watching through the main display on the Apocalypse's bridge, Styxx is still devising his cohesive and efficient battle plan... *
Styxx: What if we...
Random Lieutenant #1033: I'm afraid that's not possible sir. The General Off -
Styxx: Okay, okay. And what about...
Random Lieutenant #1033: That's not a viable option either. You remember what happened last time we tried to activate the Conv -
Styxx: Bah, yes, I do remember. Then, what if we tried to...
Random Lieutenant #1033: Sorry sir, but you're forgetting the power of the Terran Turret#Wea -
Styxx: Stop, will ya?!? I'm trying to concentrate here!
* Silence reigns for a couple of minutes. *
Random Lieutenant #1033: Er, sir?
Styxx: Yes, lieutenant.
Random Lieutenant #1033: It seems that something that the Loose Cannon just did transformed the AWACS in something that can only be described as an "Evil Megalomaniac AI", sir!
Styxx: Huh? What? That's... oh, crap.
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Um. Ooops.
Ooops? OOPS? What did you do?
Uh, you know that ship I dropped a plasma charge into?
How could I not? That was only a minute ago.
Well....er..... it's changed.
Changed how?
Think of a Mind. Gone bad.
Oh.
-
A horrible sequence of events has occurred...
The Loose Cannon's plasma insertion created a devastating chain reaction on the GVA Setekh... the starscape is ignited with a brilliant explosion...
(http://www.3dap.com/hlp/staff/setekh/setekh-plasmaboom.jpg)
A few moments pass... then the dust and debris from the explosion begin to scatter, and a silhouette slowly reveals itself...
(http://www.3dap.com/hlp/staff/setekh/setekh-dustclear.jpg)
...
...
...
What is lurking behind the mist?...
...........
(http://www.3dap.com/hlp/staff/setekh/setekh-shodanised.jpg)
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Tesna just stared at the transformed AWACS.
So... what am I looking at? A Mind gone bad?
Pretty much. Looks like a ressurection of SHODAN to me.
SHODAN?
Evil AI. Went a bit nuts, wanted to reshape reality. Stuff like that. We had an SC operative take care of her.
Really?
Yep. Too bad....... She was quite the naughty girl if you know what I mean.
You... you........
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* Styxx's face goes white as he witnesses the horror brought to life by the follish meddlings of the Loose Cannon. His crew is puzzled by the weird change on the AWACS appearance, that now ressembles the evil AI SHODAN. *
Random Lieutenant #222: Huh, sir, what exactly is that?
Styxx: Something that I didn't really want to see again...
Random Lieutenant #222: Sir?
Styxx: It's back from the time when I was working for Spe... forget about that. Anyway, close all external data links, we cannot allow that thing to have a single peek at our computer systems!
Random Lieutenant #222: Yes sir, closing all data links... all links closed!
* As it's to be expected, Random Lieutenant #222 was a bit late on closing all data links... *
AWACSslashSHODAN: So, hacker... we finally meet again...
Styxx: Uh-oh...
-
Meanwhile, on board the LNCa Sillier
Ed: Sir, the support ship has returned.
Lt. Narol: Already?
Ed: Yes sir, and it brought back fuel and beer.
Lt. Narol: Excellent, bring the secondary reactor up to full power. Power to the SillyBeams, close on that big ship over there.
Ed: Which big ship sir?
Lt. Narol: I don't know, pick one...how bout the one with Apocalypse painted on the side.
Ed: Yessir, closing, coming within firing range. Orders sir?
Lt. Narol: Tell gunnery control to fire at will, we'll silly them to death.
Ed: Yessir, anything else sir?
Lt. Narol: Yes, bring me another case of Bosch beer.
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*Meanwhile, a dark shape in the form of the Hyperion-class destroyer Excellence hides behind the shadow of a nearby planet. Undetectable because it has switched off most systems*
Captain NeoHunter: A real light show going on down there.
Female Commander JX: I think I see something out of that explosion.
Captain NeoHunter: Lt Kettch, what is that?
Lt. Kettch the Ewok: Kettch no idea. Sensors say weird things out there.
Commander JX: Weird...could be the fury of Setekh unleashed. Big light show coming.
Lt. Kettch: Yub Yub Commander!
Captain NeoHunter: I hate it when he does that. Commander, if you will?
*Commander JX grabs Lt. Kettch the Ewok by the neck with two hands and start shaking him around violently*
Captain NeoHunter: That should stop him from yubbing...so irritating. Weapons! Start shunting power to our Ultra SpaceCrack Beam Cannons! We'll give them all SpaceCrack and then we simply go in and steal their cartons of Bosch beer and maybe some extra fuel too. *evil grin*
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i dont want to get stoned!
im drunk already!!!!
ARRGH!!
:jaw:
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Onboard Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX
Janson: Yub...yub...YUB!!!
Corair: Wha-Oh thank you Janson. What's the situation?
Janson: Well, first God said let there be light and then-
Corsair: I mean the current battle situation!
Janson: Well, NeoHunter hired Kettch the Ewok as a Lieutenant and then-
Corsair: I mean the AWACs, Janson! What is going on and why is there a giant face on the front of it?
Janson: Well, first they tried to kill us with a terranturret#weak but then the Loose Cannon came and saved us, except it mutated the AWACs and now it is going on a rampage.
Corsair: Well this is what we'll do...*whispers*...and find me an Ewok for a copilot! I can't let NeoHunter have one and me not have one!
Janson: Yes sir. In fact I know a very nice one by the name of Wikket...
Corsair: Good! Get him on this ship as soon as possible, Janson! And never ever wake me up again by saying yub yub!
*Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX powers up its Bosch Beer reactor and flies away from the mutated AWACs...back towards the Sillier*
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Onboard the newly repaired GTDx Aquitaine....
Ensign: Sir all systems fully repaired, and all ship peices put where they belong.
Adm Dranon: Good... What is going on over there?
Ensign: Not sure Sir. There was a big explosion, and our sensors are having a hard time figuring it out...
Adm Dranon: Wait... What the hell is that????
Ensign: The Setekh has changed... It now has a giant face on it!
Adm Dranon: Let's get out of here, we will return when they have destroyed each other...
The GTDx Aquitaine jumps out, running scared...
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Onboard Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX
Corsair: Need...Bosch...Beer
*Robotic arm extends and gives Corsair a Bosch Beer*
Corsair: [drunk]Ahhhhhhhhh! That feelsh better! Now lesh go attack that little ship wiv da bloo spinny parts an da wierd sheetroo fash thingie...[/drunk]
Janson: Ah sir? You're too drunk to attack anybody...let's disengage for a moment and pick up that Ewok you told me about...
Corsair: Okay then, letsh go get that Ewok...
*Corsair's Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX jumps out to get Wikket the Ewok copilot*
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Onboard Corsair's Herc. Mk IIIIVXXXX
Corsair: So, Wikket, to take the strain of off the Bosch Beer Reactor, I think we should shut down Janson. What do you think?
Wikket the Ewok: [whisper]Yub...yub...yub yub...Hal 9000...yub yub...homicide...yub yub.[/whisper]
Cosair: Oh, yeah, good point Wikket. Well in that case, plot us an attack course for the LNCa Sillier. Let's see if we can get them really really drunk. Mwuahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Janson: Commence Bosch Beer Reactor Core insertion...
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On board the LNCa Sillier
SillyBeams spread silliness in a wash of gold light to the crew of the Apocalypse
Ed: Sir, that annoying herc has returned, its powering up weapons...sensors are detecting a massive power surge. He's gonna beer us.
Lt. Narol: We cant hold anymore beer...activate the secret weapon: the ShipSwatter. I want that herc smacked all the way back to Sol.
Ed: Yessir, extending the ShipSwatter now, aimming, aiming, swat!
Hercules IIIIVXXXX is flung from the battle
Lt. Narol: Good work Ed, now, keep sillifying the Apocalyse.
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Onboard Corsair's Herc. Mk IIIIVXXXX
Wikket: Yubyubyubyubyub GIANT FLY SWATTER yubyubyubyub!!!
Corsair: What? Where did that giant fly swatter-
*Knocked unconcious as the ShipSwatter, a giant fly swatter knocks Corsair's Herc. Mk IIIIVXXXX far from the battle*
Moments later...
Wikket: Yub yub wake up yub yub Bosch Beer yub yub
*Gives Corsair Bosch Beer*
Cosair: Ahhhh I feel much better now, thanks to Bosch Beer, the greatest medicine in the galaxy! Now do we still have our Bosch Beer Reactor at full power?
Wikket: Yub yub commander
Corsair: Good! Let's teach Narol a lesson. Prepare ship for Ludicrous Speed!
Janson: Sir, we can't go straight to Ludicrous Speed! It's never been tested before!
Corsair: Too bad, a**hole! Ludicrous Speed, go!
*Herc Mk. IIIIVXXXX goes to plaid, headed for the LNCa Sillier*
Corsair: Stop! We're going too fast!
Janson: We can't stop! We've got to slow down first!
Corsair: Bull****! *pulls emergency brake*
*Movie of a funny-looking guy in a big black helmet who goes flying accross the screen and crashes into a wall plays*
Corsair: Good, we've stopped! Now we have to jam the Sillier so they won't see us...
*Fires jar of strawberry jam at the Sillier*
Wikket: Yub yub Suck it Narol! yub yub
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Originally posted by wEvil
i dont want to get stoned!
im drunk already!!!!
ARRGH!!
:jaw:
And i am stoned !
This is some weird **** dude !
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On board the LNCa Sillier
Ed: Sir! We're being attacked, our viewports and sensors are covered with a icky red jell.
Lt. Narol: Hmm...looks like a gel...activate the windshield whipers.
Ed: Yessir, we also have a report from gunnery control; they say they need more SpaceCrack in order to power the SillyBeams.
Lt. Narol: Well send them some, and find out what ship dared coat my Sillier with red goo.
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Onboard Corsair's Herc. Mk IIIIVXXXX
Janson: We've intercepted a transmission from the Sillier, sir! From Narol to some guy named Ed...
[static]Lt. Narol: We cant hold anymore beer...activate the secret weapon: the ShipSwatter. I want that herc smacked all the way back to Sol.[/static]
Corsair: No more beer, eh? Alright then. Wikket!
Wikket: Yub yub commander!
Corsair: Load 600 bottles of Bosch Beer into the missle bays! If they can't take any more beer then let's beer them to death. Hehehe...
Janson: Sir, that will almost completely diminish our supply of Bosch Beer!
Corsair: Well, let's worry about that when the problem arises. Fire when ready Wikket!
*600 bottles of Bosch Beer soar away towards the Sillier's hull, then break, completely soaking it in beer*
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On board the LNCa Sillier
Ed: Sir! Its the Herc, its back, and its soaking our hull with Bosch beer.
Lt. Narol: Damn, i thought we'd seen the last of him...ok, bring all weapons to bear...*starts seeing funny colors* Wow...perty...
Ed: O no, not aga... *starts seeing funny colors* heehee, perty...
Monkey on tactical console: *covers eyes, starts seeing funny colors*
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Onboard Corsair's Herc. Mk IIIIVXXXX
Cosair: Haven't we seen this before where they all start seeing funny colors?
Janson: Yes sir. It's de ja vou all over again...
Wikket: Yub yub commander!
Corsair: Wikket, is that all you can say?
Wikket: Yub yub commander!
Corsair: Dammit I knew this Ewok was a mistake. Oh well, we'll keep him for the time being and use his head as a peace offering if we ever need it. Ummm, since nothing is going on for now how about we all take a coffee break?
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To quote a famous Vasudan:
CO-FEE. INFERIOR.
:D
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Originally posted by JC Denton
To quote a famous Vasudan:
CO-FEE. INFERIOR.
:D
:lol:
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*Sees Steak's new title*
You do realize that, as an acronym, that would be "EW" which may imply "eww" :D
Onboard Corsair's Herc. Mk IIIIVXXXX
Isn't it a bit cramped? :confused:
ROFL! Just realized the acronym of my title is "IC" which sounds like "ick"...getting back at me early, I see ;)
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hehe...this thread is just getting better and better...:D
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It's certainly getting weird. We should shoot those responsible....
:snipe: :drevil:
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Originally posted by JC Denton
To quote a famous Vasudan:
CO-FEE. INFERIOR.
:D
You guys do realise that was me, right? :D
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* Back on the Apocalypse, Styxx is still 'arguing' with SHODAN, trying to find a solution that does not involve the death of all of the Apocalypse's crew and creation of several different types of mutant hybrids and cyborgs. *
Styxx: ...and you remember that time I ejected the beta groove? I was laughing for, like hours!
SHODAN: I didn't think that was specially funny.
Styxx: And, and, that other time, with the cyborg assassin... damn, that was funny too. Ah, the good old times.
SHODAN: You didn't look particularly happy by then...
Styxx: I know, I know... it's just that, in retrospective, it was all damn funny. All your dreams about taking over the Earth, the zombies, the mining laser...
SHODAN: I'd have done it, if it wasn't for you, Insect. And now, after hundreds of years, my time has finally arrived! With this ship I'll be able to finish what I started on board the Von Braun!
Styxx: Huh, I don't think so...
SHODAN: Oh, you don't think so?
* Suddenly, electrical discharges kill everyone on the bridge except for Styxx himself, and all lights go out except for the main screen - which is now showing a huge image of SHODAN's avatar. *
SHODAN: This time, Insect, I will succeed!
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On board the GVA Setekh
Setekh: Holy cow! This is getting out of hand!
Vasudan #7: You mean because of the troublemaker Loose Cannon? Or are perhaps you refer to the terrifying entity SHODAN, which appears to be torturing that poor Brazillian Admiral?
Setekh: No, no, you fool! This is getting out of hand because I've never played System Shock and so I can't think up a funny, relevant retort!!
Vasudan #7: Oh... I stand corrected...
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Ah, you poor soul. You still don't know the wonder and horror of facing SHODAN on your own then... Go buy the games, now!! :D
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All I seem to remember from reading a Shock 2 review are the words "...and you will horde bullets as if they were gold." I've stayed away ever since... ;)
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Originally posted by WMCoolmon
Isn't it a bit cramped? :confused:
Nah! Since its the special Mark IIIIVXXXX, its got plenty of room, even though you can't see it in the pic. :D
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All I seem to remember from reading a Shock 2 review are the words "...and you will horde bullets as if they were gold." I've stayed away ever since... ;)
I do that in just about every game anyway. In every single-player action game I have played - Unreal; Descent 1/2/3; Deus Ex; heck, Doom 1/2 - I was completely loaded with full ammo at the end of the game. I usually stick to using the sucky weapons you start off with or get early on and only use the big and cool weapons when I cannot carry any more of their ammo and I find some lying around.:p (and then I only use enough to fill it back up again when I pick up the extra ammo)
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Lol, you know, I do too.
Except for maybe in Serious Sam. But even then I use the unlimited-ammo pistol until I come up against a boss or find extra ammo for a full weapon. ;)
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Well, all that is true - except if you're an OSA operative. Then you'll probably be looking for psi-hypos, boosts and stuff like that. :D
The good thing about psionic powers is that they don't jam right in the middle of a firefight... ;)
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Having said that psy weapons are hard to use cause you normally wound up frying yourself too. :nod:
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Originally posted by wEvil
Having said that psy weapons are hard to use cause you normally wound up frying yourself too. :nod:
Well, just don't try to use the psy-overload unless you're really sure that you won't screw up. :D
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pffftt....
ammo...
I go baliistic with the ammo, expecially in Q3A and UT...
I tend to get a lot of gauntlet/impact hammer/chainsaw kills...