HLP Network

News:

Thanks to the hard work of rev_posix and Sandwich, the HLP email system has been fixed!  All registration emails from the past few months have been re-sent.  If you still need help, please sign on to Discord and let us know.  The Discord link can be found in the top navbar under the HLP menu. ヾ(´︶`♡)ﾉ

 
« Previous Thread Next Thread »
Print
Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: Essay Help  (Read 687 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Deepblue

  • Corporate Shill
  • 210
Essay Help
on: April 13, 2005, 09:41:44 pm
Mind looking through this introduction and posting any blatant errors/revisions that need to be fixed/made?

Thanks. :D
__________________________________________________

Working on the body right now...

EDIT: :lol: at new title.

EDIT2: Fixed sentence 3.

EDIT3: Wooo! Body paragraph 1 is up.

EDIT4: RD complete up.

EDIT5: Removed 'cause I'm turning my paper in now.
« Last Edit: April 14, 2005, 01:40:12 am by 944 »
 

Offline Corsair

  • Gull Wings Rule
  • 29
Essay Help
Reply #1 on: April 13, 2005, 09:45:02 pm
Never, ever use "you" in analytical writing. It should be something more like:

Amidst the chaos of World War I, soldiers on the front needed a way to endure the intrinsic uncertainty that is a result of not knowing who will be next to die.

That's still not a perfect sentence but it's better.
Wash: This landing's gonna get pretty interesting.
Mal: Define "interesting".
Wash: *shrug* "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die"?
Mal: This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode.
 

Offline Deepblue

  • Corporate Shill
  • 210
Essay Help
Reply #2 on: April 13, 2005, 09:48:57 pm
Oh, shoot! Missed that one. No personal pronouns...

I could just change the "you" to a "them" I believe...
 

Offline Ford Prefect

  • 8D
  • 26
  • Intelligent Dasein
Essay Help
Reply #3 on: April 13, 2005, 10:04:46 pm
It's also acceptable to use "one" if that helps.
"Mais est-ce qu'il ne vient jamais à l'idée de ces gens-là que je peux être 'artificiel' par nature?"  --Maurice Ravel
 

Offline Night Hammer

  • I Can't FRED
  • 29
  • You'll shoot your eye out...
Essay Help
Reply #4 on: April 13, 2005, 10:11:46 pm
god i hate writin papers
Stop... Hammertime :hammer:
 

Offline Deepblue

  • Corporate Shill
  • 210
Essay Help
Reply #5 on: April 13, 2005, 10:11:53 pm
:nod:
 

Offline Deepblue

  • Corporate Shill
  • 210
Essay Help
Reply #6 on: April 13, 2005, 11:28:22 pm
Wooo! Body paragraph 1 is up.
 

Offline Deepblue

  • Corporate Shill
  • 210
Essay Help
Reply #7 on: April 13, 2005, 11:30:59 pm
That's right. No passive sentences. Booyah!
 

Offline Deepblue

  • Corporate Shill
  • 210
Essay Help
Reply #8 on: April 14, 2005, 12:48:37 am
Okay, whole RD is up... Anyone???
 

Offline Marauder

  • 27
Essay Help
Reply #9 on: April 14, 2005, 05:49:39 am
Wha? Where's the essay?
[V] for FS3!
 

Offline aldo_14

  • Gunnery Control
  • 213
Re: Essay Help
Reply #10 on: April 14, 2005, 05:57:17 am
Quote
Originally posted by Deepblue

EDIT5: Removed 'cause I'm turning my paper in now.
  

Offline Marauder

  • 27
Essay Help
Reply #11 on: April 14, 2005, 05:53:29 am
Oh pu.
[V] for FS3!
Print
Pages: [1]   Go Up
« Previous Thread Next Thread »