Hard Light Productions Forums

Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Mad Bomber on July 22, 2002, 09:06:53 am

Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Mad Bomber on July 22, 2002, 09:06:53 am
Come up with useless superheroes that could exist, and give what their superpowers are! :D (I'm expecting Thunder or Shrike to own this fairly quickly)

Tuna Man (With the power to command tuna, despite living near Albany, where there are none)
Diabetic Gerald Ford Girl (With the power to fall over and need insulin)
Captain 3-Toed Sloth (With the power to... move slowly)
The Human Bong (This is rather self-explanatory. He is a hit with stoner chicks, though.)
Unhurtable Man (In reality, he just has leprosy.)
The Incredible Flying Cow (Stopping crime with its Udder of Justice!)


Go on, add more... :D

And yes, this topic proves that I am certifiably insane. :D
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: vyper on July 22, 2002, 09:23:36 am
Hmm...

Quote
Diabetic Gerald Ford Girl (With the power to fall over and need insulin)


I should kick ur ass for that one... guess why?  (no, its not 'cos of the Gerald Ford or Girl bits) Not funny.

Anyway:

The Domesticators: They don't have super-powers they just... domesticate people
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: TheCelestialOne on July 22, 2002, 09:26:03 am
[glow=red]The Lawyer!  [/glow]
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Kellan on July 22, 2002, 10:47:14 am
Who's been watching too much Mystery Men, then? :p
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: TheCelestialOne on July 22, 2002, 10:49:58 am
Quote
Originally posted by Kellan
Who's been watching too much Mystery Men, then? :p


What is "Mystery Men"? :confused:

I've been watching Matlock! MUHAHAHA... errr... not!
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Mad Bomber on July 22, 2002, 10:54:08 am
Quote
Originally posted by Kellan
Who's been watching too much Mystery Men, then? :p


That movie was nowhere near as good as it could have been, given the people who were in it. But no that's not where I got the idea. :D
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Stryke 9 on July 22, 2002, 11:01:27 am
The Atomic Patrol!!!! (http://www.brunching.com/features/atomicpatrol.html)
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: penguin on July 22, 2002, 11:43:49 am
From "Action League Now!" on Nickelodeon (these are all from memory, so I'm sure to screw a few of them up):The Flesh - he's super big, he's super naked
Thunder Girl - she flies like thunder
Melt Man - with the ability to... melt
Stinky Diver (forgot what they said about him, except that he got flushed down a few toilets)
[/list]And I can't remember if there's anyone else... :confused:
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Mad Bomber on July 22, 2002, 12:54:47 pm
Well, there was the Mayor...


Cmon, come up with some more! Make them up or something!
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Dark_4ce on July 22, 2002, 01:24:04 pm
Captain Microsoft!  

Hmm... He might actually be a useless super villain. :D
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Pera on July 22, 2002, 01:24:21 pm
The Superprole! , hero of the workers!

And in case someone is wondering, no, I didn't make this up :p
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: an0n on July 22, 2002, 01:26:56 pm
Someone should post the list we made on the IRC.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: 01010 on July 22, 2002, 01:27:56 pm
Quote
Originally posted by Mad Bomber
Well, there was the Mayor...


Cmon, come up with some more! Make them up or something!



The Amazingly Pointless Doodler:  With the power to doodle completely pointless things.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: penguin on July 22, 2002, 01:41:06 pm
OK, how about:

CODER MAN  He sits on his ass all day, and drinks coffee and Cokes, and reads the HLP forums when he's supposed to be working.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Blue Lion on July 22, 2002, 01:44:16 pm
Double Jointed Man :p

Non-flammable Hair Man

Cup Holder Man

Ice Cream Headache Intolerant Man
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Kellan on July 22, 2002, 01:46:27 pm
Quote
Originally posted by Mad Bomber
That movie was nowhere near as good as it could have been, given the people who were in it. But no that's not where I got the idea. :D


I agree. It was an awful film. :blah:

And I think that the most obvious superhero for this thread that everyone has missed is:

SPAM MAN!

:p
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: SlipStream on July 22, 2002, 01:56:01 pm
The Great Sea Otter= The Gret Sea Otter is a very formiddable foe. He can catch fish in a single bound.  

Ummm..... yea
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Blue Lion on July 22, 2002, 01:59:19 pm
The Bilingual mute!

Middle Aged Man!
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Kellan on July 22, 2002, 02:02:35 pm
Quote
Originally posted by Blue Lion
Middle Aged Man!


Now that I like. Meets foes; has crises; runs away with nearby woman half his age. The city gets destroyed, but it never did anything for HIM except swallow up half his life in an unfulfilling marriage and ungrateful kids, right?

RIGHT?

Oh yeah, and he's angry. But only in a futile, middle-aged way. :D
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: TheCelestialOne on July 22, 2002, 02:34:49 pm
[SIZE=10].[/SIZE] « Dot man! He ends not only your lines... Also your life!
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: JC Denton on July 22, 2002, 02:38:48 pm
Color-blind man:  He shall use his super powers to rid the world of scum, villany, and the color brown. :D
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Crazy_Ivan80 on July 22, 2002, 02:39:51 pm
Man Man

has the power of exactly one normal average man :)

(a joke the PC gamer once did)
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Blue Lion on July 22, 2002, 02:40:14 pm
Farenheit Conversion Man

El Chupacabrascabras (The Goatsucker....sucker) Ew

Altitude Sickness Man
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Knight Templar on July 22, 2002, 02:46:33 pm
Super Heroes
Comic book man - Can throw old, dusty comic books at people to give them paper cuts.

Turtle Man - Has the ability to turn himself into a turtle

rollercoasterwoman - Can take control of any rollercoaster she rides or sees.

SuperVillians
AOLwoman - Has seemingly endless supplies of razor sharp free "AOL for 1000 hour" trial cds. Also has the ability to restrict G rated websites and disconnect any internet connection 5 seconds after a connection has been made.

CaptainMacintosh - Self Explanitory
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Knight Templar on July 22, 2002, 03:03:13 pm
heres sommore


- Thunderman (:) ) has the ability to ban anyone from the HLP forums, and to lock any thread he deems unworthy.

- Moderatorman see above

(one of my favorites.. me and my firned made this up a looong time ago)

- Captain Oblivious- Completely oblivious to the world around. Beleives that Baby cheetahs and cheese puffs are related. Once had a crush on Elizabeth Taylor just because he liked her name, although he had never seen a picture of her. Likes Bratwurst
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Kellan on July 22, 2002, 03:43:59 pm
Quote
Originally posted by Knight Templar
- Captain Oblivious- Completely oblivious to the world around. Beleives that Baby cheetahs and cheese puffs are related. Once had a crush on Elizabeth Taylor just because he liked her name, although he had never seen a picture of her. Likes Bratwurst


"Watch out, Captain Oblivious! The sun is exploding again!"

*looks up from old newspaper - a current one would mean paying attention to something happening now*

"Wha'?"

*goes back to reading*
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Knight Templar on July 22, 2002, 03:47:26 pm
lol hell yeah!

Don't forget, Admiral Plumbers Cleveage... has the biggest, hairyest plumbers cleavege in the world.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Kellan on July 22, 2002, 03:51:33 pm
:blah:

I'm so disgusted I'm not even gonna quote that. It would double the horror.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Blue Lion on July 22, 2002, 03:58:46 pm
Worcestershire Sauce Man!

Has the ability to pronounce "Worcestershire sauce" correctly and not **** it up like everyone else!
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: 01010 on July 22, 2002, 04:04:26 pm
Conjoined Eyebrow Man: The world's most heinous super villain can annoy with the raising of his one eyebrow.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Mad Bomber on July 22, 2002, 04:05:49 pm
Numb-and-Blind-Man! He has no arms or legs, and can't feel, taste, smell, see, or hear. He attacks when his sidekick rolls his medical gurney down a hill, thus flinging him into evildoers, butt-first.

Of course, there have been incidents with lamp posts, telephone poles, and such. If he knew what was going on, he'd be glad he was numb.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Kellan on July 22, 2002, 04:10:51 pm
Surely that should be Qudriplegic-Numb-Dumb-and-Blind man. Oh, with an extra ! thrown in on top.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Dark_4ce on July 22, 2002, 04:14:19 pm
Heros

Macho Man
His simple mindedness confuses even the most brilliant evil genious.

The Geek
Sole defender of all the nerds of the world.


The Amazing Couch Potato

Sits in front of the TV distributing harsh justice to the Dorito Horde.


Villains

The Nose Picker

Fear his boogers o' Doom!

The Troll
Arch nemesis of The Geek.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: lobsterclaw on July 22, 2002, 04:40:03 pm
Remote control Man - Can break/or make dissapear any remotecontrol he sees.

Reallybadheadphonesman - Passes out pairs of really low quality headphones.

Sonic the Hedgehog

5-year-old-encarta-encyclopedia-man - Passes bundles of obscolete encarta cds from years past (infamous 89' edition included) ;7
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: aldo_14 on July 22, 2002, 04:40:21 pm
Spiderman - bitten by a radioactive spider, he has radiation poisoning!  and the strength of a spider.  a very small spider.  which has just been stood on.  by a big boot.  a la monty pyhton

Spandex Man! - he wears spandex!  that's all!

Dr. vigilante - A brilliant scientist, driven to crushing crime when his house was burgled and his lP collection stolen.  Currently serving 10-15 in Broadmoor Prison / asylumy place.

Captain Cheese - overpowers his enemies with lines from Steven Seagal films

The Negotiator - likes to talk.  Mostly to himself.

Sponge man - Made of sponge.

Mr. Twinky - see sponge-man.

The Fish-man - has the combined powers of a fish and a man - can't breathe air, can't move on land.  And smells.

Alcoholicoman - has flammable breath.   And tends to fall over.  A lot.  Side kick is Blotto-man.

Astroturf boy - gives nasty burns.  Very hard wearing and easy to clean.

The Sperminator - em.... use your imagination for this one.

Agrophobia-boy - superhuman strength and exceptional intelligence.... but too scared to go outside
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Blue Lion on July 22, 2002, 05:00:16 pm
Quote
Originally posted by aldo_14

Agrophobia-boy - superhuman strength and exceptional intelligence.... but too scared to go outside



An older, more buff CP?
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: aldo_14 on July 22, 2002, 05:27:49 pm
Quote
Originally posted by Blue Lion



An older, more buff CP?


i wouldn;t be lying to say Agrophobia boy is very pale skinned and unaccustomed to the sun..........
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: TheVirtu on July 22, 2002, 05:46:31 pm
Captain Lack of Attention Span!: The sun could be exploding and he willl be chasing a butterfly around the room (Just like Bill Clinton addressing at a Virgin's Convention)
Title: Re: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Mr. Vega on July 22, 2002, 08:39:40 pm
Quote
Originally posted by Mad Bomber
And yes, this topic proves that I am certifiably insane. :D


Yep.....
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Kitsune on July 22, 2002, 08:41:01 pm
Actually, the 3-toed sloth bit has been done before...

Zippy the Wonder Sloth and his sidekicks the Dynamo Girls.
The girls are twins who can somehow read Zippy's thoughts and they energetically provide enough animation to make up for how Zippy just kinda stands there...  Till he strikes...  

(Apparently he moves so slow so he can save up the energy to actually do something.)

http://www.supermegatopia.com/comics/zippy1.htm
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Martinus on July 22, 2002, 09:15:59 pm
Dr. Demented/Captain Dogooder:

A scitsofrenic who beats the crap out of himself for the crimes his alter ego just committed.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: BlueFlames on July 22, 2002, 09:52:18 pm
Lethargicman and Apathyboy -- The dynamic duo of--well...  They're not really dynamic....  I'm not sure they even care that they're sitting in the same room.....not caring about.....everything....

Batman -- He wields the power to dress poorly and shamelessly speak lame lines in the pursuit of money!  Well, I've not tried this, but some say it works...

Captain Gristle-Eater -- He's eaten parts of cows that would nausiate even a rabid dog.

Constipadoman -- You know what they say about ****ting bricks?  Yeah.  That's right.

Bandwidthman -- Well...  I don't think I've seen anyone else do a better job at plugging in CAT5 cable...
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Knight Templar on July 22, 2002, 10:45:03 pm
Mrs. Labatomy
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Grey Wolf on July 22, 2002, 10:59:58 pm
Remember that scetch on Whose Line is it Anyway?
Super Rabbi, Captain Cliche, and Uncoordinated Go-Go Dancer Girl!
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: TheVirtu on July 22, 2002, 11:14:10 pm
SCUIDE BOY!
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Grey Wolf on July 22, 2002, 11:21:53 pm
Also Captain Obvious, and Scared to Death be Everything Man.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Alikchi on July 23, 2002, 12:05:39 am
I'm writing rules for a Freeform-ish Superhero RPG. Just an off project of mine.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Shrike on July 23, 2002, 01:00:51 am
Yes-Man.

:p
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Shrike on July 23, 2002, 01:01:58 am
Quote
Originally posted by Knight Templar
- Thunderman (:) ) has the ability to ban anyone from the HLP forums, and to lock any thread he deems unworthy.
You know something interesting?  The only person with a ban here was banned by me.

Something to think about. :drevil:
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Dr.Zer0 on July 23, 2002, 01:16:18 am
hmm, all this reminds me of my super power, captin lethargo(the amazing power of lethatgicness) :D
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: TheVirtu on July 23, 2002, 01:51:01 am
Captain Count: Using his uber-counting powers, he counts the amount of visits to his pr0n site, manually.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Ace on July 23, 2002, 03:11:09 am
El Diablo-All he does is play Diablo all day, his massive now fire-retardent and bulletproof due to their sheer density caluses could be used to save lives, but the irony is they simply aid in creating more maxed out perfect-character Battle.net accounts to sell and even more Diablo playing.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Reaper on July 23, 2002, 03:59:56 am
Quote
Originally posted by penguin
OK, how about:

CODER MAN  He sits on his ass all day, and drinks coffee and Cokes, and reads the HLP forums when he's supposed to be working.


Sorry about the late reply... but are you talking about Mr. Sticks?:D:D
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Dr.Zer0 on July 23, 2002, 05:11:51 am
Quote
Originally posted by penguin
OK, how about:

CODER MAN  He sits on his ass all day, and drinks coffee and Cokes, and reads the HLP forums when he's supposed to be working.


we all have  a little of that power with in us
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Black Wolf on July 23, 2002, 06:37:56 am
Ensign Amazing - The strongest, smartest, fastest superhero in history - or at least he will be - once he get's promoted.

Dr Newbie - A heinously evil fiend, with satanic plans to take over every BB on the net. While Dr Newbie posesses no super powers, he has supplemented his normalness with evil weapons like his "My beams won't fire" gun and his "Will there be a FS3" grenades of death.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Dr.Zer0 on July 23, 2002, 08:04:32 am
Bot Boy - the hoped to be smartest person in all of the univers, too bad that will happen in after 2012, 12, 21(end of world to Mayan calendar ;) )
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Mad Bomber on July 23, 2002, 08:11:28 am
Don't forget Cant-move-without-hurting-himself-Man! :D
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: TheCelestialOne on July 23, 2002, 08:12:28 am
Eightball » A IRC bot who is a politician. Just join #nodewar channel on IRC and ask anyone for Eightball... They'll show you.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Dr.Zer0 on July 23, 2002, 09:46:34 am
Quote
Originally posted by Mad Bomber
Don't forget Cant-move-without-hurting-himself-Man! :D


err, who's line is it anyway improv skit theaf :mad:

;)
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: penguin on July 23, 2002, 10:10:28 am
PlasticSurgeryWoman - has the ability to look 10 years younger
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Knight Templar on July 23, 2002, 10:27:06 am
Penguin Man - Has all the attributes of your house hold penguin
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: penguin on July 23, 2002, 11:32:05 am
Quote
Originally posted by Knight Templar
Penguin Man - Has all the attributes of your house hold penguin
:lol: that's pretty powerful stuff 'round here ;7
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Kellan on July 23, 2002, 11:56:11 am
Quote
Originally posted by Ace
El Diablo-All he does is play Diablo all day, his massive now fire-retardent and bulletproof due to their sheer density caluses could be used to save lives, but the irony is they simply aid in creating more maxed out perfect-character Battle.net accounts to sell and even more Diablo playing.


No. no. no. What you need is...

El Pollo Diablo!!![/i]

He has all the powers of the devil, but he's a chicken. As such, he is neither in a position to use his powers - nor clever enough to remember that he has them. :p
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: wEvil on July 23, 2002, 12:16:14 pm
Chickens are actually surprisingly intelligent
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: SlipStream on July 23, 2002, 12:29:00 pm
Villan  

Flatchulent Air Born Reaction Man=  Has the ability to lay waste any living being with a single burst of gass.


Hero

Air Conditioning Man=  Has the ability to clean dirty air and make it breathable.



______________________Profiles________________________

-------------Vilan-----------
Flatchulant Man:

He pbvilusley has the ability to sufficate any livint vreature on the planet.

Hair color. Brown/yellow
Age: NA
Height: 7'8

Hobbies include =
Comensing chemical warfare on a level never seen befor.

And a little arson on the side, Which would include ripping really big ones in the middle of Nitroglicerant plants.

------HERO--------
Air Conditioner Man

The Air Conditioner Man spends all of his time conditioning Air so everyone can breath claner Air and fighting the dreaded and most feared of villans THE Flatchulant Man.

Hair color: Unknown
Age: Unknown
Height: 5'9
Not much is know about his statistics. he wears a protective suite to keep himself free from germs.

Hobbies include =
Helps with Enviornmental Savety.
Protecting Nitro Glisterant Plant's

NOTE= Air COnditioner Man is very Carefull nit to encure the Flatchulant mans Wrath. Could result in a wworld wide disaster.
Title: OT: Useless Superheroes!
Post by: Ace on July 23, 2002, 01:44:33 pm
Quote
Originally posted by Kellan


No. no. no. What you need is...

El Pollo Diablo!!![/i]

He has all the powers of the devil, but he's a chicken. As such, he is neither in a position to use his powers - nor clever enough to remember that he has them. :p


No, the Werechicken!

Has the power to control chickens as well as change into his lycanthrope form at will. However he was banished into the Gulash, for being disrepectful to the Party...