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Hosted Projects - FS2 Required => Blue Planet => Topic started by: Rhys on June 25, 2019, 08:48:28 am

Title: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Rhys on June 25, 2019, 08:48:28 am
It was pretty wild. Over the course of a few weeks I began to have these epiphanies about the nature of the universe, and in one of them I saw morphing Shivan ships in space. It was so vivid.

At some point during this, my mind became plagued with various voices, some familiar some just bizarre. One of these voices sounded exactly like Ken from BP2 and I named him as such. He'd give me insight on my situation and I could talk to him to an extent. Even though my episode is over, I still have some of this stuff in my head.

At this point, I became convinced I had entered an alternate universe and had to find some way to get home. I was promised a way back, but he wouldn't tell me how. I felt so alone.

Then I got meds and this all sort of got better.

It was quite an experience. An absolutely terrifying one at that.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Nyctaeus on June 25, 2019, 09:15:47 am
Sounds like paranoid schizophrenia. Welcome to the world of Laporte... Literally. I hope you've got yours properly diagnosed and you are under care of specialist. It's is very mature that you speak about such things openly. Whoever reads this, I appeal for indulgence.

I never experienced such things myself, but I have lots of friends working in psychology etc. I've also met people suffering from similar conditions. If you enter such a state again, you need an anchor. I suggest something simple. Something like "It's not real". Repeat this like mantra until your cognition returns to normal. Try to focus only on this. Your mind should learn by itself that those things are not real, and your subconsciousness will develop protection behaviours.

Move along. Every trip to hell end one day.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Rhys on June 25, 2019, 09:22:30 am
Sounds like paranoid schizophrenia. Welcome to the world of Laporte... Literally. I hope you've got yours properly diagnosed and you are under care of specialist. It's is very mature that you speak about such things openly. Whoever reads this, I appeal for indulgence.

I never experienced such things myself, but I have lots of friends working in psychology etc. I've also met people suffering from similar conditions. If you enter such a state again, you need an anchor. I suggest something simple. Something like "It's not real". Repeat this like mantra until your cognition returns to normal. Try to focus only on this. Your mind should learn by itself that those things are not real, and your subconsciousness will develop protection behaviours.

Move along. Every trip to hell end one day.

Something deep down in me knew it wasn't real, but when it gets bad it's nearly impossible to fight it. The ghosts I was seeing I knew weren't really there because I know ghosts aren't real, but the voices are a different story. They have personalities of their own, faces, some name themselves.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Nyctaeus on June 25, 2019, 09:42:27 am
"All that you say is not real", "You are not real", "This whole place is not real".

Try to deny. Divert all of your attention on denying everything you experience there. They don't have personalities of their own. They just... Pretend to have them. It's just a good show, but it's a lie. Path to the surface is long, but every next step is easier. All those voices, faces and other illusions try to draw your attention badly, but you can resist. Focus on this simple mantra and minimalize other thoughts. If you loose focus, don't believe the illusion of feeling defeated and try again... And again... And again...

I know it's hell of a long, internal battle, but it's fully winable.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Rhys on June 25, 2019, 10:15:02 am
Meds are my only way out, unfortunately. I can try to deny the delusions all I want but in the end they completely take control. I have pretty good insight until this point. I thought I'd be impenetrable, but I was wrong. It's like an intrusive thought from hell. "The world must be saved!"

The cacophony of voices, whispers, sounds and screams in my head only serve to confuse things even more.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: DefCynodont119 on June 25, 2019, 03:02:24 pm
Thank you for posting about it, reaching out is always good.


out of curiosity, how long has this been going on?  If it's never happened before, then you may want an MRI and/or EKG to look you over.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Rhys on June 25, 2019, 03:46:12 pm
Thank you for posting about it, reaching out is always good.


out of curiosity, how long has this been going on?  If it's never happened before, then you may want an MRI and/or EKG to look you over.

I have a history of mild psychosis going back a few years, it's only lately decided to ramp up. I already have a plethora of other stuff going on so I wasn't too surprised that this happened. Still probably not a bad idea.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Trivial Psychic on June 25, 2019, 03:54:49 pm
My Mother once told me of a story of when she was a kid (would have been in the late 1950's I think), when a serious illness was going around the town where she grew up, and she got it.  While feverish, she had a dream where she was bargaining with Satan for the soul of one of her uncles.  She obviously survived, but when she returned to school she began hearing voices telling her to do things.  She did her best to ignore the voices, and eventually they went away.

My mother is a religious person (now a retired clergy herself), but she always tries to find the middle ground between religion and science.  She recognizes that the fever probably left her mind a bit weak, allowing for the brief and minor episode to manifest itself, but she also believes that Satan uses open doors like that to spread into the minds of the vulnerable.  I can't say that I entirely disagree with her, but I also wouldn't support the conclusion that anyone experiencing schizophrenia is being invaded by Satan.  Pills help the mind in a medical way, but therapy helps in a functional way, and the support of religion (when not being misused) could be argued as being like therapy with a faith element.

I'm not trying to stir up a religion VS. science debate, or detract from the theme of this thread.  I just felt like sharing this story.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: General Battuta on June 26, 2019, 12:59:31 pm
I'm glad you got help. That sounds really scary.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Rhys on June 27, 2019, 07:40:41 am
The voices come and go these days, but it's much more manageable now. It's hard to put into words how scared and alone I felt during this time.
Title: Re: I had a vaguely BP themed psychotic episode
Post by: Nyctaeus on June 27, 2019, 07:17:11 pm
There are lots of people who have been fighting similar battles. Mine was never about voices, strange places and stuff but equally horrific states. I know only two words to describe it: Darkness or Agony.

Many of us have been there. You are not alone. And lots of us won. You will also win.