Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: IceFire on March 04, 2010, 05:16:39 pm
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To make a long and sometimes personal story short I wanted to ask a few relationship questions because I'm confused and I've exhausted talking to people that I know in person. So maybe it would be a good idea to get a broader audience of folks like you that I kind of know... but not really :)
So I'll just ask a fairly basic question to get started. If you have some experience with this... how often did you and the other person spend time together? Right now I've been dating someone for several months now and we have maybe once a week or once every two weeks and I find myself wanting to spend more time than just an evening here and there. Kinda driving me nuts. Doesn't help that many other things in life are sort of upside down... might as well make everything upside down.
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I find when I spend far too much time early on in a relationship, it gets old fast.
Whether it's her or me that floors the gas, it just burns out quickly, within a matter of weeks. By far too much time I mean nearly constantly, get up, meet up. Spend every spare moment together doing things I don't want to. You get the idea.
Finding I balance early on and keeping to it in order to allow the natural tempo to take over but being mindful of when it's getting too much is the key to allowing it to last past the six month mark.
That dodgy singer Pink summed it up with 'Give me a chance to miss you.'
Cheesy but true.
This public service announcement has bed bought to you by me. ;)
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I don't think we've had a good streak with relationship threads
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I demand attention from Turambar approximately every twenty minutes each day.
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I demand attention from Turambar approximately every twenty minutes each day.
what
you too
you *****
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So I'll just ask a fairly basic question to get started. If you have some experience with this... how often did you and the other person spend time together? Right now I've been dating someone for several months now and we have maybe once a week or once every two weeks and I find myself wanting to spend more time than just an evening here and there. Kinda driving me nuts. Doesn't help that many other things in life are sort of upside down... might as well make everything upside down.
I quote this cause it shows a common mistake men make when talking about this sort of thing. We know you want her Icefire, but what does she want? You haven't said. So at best we have half the equation. If you're doing things right she should be spending at least as much time chasing you as you spend chasing her.
If she isn't, then you should back off. I agree with Dekker when he says that going too fast at the start can make a relationship fizzle out as soon as it isn't new. And that goes doubly so if only one person is doing all the pushing.
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Stick it in her pooper
...
:nervous:
I don't think we've had a good streak with relationship threads
Seriously though...Kara's spot on.
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With my wife I only got to see her once or twice a week since she lived an hour away when we started dating. I think it strengthened our relationship, it was hard but it all worked out in the end. We still talked on the phone every night and not being able to see each other made it that much sweeter when we actually got too. It allowed us to become good friends without a lot of physical contact and that is how she became my "best" friend which in turn caused the marriage. :D
So it has potential to work out in the end just be patient and make every moment count. Also God bless cellphones ;-P
EDIT: also Kara said it quite beautifully; "If you're doing things right she should be spending at least as much time chasing you as you spend chasing her."
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So I'll just ask a fairly basic question to get started. If you have some experience with this... how often did you and the other person spend time together? Right now I've been dating someone for several months now and we have maybe once a week or once every two weeks and I find myself wanting to spend more time than just an evening here and there. Kinda driving me nuts. Doesn't help that many other things in life are sort of upside down... might as well make everything upside down.
I quote this cause it shows a common mistake men make when talking about this sort of thing. We know you want her Icefire, but what does she want? You haven't said. So at best we have half the equation. If you're doing things right she should be spending at least as much time chasing you as you spend chasing her.
If she isn't, then you should back off. I agree with Dekker when he says that going too fast at the start can make a relationship fizzle out as soon as it isn't new. And that goes doubly so if only one person is doing all the pushing.
Good thoughts...this does help me think. She gets upset when I back off but she can't really seem to pull it together. Legitimately there's some horrible stuff happening in her life at times... I doubt she knows what she wants anymore. I'm over simplifying the whole thing but I guess what I want to know is what is "normal" knowing full well that there is no such thing as normal. But I have so little actual experience so I have to ask others.
In retrospect I should have dated more in the past :)
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"Normal" is what feels comfortable.
Unfortunately, the same thing might not feel comfortable to both parties, in which case you pretty much have to compromise until you are both relatively satisfied.
If that's not possible, then it might not be in your best interests to drag it out for too much longer..
If you're happy and she's happy, you are doing it right.
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Be confident, be funny, and don't dwell on unhappy things for too long. Don't put yourself down, and turn the conversation to her where possible.
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Also hang out in irc and don't do anything Turambar does ever.
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"Normal" is what feels comfortable.
She has a point. There is no such thing as a "normal" relationship ; every one is unique, and comparing yours to anyone else's is a good way to ruin it.
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This public service announcement has bed bought to you by me. ;)
Why are you buying Icefire beds?
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should i lock it now, or wait till it devolves into an emo slicefest
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I vote wait.
That could change though...
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should i lock it now, or wait till it devolves into an emo slicefest
I'll lock it if it goes that way :)
So far it's proven useful to me (maybe to others) so the point is being served. Even iamzack had some words of wisdom :)
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One of the signs in the doomsday book surely?
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Hey, even iamzack makes a good point once in a while.
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So I'll just ask a fairly basic question to get started. If you have some experience with this... how often did you and the other person spend time together? Right now I've been dating someone for several months now and we have maybe once a week or once every two weeks and I find myself wanting to spend more time than just an evening here and there. Kinda driving me nuts. Doesn't help that many other things in life are sort of upside down... might as well make everything upside down.
I quote this cause it shows a common mistake men make when talking about this sort of thing. We know you want her Icefire, but what does she want? You haven't said. So at best we have half the equation. If you're doing things right she should be spending at least as much time chasing you as you spend chasing her.
If she isn't, then you should back off. I agree with Dekker when he says that going too fast at the start can make a relationship fizzle out as soon as it isn't new. And that goes doubly so if only one person is doing all the pushing.
Good thoughts...this does help me think. She gets upset when I back off but she can't really seem to pull it together. Legitimately there's some horrible stuff happening in her life at times... I doubt she knows what she wants anymore. I'm over simplifying the whole thing but I guess what I want to know is what is "normal" knowing full well that there is no such thing as normal. But I have so little actual experience so I have to ask others.
In retrospect I should have dated more in the past :)
What is normal? Nothing. If she has crap she's working through, help her as much as you can (or as much as she will allow), but remember there is a limit to what you can do. She has to get er head screwed on straight, you can't do that for her. Just be there when she needs it (or wants it).
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Kosh is right. Help her where you can, but bear in mind that there is only so much you can do. You can help her find the screws to fix her life, but she must do the screwing in of those screws herself.
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lol, screw
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Good words of wisdom folks. Thanks for a bit of a reality check. One needs it sometimes... and sometimes you need people not at all invested in the situation (i.e. parents and close friends).
I'll leave this thread open for now... if it becomes out of hand like our last relationship thread I'll get the hammer out myself :)
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I'll leave it open for now... if it becomes out of hand like our last relationship thread I'll get the hammer out myself :)
Beating her head in with a hammer won't solve it. :p
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Depends on the girl. :p
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There.... revised my emphasis :) Just so there is no confusion.
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Always **** on the first date :yes:
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Always **** on the first date :yes:
I try, i've got one at the end of the month with a thirty-three year old blonde. She's like a yummy mummy, but she doesn't have kids. She's the new reception boss. And I am gonna be a gent ;)
Sweet, cute, professionalism, great in a suit.
Hair in one of those buns with a pony tail. About 5.2-5.3.
Face like I dunno. . . Just hot. Like umm penny from big bang theory but thirty three.
I am gonna try my heart out. If not wine wine wine and snogging.
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So.... what do you do when you've met someone where you share so many interests, are compatible on so many levels, and the only thing keeping you apart is one not having enough time to spend together? If it feels like it was meant to be.... Do you try and tough it out? Should you wait for that person?
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Tough it out.
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Tough it out for a while. You can't wait around forever. Over six billion people on the planet, if she's one in a million, there's plenty more just like her.
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Tough it out.
Aren't you a girl?
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oh boy
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Tough it out.
Aren't you a girl?
Yes!
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well you know what they say the best cure for love is??
marraige!
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So.... what do you do when you've met someone where you share so many interests, are compatible on so many levels, and the only thing keeping you apart is one not having enough time to spend together? If it feels like it was meant to be.... Do you try and tough it out? Should you wait for that person?
If you think they're worth it, they're worth fighting for. Make the time.
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Tough it out.
Aren't you a girl?
Yes!
Wha,
Srsly? :E
Neat, now a appreciate the sexy voice feedback a little better :lol:
Icefire, I say tough it out. But I don't know you and your other half are in the 'courting process' you've asked her out for drinks/movie /dance class/carnival/concert/meal/bungee jump/bbq or any other appropriate occasion right?
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Tough it out.
Aren't you a girl?
You're not the first one to think so. :D
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Aren't you a girl?
I can try to think like one.
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So.... what do you do when you've met someone where you share so many interests, are compatible on so many levels, and the only thing keeping you apart is one not having enough time to spend together? If it feels like it was meant to be.... Do you try and tough it out? Should you wait for that person?
If you think they're worth it, they're worth fighting for. Make the time.
I guess that is is the trouble... we've both made the time but it isn't much. It's a big issue for me and for her... and maybe we're going to have to accept reduced time for now and try and make due with what we have.