Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: FreeSpaceFreak on December 06, 2010, 10:29:49 am
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Got this from a fellow student a while ago, thought I'd share:
In aviation, the pilot reports problems he notices with a so-called Gripe Sheet. The technicians on the ground then analyze and repair the problem and also log their work on this sheet, so that the pilots can see what has been done.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And one especially for The E:
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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that's brilliant
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:lol:
All those were good, but this one especially:
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
:wakka:
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P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
These make me particularly laugh :lol:
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For reference (classified as "Legend"):
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp
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Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.
Defect: 3 roaches in cabin.
Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
:wakka: :wakka: :wakka:
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Oh, man.. received this in my email 5 years ago :D Still funny though. My personal favorite has always been "Almost replaced left inside main tire." Back then the email claimed it was excerpts from Quantas's TLBs (Technical Log Books).
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Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.
Defect: The autopilot doesn't.
Action: IT DOES NOW.
:lol: :lol:
And yes, a lot of these sound more like Air Force reports than anything...I can sympathize with a lot of them :D
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old, but still funny
Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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My personal favourite from when I worked at Farnborough was:
P : Possible defect in Pitot-Static system
S : Asylum offered
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I lol'd
My thanks.
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These are very funny.
More please.
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The only other one I can remember that made me laugh was:
P: Ill-fitting throttle grip.
S: Medicine given, fitting throttle grip now feels better.
Or something like that, it was 20 years ago.
Edit: There was also the 'Marigold incident', but that'd take a little longer to explain.
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I demand a little longer explanation :mad:
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This is epic!
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Indeed. :lol:
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Edit: There was also the 'Marigold incident', but that'd take a little longer to explain.
Please explain it. I googled it, but to little avail. ;)
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Edit: There was also the 'Marigold incident', but that'd take a little longer to explain.
You made us curious now :P
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:lol:
Well, we had some Russian diplomats visiting the base, right near the end of the cold war, and were under very strict instructions not to talk to them or tell them anything, since we were no more than apprentices at the time. However, we, as a bunch of teenagers, thought we really ought to greet them in some manner.
Now, the thing about working with aircraft is that you avoid electric tools, there are a lot of flammable liquids involved, so, most tools at the time were powered by a high pressure air-hose system, and we often used bright yellow marigold gloves when handling some of those liquids, since they were less prone to splitting than surgical gloves. This formed the basis of our idea...
Come the day of the visit, a bunch of very stone-faced, serious Russian diplomats were touring the airbase in staff cars, they rounded the corner of 'Q Shed', which was the training shed, only to be faced by, sticking out of the second floor window, an enormous Marigold glove, inflated to about 40-50 times it's normal size, gently waving at them in the wind.
We got into so much trouble for that....
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As long as lulz was had, I'd say it must've been worth it.
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:lol:
And yeah, this collection is just about as old as the Internets itself, but it's still good for a chuckle.
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according to snopes, it's even OLDER than the internet and was circulated via hard copy :P
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*snip*
:lol:
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according to snopes, it's even OLDER than the internet and was circulated via hard copy :P
Older...than....the internet?
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Older...than....the internet?
(http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u143/trevorfansau/indeed.png?) (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OlderThanTheyThink)
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:shaking:
/me actually can't remember a world without internet.
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I remember when all this was Bulletin Boards running off home computers and modems at 300 bits per second...
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in the early 90'2 i was on this http://www.hard-light.net/forums/index.php?topic=53623.msg1443032#msg1443032 no even allowed onto the internet until I left school in 2000 ( too interested in porn for my dad's liking lol )
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(http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u143/trevorfansau/indeed.png?) (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OlderThanTheyThink)
i'm stealing that.
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(http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u143/trevorfansau/indeed.png?) (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OlderThanTheyThink)
Where, sir, shall I ship your just-won internet?
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Maybe you could email it to me via internet. :lol:
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It might take a while, internets tend to take a while when shipped :p
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It might take a while, internets tend to take a while when shipped :p
an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday. I got it yesterday [Tuesday]. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially.
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How could I have missed this thread?
Here (http://a4skyhawk.org/2g/humor/humor.htm) is one page that has similar stuff.
Excerpt
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah", the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach".
and
When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
25. Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the dash-1 is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.
:lol:
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Ever thought of the difficulties in disposing the porcelain toilet seat in the naval environment? Wait no more, this problem was solved in Vietnam War by US Navy. Yes, they loaded an A-1 with a toilet seat. Pics and the story can be found from here (http://www.f-16.net/f-16_forum_viewtopic-t-7341.html)
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Heard over Tower Radio at Bagotville, Quebec, Canada.
First voice:"Roger, I'm holding at 3,000 feet over Bagot Beacon."
Second voice:"You can't be doing that. I'm holding over Bagot Beacon at 3,000 feet."
Long pause.
First voice: "You idiot. You're my copilot."
:lol:
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I give that landing a 7 on the Richter scale.
:lol:
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Sometimes the truth is indeed stranger and funnier than fiction. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the story of the aircraft that shot itself down.
Story can be found from here (http://www.check-six.com/Crash_Sites/Tiger138260.htm).
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that is pretty mental really, you never really think of hitting your own rounds like that, good thing the pilot survived.
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I've heard of old WWII fighters experiencing fire-sync failure and shooting off their own propellers, but that takes the cake. :p
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And whenever we are talking about military in the peace time, there is always systematic abuse between different branches of services due to the one's assumed rank. Here's an example of that. (http://a4skyhawk.org/2d/tins/captains.htm) Based on my family name (same family name but completely unrelated), I could have done a similar trick by playing a superior officer during my military service and ordering an inspection of a rifle company at 0400 at night. The thought had its appeal, but I elected not to, on suspicion of getting Trouble for that.
And then there is And There Were None (http://a4skyhawk.org/2d/tins/tinnone.htm), a story that defies belief, which in overall has to be one of saddest the most warning stories of the importance of the aviation safety.
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the seven-engine landing one reminded me of a joke i've read somewhere before. i don't have the exact text, but here's the gist of it.
An f-16 was escorting a cargo transport on a long flight. The cocky fighter jock got bored and found something to pass the time. He got on the radio and started to pick a fight with the transport pilots about which was better. "Anything you can do I can do better" the fighter pilot challenged. He then proceeded to show off a bunch of loops and rolls. The transport continued on straight and steady. "Ok, beat that" the transport pilot said." "What did you do?" the fighter pilot asked.
"Shut down two engines."
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Reminds me of this:
(http://www.ysflight.ca/inthestall/ysflight_funny_09.jpg) (http://inthestall.blogspot.com/)
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This takes the cake, for me. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=1wEURyjB3Lc#t=222s)
Funnier if you watch the whole ep.
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i didn't see it in comic format, but yeah, that's the one.