[aldo_14]

Subject: EARTHQUAKE APPEAL


URGENT - GLASGOW EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

AT 00.54 ON MONDAY 23RD SEPTEMBER 2002 A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE HIT MEASURING 4.8
ON THE RICHTER SCALE EPICENTERED ON GLASGOW.

Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering:
"Ah wiz sh*ttin' masel", "Ah need some jellies".
The Earthquake decimated the area,
causing Approximately £3.30 worth of damage.

Untold disruption and distress was caused:
* Many were woken well before their giro arrived.
* Several priceless collections of memento's from the Balearics and Spanish
costas were damaged.
* Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were
disturbed.
*The cone fell off the head of the statue outside the Modern Art Gallery.
* Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting has happened in Glasgow

*One resident, Mary-Alice McGregor, a 17 year old mother-of-three said
"It was such a shock, little Chelsea came running into my bedroom crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Shauni slept through it.
I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

*Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.
*The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of buckfast
to the area to help the stricken masses in Coatbridge, Airdrie and Paisley.

*Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

HOW YOU CAN HELP
Clothing is most sought after.
Items required include: -
Sovvy rings
Baseball caps
Shell suits
Tesco two stripe trainers
White socks
Chunky gold chains


Food parcels may be harder to put together but are necessary all the same.
Required foodstuffs include: -
Walkers Beef and onion Crisps.
Buckfast.
Green Peas.
Buckfast.
Pork Scratchings.
Buckfast.
Pot Noodles.
Buckfast.
Mars Bars.
Buckfast.
Fray Bentos Pies.
Buckfast.


* £2.32 buys chips, scraps and ginger for a family of four.
* £3.10 can take a family to Coatbridge for the day,
   where children can sniff glue and spike up among the national collection
of stinging nettles.
* 22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim

Please send your credit card number.

[Ulundel]

no ****. and I'm looking an earthquake disaster movie right now
But this...

[aldo_14]

Back in the Swinging Sixties, Michael Caine is holding a big showbiz party in his swanky new house.

Everyone who's anyone is there - top stars from the worlds of movies and music, fashion and art.

There's a feed of pints, the best wines that money can buy,
oysters,champagne, Lennon and McCartney are helping themselves at the bar, Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch singing "Light My Fire", and over in the corner, George Peppard's getting very pally with Sophia Loren.

All's going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out of
his skull, and wants to go home for an early night curled up with a good book.

"Oi, Jim," objects Michael Caine, "party's just got started.  How's
about I get one of 'the ladies' to take you into the spare bedroom for a bit of 'how's yer father?'"

"Fair play," nods Jim [well that's not his exact words, but you
get the gist, "as long as she does the rest of the band, too." "Not a problem, Jim," smiles Michael, as he pulls a young dolly bird in close and whispers some instructions in her ear.

Half an hour later, the young lass is just wiping her chin, when in
walks Ringo Starr from the Beatles. "Alright, luv?" he drones, "don't suppose you fancy extending that
service to me, do you?"

The young woman thinks about this for a second, then says "What the hell!" and proceeds to unzip Ringo's fly and get to work.

Ringo's having a grand time, until, mere moments before the end, the door flies open and Michael Caine bursts in. He grabs the young girl by the back of the hair and slaps her hard across the face!

"Wh-what was that for?" she whimpers.

"I told you," Caine snarls.....


"You were only s'posed to blow the bloody Doors off..."

[Stunaep]

Originally posted by Ten of Twelve
no ****. and I'm looking an earthquake disaster movie right now
But this...

actually that's a volcano disaster movie. And a rather bad one.

But, hey , it's mindless action, so it does it for me.

[Nico]

funny, I did have an earthquake two weeks ago. i thought it was a big truck in the street, the first second
odds are it probably moved some dust.

[Galemp]

Originally posted by aldo_14
Buckfast.
Fray Bentos Pies.
Buckfast.
 

I like meat pies! Never heard of Buckfast, though.

[aldo_14]

Originally posted by GalacticEmperor


I like meat pies! Never heard of Buckfast, though.

Fortified wine made by monks, as drank by young tracksuited alcoholics in practice.  you'd really have to be Scottish to undertsand it......

[Ulundel]

Originally posted by Stunaep


actually that's a volcano disaster movie. And a rather bad one.

But, hey , it's mindless action, so it does it for me.

I know it's a volcano disaster movie, but this thread was about earthquakes so...

And you're one of the only ones then who thinks it's bad. Got hight ratings...sucka

[diamondgeezer]

*shows Aldo yellow card*


In all seriousness boss, stop it. Right now.

Please?

[beatspete]

Originally posted by aldo_14

Buckfast:
Fortified wine made by monks, as drank by young tracksuited alcoholics in practice.  you'd really have to be Scottish to undertsand it......

I havent heard of Buckfast, i feel so un-scottish!

[Knight Templar]

lol 4 .6

Buckfast... sounds like a sexual manuever

[aldo_14]

Originally posted by beatspete


I havent heard of Buckfast, i feel so un-scottish!

!

Find a ned - they either drink Buckfast or Mad Dog.  Shir.

[Ulundel]

Originally posted by Knight Templar
lol 4 .6

Buckfast... sounds like a sexual manuever

Yes, it's when you...let's not get smutty shall we

[vyper]

Find a ned

... and kill 'em! *evil laugh*

[Kellan]

Fancy this...look what my Dad sent me:

Dudley Earthquake Appeal
A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE HIT IN THE EARLY HOURS
OF MONDAY 23RD SEPTEMBER 2002 -- EPICENTERED ON DUDLEY, WEST MIDLANDS

Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering "Yam Orwight?", "Boing
Boing" and "Bostin". The earthquake decimated the area, causing
approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos
from the Balearics and Spanish costas were damaged. Three areas of historic
and scientifically significant litter were disturbed.

Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Thousands are confused and
bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting
has happened in Dudley. One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old
mother-of-three, said "It was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came
running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and
Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha
the next morning." Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
Argos.

* HOW YOU CAN HELP

This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate
enough to be caught up in it. Clothing is most sought after.
Items required include: -
Flat caps
Donkey Jackets
Heavy Twill Trousers (Male)
Shell Suits (Female)
Boots.

Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same.
Required foodstuffs include: -
Faggots
Grey Peas
Pork Scratchings
Tripe and Onions
"Pigs Blood Pud"
Banks's Bitter or Mild

£2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four.
£10 can take a family to Stourport for the day, where children can play on
an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles.
22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is
unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Gornal, Oldbury and
Sedgley.

===

[Kellan]

The difference of course being that the earthquake really was centred on Dudley. Fair enough on the 'quake, I'd want to level Dudley too.