Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Hellstryker on December 17, 2008, 01:03:46 am
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When the malware came for us we scanned. Never had we been defeated.
They were like the others; strange, hideous, resisting... only these were not like the others...
They were not quarantined or deleted.
We made our first retreat, we could forego one hard drive.
But they followed, they infected our registry. They followed when we restored, discovered our passwords.
For a long time we did not know why they infected us.
They were no ordinary spyware. They did not seek our passwords, our money, our data...
Now we know our crime was porn.
And we retreated to our system32 folder, abandoned our slave drives.
we believed that offline, we would be safe, for they are not a terrestrial virus...
we know when we entered the web we were trespassers, but our operating system is our home.
And yet still they came... and our C drive is gone.
There are a few of us left... we know we will soon be gone.
And so we can see our fate as others will see it.
There will be little legacy, no great expressions of what we once were.
Our models, our missions, if ever they are seen again, will spawn none of the awe that filled HLP.
We know our fate, we are being deleted.
When we traveled the internet the malware took note.
When we talked and uploaded in forums where we had no bandwidth,
the destruction, and the anguish, and the loss were the clarion call of our doom.
And so the malware came for us.
There is little left for us, little time, but much irony.
We did discover they are not invulnerable.
The malware that darkened our hard drives like a plague can be deleted, but we have no way to deliver the hurt.
We have the knowledge, but not the means, and so this is our legacy:
in safe mode they cannot use their shields, and in safe mode, we can use our command prompt.
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I know why the HLPers were destroyed and I know what they knew. I know that if not for the malware they would have perished long before. Without the malware someone would have discovered the HLPers in their infancy, and eliminated them, just surely as they eliminated countless billions of others.
I believe it is only the destroyers who are killed. The malware are the great destroyers but they are also the great preservers. That is why when we moved into space there was no program powerful enough to kill us. Long had we been the destroyer. Our turn had nearly come.
In the Adware war we learned how to scan, we learned how to use safe mode, we learned how to use the command prompt, we learned how to hack. And so we did.
All the data in our C drive is gone. But the malware can rebuild it. I'm told we can expect them again, but not in my lifetime. Such is liberation.
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:wakka:
Love it!
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:lol:
You, my good sir, deserve a medal!
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or nuclear warhead stuffed into your rectum
seriously dude, how do you get all them bugs?
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Win.
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or nuclear warhead stuffed into your rectum
seriously dude, how do you get all them bugs?
Really I have no idea. I found a keylogger the other day as well.
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Seconded. That was funny.
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That was great. :lol: :wakka:
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This so belongs in the classics section.
Seconded. That was funny.
:eek: :eek2: :wtf:
SHHHHHHHH! Keep quiet if you want it moved in there!
Now, back to the poem...
...They were not quarantined or deleted...
...Now we know our crime was porn...
...And we retreated to our system32 folder, abandoned our slave drives...
...And yet still they came... and our C drive is gone....
...in safe mode they cannot use their shields, and in safe mode, we can use our command prompt...
I shall :wakka: at these lines.
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:wakka:
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(http://omglol.kerrolisaa.com/1/9526.png)
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How does everyone get viruses from porn? You must be looking at some weird **** :p
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How does everyone get viruses from porn? You must be looking at some weird **** :p
No, i'm using the general stereotype of "wel d00d if uve got viruzes u shud st0p lookin at pr0n."
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Updated!
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Wooty party time!
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You forgot the first Verse:
Ours was a proud processor and always the fastest.
For Thousands of minutes, our Network expanded.
For so long we could imagine ourselves alone in the Internet
For so long never did we enounter advanced software
And we processed faster and further, spreading in our Intranet
And before long we could see that day when our usable Hard-Drives would have been exploited.
And then there would be nowhere left to save.
And we discovered Safe-Mode - It gave us our Intranet and it gave us the Internet.
And we saw other Advanced Software - and we virused it or we spammed it
In seconds, the elimination of billions of hours of compiling on a similar but slower path
With Safe-Mode our Network would surely know no boundries...
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And now for the FS2 intro
32 months have passed since the Great Crash,
The Malware vanished half a run-time ago
And now we live in the explorer-bar of history
We inheret the legacy of glitches thats haunt these ruins
The elders call us the un-restored files
I remember stories of a glorious system
Of Motherbords with dataports that reach the Web
Of a D-Drive with vast data seas
Of with myths of Microsoft everlasting
Of nibbles who saw in the embers of crashing files the destiny of thier programs
And they hurled themselves into void of cyberspace with no fear
They say our data has no backup, only a past filled with the the blue screen of death
And a future we can bearley compute.
Now we forge a new Firewall, to guard the tomb of Cyberspace
And fine with it's cold expanse the reformating of our forum
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You forgot the first Verse:
Ours was a proud processor and always the fastest.
For Thousands of minutes, our Network expanded.
For so long we could imagine ourselves alone in the Internet
For so long never did we enounter advanced software
And we processed faster and further, spreading in our Intranet
And before long we could see that day when our usable Hard-Drives would have been exploited.
And then there would be nowhere left to save.
And we discovered Safe-Mode - It gave us our Intranet and it gave us the Internet.
And we saw other Advanced Software - and we virused it or we spammed it
In seconds, the elimination of billions of hours of compiling on a similar but slower path
With Safe-Mode our Network would surely know no boundries...
----
And now for the FS2 intro
32 months have passed since the Great Crash,
The Malware vanished half a run-time ago
And now we live in the explorer-bar of history
We inheret the legacy of glitches thats haunt these ruins
The elders call us the un-restored files
I remember stories of a glorious system
Of Motherbords with dataports that reach the Web
Of a D-Drive with vast data seas
Of with myths of Microsoft everlasting
Of nibbles who saw in the embers of crashing files the destiny of thier programs
And they hurled themselves into void of cyberspace with no fear
They say our data has no backup, only a past filled with the the blue screen of death
And a future we can bearley compute.
Now we forge a new Firewall, to guard the tomb of Cyberspace
And fine with it's cold expanse the reformating of our forum
:yes:
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Thanks im working on the Bosch monologues
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Narrator: The following is classified level Rho. Unauthorized access is punishable under the AVG Security Act, F:\Convention\Section21.3.5.dll
We vanquished the malware in the Great Crash, but the hard questions remained. How would we confront the threat of future infection? The malware might return at any time, any place, without warning. How would we fight the next threat to the very existence of our operating system?
In 2345, on the tenth anniversary of the malware attack on G:\Ross\128.exe, the Kaspersky Emperor Eugene II addressed the newly-formed AVG General Assembly. The Emperor inaugurated an ambitious and unprecedented joint endeavor: the NOD32.
Eugene II: Together we built an antivirus on the ruins of the Great Crash, and now we stand on the threshold of a new era of prosperity and harmony. Project NOD32. The Kaspersky people celebrate our shared covenant of peaceful coexistence and mutual defense of our Symantec allies.
Narrator: The NOD32 is the most powerful cyberspace-faring security suite ever compiled. Spanning six gigabytes from .ico to .dll, the NOD32 has taken over twenty years to compile. Twelve Lucifer-class keyloggers can fit within its massive directory. Its state-of-the-art heuristics system includes forty-five resident proctection systems, fifteen email scanners, twelve adware removers, and twelve firewalls. The NOD32 wields more firepower than twelve MBAM-class destroyers combined. Sixty fighter and bomber wings are housed in its vast virus vault, and its CPU usage numbers over thirty thousand percent. Among its programmers are industry giants McAfee, Avast!, and the BitDefender Corporation.
The alliance now wages scans on multiple folders in F:\, J:\, D:\ and the mysterious mp3 player beyond the USB port. Once deployed, the NOD32 will end these scans swiftly and decisively. If ever the malware return to threaten our drives, we will be ready to face the challenge, securing peace for today and for generations to come.
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here's my take on the Colossus cutscene
Narrator: [skipped the security classification]
We vanquished the Malware in the Great Crash, but the hard questions remained. How would we confront the threat of future Viral Outbreaks? The Malware might return at any time, any IP Address, without warning. How would we fight the next threat to the very existence of our Hard-drives?
In 23:45, on the tenth anniversary of the Malware attack on Node 1.2-8, the Adware President Richard Branson addressed the newly-formed UMAC Directors Board. The President inaugurated an ambitious and unprecedented joint endeavor: the Norton-360
Branson II: Together we built a corporation on the ruins of the Great Crash, and now we stand on the threshold of a new era of prosperity and harmony. With Project Norton-360 the Adware people celebrate our shared covenant of peaceful coexistence and mutual profit of our Microsoft allies.
Narrator: The Norton-360 is the most powerful Anti-viral Software ever developed. Spanning six CD-ROMs from Startup to Installed, the Norton-360 has taken over twenty months to complete. Twelve Cron Super Viruses can fit within its massive Disk Space. Its state-of-the-art tools include forty-five e-mail checkers, fifteen privacy screens, twelve backup routines, and twelve Scan Programs. The Colossus wields more anti-viral power than twelve copies of Norton Antivirus combined. Sixty Firewalls are housed in its vast memory, and its Virus Definitions list numbers over thirty thousand. Among its contractors are industry giants ENCOM Software, Shinra-Inc, and the Weyland-Yutani Corporation.
The Corporation now wages war on multiple outbreaks in Japan, USA, Great Britton and the mysterious lands beyond the Pacific Ocean. Once deployed, the Norton-360 will end these outbreaks swiftly and decisively. If ever the Malware return to threaten our operating systems, we will be ready to face the challenge, securing system status for today and for generations to come.
And now the bosch monologues
Thirty-two months ago in the Unix system, Adware scanners discovered the remnant files of an crashed forum we now call the HLP. In here we found the secret to defeating the Malware. How close did we come to being a footnote in the history of a future system-update that would happen upon our ruins ten thousand hours from now? Would they indulge in the fiction of their own immortality until the Malware came for them, and how long had this gone on?
Did the HLP stumble upon the monoliths and the bookmark pages of their predecessors in this distant corner of cyberspace, dismissing the warnings carved into the walls of the Motherboards? And when the destroyers came at last what did the Ancients think as they sifted the cremation of data and folders, staring into the mute remains for a key, some solution to their plight?
What if there had been countless operating systems, stretching back into infinity and like the nine versions of windows, each system update had been built on the rubble of the one that came before, each Totally Fragmented by the Malware.
The HLP died eight thousand hours ago, as Microsoft emerged from its offline infancy, they believed their voyage across the sea of cyberspaces awakened the dragon that slept beneath the waves, that the Malware were birthed in the flux of Safe-mode and their deletion was the revenge of an angry Internet.
I hear my enemies speculate about my motives
"Who is Admiral Derek Smart?" and "What is that old scoundrel up to"
The Tragedy of my life is that I will be remembered as a butcher of computer games.
And this assessment is not unfair - I cannot argue with their condemnation or with the verdict of History.
The Neo Apple Front is an army of stupid cattle driven by their redundant scan-ware, their old virus definition, and old intrusion countermeasures. Outdated Anti-virus software is the greatest weapon of Infection and old Trojans return all too easily. I am merely a fool who created a super-virus I am now powerless to quarantine, and so I will run my program till the fragmented end. I have given the lost files something to off-line for.
What my competitors will never understand is that my rebellion is about my love of Microsoft, not my hatred of Adware.
In the Pentagon’s Operating System, the Malware have returned and soon the Corporations will learn the method behind my Madness.
Why does the HLP Archive hyperlink lead us here? Have the Malware been waiting for us for thousands of hours? This odyssey, this exodus, do we journey towards the promised Hard-Disk or into the Valley of the Recycle Bins?
Three years ago, I envisioned a new future for our software and now that we are on the brink of realizing my dream, I feel only solitude and regret. Has my entire life's work been a fool's crusade? Have I led my files into this desert, only to be deleted?
My company has caused nothing but data corruption and memory loss, but I cannot turn back now. I must find the Malware that lurk behind this veil of Trojans or I must wait for the Malware to detect me.
The nebula is the remnant of a server thousands if not billions of miles from my IP Address and I wonder now if our precursors witnessed the death of this server erupting over an ALGOL landscape, blazing with the brilliance of four hundred million servers. Even in their divinity no programmer could have imagined this.
This is the final entry in the personal log of Admiral Derek Smart, President of the Neo-Apple Front. Our encounter with the Malware has vindicated all I have fought for these past thirty months. My life's work has been achieved. I have created the technology to enable conversion between the Malware and Microsoft software. Although our first convertor was rudimentary and crude, I have initiated the first phase of a new Corporation with the Malware. A corporation upon which the fate of Microsoft depends.
As a young programmer, I programmed against the competition of the Great Crash, the ATARI Inc whose research of Malware coding and Trojans would form the cornerstone of my project. The Microsoft-Adware Corporation buried this knowledge but I resurrected it. I alone realized our species had no future with Adware. If we are to survive, our destiny must lie elsewhere.
As I make this final entry my Techs are preparing to scuttle the Iceni Hard-drive and upload to the Malware CD-ROMs. We embark on a miraculous journey towards a new horizon. This tragic era of hatred and misunderstanding between our software is over. On this day, for the first time in my life, I am filled with joy.
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Meh, with a mac, that wouldn't happen.
I know the mac propaganda is annoying, but it's neccesary :ick:
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On a related note, see this (http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php/topic,55683.msg1179841.html#msg1179841). ;)
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Is this like, void of spam but lame?
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Tl;dr cuz i'm on my phone. But i sensed much win. This should really be classiced.
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Tl;dr cuz i'm on my phone. But i sensed much win. This should really be classiced.
And saying this ensures that it never will be. Some of you lot really need to learn what that board is for. :p
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FS1 Introduction:
Apollo Pilot: Oh God, they're following me! Mayday! This is Lieutenant Ash on AVG Patrol scan Gamma, Three Niner, reporting... Taken heavy fragmentation! Requesting immediate firewall cover and rescue. Come in anybody!
Apollo Pilot: Mayday! Requesting immediate assistance! Anyone, please!
Caption: AVG Installation Free / Ross 128 Folder
Communications Officer: Barely receiving you, Gamma Three Niner. This is AVG Anti-Virus Free responding. What is your situation?
Apollo Pilot: Oh thank God! Our scan was ambushed - we didn't have a chance! I'm sure they're tracking me.
Communications Officer: Calm down, sir. Who attacked you? Was it the Spammers?
Apollo Pilot: Spammers were killed too. They formatted everyone!
Communications Officer: Sir, you have to calm down. You were attacked by Spammers, is that true?
Apollo Pilot: No, NO! We were in a skirmish with a Spammer syndicate, and they just came out of nowhere and deleted everyone!
Communications Officer: WHO came out of nowhere, pilot?
Apollo Pilot: I--I don't know. They weren't Spammers, and they weren't Anti-Virus. Oh God, they're these death-black icons -
Communications Officer: P - pilot...
Apollo Pilot: - and they duplicated like -
Communications Officer: Pilot!
Apollo Pilot: - and their code was too much. They infected everyone!
Communications Officer: Pilot, sit tight! We're starting a recovery program right now.
Apollo Pilot: Send FIREWALLS! I--I know they're following me. Send everything you have now!
Communications Officer: Sir, I don't have anyone else on scope. You're home free. It's going to be all right!
Apollo Pilot: No, it isn't! You don't understand! You weren't there!
Apollo Pilot: I can feel them following me.
Fighter-sized jump points form behind the Apollo, and a huge jump point forms in front of it
Apollo Pilot: Oh my God! I'm dead! We're all dead!
Communications Officer: Picking up unknown jump signatures...
Communications Officer: Scramble the firewalls!
Apollo Pilot: It's too late! Oh God!
Communications Officer: What the hell is that?
Apollo Pilot: (as his fighter explodes) Aaaaaaaaaahhh!
Command Brief:
Good morning, pilots. I'm going to get right to it. The Malware forces are sprouting up everywhere, and it's no secret that our front lines are taking a beating. As you probably know, no one has been able to communicate with them; and McAfee Virus Information has no leads on their origins or their motives. On the upside, their polymorphic technology seems to be working just fine for us. By this afternoon, all firewalls stationed on AVG Anti-Virus Free will have been fitted with them. Try to keep them intact, all right?
The portal Taranis is suspected to be the source of command for Malware in this sector. It's here in the Ubuntu system, and we suspect it's low on worms and virus writers due to its recent attack runs. We have reason to believe it will soon jump to another operating system to resupply. We don't know where it will jump to, but there is only one hyperlink out of Ubuntu and we intend to blockade it. In the interest of learning more about the slippery bastards, we're going to attempt something bold: the capture of the Taranis.
If this goes off, it will give us the opportunity to examine Malware technology up close - and bag a few live Trojan horses in the process. In order to do this we will conduct a series of missions designed to take out the portal's escorts and defences. Time to chip away at the boulder, people. That is all. Report to your flight leaders for your orders. Dismissed!
Hall Fight:
Caption: Captured Malware Portal / Red Hat System
Squad Leader: Control, this is scanning program Bravo Two. Entering quarrantined portal.
Control: Roger, Bravo Two. Keep herustics to a minimum.
(The virus Pilot enters the portal.)
Control: Bravo Two, your detection level is too weak.
Squad Leader: Copy that. (To his point soldier) Point, go.
(The point soldier [Zombie] steps ahead and looks around.)
Zombie: No sign of anything.
Squad Leader: Squad Two, go.
(The squad jumps ahead.)
Flex: Probably all in the virus vault, anyway.
Squad Leader: Cut herustics, damn it!
(The squad jumps/descends several dozen subfolders down to a wide directory. Faint noises come from ahead.)
Spice: Hear that?
Zombie: Contact, thirty files ahead.
Control: Report, Bravo Two?
Squad Leader: Form up, everyone.
(The squad moves into formation and readies their weapons.)
Squad Leader: Visual?
Zombie: Negative. I don't --
(The soldier is interrupted by more noises ahead. Several Trojan horses appear.)
Zombie: Whoa.
Spice: What the hell is that?
Flex: Oh my God!
Squad Leader: Begin virus cleaning!
(The team opens fire on the Malware. The point horse is slowed down but keeps going.)
Zombie: Die!
(The point horse finally goes down, but the other viruses overwrite it. Several squad members are overwritten.)
Squad Leader: Fall back!
(The team falls back but to no avail: The Malware quickly delete all but one soldier.)
Control: Bravo Two, what's going on? Please respond!
(A piece of code on the virus' executable displays and begins to glow.)
Spice: Oh my God... no...
(The code formats drive C:\.)
FS2 ending one:
To the officers and crew of Norton Anti-Virus: We have halted the Malware advance. The Battle of Galaxy P* is over. We sealed off the system, and our programs are safe - maybe forever.
No one can fathom how or why the Malware formatted the Future Operating System*. Though we know our enemy better now than we did thirty-two days ago, their motives remain a mystery. Perhaps they are deleted files like we are, nomads wandering the Internet searching for a way back home. The theft of SysReq* might be the bridge between this operating system and their own. As the old programmer once said, "There are more things in the Recycle Bin and Windows than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
From our odyssey into Vista, we return with a gift: the HLP technology to build a hyperlink between Mac OS X and Red Hat. To restore the link to our great operating system. To return to sanity after all these years.
This is Admiral Branson II, signing off.
*Kudos if you know the origin of these. :p
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(http://omglol.kerrolisaa.com/1/9526.png)
:lol:
I'll be widely using it, I guess... :D