Fancy this...look what my Dad sent me:
Dudley Earthquake Appeal
A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE HIT IN THE EARLY HOURS
OF MONDAY 23RD SEPTEMBER 2002 -- EPICENTERED ON DUDLEY, WEST MIDLANDS
Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering "Yam Orwight?", "Boing
Boing" and "Bostin". The earthquake decimated the area, causing
approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos
from the Balearics and Spanish costas were damaged. Three areas of historic
and scientifically significant litter were disturbed.
Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Thousands are confused and
bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting
has happened in Dudley. One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old
mother-of-three, said "It was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came
running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and
Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha
the next morning." Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
Argos.
* HOW YOU CAN HELP
This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate
enough to be caught up in it. Clothing is most sought after.
Items required include: -
Flat caps
Donkey Jackets
Heavy Twill Trousers (Male)
Shell Suits (Female)
Boots.
Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same.
Required foodstuffs include: -
Faggots
Grey Peas
Pork Scratchings
Tripe and Onions
"Pigs Blood Pud"
Banks's Bitter or Mild
£2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four.
£10 can take a family to Stourport for the day, where children can play on
an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles.
22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is
unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Gornal, Oldbury and
Sedgley.
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