Since WS is down, I'll just have to post this here. The Oracle Persona affect is now on, watch your step:
*heavy, heavy rocking grinds to a halt*
Murphy: Well there you go folks, another rockin’ piece by the “Steel is to Light” from Aberdeen, New Hampshire. They might actually go somewhere, right Monk Guy?
Monk Guy: Yeah, into orbit if I ever find them. What the hell kind of name is “Steel is to Light” anyway?
Murphy: A rockin’ name.
Monk Guy: If you say so.
Murphy: Alright Space Monkeys, I’m still looking for a new co-host and our current candidate is the How Not to Be a Monk Guy. Tell the Monkeys about yourself.
Monk Guy: My turn ons are explosives, cannibalism, corrosive acids and chaos. My turn offs are religion, love, peace, and order. I like long walks along radioactive beaches while chewing on my dates hand. I put the rest of the body in the freezer for later.
Murphy: I guess that’s what you’d call finger food, eh?
*laughter*
Monk Guy: Uh, sure, I guess. What the hell was that laughter anyway?
Murphy: My cards. Push a button, and the world laughs with you.
*laughter*
Murphy: Push another and the world laughs at you.
*toilet flushing*
Monk Guy: Interesting.
Murphy: Let’s hear what you think of Monk Guy. Caller?
Caller #1: I think its disgusting to eat human flesh. How could you even consider hiring this monster.
Murphy: How could I consider answering this call?
*toilet flushing*
Murphy: Next caller.
Caller #2: Imputnet! You will obey!
Murphy: Great, another Vorlon. Can’t you losers call another radio show? I hear Murdock is looking for an audience as dumb as you.
*toilet flushing*
Marco: Captain! What are you doing on the air?
Murphy: I’m knitting a sweater, what does it look like?
Marco: The FCC gave strict orders that you weren’t to actually broadcast or face total war against them.
Murphy: Yeah, whatever.
Marco: You won’t say that for long, here’s an email you just got.
Murphy: Really? Let’s see. Oh, you’re going to get a kick out of this folks. Let me read it. “Dear “Howlin’ Mad” Murphy, despite our warnings to the contrary, you have *bleep*ing insisted on broadcasting your *bleep* across the airwaves. Our entire *bleep*ing enforcement command has been dispatched to grind you into the *bleep*ing ground. You’ll never get away with this. Signed, the FCC.”
Monk Guy: Alright, a war! I knew this job would pay off. I gotta go get my toys.
Murphy: Yeah, you do that. Anyway, this is crap and I really don’t care. The FCC can kiss my butt for all I care. So Space Monkeys, what do you think of the FCC?
Caller #1: The FCC is the lawful enforcer of the airwaves, you should obey them.
Murphy: What the hell? Didn’t I hang up on you earlier? I’ll have to block that number. New caller.
Caller #3: The FCC is for fags man! All hail “Howlin’ Mad” Murphy!
Murphy: That’s better, you get my special reward for that one.
*toilet flushing*
Murphy: Howwwwwwwwwllllllll! Next.
Caller #4: I think the FCC is, uh, a bunch of mailbox heads?
*boos*
Murphy: Loser, we reserve that name for Marco.
Marco: Hey!
Murphy: Caller, what do you think about the FCC?
Murdock: I think, therefore I am a fish, who swims between the pillars of the temple. . .
Murphy: God damn it! I’ve told you not to call me. Get your own bits you show stealing loser.
*ready, aim, fire bangbangbang*
Murphy: One last call then back to the music.
FCC: This is the FCC Strategic bomber command. . .
Murphy: Bombers eh? At least our tax dollars are being well spent.
FCC: You *bleep*ing son of a *bleep.* We’ve got you on our *bleep*ing scope, and we’re going to *bleep*ing kill you. What you think of that *bleep*?
Murphy: I think you sound like Oscar when he’s drunk. Hey Oscar, come listen to this guy.
Oscar: *Bleep* you!
Murphy: I still think you’re the best co-host I’ve ever had. Alright, listen you FCC losers, if you want my head, come and get it, but I have to warn you I have laser vision and the strength of 10 gorillas.
FCC: Oh, you are so *bleep*ing dead.
Murphy: Yeah, whatever.
*toilet flushing*
Marco: That’s not wise Captain, they have the new ground penetrating bombs that can hit bunkers nearly 100 feet underground. We’re not safe.
Murphy: Relax mailbox head, we’ll be fine. The transmitter is no where near here, and we’ve got plenty of spares. They don’t have a freakin’ prayer of finding us.
Marco: Oh really, where did you put the *static, fade out, fade in* itter?
Murphy: Well, hold on, I’m just getting a news flash. It appears the United States Capitol Building in Washington DC was attacked by a bomber unit of the FCC. According to early reports, the President has declared this an act of terrorism, and wants to attack Iraq in response. More as it develops. I’d just like to say to the FCC, zinged ya!
*the ultimate zing!*
Monk Guy: I’m back, did I miss anything?
Marco: The FCC just attacked the US Capitol building.
Monk Guy: Sweet! I’m so there. Later Murphy.
Murphy: Well, there goes another co-host. And good riddance. Having Marco around is almost as bad as having a real co-host. Here’s a nice little tune from “Neutronium Rocks” called, You Suck and I Hope You Die. I’m dedicating this to the FCC.
*super heavy rocking starts*
This transcript of “Howlin’ Mad” Murphy in the Morning is in direct violation of FCC violations. Anyone who has read this is to report to your local FCC reeducation camps before this *bleep*ers evil works its way into your *bleep*ing mind.
