The 21 Hottest Internet Rumors Regarding Attack of the Clones
1. A new space-pimp character, “Shutt Yo-Mowff,” was deemed inappropriate and cut from the film; character is scheduled to have his own series on UPN.
2. The entire movie is dubbed into an obscure Naboo dialect, with Huttese subtitles at the bottom of the screen, and a window in the top right corner in which an interpreter provides Gungan sign language.
3. Foreshadowing his move to the Dark Side, Anakin reacts violently when he’s told that “got your nose” is not a Jedi mind trick.
4. In a controversial move by the Republic, former space sitcom stars ALF and Mork from Ork are granted seats on the Jedi Council.
5. We’re finally treated toa translation of the Wookiee language, and we learn that whenever a Wookiee roars, it means, “Kiss my hairy ass!”
6. In a cost-saving move, Jabba the Hutt’s court is replaced by a gaggle of melting Nazis who just opened the Ark of the Covenent.
7. Anakin first expresses his interest in Amidala when he uses The Force to undo her bra.
8. Providing beyond a doubt that the film’s editor was asleep at the wheel, there’s a scene in which Anakin is present at his own birth.
9. Anakin’s sexual naiveté contributes to the impregnating Amidala; while having sex with her, he puts a condom on his lightsaber.
10. Obi-Wan incites a bloody interplanetary war when, at a cocktail party for the Prime Minister of Rigel 4, he eats a creamy, delicious pudding, which turns out to be the Prime Minister of Rigel 4.
11. The scene with Geraldo reporting from war-torn Tatooine is left on cutting room floor, just like ‘N Sync.
12. After having already seen the forest planet, the ice planet, the swamp planet, the cloud planet, the city planet, and the water planet, we’re finally treated to the papier-mâché planet, which goes up in flames when Yoda unexpectedly lights a cigar.
13. In the film’s scariest moment, R2D2 is captured by a giant ogre and used as a stick of roll-on deodorant.
14. In some sort of intergalactic Crying Game homage, Queen Amidala takes of her Kabuki makeup…and she’s a dude!
15. Lucas got the idea for clones after seeing E! special on the Baldwin Brothers.
16. In order to get the movie finished in time for a Memorial Day weekend release, some of the computer animation was left unfinished; consequently in one scene, Obi-Wan is scolding a tennis ball on a string, which he keeps referring to as “Jar Jar.”
17. Lucas fired his set decorator mid-production when it was discovered that all of his matte paintings of alien landscapes were actually plagiarized Yes album covers from the early 1970s.
18. While intergalactic gangster Jabba the Hutt marries off his daughter, a nervous gelatinous cube sits outside the palace rehearsing the following speech: “It is my honor to be invited to your daughter’s wedding, Donn Hutt. May the first child be a morbidly-obese child.”
19. In hopes of attracting an even larger teen audience, Lucas added a scene in which Obi-Wan walks in on Anakin trying to hump a Carpathian cream pie.
20. Jimmy Smits plays Princess Leia’s adoptive father and Dennis Franz makes a cameo as his partner, Eig, a trash-talking, unorthodox space-cop from the planet Zimbo.
21. In a blatant example of product placement we are introduced to a trio of new characters: Xbox, TiVO, and SUV.
