Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: TrashMan on January 10, 2014, 12:04:13 pm
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* can a mod please move this to GenDisc?*
* THE FOLLOWING MAY BE VERY DEPRESSING, consider yourself warned*
About a month and a half ago, my father celebrated his 70th birthday. A birthday the doctors said would never come.
You see, he was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 35, and it was what eventually led him to quit his job as a ship captain. He used to sail all over the world and bring souvenirs, then he'd lock himself in his private little museum and write whole A4 notebooks worth of knowledge of old customs, songs, words and general lore about the past of the region, knowledge he collected over the years. To this day, he wrote more than 100 of them.
After his 4th operation, the doctors said his chances of waking up is minimal at best. Then came the 5th operation. Then the 6th. Then the 7th. His appendix was practicly gone at this point so he had to watch what he ate.
Then the 8th operation, about a month before his 70th birthday. The cancer was spreading and one his kidneys was removed, the other was barely working for a while, but it recovered. My father was left with 2 bags he had to carry with him (for urine and excrement), and a weakned body due to all the time in the hospital. But, he was always a mans' man. Tall, broad-shouldered, boisterous, tanacious.
He bounced back and the birthday was spent in good spirits.
However, as christmas passed his condition started to worsen. The cancer spread again, this time to the leg, and apprently the bone. If you didn't know, this is bad scenario, since it causes pain. But he soldiered on. Despite barely being able to stand on his feet, he refused to use the wheelchair. Depsite being in obvious pain, he refused any pain medication. But there are limits to everything. A few days ago it was obvious he couldn't get to the bed, even with me and my mother helping him. I practicly carried him. He was in so much pain he was shivering, and still my mother had to actually yell at him to get him to take some pain medication.
For the last two days his condition is...not good. He spends most of the day sleeping, and when he isn't he is dazed. It's disheartening to see such a mounatin of a man in such a weak state, shrunk and feelbe. His once booming voice a whisper. It's painfull to look at him like that, and I know it pains him even more to be seen like that. Right now, we are keeping the morphine bands on standby if it gets worse. And it will.
The doctors flat out told us that there is nothing more they can take out, nothing more they can do. He is dying and everyone knows it. Him too. For the first time in my life I've sen him cry....cry at mundane things. I pretended not to notice, and continued typing his notebooks onto my laptop. We hoped the book about old customs - his book - might be out while he was alive. Now I blame my own damn slowness at typing. I could have typed more. But I didn't. And yet ultimatively, this books seems so irrelevant to me now.
The family is natually distraught. My mother - as strong woman as any I have ever known - is nearly broken. Physicly and mentally. I try and help as much as I can around the house and with dad, and I know that at least partially she is pushing herself in doing all kinds of work as a distraction. I know I do. I try to do everything just so that I don't have to think about it.
My syster had to take medication to calm herself. But I had a long talk with her and she has calmed down. She still hasn't told her kids, who love their grandfather. Their visit is still one of the things that clearly make him happy.
Myself? I'm handling it as good as one can under these condition, I think. No crying, no panic attacks. Just some numbness and distraction. Even as I'm typing this, I'm only doing it because it makes me feel better. It probably hasn't hit me yet.
I was always close to my father, but we never talked that much. We'd watch cartoons together (he loved Bugs Bunny and other old ones, and I do too) and various documentaries, over which we'd sometimes comment and talk. I must have seen every single documentary on Discovery Channel and National Geogrpahic, and a lot of cooking shows. Since he sleeps most of the day now, and the last two years I've been watching less and less with him ....I miss it.
And to think his father died of cancer. And all of his 5 siblings(he's the oldest) - all had cancer too. No cancer on my mothers side, so I have a good chance of being spared.
But just to be sure, me and my sisters will go for a checkup. There are good methods today, the easiest one being a rengden scan and taking of a blood sample for specific markers. Mind you, the marker method is great, but requires you to go periodicly (once a year..preferably once every 6 months), since it's based on comparisons with previous samples. But it is supposedly very accurate.
So my advice to you people - get a checkup. Even if you don't have a history. From my discussion with doctors and research I've done into cancer, it's becoming more frequent (as are allergies). Wether it's our lifestyle or something else, I do not know, but it's not a good sign. Either way, early detection is half the solution.
Stay safe, stay healthy.
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Damn, dude. :(
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There's nothing anyone can say that could equal the monumental heaping pile of bad stuff that has happened in your life, but just so you know... we're here for you, man.
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I have to have 6-monthly check ups since my father died of Cancer, my grandfather of a massive heart attack and my Uncle of Motor Neuron Disease, all on the same side of the family. As much as I hate to say it, I'm moderately glad I tend to take after my Mother's side of the family genetically.
Sorry to hear about your loss Trashman, I won't say it gets better, but it does, at least, get less painful. There's always things you'll regret not doing, I always promised I'd teach my Dad how to use Cakewalk, and never ever did, but there's no real point to beating yourself up about it.
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Sorry to hear that Trashman.
I'll give you a temporary pass to this forum so that you can post replies while this thread is active.
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If there's anything you want to tell him, get it in now. A friend of mine has very recently lost his father to cancer, and the sleeping thing came right before his death. He managed to live several months longer than expected.
Your story reminds me too much of my friend's. I feel for you.
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Thanks everyone.
Don't worry, I'll be fine. I have a big and suportive family
(http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/800x600q90/24/8vvo.jpg)
And the latest news on the fight against cancer front - scientist found a way to use white blood cells to attakc any cancer cells i nthe blood, thius preventing spread of cancer. So far the method has shown no side-effects whatsoever and is completely unintrusive. Experiments were made on mice and human blood. Further testing is in progress.
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Nice. Are you in the picture?
I read in the paper yesterday they're developing a way to detect cancer a lot faster. Doesn't seem to be much on the net, but I found this:
http://www.scotsman.com/news/health/new-test-could-detect-cancer-within-hours-1-3263309
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I'm sorry to hear that about your father/family. My condolences, truly.
Your family sounds strong, but if for some reason you want the shoulder of an internet person, find me. Really.
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And the latest news on the fight against cancer front - scientist found a way to use white blood cells to attakc any cancer cells i nthe blood, thius preventing spread of cancer. So far the method has shown no side-effects whatsoever and is completely unintrusive. Experiments were made on mice and human blood. Further testing is in progress.
In Australia they found a way to attack a specific protein in cancer cells with minimal side effects. Works best for Lymphoma and Leukemia and is also undergoing trails.
Cancer treatments are developing rapidly. Having been through it first-hand its always exciting to see new research and treatments and its amazing how much it changes in a short period of time.
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I lost my dad in june 2001 from cancer. At least I didn`t have to watch him waste away, he went fast. Cancer runs on his side of the family, and took his mother. I also did not talk to him as much as I would have liked, but did have some good times with him while he was alive, he is still with me, in my heart. The one thing that bothers me the most is my mother does not talk about him at all, I find this hurts me, and it has driven me away from my mother. My family would like me to see her more than I do but I do not understand her. I visit her on holidays, but we do not talk much. I hope you can keep your father in your heart and mind Trashman, though it maybe painful at first but that will pass with the passage of time, good luck and best wishes to you Trashman.
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Nice. Are you in the picture?
Yeah, I'm the guy in the blue sweater that is not looking at the cammera.
Thanks for the article. it's intersting. And good to know more progress is beign made.
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Nice. Are you in the picture?
Yeah, I'm the guy in the blue sweater that is not looking at the cammera.
Thanks for the article. it's intersting. And good to know more progress is beign made.
Thanks. Camera-shy? :)
You're welcome.
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I'm really sorry to hear about all this, TM. :( Cancer is a ****ing evil disease, one that winds up being every bit as hard on families as it is the patients themselves. I'm cautiously optimistic about some of the more recent advances coming out...maybe in the next few decades we can finally say that we have it mostly beaten.
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I'm really sorry to hear about all this, TM. :( Cancer is a ****ing evil disease, one that winds up being every bit as hard on families as it is the patients themselves. I'm cautiously optimistic about some of the more recent advances coming out...maybe in the next few decades we can finally say that we have it mostly beaten.
Mark my words - some new desese will sprout when we beat cancer.
Camera-shy?
More like caught at the wrong moment.
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Sorry for your loss, Trashman.
I'm really sorry to hear about all this, TM. :( Cancer is a ****ing evil disease, one that winds up being every bit as hard on families as it is the patients themselves. I'm cautiously optimistic about some of the more recent advances coming out...maybe in the next few decades we can finally say that we have it mostly beaten.
Mark my words - some new desese will sprout when we beat cancer.
Cancer isn't technically so much a disease as a consequence of life being based on moderately-fragile DNA. It's also questionable whether its incidence is actually increasing (in all areas, at least; there is good evidence that some cancers are definitely becoming more prevalent) or whether we're simply better at diagnosing it and making the correct determination on cause of illness/death.
New true diseases arise all the time, though. It's a feature of the biological system on this planet, not a bug (pardon the pun).
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Sorry for your loss, Trashman.
I'm really sorry to hear about all this, TM. :( Cancer is a ****ing evil disease, one that winds up being every bit as hard on families as it is the patients themselves. I'm cautiously optimistic about some of the more recent advances coming out...maybe in the next few decades we can finally say that we have it mostly beaten.
Mark my words - some new desese will sprout when we beat cancer.
Cancer isn't technically so much a disease as a consequence of life being based on moderately-fragile DNA. It's also questionable whether its incidence is actually increasing (in all areas, at least; there is good evidence that some cancers are definitely becoming more prevalent) or whether we're simply better at diagnosing it and making the correct determination on cause of illness/death.
I thought the common point was that the likelihood of dying due to a defect in your body due to 'wear and tear' (cancer, heart attacks, that sort off thing) has steadily increased mainly due to the likelihood of dying of some nasty disease has steadily decreased due to medical advancements, thus giving you more chance to reach the stage where your body starts wearing down.
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Yeah, I'd always figured that increasing cancer rates are at least partly similar to an increase in things like Alzheimer's. It's not actually increasing so much as people are now living long enough to get it. The trick is figuring out how to remove that effect from the statistics.
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Interestingly, at least of a couple years ago, increasing survival rates against cancer were also a statistical artifact: improved detection means people are being diagnosed earlier, which creates the illusion that they're living longer.
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Well, dad is now on morphene bands.
Which is in a way better, since the body takes the ammount it needs.
His bothers and sisters came and he was in a good mood and looking surprisingly well - better than I've seen him in days.
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That's... incredibly awful to hear. I'm truly, truly sorry about your father, and I'd also sorry about how absolutely toxic I've been towards you over the years, and I'm not just saying this because of your current situation. I was simply a total ass back then in general. If you want to discuss models or something I'm here for you.
e: That's good to hear, how is he today? Still relatively pain free, I hope?
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Yes, we switched to morphene bands.
He is still very ludic even tough he barely speaks, but the problem is that his kideny is failing. Which means blood poisoning. Which means hallucinations are around the corner.
At this point I'm just praying for a peacefull, dignified death in sleep.
EDIT:
And I just recieved a phone call from my sisters. His condition got worse. I'm home every weekened, but I'm not sure if he'll still be around in 4 days, so I'm packing my bags.
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My thoughts are with you Trashman. I wish I could offer you and your family more than a hope for a peaceful end, but at least your Father will be with those who love him, and that's important.
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He just passed away quitely in his sleep.
I packed my bags but I postopned my trip back, because it looked like he was getting better. My sister tells me he was sleeping the whole day, so even if I did get back, I couldn't have made any difference. Still I feel guilty.
I'm remarkably calm at the moment. So calm even I'm surprised. I'm probably going to freak out later.
I'm catching the first bus in the morning and heading home...
thank you all for your support.
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Aw, jeez, dude. Good luck, and all my condolences.
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Sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and your family. :(
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I'm truly sorry for your loss. Try not to feel guilty for not having been there at the moment it happened. You had been spending as much of your time with him as you could, and if he is the kind of man you describe, he'd never wish for you to feel that way about it.
As Flip said, at least he was with family at the end. At least his suffering is over.
I've been on death-watch before myself. It's awful. I'm sorry.
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I'm sorry too. I tried to write you something before, when you first posted, I wrote several things, but it all just seemed so lame. But what can you really say? It's awful. I wish you luck going forward.
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I will simply tell you something I said at my own Fathers funeral, wherever you go in life, whatever decisions you make, you carry him with you. He helped define who you are, and as long as you remain true to that, he is never really gone.
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My sincere condolences and I also wish strength to you and your family.
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Having heard the complete story from my mother, I am at greater ease.
Before he died, he sang the first part of his favorite song to my mother, but couldn't sing further. My mother gave him a rosary and started a prayer, he joined her (he couldn't speak, but his mouth moved). When the prayer was done he smiled and passed away.
He died smiling and content, and that gives me solace. Today, I was finally able to cry.
On his funeral tomorrow practicly 2 entire small towns will be present, plus a large number of people from a third one and various other people from other towns. The cemetery won't be able to hold them all.
He was pillar of not just the immediate family, but also the extended one and the entire community.
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Would that we all were able to go out that peacefully.
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Would that we all were able to go out that peacefully.
And touch so many lives.