Hard Light Productions Forums
Off-Topic Discussion => General Discussion => Topic started by: Kitsune on July 26, 2002, 02:07:59 am
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Just dropping a good one I found.
Please kill this if it turns into a religion thread.
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About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
Having no choice, the Jews picked a middle aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that god was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that god absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."
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lol that some funny ****......... seriously, i don't usually laugh when i say "lol"
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omglololololololol!
Wow, that dude was right. You really do get dumber each time you type "lol". I can feel it happening.
Eeh, I've heard it before.
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hmmm...that's a variant of a joke i heard about a year and a half ago.
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Wow, that dude was right. You really do get dumber each time you type "lol". I can feel it happening.
i do have a name you know. And if you it's...... it's.... oh **** i forget....
"mooooooooommmmmm!!!!!!! when you were drinkin' that heiniken and i came out, what did daddy call me?"
"honney, you staind your undies again!"
"mom!! not infornt of the guys!"
;)
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hahaha... that's funny. some people think too much...
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meh, wasn't THAT funny so without furter ado.......
*turns this into a religious debate*
:nervous:
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this has been considered and... :snipe:
no
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Originally posted by Blue Lion
*turns this into a religious debate*
* places hand over the "close thread" button *
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Wow, I can get threads closed at the mere of metion of religion. I didn't even start anything, I must be a superhero or something.
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Originally posted by Styxx
* places hand over the "close thread" button *
you mean mouse pointer right?
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No, it's a big giant button on his desk. He had is put in special for HLP
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[color=sky blue]that's one of the best jokes I've heard in a long time....*steals it for OTF*[/color]
(http://216.40.201.38/otn/realhappy/xxrotflmao.gif)
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you should have heard what the pope said about french canadians on the Daily Show™
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what'd he say?
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Rofl....funny ****.
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Reminds me of:
A man loses all of his money gambling, he decides that the only way he can get back on top again is to have a little luck sent to him from God.
He packs up and heads straight to the vatican in Rome, since he has no money he pitches a tent right outside the Pope's window hoping that the pope will see him and send him a blessing.
He waits all through the night and is woken by the sound of a window opening the next morning. Looking up he sees the pope standing at the window and he shouts up to him "send me a blessing" the pope says something loudly in latin and sweeps his hand from his head to his waist and then across from left to right.
The man is overjoyed and promptly goes to find the nearest gambling den. The pope's servant enters the room and asks what all the noise was about.
"Oh there was some english man camping outside my window, he started shouting at me".
"What did you do?" asked the servant.
"I told him to take the tent down and get the **** out of here".
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(http://www.uniquehardware.co.uk/server-smilies/contrib/ruinkai/cistinebiggrinA.gif)
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:nervous:
A couple are driving down a winding highway, discussing their lives. The husband was commenting that their sex life had grown stale. The woman turned to him
"Well you drive like an old woman!" she says
"I'll tell you what" he says "for every 5 miles over the speed limit I go, you take off a piece of clothing"
She agrees and he speeds up, faster and faster they go as she takes off more and more. After a bit he is getting quite excited and loses control of the car, running it down an embankment. The wife is thrown clear but the husband is trapped.
"Get help!" He yells
"I'm naked!" she cries back, "I need something to wear"
The husband leans down and is able to take off his shoes. He throws them at her.
"There, use them, it's not much, but at least you can cover yourself, go flag down a car!"
The wife uses the shoes to cover herself, one in front, another in the back. And she runs up the hill. A driver in a passing 18 wheeler sees the naked woman and pulls over. She runs up to him
"My husband, my husband! He's stuck!"
The driver looks at the shoes down by her crotch and states.
"Ma'am if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner
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lol funny funny
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There's always this old standby:
The Pope and a lawyer died on the same day, and both went to Heaven. There they met Saint Peter at the gates. He said that he would take both of them to the places where they would spend all of eternity.
They went to the lawyer's place first. It was a giant mansion, with swimming pools and everything. Seeing this, the Pope became excited. I've lived a pious life in God's service. If a lawyer recieved this, imagine what I will recieve!
They traveled for a while, until they reached a street lined with houses. They were similar to the New York brownstones. The Pope turned to Saint Peter. "I lived a pious life and recieve this, and that lawyer recieves the huge mansion! Where is justice!"
Saint Peter looks back at the Pope, smiling. "We recieve spiritual leaders like you almost daily. But that man was the first lawyer ever to come here."
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One day a group of men got killed in a car crash, and all accended into heaven. At the gates, St.Peter told them the only rule in heaven was don't step on a duck. They could do anything they wanted, but they couldn't step on a duck.
The men agreed, and St.Peter let them in. Everywhere the eye could see was a duck. Ducks everywhere. The first guy didn't make it an hour before he stepped on a duck. St.Peter came over to him with this horrably ugly woman and tied her to him. St.Peter told the guy, you stepped on the duck, this is your punishment. The next day another guy stepped on a duck. St.Peter tied another horrably ugly woman to him, and told him that was his punishment for stepping on a duck. One by one men were tied to horrably ugly woman for stepping on ducks. The last guy survived years without stepping on a duck. Then one day St.Peter came over to the man with an incredably beautiful woman, and tied her to him. The man asked, what is this for? The woman replied, I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.
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[color=sky blue]ouch!! :doh:
...that's a good one too...*steals it*[/color] :lol:
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that is pretty good, i've heard it before, but still pretty good :)
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Prepare to be horrified/amused/sickened/strangely aroussed:
Two friends leave a bar after a long night of drinking an partying. They part ways after a few hundred meters and each continue on their respective ways home. The next day the two men meet in the bar for lunch.
"You look rough" says the first man upon seeing his somewhat ragged friend.
"Yeah, I was up all night having the wildest sex you could possibly imagine."
"How the hell did you manage that?" asked the first man. "I left you at 2am."
"Yeah, well I was on my way to the bus stop when I see the last bus go flying past. And I didn't want to walk all that way home so I took a short-cut across the railway tracks. As I was climbing over the fence I saw this woman lying on the grass bank. Anyway, I took her back to my place and had her in every possible position. Missionary, anal, doggy, hand-jobs, over the couch, against the fridge."
"No oral?"
"Nah. Couldn't find the head."
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ew, yum
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Hehe for alot of those, and while that last was morbidly funny, just gotta say, eewwwww...
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The last one didn't make much sense to me...
*turns this into a religious debate*
;7
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I'm offended!
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Hmm, too many joke threads going. Wonder when the versus one will begin... :doubt:
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that's some funny ****. How come I didn't notice that before. Well, :lol: