While wandering through the pile of SEXP's, I found 'is-facing'. It has an optional setting for a minimum distance. Set the view cone to 180 degrees, and it works surprisingly well at doing stuff based on ship distance!
In regards to mission design and invisible ships - yes, it is indeed a pain in the butt, but in the context of the mission, not an insurmountable one. There are eight GTVA fighters, and three Shivan interceptors (including the ewar interceptor). The mission revolves around the player destroying the ewar interceptor. Once it goes down, conventional dogfighting is again possible. Given the new Shivan weapons in my mod (especially the dogfighting beam cannons the Shivans show up with), it is fully intended to be a SHTF scenario.
If the Shivans do slice and dice all the player's wingmen during that time, the player can call for reinforcements after the ewar ship is down.
Also, if the player brings an Aurora, then they get some very useful AWACS support and ECCM.