Hi all, I'll state my case as simply as I can.
I'm going to be cutting most of my business with Freespace and HLP. No, this is not a big middle finger at the community or at anyone! :) This is something that I want to do.
Freespace modding and community interaction has been a slowly brewing source of stress for me. I have a large family to take care of - I'm not married, but I have lots of siblings with difficult health problems and special needs ranging from moderate to severe, a constantly messy house, school, and work.
Recently I realized how much worrying HLP and modding work has taken out of me. Back when I joined up, I thought modding would be something fun I could do in my spare time with a community (I don't have time for sports, clubs, etc.). Years later, I am now literally losing my temper with my younger brothers when they interrupt me when I am worrying about modding. Little special needs kids who just ask for attention. That is unacceptable. I cannot continue to take in that stress. Lost was one thing, that was on my own. Scroll was a huge jump up, and frankly more than I could chew. Now I have accepted even more work for other projects, and it's too much.
I apologize to you all, but it's too much.
Again, I'm very sorry if this sounds whiney. I know you've all probably dealt with similar struggles, but for some reason or another you've all decided to continue working here. Ultimately, and please do not take this the wrong way, but I owe more to my family than to an internet community. I need to put them first, I need to take stresses out of my life so that I can treat them better.
I'm dropping all modding projects, more or less. I'm leaving the Discord channel. I might get some Lost footage recorded on my own for Millbear, as he should have his demo reel. I am still happy to continue running the screenshot contest, that's lightweight, but otherwise 99% I'm going to keep out of other topics. Orpheus, sorry that I won't be up for that Armada 2 match. :blah: ;)
If this comes as a shock to anyone, I am sorry. I have to confess that for the past months, any optimism I showed, any readyness to take on new jobs, any "I'll get it done!" was basically a sham. I mean there was some honesty to it, but mostly it was a front for frustration and stress. I didn't want more jobs; I took them because I didn't want to let anyone down. Especially Goober, but anyone else as well.
When will this end? I don't know. Maybe in the Summer, if at all, at the soonest. Maybe not at all? I'm not sure, guys. Again, please remember that this is not an attack on anyone or a statement against anyone. This is what I want to do, even though it isn't fun at the moment.
Thanks all.
@Goober: I'm so very sorry. I really don't want to negotiate this. If it looks like I'm just up and dumping you and Scroll like other people before me - well, it's no good being dishonest, it is that. I apologize for basically deceiving you about my willingness to work. You can take me off of the SVN, remove my badge, or more. I hope you'll forgive me as I realize how unfair this seems to the leader of the team who's basically been plugging away at the project while people come and go. Again, though, I have to confess: I owe more to my family than I do to Scroll. And ultimately that's it. My free time is damage control - I need to spend it doing things that calm me down and prepare me to treat my family kindly, not stressful projects that feel like school assignments. Thanks for my time on the team. :yes: