Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: sigtau on March 12, 2011, 07:24:26 pm
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tl;dr version: ****'s going on at school, involving people I am forced to be around due to the education system. This is my rant, posted as a blog post elsewhere.
Tried to stay objective despite my teen RAEG.
I'd like you guys' thoughts.
As a quick disclaimer, you aren't required to read or care about anything contained in this little note, even if it pertains to you. Make what you want of it. If you think I'm a liar, someone who cries about everything that doesn't go his way, or something to that effect, so be it--I only write this because I want the people that *do* care to understand my point of view on things.
Many of you guys know me as being the nerdy guy, the geek, that sort of thing. I have no problem with this. In fact, I embrace it--of course, it's not how I introduce myself to other people, but it's definitely a part of my personality. (I mean, if you aren't already a nerd, how likely would it be for you to become close friends with someone who introduces himself by saying "Hi, I'm Will, and I spend extended periods of time on the computer"? I know I wouldn't!)
Now, that being said, it needs to also be noted that I'm typically--out of the larger groups of friends--the one most likely to get picked on. I don't have much of a problem with this, either--I completely understand that I'm the guy that gives off that 'vibe' of being the one to pick on. 99% of the time, I won't care--it's just who I am.
However, it needs to be said that a line has to be drawn somewhere.
People, to be blunt, can be asses. This is a fact of life. Sometimes, being an ass can easily make you the center of attention in a group, and to me, this sounds like human nature, which I won't question. However, people such as myself who are in the position of being 'that guy' in the group (the one to pick on, if the time is right) have a point at which it becomes just unnecessary to be made fun of.
What I'm getting at is that it sickens me to see people get a sense of entitlement that because they are the asshole of the group (pardon my French), and because of this sense of entitlement, it becomes completely okay of them to make fun of other people for certain things, even after they have been asked to stop.
Most people would simply suggest that ignoring the jerk of the group is the easy way to end your problems. However, when they're the center of attention, it's irritatingly difficult to simply ignore them--they aren't looking for a reaction from the victim, they just want a reaction from the group--and they'll be satisfied. Sucks more for those who can't simply separate themselves from the group of people, for example, if it's mandatory (or almost mandatory) for them to be around such people.
It doesn't stop there, either. In a group of friends, everyone seems to have the back of everyone else, and when a split occurs, someone's going to take sides. The people who side with the jerk, in this instance, will openly wonder why the more sensitive group members can't simply laugh at themselves once in a while.
The reason being because people like myself are picked on all the time. We laugh at ourselves daily, almost every time we're in the group. Yet, the one time we actually show a visible anger or reaction to the situation, the people doing the picking suddenly become the victims of the situation. Perhaps a few other group members will take your side, but it isn't going to be enough to quell the people who want you to--for lack of a better phrase--be the ***** of the group.
For those of you who know exactly what I'm talking about:
1. Don't tell me to laugh at myself. You give me plenty of daily opportunities to do so. As an example: my voice cracks a bit more than it should, and this is something you poke fun at plenty. I laugh with it just about every time it's mentioned.
2. Just because you or someone else is the jerk of the group, it doesn't entitle them to poke fun at me. If they're like this all the time, and you recognize it as being a problem, why do you do nothing to stop it? Why do you take their side? You know who you are.
3. Don't even bother trying to say you're sorry, especially if you're doing it regularly. It means nothing to me anymore, and it shows that you lack integrity to actually know what the term 'sorry' really means.
4. I'm not a ***** for posting this. What has been said here needs to be said. I have every right to be upset with this.
5. Sensitivity may be a weakness, but it's gotten me much farther than any of the people this note is targeted at will ever be able to understand. If you think sensitivity is an absolute weakness, you will not last long in the world.
Thanks for reading, and if you don't understand what I'm talking about (or you have no idea of the situation), you're free to ask me in private. It's not my place to discuss this openly, especially this early on.
As for the ones that know this note is directed at them (i.e. the people I'm not happy with), you know who you are. This is your chance to stop now. I'm a pacifist, but if you give me a reason to fight, and diplomacy no longer works, I have no other choice.
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I was actually just thinking about how everyone in my life seems to regard me as incompetent (my best friend just flat out told me so)
The trick is to just not give to ****s if your wife hates you, or mother thinks you were a mistake, live, love, it doesn't guarantee you'll be respected, loved, or liked, but at least you stand a chance of being an alright person. In this world, that's an accomplishment.
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Like I said in the post, simply ignoring it isn't working--it's a hive-mind. If he gets a reaction from the group, he gets what he wants. My reaction is simply a bonus.
I just feel like I have put up with **** for far too long.
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The only thing I can really think of is to make a good comeback call whenever he tries to tear into you. Even if it feels like you're being a bit of an ass by making a witty comment back at him that can (at times) be insulting, it'll give him the message and he might ease up.
Also, have you discussed this with your other friends/bystanders?
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Yes, Dilmah, I have.
In fact, at the time of the last incursion between he and I, I actually shouted "**** this" in the presence of a teacher, and simply grabbed my things and left. I was later consuled with by another friend who takes my stance on the situation. There's not a lot of people who seem to take my stance in this situation and stay involved with the group.
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Ah, hmmm. Well I think the least effort consuming and subtle way of solving it would be to reply with a witty comment now and then when he tries it, but I don't know if that's applicable here. :\
Hm, I don't really know how to tackle this one at the moment, sorry.
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Hey sigtau, I sent you something that might help. Check your PMs when you get a chance.
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My solution when stuff like this happened was to just leave. Leave and not come back for a while. If people are that unpleasant to be around, then, quite simply, don't be around them.
Of course, this was my solution because if I get mad I tend to get really mad, and then I say/do things I regret. Therefore me leaving was my way of making sure that that didn't happen. Gave me a chance to calm down, too.
Don't know if this is the best solution. Probably isn't. I can tell you that because of this I've ended up with few people I can truly call friends... which is something I'm alternately happy and regretful about. :blah:
Hmmm... have you asked the guy directly to stop? Sometimes this actually works, surprisingly. If he tells you then that you need to laugh at yourself, then just tell him (politely, if possible) that you've had enough and he's gone too far. (Why politely? Because it makes you look like the good guy in everyone's eyes... oh and, y'know, it's polite. ;))
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You need new friends.
I am dead serious.
The proper way to deal with this situation is to have your own group of friends who respect you for who you are, which should include spending excessive amounts of time on the computer and whatever other quirks you may have. These people exist and they are entirely willing to be friends with you. These friends should back you up against pretty much any kind of excessive bullying, and they'll probably know when things go too far. If the group you are hanging out with predominately sides with the bullies, you need a new group. Alternatively, you need a larger group that is willing to side with you. Bullying within a group is only effective when the bully has a social advantage. When the bully loses this social advantage due to an opposing social group, not only are the insults dulled, but the bully is much less likely to continue. You really-
GOD ****ING DAMN IT THE ONLY TIME MY PHONE EVER RINGS IS BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID WRONG NUMBER WHAT THE ****
- Anyway, you really need to rely on social inertia in order to overcome this, since that's what its being powered by. If, however, you are in a classroom situation where there is no way to avoid a bad group, then you really have to complain to the teacher. If your school isn't terrible, the teachers should be doing something about this.
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I lived in a combination of this and having the crap beat out of me starting in Middle School. Literally the only thing you can do is meet some real friends (and take up Krav Maga if you have the other problem.)
Best way of doing that is by not showing them they bug you. Just get some real friends.
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Set up a fake woman's account on Facebook or the like. Get naked pics of him. Threaten to post them if he doesn't stop.
End of problem. :p
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the only way to deal with an asshole is by being an even bigger asshole. you need to get under his skin, really piss him off and make him look like a douche in front of his peers.
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Set up a fake woman's account on Facebook or the like. Get naked pics of him. Threaten to post them if he doesn't stop.
End of problem. :p
This is a brilliant idea.
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Actually, no need for naked pictures. Just get him to admit something sexually weird. :p
Less issues that way since he's probably under 18. :p
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I can definitely understand your position, I've been on both sides, cause I'm the sarcastic one of my group, but I know when to let up.
I can see multiple options, you'll have to see which one works best:
1. Talk to the jerk in question, try to make him understand when and why you might be uncomfortable. If he still has any sentimentality left in him, he might listen.
2. Be the bigger asshole. I can easily see this backfire, you might distance yourself from others, or you might just fail at being the bigger asshole.
3. Confront him. This is the one I personally took. One time I just totally lost it during class, no one ever picked on me again. I'm not sure if you'll get into trouble for conflict though. (I have a few anger management issues btw.)
4. Leave the group. You said that it was mandatory to be in the group, so this might only work as a last resort. (I hate taking sides so I go with small groups.)
The best advice I can give you though, is do what you think is best. Even what you're doing now, just talking to like-minded friends, I find can help immensely. Humans are social beings after all.
Best of luck to you and just try not to get in trouble.
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Learn martial arts. Not to fight mind you, just to exude competence and self-confidence. Not to mention getting better friends in the process.
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sigtau and Pred, I went through the same **** as you are experiencing now. After 9 years of basic school, I was able to get rid of most of my earlier classmates in the college, and that made a huge difference. Also, in University I experienced something what I could call a fresh start in the life, it was almost like rebirth - and it turned out to be much better this time. The earlier years in the basic school weren't easy, especially after I was wrestling for fun with a new classmate (he even asked if we could) and teacher interrupted since she thought we were doing it seriously. I was seven years old and after hearing about this, my father pretty much told that if he ever hears of me wrestling again, he will beat the crap out of me so that next time I'll remember not to do that. So I was pretty much rendered physically harmless, and easy to pick. It never went to physical picking, but constant mental stuff. I do recall some easier times since I grew fast when I was young, I was the largest guy in the class at one point, but different people grow at different rates. During that time even the older students left me alone. But when the others caught up, it started again.
It didn't make things easier when the only way to get money from my parents was to do well in the tests - and I regularly did much to the dismay of others. At moments I thought I must be somehow defective since whatever I did with them never made things better. People are stupid at that age and I never saw the point of their doings, and guess it was that I didn't support them, or something. The end result was that when I was on the last class in the basic school, the younger pupils were just doing the same. It ended when a person about three quarters of my height and probably half of my mass started pushing me for no reason. At that point I simply had enough. I threw him through a window, and was about to break his spine when I realized what I was about to do - the incident was over in less than two seconds and happened instinctively from my part. After that, they never tried again doing anything physical with me. Though the **** talking never stopped until I got completely rid of them.
I had a couple of good friends during that time, I still see them, and it is pretty their presence which helped me a lot. And I'm willing to bet that the worst of the bullies never had, have or will have such friends. For me the number of friends doesn't matter, it is that they really are friends. Without knowing more about your situations, I cannot say much more. Nowadays all the idiots are very different persons with a much more reasonable behavior, it is just that I simply don't forget what they were younger. I note that nowadays it's me who is telling who we hire, and I find that the perception skills (either inborn or a result of that ****) helps a lot. And today it's me who is telling them what to do, not the other way around. Life is weird, isn't it? The effect of what happened in earlier years is that I don't tolerate that stuff any more - doing that would result in broken bones, likely not mine - it also made me relatively strong person too.
I would recommend Martial Arts with a good teacher for both of you, since it will help you to control yourselves. The thing with Martial Arts that you need to be vary about is that the teachers often try to make students more aggressive - in your case if I judge your personalities right you are the sort of persons whose aggressive behavior should not be fed any further. If you decide to take those classes, definitely tell the instructor about that so that he knows it beforehand - and don't tell about taking those classes to those who pick you. Let them found it out by themselves. Also when of age, be vary of the strong alcohol, that tends to take away your self control if drank too fast.
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the only way to deal with an asshole is by being an even bigger asshole. you need to get under his skin, really piss him off and make him look like a douche in front of his peers.
I second this. Chances are the person being an asshole to sigtau just isn't very smart. Which means they aren't very good at being an asshole. Do it better than they do it, be the superior asshole. You can do this without becoming like the person who ridicules you. Which is easy if the tactic is just to show the ridiculer for what he is in front of everybody. People like this really hate getting a taste of their own medicine. This is where a lot of my motivation to do better than others comes from. Reminds me of highschool too.
I had a very very very difficult senior year of highschool. I was running scared the whole time, i found out a lot of the people i thought were my friends weren't (which were the people wanting to cause me trouble or had no integrity), school staff were also focussed on making my life a living hell, other people in school were taking advantage of the fact they knew i was scared and would bother me about any issue that was out there on top of the one that started it, and so more people spread rumors. I did not a single thing to deserve this. This involved other dumb ****ers spreading simple rumors about me that were not true, were about a serious serious matter they didn't understand and never thought about the consequences of their actions for other people such as me (i would say like 90% of young people don't think).
When i got tired of just trying to ignore stuff everyday after 4 months. I really couldn't help myself doing some ballsy things to prove that i will be a superior asshole, that i am a better person, and to be left alone since i didn't do anything to deserve this treatment by people. People giving me trouble would become ultimately humiliated and left me alone forever even to this day. I wouldn't give the ridiculer the choice of stopping. I'd lead them on. I would show them off for what that person was and wanted, and i rubbed it in. If the person ridiculing me all year was dumb and wanted something dumb, everyone watching the confrontation not only found out that person was dumb but that they were really really really ****ing dumb. I was very stressed when i was a senior. That school staff can go **** themselves. I haven't been bothered since.
Don't deal in rumors, understand the logic that plenty of times the devil forces you to be their dance partner, ignoration only works for little kids (in the adult world...you're still there to be made fun of, and they don't care if you act like they exist or not), and take care of your problems directly and clearly with the source. I believe in turning the other cheek and being a kind person and rarely getting angry just as much as the next person, but you also got to take care of things yourself.
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I second this. Chances are the person being an asshole to sigtau just isn't very smart. Which means they aren't very good at being an asshole.
This guy has a 4.2 GPA, a 21 ACT score and an SAT score ranging close to the 2000s.
Do it better than they do it, be the superior asshole. You can do this without becoming like the person who ridicules you. Which is easy if the tactic is just to show the ridiculer for what he is in front of everybody. People like this really hate getting a taste of their own medicine. This is where a lot of my motivation to do better than others comes from. Reminds me of highschool too.
Remember that not only do we have to tackle his ego, but the collective defense of the rest of the group in his favor.
I had a very very very difficult senior year of highschool. I was running scared the whole time, i found out a lot of the people i thought were my friends weren't (which were the people wanting to cause me trouble or had no integrity), school staff were also focussed on making my life a living hell, other people in school were taking advantage of the fact they knew i was scared and would bother me about any issue that was out there on top of the one that started it, and so more people spread rumors. I did not a single thing to deserve this. This involved other dumb ****ers spreading simple rumors about me that were not true, were about a serious serious matter they didn't understand and never thought about the consequences of their actions for other people such as me (i would say like 90% of young people don't think).
Been in that situation, except it was earlier on in gradeschool. It's the far-back reason I am in my current social situation on multiple fronts (not just this one).
When i got tired of just trying to ignore stuff everyday after 4 months. I really couldn't help myself doing some ballsy things to prove that i will be a superior asshole, that i am a better person, and to be left alone since i didn't do anything to deserve this treatment by people. People giving me trouble would become ultimately humiliated and left me alone forever even to this day. I wouldn't give the ridiculer the choice of stopping. I'd lead them on. I would show them off for what that person was and wanted, and i rubbed it in. If the person ridiculing me all year was dumb and wanted something dumb, everyone watching the confrontation not only found out that person was dumb but that they were really really really ****ing dumb. I was very stressed when i was a senior. That school staff can go **** themselves. I haven't been bothered since.
More power to you. Unfortunately, I am in a divorced family with few close friends and little resources to help me out in this situation. I simply can't afford to just cut myself off from the world for a four month span.
Don't deal in rumors, understand the logic that plenty of times the devil forces you to be their dance partner, ignoration only works for little kids (in the adult world...you're still there to be made fun of, and they don't care if you act like they exist or not), and take care of your problems directly and clearly with the source. I believe in turning the other cheek and being a kind person and rarely getting angry just as much as the next person, but you also got to take care of things yourself.
I support this. I'm going to kindly tell him to **** off one last time before I take action.
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College soon! You'll be okay.
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College soon! You'll be okay.
Bloody this.
I was (albeit to a lesser extent) in a similar situation to you, Sig, when I was in Highschool, but when I went to University, everything changed, I just went out and made friends with and partied with everyone in residence, and things turned out pretty great.
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Learn martial arts. Not to fight mind you, just to exude competence and self-confidence. Not to mention getting better friends in the process.
Mens sana in corpore sano,
Doesn't necessarily need to be martial arts but taking part in a organized contact sport or activity does loads for burning stress and building confidence. It will also give you an additional avenue for make friends, who will have similar interests to you and will rely on you as a team member.
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Don't deal in rumors, understand the logic that plenty of times the devil forces you to be their dance partner, ignoration only works for little kids (in the adult world...you're still there to be made fun of, and they don't care if you act like they exist or not), and take care of your problems directly and clearly with the source. I believe in turning the other cheek and being a kind person and rarely getting angry just as much as the next person, but you also got to take care of things yourself.
I support this. I'm going to kindly tell him to **** off one last time before I take action.
For our own peace of mind, what kind of action are you considering? Normally I don't pry into how people handle their problems, but that sounds...ominous... I'm concerned.
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I was thinking something along the lines of slowly but surely humiliating him exactly like he has humiliated me until he cracks. He's given me enough ammunition (information) to do so.
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I used to be like you, but somewhere along the way, I changed, and now people don't bother me anymore. Confidence was a big part of the change--by simply making my self more confident that I was superior to the ones doing the picking (in a way, that also made me more contemptuous, not necessarily a good thing), I found it easier to assume a leadership position in social groups. Even though I took those leadership roles, so that people looked up to me more, I maintained an air of mystery about me by remaining separate from the others in the group while still being part of the group. I talked seldom, except to make a witty remark or share some fascinating tidbit of information that made them go "how do you know that?!"
So, some advice: Be confident about yourself, and separate yourself from the other group members. Remain associated with them (or another group), but put yourself "behind the curtain," so to speak. If the pickers try to humiliate you again, cross your arms, look them in the eye, don't smile, and raise your eyebrow. Then smile and walk away.
Alternatively, just become more passive-aggressive.
Disclaimer: this worked for me. As I'm not entirely sure about your situation (only you are), it might not actually work for you. But, hey, something's better than nothing.
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Alright, I'll spill, see if it changes anyone's stance.
I'm currently in a relationship with a girl 2 years younger than me (I am currently aged 16, and I don't want to hear your bull**** about the (age/2)+7 formula), and this guy seems to think it's funny to publicly make pedophile jokes about me in the open.
Sounds silly to be angry over, but it tends to get to you when you're referred to as the friendly neighborhood pedobear by a number of people.
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Alright, I'll spill, see if it changes anyone's stance.
I'm currently in a relationship with a girl 2 years younger than me (I am currently aged 16, and I don't want to hear your bull**** about the (age/2)+7 formula), and this guy seems to think it's funny to publicly make pedophile jokes about me in the open.
Sounds silly to be angry over, but it tends to get to you when you're referred to as the friendly neighborhood pedobear by a number of people.
I'm sorry, that's hilarious
Naw, that's acceptable in general.
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Alright, I'll spill, see if it changes anyone's stance.
I'm currently in a relationship with a girl 2 years younger than me (I am currently aged 16, and I don't want to hear your bull**** about the (age/2)+7 formula), and this guy seems to think it's funny to publicly make pedophile jokes about me in the open.
Sounds silly to be angry over, but it tends to get to you when you're referred to as the friendly neighborhood pedobear by a number of people.
I'm sorry, that's hilarious
Naw, that's acceptable in general.
I don't find it funny in the slightest. Especially considering the wave of Hell you can catch merely for being accused (in seriousness) of that.
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College soon! You'll be okay.
Bloody this.
I was (albeit to a lesser extent) in a similar situation to you, Sig, when I was in Highschool, but when I went to University, everything changed, I just went out and made friends with and partied with everyone in residence, and things turned out pretty great.
What a load of crap. I do damn near exactly this, and come the end of my first semester, I begin to sense that something regarding the new "friends" I made is a bit... off. I come back after a stressful winter "break", I hang out with them on the first day back, share some laughs, some stories about our breaks, show off our Christmas presents, the like. They were gonna go out and have fun and party and stuff. They ask me if I'm gonna join em and I simply say "Sure!".
Then: "No you're not!", in a 'get the **** out' tone of voice.
I couldn't even muster a response, one can only take in so much ****. 18 ****ing years, from grade school to high school and now here. I simply left.
I left, and went to my room and had an awful epiphany: They never invited me to go party with them, they hardly ever ask how I'm doing, they never asked if I wanted to even do as much as go eat at the dining hall with them. Why does everyone else get to have these privileges? Why is it when they go partying, that there is always one car seat short of allowing me to join in on the fun? Why do my best efforts to start anew might as well end up in the trash? What the **** of all things could I have possibly done to make every new attempt at some friends a worthless gamble?
I was told the same thing Battuta said, that college would "fix it all" (of course it's not going to be some all-in-one magic wonder place with beno cracker dispensers where everyone will be my fwiend!) by allowing me to start anew from the crap I put up with in that juvenile ****hole we call Public School. Well look what happened.
I'm growing sick of people in general now. All of them. :nono:
A vacation sounds nice :D
and yet... :blah:
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At any point in history, the percentage of people willing to be tolerant, accepting and open-minded has always been like a tiny little diamond in a mountain of worthless slag. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon. It's a harsh fact, but I feel it to be a lasting one. Problem is, from my perspective, is that we are 200,000 years of Humanity trying to over-ride several million years of Primate.
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If none of your friends stick up for you when there's a problem within the group, they're not the right group of friends.
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At any point in history, the percentage of people willing to be tolerant, accepting and open-minded has always been like a tiny little diamond in a mountain of worthless slag. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon. It's a harsh fact, but I feel it to be a lasting one. Problem is, from my perspective, is that we are 200,000 years of Humanity trying to over-ride several million years of Primate.
Somehow, I feel that your estimate of 200 000 years of humanity is, at best, a massive overstatement.
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Well, it's the estimated date of emergence of what we would define as 'humans'. I suppose strictly speaking, it's probably only a tenth of that in which we've been forming something that could be defined as 'civilisation', so yes, it's probably an over-estimate.
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I say go back to the getting naked pics of him now. Get him arrested for it. :p
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Alright, I'll spill, see if it changes anyone's stance.
I'm currently in a relationship with a girl 2 years younger than me (I am currently aged 16, and I don't want to hear your bull**** about the (age/2)+7 formula), and this guy seems to think it's funny to publicly make pedophile jokes about me in the open.
Sounds silly to be angry over, but it tends to get to you when you're referred to as the friendly neighborhood pedobear by a number of people.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, this makes more sense.
I think your plan of action previously, humiliating him a little bit, should do the trick. Just make a good call in front of your friends group about, well, whatever and he might get the message. (might seem like a dick move, but if he's a hopeless virgin, you may as well rip the **** out of him now of all times, or at least once to ward him off).
Kara's idea is a good one, but as some of the BP crowd know, this can end badly. :D
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Often jerks, assholes, bullies have problems of their own. It's your choice whether or not to find out what they are.
Learn martial arts. Not to fight mind you, just to exude competence and self-confidence. Not to mention getting better friends in the process.
Mens sana in corpore sano,
Doesn't necessarily need to be martial arts but taking part in a organized contact sport or activity does loads for burning stress and building confidence. It will also give you an additional avenue for make friends, who will have similar interests to you and will rely on you as a team member.
Team sports work for me. If you can find something you're really interested in, it can help blow off the steam.
PS. I don't drink much alcohol so no problem from that.
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At any point in history, the percentage of people willing to be tolerant, accepting and open-minded has always been like a tiny little diamond in a mountain of worthless slag. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon. It's a harsh fact, but I feel it to be a lasting one. Problem is, from my perspective, is that we are 200,000 years of Humanity trying to over-ride several million years of Primate.
the issue is compounded by the fact that people end up walling themselves off into smaller and smaller groups. open mindedness and tolerance only goes as far as human patience. its a matter of how much crap you are willing to take before you start forming strong opinions about certain groups of people.
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There's no way to say this without it being a wall of text. I am the best person to talk to about this based on your similar issue compared to mine.
This guy has a 4.2 GPA, a 21 ACT score and an SAT score ranging close to the 2000s.
I don't consider his conduct toward you as being smart.
Remember that not only do we have to tackle his ego, but the collective defense of the rest of the group in his favor.
I wouldn't worry about the other people. Just that one person taken care of can fix the situation. If not, then just keep focusing on one person at a time.
More power to you. Unfortunately, I am in a divorced family with few close friends and little resources to help me out in this situation. I simply can't afford to just cut myself off from the world for a four month span.
It was 4 months of me trying to ignore other people and hanging out with my 3 friends still going to the same school. I wouldn't really call it cutting myself off from the rest of the world.
I support this. I'm going to kindly tell him to **** off one last time before I take action.
Further elaboration on trying to ignore people in the adult world. They'll still ridicule you...whatever, but the big thing here is that they can still make your life a living hell and they'll go for it.
I was thinking something along the lines of slowly but surely humiliating him exactly like he has humiliated me until he cracks. He's given me enough ammunition (information) to do so.
Take care of the situation so well that you only needed to do it once. Save yourself some time, you're having much more stress and anguish than somebody your age should have. This is the kind of stress and anguish that takes years to get over.
Alright, I'll spill, see if it changes anyone's stance.
I'm currently in a relationship with a girl 2 years younger than me (I am currently aged 16, and I don't want to hear your bull**** about the (age/2)+7 formula), and this guy seems to think it's funny to publicly make pedophile jokes about me in the open.
Sounds silly to be angry over, but it tends to get to you when you're referred to as the friendly neighborhood pedobear by a number of people.
Not silly to be angry over in the slightest. In fact this is a very very big thing. The same thing more or less happened to me when i was a senior in highschool, but my situation was rather extreme. My last year they turned the school into a full all in one school for kindergarten, elementary, junior high, and high school. It was a small school too with an average graduating class of 50 a year in a small town. I did see everybody in that school every day, it couldn't be avoided, it was just the way and size of the school that made it like this. This usually lead to everyone being chill and getting along, until el extremo situation needs to happen.
Some 12 year old girl saw me going to class at the beginning of the year and developed an infatuation with me (someone i didn't even know). I also turned 18. It was all just down hill from there. She got my number by talking to my friends and even called me 5 times every day after school. That was a lot of hangups and having my mom say i wasn't there. The girl wanted a relationship, said that her mother said she could go out with older guys. I said no, not interested, and that i hardly believe that her mother told her that. So she started spreading rumors about me having sex with her. She kept this up all my last year of high school. I had to deal with her every day during lunch along with her friends.
Everyone in the school heard these rumors and i just didn't know what to do. Other highschoolers were asking me how the statutory rape was, and calling me a cradle robber daily. Everyone turned their backs on me except for like 3 or 5 of my friends who stuck around me. These people were real human beings and were my friends. The school staff didn't help at all, they did nothing but help rub in what everyone was saying and hearing about me. School staff did nothing but help make my life a living hell too. The school staff can burn in hell. I had no one to confide in or help me aside from my parents helping deflect phone calls and my few real friends.
I tried just seeing if it would blow over for a couple of months. It didn't work. I was scared to be seen walking down the halls with my friends. I lost 10 pounds because of stress. Soon other people decided to further ridicule me by blaming me for other stuff i didn't do such as me breaking into peoples lockers and taking what i felt invited to. I did my best to keep up with normal routine and not change it because i didn't do anything wrong. Then it got even worse when some students started mentioning a court case, and i was just going WTF?!?! Nothing came of that thank god, someone just had found a great way to rattle my chain though by saying it.
I eventually said **** it, and just didn't care. That was when i started humiliating the bollocks out of others bothering me. And they left me alone. But, this only took care of the issues people were blaming for on top of the whole girl spreading rumors thing. The girl eventually found out my other friends numbers and was calling them and spreading rumors about them of the same manner as she was doing to me. School staff further denounced me telling me to hang out with friends my own age when i did make some new friends that were younger than me. Most of my friends are younger than me and are way cooler than the douches who were my age that i went to class with. But, like i said, i started to care less and less what people were thinking. My friends are my friends, and i care about them greatly.
After i got done taking care of the other problems people were trying to start with me. That left me with finally taking care of the real problem near the end of the school year. My friends started making fun of her, telling her to leave me alone, etc. Soon everyone started to forget near the end of the school year.
I graduated, and that girl still called my house for another six months. I was unusually nice to that girl because i believed she had it in herself to be a better person. She actually did become a great matured adult as i found out last in summer of 2009; 6 years after i graduated and told me that she was sorry. I still talk to her today. It took about 5 years for me to recover emotionally as i was unsure of for a long time if i had to watch my back. After my last year of highschool, they disintegrated the junior high from the all in one school and put them back in their normal building. As many of the cool friends who were junior high students i made near the end of my last year, it was not a smart school administrative decision on behalf of the school board. I also found out it could have been worse as i'd also found out there were a lot more junior high girls that had a crush on me. I have no idea if any of them were helping to cause me trouble. I mean ****, you just don't integrate junior high and high school.
Young people don't think about the consequences of their actions when it involves other people. There are the few that do like me back me back then, and sigtau today. Everyone hears that you shouldn't dance with the devil, but almost nobody thinks about when the devil forces you as a dancing partner whether you like it or not (my situation was started by somebody i didn't even know pulling strings that forced my involvement since the situation was about me). It's also impossible to avoid people, i don't even try to avoid people; avoiding people never got anything done anyway.
These are serious false accusations sigtau is facing. This person with the 4.2 gpa thinking he's just poking some fun at him really is stupid (i mean whoopdiedoo, he knows how to study, but he sure doesn't know how to use what he learned). Tell that person to **** off. Try not to let it get bigger than it already is. This is the kind of stuff that will damage you and take years to get over what other people did to you.
EDIT: And it may not matter how nice you are to that person telling them to stop like i was everyday since i got called 5 times a day. They probably wont stop, and certainly doing nothing in this situation would have done nothing. At the end of the day it is nice to close those doors to people thinking they can just go up to you for no reason and make fun.
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This guy has a 4.2 GPA, a 21 ACT score and an SAT score ranging close to the 2000s.
I gotta say, I met plenty o' of 'smart' people in college, law school and in the profession, and some of them are real hard to deal with.
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A 21 ACT score was almost dead set average in my class. :blah: (ended up being like 21.2 or something)
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I was a 25 and I was embarrassed (my best friend got a 30 something)
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This guy has a 4.2 GPA, a 21 ACT score and an SAT score ranging close to the 2000s.
I gotta say, I met plenty o' of 'smart' people in college, law school and in the profession, and some of them are real hard to deal with.
A lot of people with good grades are just good at studying and retaining information. This doesn't mean too much in the area actual intelligence. There's a difference between regurgitating information you memorized exactly and put it down on a test to get a good grade and understanding what was learned.
This isn't at all to say that there isn't people good at studying and retaining information and understanding what they learned; i've run into them before. I know i've also run into plenty of douches who had a high gpa.
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second amendment solutions solve everything
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To a certain degree I was stuck with similar situations that people are expressing in this thread. I suspect this is a common nerd experience unfortunately. Some of us, are a little eccentric and so even if we are the sociable type there are just some people who seem to take issue with that slight eccentricity. And for the easy answer... there isn't one.
But if your friends/people you hang out with for one reason or another are asses then you have better things to do and go off and do them. If you don't have better things to do then now is the time to go and do them. Someone was talking about the "friends" that weren't really friends in University... if they are always a car short for you then they aren't friends. That's not something you do to a friend.
Go find the right clubs (and maybe it'll take a while) and meet some other people. First year University in a residence is like high school. After that things are typically different. Ever increasing specialization and joining the right clubs means you spend time with the people who you identify with and who identify with you. You do need to work a little to seek these people out ... and when you do get there just let things evolve naturally. Some of my closest friends now are people I met in my third and fourth years and I didn't truly hang out with them until very close to the end of my undergrad. I made the effort to stay in touch and now we hang out as a group all the time... they are good people and we take care of each other.
Those other people... there are words to describe but they aren't worth the bits :) (see... ending on a slightly nerdy note... can't breed this out :))
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second amendment solutions solve everything
(http://sob.apotheon.org/img/integrated_monitor_keyboard.jpg)To a certain degree I was stuck with similar situations that people are expressing in this thread. I suspect this is a common nerd experience unfortunately. Some of us, are a little eccentric and so even if we are the sociable type there are just some people who seem to take issue with that slight eccentricity. And for the easy answer... there isn't one.
But if your friends/people you hang out with for one reason or another are asses then you have better things to do and go off and do them. If you don't have better things to do then now is the time to go and do them. Someone was talking about the "friends" that weren't really friends in University... if they are always a car short for you then they aren't friends. That's not something you do to a friend.
Go find the right clubs (and maybe it'll take a while) and meet some other people. First year University in a residence is like high school. After that things are typically different. Ever increasing specialization and joining the right clubs means you spend time with the people who you identify with and who identify with you. You do need to work a little to seek these people out ... and when you do get there just let things evolve naturally. Some of my closest friends now are people I met in my third and fourth years and I didn't truly hang out with them until very close to the end of my undergrad. I made the effort to stay in touch and now we hang out as a group all the time... they are good people and we take care of each other.
Those other people... there are words to describe but they aren't worth the bits :) (see... ending on a slightly nerdy note... can't breed this out :))
Truth be told, there were a few times at first where I simply wasn't surprised that there wasn't enough room for me in the car - a 5 seater where sitting in the middle of the back seat is guaranteed to sure crushing of one's testicles. Later on they'd have more people though, which is when the "sorry, no room" thing became consistent.
Granted, a couple of people in this group of asshats still talk to me quite a bit. In fact they're usually the ones who start any conversations, so I'm not going to go blaming them all, but I think I already have.
I've been looking at lots of clubs, but despite the many choices I simply don't like any of them enough that I'd want to become a part of them. Damn near half of them are religious clubs, and I want nothing to do with them. I'd bring up others as well but I can't remember them, and my university's student organizations list seems to be broken for now.
No way I'm joining a ****ing fraternity, not even a "professional" one.
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second amendment solutions solve everything
(http://sob.apotheon.org/img/integrated_monitor_keyboard.jpg)To a certain degree I was stuck with similar situations that people are expressing in this thread. I suspect this is a common nerd experience unfortunately. Some of us, are a little eccentric and so even if we are the sociable type there are just some people who seem to take issue with that slight eccentricity. And for the easy answer... there isn't one.
But if your friends/people you hang out with for one reason or another are asses then you have better things to do and go off and do them. If you don't have better things to do then now is the time to go and do them. Someone was talking about the "friends" that weren't really friends in University... if they are always a car short for you then they aren't friends. That's not something you do to a friend.
Go find the right clubs (and maybe it'll take a while) and meet some other people. First year University in a residence is like high school. After that things are typically different. Ever increasing specialization and joining the right clubs means you spend time with the people who you identify with and who identify with you. You do need to work a little to seek these people out ... and when you do get there just let things evolve naturally. Some of my closest friends now are people I met in my third and fourth years and I didn't truly hang out with them until very close to the end of my undergrad. I made the effort to stay in touch and now we hang out as a group all the time... they are good people and we take care of each other.
Those other people... there are words to describe but they aren't worth the bits :) (see... ending on a slightly nerdy note... can't breed this out :))
Truth be told, there were a few times at first where I simply wasn't surprised that there wasn't enough room for me in the car - a 5 seater where sitting in the middle of the back seat is guaranteed to sure crushing of one's testicles. Later on they'd have more people though, which is when the "sorry, no room" thing became consistent.
Granted, a couple of people in this group of asshats still talk to me quite a bit. In fact they're usually the ones who start any conversations, so I'm not going to go blaming them all, but I think I already have.
I've been looking at lots of clubs, but despite the many choices I simply don't like any of them enough that I'd want to become a part of them. Damn near half of them are religious clubs, and I want nothing to do with them. I'd bring up others as well but I can't remember them, and my university's student organizations list seems to be broken for now.
No way I'm joining a ****ing fraternity, not even a "professional" one.
I forgot that American universities are weird places :)
There's got to be some slightly more normal clubs... outdoors club, photography club, movie watching club, anime movie watching club...nothing?
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Of course there are. But that would be effort. :P
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For me right now it's more of a cultural difference. Not sure how different that is with life in US though.
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For me right now it's more of a cultural difference. Not sure how different that is with life in US though.
What kind of cultural differences? I find there are quite a few cultural differences out there. There's small town versus big city culture differences. Geographical cultural differences. Plus all of the standard religion, political and national differences. Some can be overcome :)
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Of course there are. But that would be effort. :P
Man, **** you! (http://tmnforever.tm-exchange.com/smiles/rofl.gif)
Of course, most of the outdoor clubs ARE effort. I'm not into hardcore kayaking, rock climbing, and base jumping.
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Well, I think my rant post scared the **** out of him, because quite a few friends saw it, and after two days of deliberately avoiding me, now that he's back around me, he's acting cautious as hell.
For once, internet drama ... worked. :blah:
EDIT: Also, the other offending group members defected to -my- stance on the situation.
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Muscles?
If you're physically superior, use that to your advantage, and let the idiots understand that things will not go well for them. If you're not, why don't you learn how to fight or go regurarly to a gym? Things like these can really make the difference in terms of social interactions.
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For me right now it's more of a cultural difference. Not sure how different that is with life in US though.
What kind of cultural differences? I find there are quite a few cultural differences out there. There's small town versus big city culture differences. Geographical cultural differences. Plus all of the standard religion, political and national differences. Some can be overcome :)
National for the most part... but all of what you listed, too. Edit: Add a language barrier to that.
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Muscles?
If you're physically superior, use that to your advantage, and let the idiots understand that things will not go well for them. If you're not, why don't you learn how to fight or go regurarly to a gym? Things like these can really make the difference in terms of social interactions.
In my experience with this in the past, you've got to be really careful with this, especially when you're at the age where everyone loves to see a good scrap, as well as the person you may be up against. You may be dragging yourself into something far larger than is worth.
Good on you for getting him in-line, Sigtau. :)
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Being physically strong will do nothing for you if you have many enemies picking on you. Just like wolves bringing down a moose, they'll team up to take you down.
There was a newspaper article about some mother whose son was getting bullied, so she enrolled him in karate or something. Apparently she wanted him to fight back. Only thing is, most bullying is verbal or of a social nature. You can't throw a punch at a rumor. Anyways, the taunting got so bad after that the kid ended up commiting suicide. I can't remember if this was a local event or what, but there you have it.
In my experience, what works for me, is I just try to be very serious, respectful, and carry myself with dignity. If someone tells me something that they did over the weekend, I try to make them feel like that's very important to me. If they crack a joke about me, I smile, but that's all. If someone cracks a joke about someone else, I treat it as a serious statement. Usually jokes wilt before that kind of treatment.
Just a disclaimer, if you do this then teasing does disappear, mostly. But you certainly won't be invited to parties or anything.
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/me points at the last post he made
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If you're physically superior, use that to your advantage, and let the idiots understand that things will not go well for them. If you're not, why don't you learn how to fight or go regurarly to a gym? Things like these can really make the difference in terms of social interactions.
I made a reputation in middle and high school by beating the crap out of people who were "physically superior". This is probably a bad plan.
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I made a reputation in middle and high school of using nearby blunt objects in fights.
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You usually don't need to be physically superior if people believe you're crazy enough to pull out a screwdriver in a fight (or something). It's a dangerous game to play, but compared to middle school (where I had the crap beaten out of me every day) in High School I played the crazy - the person who would slice your nuts off, and it worked. Yes people mocked me, but no one ever tried my bluff.