Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Nuclear1 on March 27, 2011, 07:57:10 am
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Admiral Bosch woke up onboard the NTF Iceni, and...
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Mr. T burst in with a penguin or something
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Tailed by Alpha 1 in a ****ing tuxedo
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he ran out of his quarters, naked and went to the bridge, the entire bridge crew was shocked to see the admiral w/o clothes. he then quickly made it back to his quarters to get dress, put when he opened his closet door, he found a shivan eating up his clothes...
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He asked the Shivan what his name was, and it turned out to be....
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Carl, who then cocks its head to the side slightly, and to Bosch's suprise it asks...
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Lunch
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Bosch was pleasantly shocked that he had encountered a Shivan that spoke Galactic Standard, which Carl had apparently learned while...
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...he was teaching the Advanced Tactics Course at the GTVA Space War College, where he met...
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Commodore Don Quixote, the Ship Captain of the GTD Derp.
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during a mad game of d'n'd in Admiral Steele's quarters, whilst the Admiral himself was...
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having some ho yay with calder, i guess...
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Bosch, not caring about Carl's life, was quite worried by the potential implied by the word "Lunch". In order to stave off the danger, he...
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quickly produced some fried chicken, which, he contemplated, was rather good...
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so he decided to eat it himself and share the scraps with the penguin, which greatly angered Carl because...
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Lunch
O O
O O
O
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Suffice to say that the penguin did not make it
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A funeral was given for the penguin, whos name was decided to be Tom.
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All of the Iceni crew was in attendance, including...
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Terran Frakkin' Command.
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...who then turned up in 100 pieces the next day when Alpha 1 destroyed his shuttle...
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Meanwhile,
(http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/7964/feldspar1.jpg)
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and Mr. T threw the feldspar HELLA far, because T don't like no foo' minerals. Then, the entire UEF fleet jumped into Bosch's bedroom and...
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...the Iceni was about to explode due to displacement but fortunately Alpha 1 triggered ~Shift+I at the Iceni, dispersing the fleet out of Bosch's bedroom and...
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Alpha 1 then steals the Hammerspace module in Bosch's bedroom, causing the UEF fleet to explode from becoming simultaneously compressed...
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Into a pulsar, which ****ed up everyone's communication systems.
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By flooding them with Dynasty reruns.
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The ensuing chaos from being subjected to hours upon hours of 1980s soap opera caused them to go mad, resulting in...
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...immediate divorce.
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Between the Ghost of Koth and his toaster.
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Which turned out to be a Cylon.
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With an identity crisis thinking it was Robert Williams.
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Who is, as it turns out, a distant cousin of Robin Williams.
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Who had been forced to change his name in the first place after a hilarious incident involving Kool-aid and a beaver.
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Then, all of a sudden, Justin Beaver popped up.
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The GTVA High Command and Bosch agreed to a Cease-Fire in order to then wage war against the beavers.
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To strengthen their numbers, the Beavers allied themselves with the Otters.
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Meanwhile, Alpha 1 begins a high-risk undercover mission to find out the true motives behind the Beavers' incursion into Allied Space.
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Unfortunately for Alpha 1, the Beavers had foreseen this, and proceeded to set him up the bomb, and
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confidently took a nap.
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...In the same ship that Alpha 1 is in, completely forgetting that they had set Alpha 1 up the bomb in the first place.
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Alpha 1, being the badass he is, barely escapes the ship when...
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there was an explosion
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Alpha 1, now deprived of his ship, proceeds to hijack the nearest
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Shivan troop transport carrier
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where he was greeted by...
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BABIES! 400 BABIES!
Alpha 1 proceeds to consume the babies and then...
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the politically correct police decide that they find this VERY offensive
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and banned dead baby jokes to no avail...
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as zey ver blitzed by ze irony nazis...
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But there were still 218 babies wearing nylons.
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so Billie Mays dropped from the heavens in a fusion-powered cadillac to take the babies with him to oxy-heaven
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...so the Shivan parents got so mad they started to...
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start eating the tires of the Cadillac!
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To which Billy replied,
HEY, BILLIE MAYS HERE, TO TELL YOU THAT WHERE WE'RE GOING, WE DON'T NEED ANY ROADS!!!...
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...Because I'm taking you all straight to Hell!"
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The End.
(http://i.imgur.com/g6YRR.jpg)
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...for all those babies, but Admiral Bosch still had a quite angry Mr T and Carl to deal with...
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...but Bosch used his ultra-dense several-ton laptop which splattered Mr T's head to pieces but is rather ineffective against Carl who can do several kilotons of damage using his claws so Bosch tries to...
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eat Carl's claws...
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which inevitably fails, but is a hilarious story on its own, because...
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**** off and die
(ive always wanted to lock a tas thread)
feel free to continue when the next slightly more tolerant than me moderator walks by and unlocks this