Author Topic: FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)  (Read 2087 times)

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Offline Woolie Wool

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FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)
The Terran-Shivan Alliance: A FreeSpace Story
By Woolie Wool
Chapter 1: Initial Contact

PROXIMA CENTAURI SYSTEM
0950 HOURS

The GTF Myrmidon fighters of Alpha and Beta wings streaked from the GTD Assassin. The voice of Alpha One, Captain Joel Dirstein, rang inside the other fighters: Alright, pilots, proceed on patrol to the waypoints. If you encounter Shivans, break and attack. Once they are destroyed, continue your patrol." Beta Two, Gal Nu'uk (Beta Wing was composed of Vasudans) muttered to himself, "When will I get a serious combat mission?".He spoke too soon.

Five minutes later, red blips appeared on the fighters' radar. "Incoming hostiles, 2300 meters out!" Alpha one barked. "Target and destroy!" The hostile SF Dragon fighters broke formation and attacked, but their tactics seem a little unusual. They began strafing the Myrmidons from the sides instead of pursuing them, attacking from all angles.They deftly avoided the Mymidon fighters' missiles and guns. "I'd swear these pilots were human if I didn't know better," Alpha three remarked. "You arrogant Terrans always think you are the best pilots in existence," remarked Beta one. Suddenly, 20 blue blips appeared on the radar. "The blue blips turned into large red ones, as a smattering of Molochs and Rakshasas as well as a Demon emerged from subspace. A human voice started speaking on the fighter's intercoms. "This is the TSD Doomgiver, a Demon-class destroyer in the Terran-Shivan Alliance," the voice said. "Surrender or die, but if you are a Vasudan, don't surrender. Just die." The voice laughed evilly.

Suddenly, swarms of GTF Ares fighters poured from the Doomgiver's fighter bays, arranged themselves into a wall of fighters and stopped, guns facing the GTVA fighters. "They have Terran fighters!" shouted Beta three. The Doomgiver blasted Beta three's ship with an AAAf beam (not SAAA) a second later. "We are intercepting your transmissions so we can tell who's a Terran and who's a Vasudan." "Then you might as well take out our whole wing, muttered Beta one." Suddenly, three AAAf beams shot through Beta one, Beta two, and Beta four, the remaining ships in the wing. "Damnit, you killed our Vasudan friends!" shouted Alpha one. The mysterious voice snickered. "The rest of you have a choice: Surrender to the TSA or be destroyed. You cannot escape.Alpha two always disliked Vasudans, and he felt that this was his opportunity to realize his dream: attacking Vasudans without fear of a court marshal. "I surrender! I wish to defect to your faction!" he blurted out. "Traitor!" Alpha four snarled, her face exhibiting her sudden rage. "I'll kill you, bastard!" The strange voice continued talking. "Anyone who wishes to defect should come aboard the Doomgiver as quickly as possible. Our fighters will cover you and dispose of your...ex-comrades."

Alpha two and Alpha three sped off as the two others attacked the TSA fighters. The Ares fighters overwhelemed them, blazing away at the pilots who kept their allegiance with Kaysers and Harpoons. Alpha four fell, then Alpha one shouted "Damn you two and your new damned friends to hell! If I must die, at least I can rack up a few more kills!" as he furiously blasted away at the bogeys, killing six of them before an AAAf from the destroyer did him in.

"It's kind of sad to lose old Captain Dirstein," Alpha two remarked. "He was a great pilot." "Destroyed the Ravana and Santhanas, saved Capella, over 450 confirmed kills..." Alpha three reminisced. The two sped off into the Demon's fighter bay, escorted by three Ares fighters.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2003, 03:11:25 pm by 1099 »
16:46   Quanto   ****, a mosquito somehow managed to bite the side of my palm
16:46   Quanto   it itches like hell
16:46   Woolie   !8ball does Quanto have malaria
16:46   BotenAnna   Woolie: The outlook is good.
16:47   Quanto   D:

"did they use anesthetic when they removed your sense of humor or did you have to weep and struggle like a tiny baby"
--General Battuta

 

Offline Goober5000

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Re: FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)
Quote
Originally posted by Woolie Wool
The GTF Myrmidon fighters of Alpha and Beta wings streaked from the GTD .


Aha.  The one from Silent Threat, I presume?  I've always wanted to know more about it. ;) :lol:

 

Offline Woolie Wool

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Re: Re: FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)
Quote
Originally posted by Goober5000


Aha.  The one from Silent Threat, I presume?  I've always wanted to know more about it. ;) :lol:


Oops.

When I wrote that sentence, I couldn't figure out a name for the Hecate-class destroyer in the story so I decided to name it after I finished writing the first part of the story, but I forgot. Well now it has a name: the GTD Assassin.
16:46   Quanto   ****, a mosquito somehow managed to bite the side of my palm
16:46   Quanto   it itches like hell
16:46   Woolie   !8ball does Quanto have malaria
16:46   BotenAnna   Woolie: The outlook is good.
16:47   Quanto   D:

"did they use anesthetic when they removed your sense of humor or did you have to weep and struggle like a tiny baby"
--General Battuta

 

Offline NeoHunter

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FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)
I don't think the GTD Assassin is a nice name for the righteous GTVA. Get a better name. Like the GTD Reliant or the GTD Geneva or something? Assassin sounds wrong.

 

Offline Knight Templar

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FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)
Terran Shivan Alliance just sounds wrong, but you could at least name it Nemesis (Greek God of Revenge)
« Last Edit: March 11, 2003, 10:13:26 pm by 675 »
Copyright ©1976, 2003, KT Enterprises. All rights reserved

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Too Long, Didn't Read

 

Offline Galemp

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FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)
*ignores thread*
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Offline l_MiG_l

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FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)
Quote
FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)


Well i think this too, also i will have a mini-fanfic novel with my sister but we are do it in spanish and only have a few pages of it.
Previously knowed MiG

201st "Aztec Eagles" GTVA

"What do you feel first in the battle Phobos or Deimos"

  

Offline Unknown Target

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FreeSpace story (literature is one of the arts...)
Hmmm...do I have the only constructive comment? :D

Anyways, it's good, except for a couple lines, like:

Quote

 "Damnit, you killed our Vasudan friends!"


Ok, as a writer myself, I can tell you something like this is a big no-no. Think about it: you wouldn't scream: "You killed our Vasudan friends!" in the heat of battle.
If you're looking for the serious kind of guy, who looks at them as assests, he would probably go "****!" and then say something like: "Kappa wing, go and cover their positions!" or something like that. ;)

Here's another one:
Quote
Alpha four fell, then Alpha one shouted "Damn you two and your new damned friends to hell! If I must die, at least I can rack up a few more kills!" as he furiously blasted away at the bogeys, killing six of them before an AAAf from the destroyer did him in.


"Alpha One shouted" right after that first line doesn't sound quite right. I'd more go along the lines of:
"Alpha four fell to a barrage of gunfire. Alpha One, now the lone survivor, screamed in rage."

Also, you use "Friends" too much. Try something else. The voicing sounds a little corny. ;)


Quote
"It's kind of sad to lose old Captain Dirstein," Alpha two remarked. "He was a great pilot." "Destroyed the Ravana and Santhanas, saved Capella, over 450 confirmed kills..." Alpha three reminisced. The two sped off into the Demon's fighter bay, escorted by three Ares fighters.


You never say Alpha 3 changed sides. Is he a traitor, or what?
Also, the reminscing part, you can have it, but cut it a bit shorter. He probably wouldn't talk to himself for that long :D

Also, the story is pretty good, except for some of those parts. You have a good way of describing the action, just try to work on your audio a bit more. ;)