'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the bunker
Not a creature was stirring, not even a lawyer;
The vid cards were hung over the door with care,
In the hopes that NVIDIA SLI soon would be there;
Brent and Morry were nestled all snug in their beds,
While the latest review played out in their heads;
And Steve in his Bra, and Kyle in his cap,
Had just settled down for a hearty nightcap;
When out at The Planet there arose such a clatter,
Kyle sprang from his chair to see what was the matter.
He hopped in the Hummer to head to the colo,
He drove down the tollway like a half crazed mofo.
The forums had crashed and the main page was slow,
Kyle got pissed, he looked for something to throw
When what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a riced out sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With an angry old driver, so determined and miffed,
Kyle knew in a moment it must be Cliff.
More rapid than eagles his commands they flew,
And he typed, and he cursed them, while he sat in a stew
"Now, HERMES! now, ARES! now, HERA and ZEUS!
On, APOLLO! on ATHENA! on, APHRODITE and CHAOS!
Restart that process! Reboot that OS!
Start working right now before I switch to MS!
As vaporware withers under a harsh reviewers eyes,
The forums they worked and started to fly,
The main page was humming and Cliff was smug
Kyle was happy and suggested beer in a mug
And then in a twinkling, Kyle saw in the lot
the shiny red sleigh, Cliff didn't.. It's not!
Kyle was worried as Cliff headed to the sleigh
Kyle asked wtf is that?, and Cliff turned to say..
My car wouldn¡¯t start Cliff said with a grin
Then I saw this sleigh, and thought 'teh win'!!"
There was a guy on my roof all dressed in red
I figured he wouldn¡¯t miss his shiny red sled
Oh crap said Kyle you've stolen Santa's sleigh!
Well then, said Cliff, we'd best be on our way
You dumbass, said Kyle what were you thinking?
Cliff said, I left out some beer that I'm sure he is drinking!
With a call to the reindeer and a sip of some beer
They raced off to Cliff's, with nary a fear.
Arriving at Cliff's they were surprised to see
Santa sitting there drinking beer and playing Doom3
He played fast and loose, that wily old elf,
And they chuckled when they saw him, in spite of themselves;
With a click of the mouse and a twist of his head,
He fired the BFG and put that last Hellknight to bed;
Santa said thanks for the beer, but now I must go
Frisco is nice but I¡¯m used to snow!
With a wave of his hand and a 6-pack for the trip
Santa hopped in his sleigh, and called out with this witty quip
Thanks for the break on this long winter night,
Thanks too for coming back, you gave me a fright!
Here¡¯s to hardware a plenty, and lots of schwag
Merry Christmas to all! and to all a good Frag!
by: Brian Holme
EDIT: No, I did not write this. I found it on hardocp.com in case anyone asks.
